


An Intense Spark

by SandiMarieKarr



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-03-20 02:44:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 114,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18983608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandiMarieKarr/pseuds/SandiMarieKarr
Summary: Sandi is just trying to keep her kids safe during the end of the world-is that too much to ask? She meets a crazy ex-Sheriff's Deputy and has to decide if it's worth taking a chance on love or if they're better off alone.





	1. Little Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story starts in season 6, around episode 10, The Next World. Alexandria is recovering after the Wolves and Quarry walkers invasion & cleanup, but they don't know Hilltop exists yet. Carl is recovering and this is his first trip outside the walls after being shot. Sorry Richonne fans, this will take a different arc with an OC. This story will follow the general outline of TWD, but will take some departures here and there. I hope you enjoy and give feedback! I'm anxious to know if my little story is well-received.

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

"Little girl!" I hear someone yell blasting into the silence. I look around wildly to see who is yelling and what 'little girl' they are speaking of. My heart falls, I don't see Kira behind me where she should be. I hurry back to the corner of the gas station we just went around. I peak around the corner trying to stay hidden. I see Kira frozen mid-walk with her arms hanging down on either side, looking toward me with a panicked look on her face. She's wearing her hair down today, a long fall of blond hair down her back-I've told her over and over to put it up or in braids or something, it's too much of a risk to be grabbed. Whether by the living or the dead, someone could take her down with that hair. I make a note to myself to secure it or cut it off later.

"Little Girl!" I hear again, said more forcefully and pulling me out of my thoughts. I look for the source of the yelling and behind her I see an attractive man with brown hair and a beard with very intense, piercing blue eyes that I can see clear from over here, at the other side of the gas station. He looks distressed and conflicted as he looks at Kira's back with his gun half raised ready to shoot. What the heck! He appears ready to shoot her in the back. I see movement to his left, a tall teen with brown hair and a bandage wrapped around his head and over one eye. He has a gas can in one hand. He puts his hand over the man's. "Dad, wait!" he says, pushing the hand down a little so his Dad's gun isn't pointed directly at Kira anymore.

Kira gives me another panicked look and then turns around to face them, her blond hair swinging wide. The man again starts to raise his gun but then stops, looking shocked while looking at my daughter but luckily he lowers his gun. I breathe a sigh of relief. What was he expecting, one of the dead? Surprised she is alive? Why would you call out to someone if you thought they were one of the dead? I shake my head, clearing the confusion away and step around the corner to protect my child, raising my gun as I go.

"Drop it!" I yell as I hurry to get in front of Kira. I'm about halfway there when the man looks at me in shock and starts to raise his gun at me. "Get away from her!" I continue as I finally get in front of her with my heart beating madly. He has his gun fully up now-I really should have just shot him first and asked questions later. When will I learn that most people don't have good intentions anymore? I mean, he had his gun aimed at my kid before she'd even turned around.

"Wait, everyone just calm down," the teen next to the man says while putting his hands up in a calming motion. "How about everyone stops pointing their guns at each other and we just talk?"

I scoff. "He was just ready to gun down my daughter without even seeing her face!" I shout. "I don't see much worth talking about. Just stay there and we'll be on our way, no need to talk. You've already yelled too much, don't you know better?!" I start to back away, nudging Kira behind me to move back toward the corner of the building.

"I'm sorry," the man starts to sputter. "I just thought she was...you see I ran into someone before...that hair...wait!" he continues as I keep backing away. He doesn't even make sense I thought as I dismissed his request, walking backwards as fast as I could. I look over my shoulder and am surprised to see my other 3 kids run around the corner we are currently heading towards at a fast pace.

"Stop, go back around the corner," I say quickly. The last thing I want is more of my family at risk around this guy. He doesn't seem stable and can't seem to form coherent sentences.

Kayla, my oldest at 21, shakes her head and continues running toward us. "Mom, we can't. There was a huge crowd of them on the other side of the building. We've gotta get out of here," she declares emphatically.

Crap, I think to myself. I start forward again, keeping my eye on the crazy dude. At least he's no longer got his gun pointed at us. I look back to ensure my kids have all made it safely away from the dead. I'm dismayed to see how many dead are coming around the corner. Nine, ten, eleven, shoot, there are a lot of them. I stop and push all the kids ahead of me so I can make sure none of them are at risk of a grab from the dead. I holster my gun and pull out my machete. Shooting will just bring more of them when there are too many to begin with. I take down the one closest to me with one slice, satisfied when I see him hit the ground. His body makes enough of a barrier to slow the rest down, so I turn to catch up with my kids and make sure the crazy dude isn't threatening them. I might have to take him out if he's still pointing weapons at my kids.

As I swing around, I'm met with the sight of the crazy dude and his son now swinging at some dead on the other side of them with hand weapons. Where did all of them come from-there are 10-12 on that side as well now.

"Huddle up kids," I yell. "No clear way out, gonna have to fight our way out now. You know the drill. Jordan, get inside," I yell to my youngest. At 11, he just hasn't got the coordination and strength yet to do what we are going to have to do. My 3 girls know the drill and immediately surround their brother. He is inside the circle we form with our backs to him. Kira, 15, and Annie, 18, take their places between Kayla and I. We all have our weapons out and start attacking the dead as they try to surround us. My three girls and son and I have had to do this before, chances are we'll have to do it again to get out of a tight spot. The key is to make sure every angle is covered, make sure you get a headshot and then drop the body's right in front of us blocking the rest from getting too close right off. Headshots make sure we aren't at risk of ankle biters and we can take more time getting the rest of them as they have to climb over the ones we've already dispatched.

"We can help, if we work together we can all survive this!" I hear just before the crazy dude pushes into our circle between Kira and me. I see his son jump between Kayla and Annie and they make room for him. "You'd better not get my kids killed," I mutter to the guy on my left as I take out another dead one. I hope that my decision to let them in and help kill the dead doesn't prove to be a fatal one for me and my kids. The next few minutes fly by and the dead are relentless. We must have killed 20 of them by now, but they just keep on coming. We fall into a rhythm of killing; grabbing the dead and putting them down. The crazy dude and I alternate and he even grabs one that Kira is struggling with and puts the dead one down. Jordan reaches over his sister's arms and hits back the ones that are getting close with his bat while they take care of the closer ones. Every little bit helps. The one-eyed teen even seems to be competent, helping the girls take out a lot of the dead. Finally, we reach the end of the stream of dead and get the last ones taken care of.

I look around to make sure the kids are all good and there are no more dead coming. Then I bend over and put my hands on my knees taking some deep breaths. It's hard work, killing the dead ones. Got my cardio for the day, that's for sure. I see the crazy dude break ranks to go take out one last dead one that was halfway down the sidewalk.

That was a close one, much longer and my stamina would have given out. Of all the times we have fought the dead, that was the worst and the closest we've come to losing the battle. Well, except for that time we lost...

"Hey," the crazy dude says, catching my attention as he walks back toward me and interrupting my melancholy train of thought. Going down that road won't take me anywhere good, I think to myself. "Hey, are you OK?" he continues.

"You almost shot my daughter and now you want to know if I'm OK?" I ask in disbelief huffing out a small laugh as I straighten up and stare at him.

"I'm sorry about that," he says. Wow, complete sentences, I think to myself sarcastically. Maybe there is hope for him. "She took me off-guard. Brought back memories. When things first started, I ran into a little girl at a gas station that I wanted to help, but when she turned around she was dead and started running at me. It was one of the first walkers I ran into and had to take down and it was a shock. I guess I got lost in the memory and I really didn't expect her to be alive. Same long blond hair and everything," he mutters. I see the distress on his face and can tell that this really shook him up.

"Hey!" Kira speaks up. "I'm not a little girl, I'm 15! Sheesh!" I chuckle, this takes me back to pre-the-end-of-the-world, hearing the great offense in her tone. She is shorter than her 11 year old brother now and at 5 feet 1 inch, she is small, but determined. Her brother is very proud of his ½ inch of height he has on her now and there may be some lingering resentment over his passing her up. She's still stronger than him though. For now.

"I know, you aren't as small as she was, but there were just so many similarities that I just got stuck for a minute," he replies. "I'm sorry, no offense intended and I'm sorry I pulled my gun on you."

"Well, that's just the world we live in now, isn't it?" I question as I put my machete away. "To be fair, pulling your gun on a stranger, alive or dead, is just the way things are now. It just depends who pulls a gun on who first, right?" As I'm saying this I pull my gun up, pointing it at the crazy dude.


	2. Crazy Dude

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

"Woah, no reason for guns," crazy dude responds, putting his hands up to show he isn't a threat and taking a step backwards.

"No reason for guns?" I ask. "And yet, didn't you point one at my daughter and me, just minutes ago?"

"And I just explained why I did that. I'm sorry," he continues. "But we just worked together. Not just as strangers, but as a well-oiled machine. You and your kids have it together."

"Thanks," I smirk. "Does a Mother's heart good to know she's raised her kids to be killing machines," I say with a sarcastic lilt. "Thanks for the help, but we wouldn't have needed it had you not interrupted us and pointed the gun at Kira holding us up until we were surrounded. I don't want to shoot you, but I will if I have to. All I want is to continue on our way and you can stay here or head your own way. Kids, over here, let's head out. Fun time is over."

I grab Kira and pull her and Jordan with me as I back away from him. The kids give me confused looks but obey and start to step away with me. The one-eyed kid has a very surprised look on his face. "Hey," he says. "We have a community, a good place for kids. Why don't you put the gun away and we can talk?"

I chuckle. "I'm sure you do. Probably play monopoly on Thursdays and Movie Night on Saturday's, right?" I sneer. I don't trust a word out of strangers mouths. I used to, but no more. Nobody has anything worthwhile these days. And if they do, they certainly aren't inviting people to join. Those who have something don't share. And those who offer to share don't have anything--except an angle they are working to either get something from you or kill you--or both. Did I mention I'm a cynic now?

Kira pipes up, "Mom, what if they..." I cut her off, "They don't have anything. You know better by now."

We are halfway in the direction I want to be now. However this walking backwards thing is for the dogs. Unfortunately, crazy dude and the one-eyed kid are walking along, following us. Why can't they just take a hint and stay behind? I huff in frustration. "That's far enough. No need for you to follow us, in fact, please don't. If you keep coming I'm going to have to do something I'll regret."

Crazy dude eyes me. "It doesn't seem you'd regret anything right now. Please just stop a minute and let us talk to you," he's cut off by more growling. I look behind him as he and the kid swing around. More dead ones pour out from both sides of the gas station. They see us and head for us. Food. That's all they're after. They think we're on the menu.

Crazy dude looks back at me. "We don't have time for this," he says. "We need to get out of here, now!" I reluctantly agree with him and turn to look at our path. Luckily no dead ones that way yet. I can see our van just around the corner. Nothing blocking the way yet. "Kids, move! To the van!" I yell. We pick up the pace, all knowing the direction we are going. I glance back and see the two guys following. I really should get tougher. I know I shouldn't let them come with us, but I just can't bring myself to leave them for the dead. "If you're coming you'll have to be quick," I yell back at them. Crazy dude gives me a nod of appreciation and they pick up the pace.

I look forward and see the way is still clear. The kids will get there before me, I need to get the van open. I pull the key fob from my pocket and hit the unlock, side door and back hatch buttons. The doors and hatch start to slide open in preparation just in time for the kids to pile in. I run around to the driver's side and pull the door open to jump in. Instead of Kayla in the passenger seat I come face to face with Crazy dude. Great. Just what I need, the crazy riding shotgun with me. Then again, I'm probably lucky he didn't try to wrestle the driver's seat from me. He looks like one who likes to be in control. I look back and see the hatch coming down and Kira is in the far back with the one eyed kid. The side door is sliding closed and 3 more kids are in the middle section. All accounted for. I heave a sigh of relief, but we aren't out of the woods yet. As I'm counting kids, I jammed the key in the ignition and got the van going. I peel out of that place going as fast as I can. The street ahead is clear, but we got out just in time. I look around for a place to dump the hitchhikers, but decide I'm not that horrible of a person yet and head out further to give them a better chance.

Suddenly I feel a hand on my upper arm and just manage to hold onto the wheel as he startles me. Stay on the road, that's the goal here. Once I steady things I look down at the hand on my arm--woah, that was like a crazy electric spark that flew through me at his touch. What did he do, shock me? That's some wacky kind of static buildup he has. Every nerve in my body feels wide awake and on edge now. I look from his hand to his face trying to figure out what his game is here. He looks shocked as well, staring at me intently. "What?" I say. "Are you trying to make me crash?!"

He shakes his head and removes his hand. "No," he replies. "I was just trying to get your attention. I know a place that isn't overrun. Our vehicle is near there. If you wouldn't mind dropping us off..."

I cut him off. "If you think I'm just going to trustingly drive to wherever you direct me, you are truly crazy! How do I know you don't have reinforcements there?"

He looks at me and slowly shakes his head with a smirk. "You sure don't trust easy, do you?"

"No, I don't. And I'm not about to start. You haven't done anything to give me an indication you are somebody to trust, so I'll continue under the assumption that you are not."

"OK, you pick a spot then. My son and I will get back to our vehicle on our own," he says.

I glance at the kids in the rear view mirror and they are giving me the looks. Kira speaks up, "Mom, can't we just drop them at their car? We can scope it out first and make sure it's OK. They helped us, we can't repay them by dumping them where the dead ones can get them."

I sigh. "Kira he had a gun on you!" I exclaim. She responds, "Yeah, but he explained it. It was my hair that make him think of someone else who was dead."

Oh, to be a kid that's so trusting. I glance at the Crazy dude. He stares into my eyes intensely. Ugh, good thing he won't be around much longer. He's way too intense to be around comfortably for long.

He speaks up, "It's OK, Carl and I know how to survive. Anywhere you want to drop us will be fine."

I look back to the rearview mirror to all my kids judging faces. They haven't lost their innocence and trust. That's a good thing--I guess?

I groan, "Alright, where is your car? I can make a pass and see what it looks like."

"You really don't have to..."

I cut him off. "Just tell me before I change my mind."

"It's about a mile further down the road. At the school on the corner of the highway and Park.

I glance at him like he's crazy. Well, I knew that already, why does this surprise me? "That school is overrun!" I exclaim.

He responds, "Yeah, the inside is crawling with them. But the school bus lot is clear. Nothing but busses and it's secure and the fence would keep the walkers out even if they managed to get out of the school. I locked it up myself before we left."

I roll my eyes at him. "Yeah, real secure. Wait...you call them walkers?"

Carl pipes up from the back. "Yeah, cause all they do is walk around. Ya know, walkers."

I smirk. "I guess that makes sense." Kira adds, "I like it, it's truly what they do all the time. Well, except when they're feeding and eating. But the feeders or the eaters just doesn't have the same ring to it."

I give her a look of disbelief in the rear view mirror. "The feeders? Or Eaters? Have you lost your mind."

She shrugs. "I said it didn't work didn't I? I'm going to call them walkers now. It's even better than dead ones." I glance over at my passenger. He is chuckling under his breath. He sees me looking and tries to hide it, taking a deep breathe and looking serious.

I slowly drive past the school. Around the corner I see the busses, all lined up like someone is coming back soon. We know how that goes though. I circle around. Nothing. Not even the school shows signs of life and I already know there are a lot of walkers in there. It could have made a good home but there were too many to clear out. And they were kids. I just couldn't do it. There are other places that work, we have a pretty good one now.

After the second pass I still see no signs of life. I glance at Mr. Crazy Dude. Yep, it's his official name now. He just stares back silently, waiting for my decision. Huh, whaddaya know, he can learn when to keep his mouth shut. I suppose I can reward that behavior. My danger alarm is silent, things look quiet and it's not like we have to go inside the fence. In fact, the kids can stay in the car, that'd be better. I pull to a stop by the gate in the fence. I can see the padlock on it, just like he said he locked it up. I glance at him and he pulls a key out of his pocket, showing it to me.

"OK, smart ass, here is your fence," I say. He smirks. "I just wanted you to know I was telling the truth about it being locked and having the key," he replied.

We sit there for a second. "Well, good luck to you," I say as I hit the unlock button and the button to open the hatch. I hop out of the van to supervise and ensure there are no surprises. I see Crazy Dude get out and I circle to the back to make sure Kira is OK while Carl gets out. Crazy Dude meets me back there. I keep a wary eye on him as the kids climb out and hit the button to shut the door again.

I glance around and see nothing changing. It's still quiet. Good, maybe he was telling the truth.

Crazy Dude starts walking over to me. I back up a couple steps without thinking before I stop and hold my ground, ready to pull my gun and drop him if I have to. He slows down when he sees my reaction and says, "Nothing to worry about," he extends his hand. "I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Rick Grimes and this is my son Carl." He holds his hand out in front of me expectantly. I stare at his hand in front of me like it's a foreign object and Kira gives me a look. I probably hesitated too long for social norms. Whoops. Then again, do social norms exist anymore? Why should I shake his hand? After that shock in the van I'm not real anxious to do that again. Instinct tells me touching him isn't good for my peace of mind. Kira widens her eyes at me as if to pull me back into acceptable behavior. Fine. Wouldn't want to embarrass my kids during the apocalypse, would I? As I reach out to shake his hand I say, "Sandi Jones and my kids, Kayla, Annie, Kira and Jordan." Then my hand is enveloped by his. Holy crap. I feel the electricity buzzing up my arm again. My eyes get wide as I look at him. He seems a bit startled as well, but recovers faster than I do. "Nice to meet you," he says.

I gotta get out of this. I pump his hand once-dang, he has a strong grip-and then pull back. He lets go, but it almost seems reluctant. And slow. I chuckle to try and cover up my discomfort. "Nice to meet you? Is that even a thing we say anymore?"

He smiles. "Regardless, it is nice to meet you. Really nice." He stares intently into my eyes. Oh wow, those eyes of his. A person could drown in there. I shake myself back to reality and I stare him down. Uh huh, sure it is. What is going on here? My mind is still racing to catch up to the pace of everything that has happened. Those eyes aren't helping.

"Dad," Carl says. "Tell them."

"Tell us what?" Kira asks. I look at this Rick Grimes with interest, wondering what angle they are going to take now.

"Sandi, we have a community," he starts. "It is a good one. We have walls, and room for the kids to run around. Homes to live in, even school--or a form of it. You seem like good people and you have skills. You are still alive out here. There is a place for you, I just have 3 questions for you."

I'm already scoffing in disbelief. "A community huh? That you are just going to invite us to join?"

He nods. "Well, you'd have to answer my questions, but if your answers are satisfactory then yes, you could join."

"Sounds too good to be true," I say.

Carl jumps in, "I know, but it really is a good place. You guys look like you could use a good place."

I see the look of hope on Kira's face. I've got to shut this down quick. There are never real good places--not ones that will let people in this easily.

"Keep your questions, we're not interested. I wasn't born yesterday."

Rick gives me a sad look. "You don't trust easy, do you?" he asks. I huff a reply, "I've learned that trust has to be earned and it's not given as easily as you'd have me believe you're handing it out.  There's also that old saying."

"What's that?" he asks.

"If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is," I reply. "Sorry, I'm not buying. Thanks for not killing my kid and helping with the walkers," I stare at Kira as I say walkers, using her adopted word for them. I can give her that at least. The poor kid looks devastated to know we won't be joining their Utopia. She knows better than to question me right now at least. I'll be in for it later though. "We'll be on our way now," I say.

As I walk away, Rick's hand lands on my shoulder. Ack, does the man scuff his feet or something?  That shock each time he touches me is too much. For someone I don't know, he lays his hands on me way too much. I twirl around, knocking his hand off my shoulder as I go, with my hands up in a fighting stance.

"Easy," he says. "Sandi, I just wanted you to reconsider." I glare at him. "But I can see you aren't ready to do so right now."

"You've got that right buddy," I reply.

"OK, how about I bring some of my people, meet you tomorrow. We have two recruiters that obviously know what to say better than I do, I think you should talk to them. Take the night, think it over and meet us back here at noon tomorrow."

I drop my hands and look at him in disbelief. "You think I'm going to come back when you have reinforcements?! You truly are a Crazy Dude, Rick Grimes!"

He laughs at my name for him. "It isn't reinforcements, it's other people you can talk to. Get a better feel for our community, our people. We'll bring pictures. Either way, we will be here. I hope you come." He gives me a last look before he turns away toward the fence. I can't even begin to interpret that look. "Come on Carl," he says. Carl looks at Kira and I and says, "I really hope you'll come. You need to get off the road." He turns and follows after his Dad who already has the lock undone.

I grab Kira and we get back in the van. We need to get out of here before they get to their vehicle and could follow us. Rick Grimes doesn't look like a man who gives up easily. We jump in and drive away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying Sandi's take on Rick Grimes.  He's pretty intense, right? She is wary, but can't quite put him out of her mind.  Stay tuned for more excitement! If you liked this chapter I would love some comments!
> 
> Feedback, pretty please?


	3. Meet & Greet

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

Once we reach our current 'home' we all pile out of the van after checking our surroundings. Well, we reach our van's home. We park in a different area with a short walk to our current house. That way we have a place to retreat and escape to if things go wrong. Or if someone walks into our current home they don't have our transport as well. We've learned a few things over the years.

Once we're all out, we gather up our scavenge for the day and head for the woods between the houses. The kids are silent. That can't be good, silence is not normal for them. Yeah, they have learned to be quiet when we're out and about scavenging but once we are in the van and heading back there is usually a lot of chatter. This silence doesn't spell a peaceful night for me.

We clear the house before we can relax, verifying all is well and no walkers or living lay in wait for us. Another thing we've learned to do every time we come back. It doesn't take long after that. Kira is the first. "Mom, would it really hurt to just check out their community?" she pleads.

I sigh. "Kira, you know that every time we have tried this in the past it has been a trap. We know better. Everyone is in it for themselves now. There is no point in even looking only to find ourselves trying to find a way out again. I just don't know if I can do that again and if I lost one of you..." I break off as my voice cracks and take a deep breath. "Well, I just can't do that again."

Kayla looks at me. "Mom, we were there, we understand what there is to lose. But...these guys gave off a different vibe. They didn't feel shifty or dangerous or like they were trying to get something from us. It just felt like they were sincere."

Jarod pipes up. "Yeah, I liked that kid. He seemed nice. I'd like to see the place he lives, it'd be nice to have school again." I do a double-take to look at my son. He _wants_ to go to school again. Impossible. I remember the effort it took to get him to school before. Of course, I suppose anything would be better than running from place to place and just trying to survive. School might be a luxury now comparatively.

Annie tenders her opinion. "Mom, couldn't we check it out? At least look at the pictures he said he'd bring tomorrow? We can be careful and we could show up way before them to make sure everything is safe and there aren't any surprises."

"You all really think this is real?" I ask. "You don't think they're trying to take advantage, abduct us, enslave us--heck it could be any of a million things!"

They stare silently back at me. Not convinced. Man, I really don't want to interact with Crazy Dude again. He may not be a kidnapper, but every instinct I have tells me that he's dangerous to me.

Kira speaks up. "I think we should vote. All in favor of going and learning more tomorrow?" Kira raises her hand and all the other kids follow. I stare blankly at them. "You do realize that this family isn't a democracy, right?" I ask.

Kayla responds, "Mom, we know that. But you do usually ask us what we think. This is us letting you know what we think ahead of time. I agree with Kira, they didn't seem dangerous."

"That man had his gun pointed at Kira!" I protest. "He is obviously dangerous."

Annie replies, "But he explained why and didn't have a problem after that. We all have triggers in this world now. He saw one of his today. But he hardly seemed dangerous. He was protective of his kid and helped protect us. He saved Kira a couple of times when we were fighting those walkers. I think we should give them a chance. Take precautions, but give it a chance. You know what this would mean for all of us if it were true."

I do know. A chance at a real life. Could it possibly be true? I truly would give anything for my kids to be safe again, even deal with Crazy Dude if I had to. "Let's sleep on it. We can talk about it in the morning." My kids knew that was the best they'd get from me for the moment, so wisely dropped it for now. We prepped some cans for dinner in silence and ate. I wish we could settle enough to make a garden. Some fresh food would be great and we could maybe even cook some actual meals. Do some canning for winter. I catch myself and warn myself not to get caught up in the fantasy. They don't have anything more than we have here--I can't go getting my hopes up. I need to manage the kids expectations without getting myself all caught up in this dream.

We all wander off to bed. It was a long and exhausting day of scavenging with too little to show for it. That brings up another worry--how long will there be things left to scavenge? The pickings have gotten worse and worse lately. We do need to find something more permanent to start building a life again. Become self-sufficient. These thoughts whirl in my mind as I drift off to sleep. The last thing I see before sleep engulfs me are those eyes. Those intense eyes of Crazy Dude, er, Rick Grimes. Can we trust him?

In the morning when I come downstairs the kids are prepared. They are all waiting for me in the living room. I can tell just looking at them that I'm in for a fight about this. I sigh. Is it so wrong for them to still have hope? "You guys aren't going to let go of this are you?"

"Nope!" Annie replies. "You may as well just give in now." I give her a level look. She just grins back at me.

I huff out a breath. "If we're going to do this, it's going to be my way then. All precautions will be taken." The kids do a little cheer and dance in place in their seats. I roll my eyes at them. Kayla grins at me and says, "We wouldn't expect any less Mom. Lay it out, what do we need to do?"

*                                                             *            *

We arrive early in order to have an advantage and scope the area out. Once I get Kayla, Annie and Jordan placed, Kira and I head over to set up and wait in the van. We park across the road from the gate we dropped them at yesterday. All is quiet so far and I don't see any signs telling me this is a trap--yet. There isn't even any sign of walkers today.

We wait in the van for another ½ hour before I see a vehicle approaching. If that's them, they're early too, but only by hour. I smirk to myself about successfully being more prepared than they are. I can tell when they spot the van as they slow down. Their vehicle stops in front of the gate across the road from us. I get out and stand in front of the road facing off toward them. They park and start getting out. Rick and Carl are there, but also; one, two three; three others. Hmmm.

Rick looks over at me spearing me with his eyes. I see him glance around looking for the kids and not finding them. He starts to jog across the street toward me saying, "Sandi! Where are the kids..." he trails off as I take a few steps back and put my hand on my gun. The older lady in a sweater set puts her hand on his arm, pulling him to a stop. "Rick!" she mutters under her breath. "Slow down, she's on edge." Smart lady.

I speak up. "Stay right there or you'll get yourself shot! Did I mention a couple of my kids are pretty dang good snipers?" Rick stares at me in disbelief as the dude with a crossbow next to him starts eyeing the surrounding rooftops. Good luck spotting them, I think to myself.

"You have your kids with guns on us?!" Rick asks in disbelief. I respond, "It's just a precaution until I know it's safe. I didn't know how many or who you were bringing with you."

Carl speaks up, "Dad, it's normal for her to be worried. Remember when Aaron first approached us? You knocked him out!" The other man standing by Carl rubs his chin with his hand. "Yeah, I remember that. My jaw didn't sit right for a week!" Hmmmm. That must be Aaron. Interesting that Rick was in my position before and it doesn't sound like he trusted them any more than I do now.

Rick looks like he's thinking. "OK, that's fair. I forget sometimes just how hard it was out here. They're right, I would have taken the same precautions as you if I could have. This is Carol, Daryl and Aaron." He gestures to them as he introduces them. "You already know Carl," as he gestures at his son. "I'm actually a little surprised you are here. Happy you are, but surprised. You didn't seem interested yesterday."

I tilt my head in acknowledgement. "I wasn't. But, my kids want to know more, so I am here, for them." I motion for Kira to step out of the van and join me.

Aaron steps forward. "I'm kind of like the recruiter for the town. Daryl helps me with that now."

"OK, you two are the recruiters so that explains why you are here, but what about her?" I motion to Carol.

She smiles innocently at me in her sweater set. Seriously, who wears a sweater set these days?? She looks like a housewife that just got home from the grocery store and is about to head out to play bridge or something. "Oh, I'm just here for moral support. I'm kind of like the den mother to the group. I cook and clean and just overall take care of them."

"Den mother, huh?" I query. She just smile back. Hmmm, I'm not buying that for a minute.

"Something wrong?" Rick asks? "No, nothing wrong in particular. It's just hard to see a den mother surviving in this world without having other skills," I reply. I see Daryl smirk while Carol continues to try and look innocent. I wonder what that is all about?

Aaron speaks up, "I have pictures, if I can share them?" He motions to bring them to us.

I nod giving permission. "Kira would like to see the pictures."

He walks over to Kira and starts showing her the pictures. I look over Kira's shoulder as the rest of them walk over. Rick comes and stands next to me and cranes his neck looking at the pictures.  Ugh, too close. I move over behind Kira & Aaron so I'm not so close to Rick. He protests, "Oh, sorry, I don't need to see them, you don't need to move."

"Nah, I'm good," I wave him off feeling relief for the excuse to move.

"Mom, look at those walls!" Kira points out. I see them. They are impressive. Wow, solar panels too. Do they actually have electricity? Nah, no way. Then I see a picture of kids and Aaron says, "This is our school room, such as it is."

"Wait," I reply. "Are all of these kids still alive?" They look at each other. "Yeah," Daryl speaks up for the first time. "The ones in the picture are all alive."

"Does that mean there are others that aren't?" I ask.

"Well, we had a shakeup with some crazy people a few months back," Aaron replies. "The wolves. They knocked down a wall with a truck and a bunch of walkers we were leading away got in. We lost some people during that and a couple were kids. But everything's fixed and doing well again,"

"These wolves...did they have W's on their foreheads?" I question while drawing a W on my forehead.

"Yeah. Why? How do you know that?" Rick asks.

"We ran into some guys like that a while back," I say.

Kira looks up from the pictures at me with pleading in her eyes. "Mom." There is a wealth of emotion behind that one word. I sigh and turn to Rick. "What are your questions?"

"What?" he asks, not understanding. "Your questions for us," I reply. "Yesterday you said we'd have to answer some questions to be allowed in. What are those questions?"

He looks surprised. "OKay, how many walkers have you killed?"

I huff out a laugh. "Seriously?" They all just stare at me. OK then, I guess they're serious. "I don't know, hundreds? I used to know, but it all kind of blurs together now. As many as we have needed to in order to stay alive."

He nods. "How many of the living have you killed?"

I swallow hard. "Five." Kira objects, "Mom, you didn't kill them all yourself, some of them we..." I cut her off. "I'm responsible for you all and this family. Five," I reiterate.

Rick asks, "Why?"

Oh, well that's a loaded question, isn't it? "Well, three of them were those wolves, I guess, if that's what they call themselves. They attacked us and we defended ourselves. The other two..." I trail off. I take a deep breath and continue. "The other two were a threat to my family."

Rick nods and seems to be contemplating my answers. He glances at the other members of the group with some kind of silent communication going on between them all. Sheesh, I didn't even want to join their group in the first place. I suppose this is better, the kids can't give me a hard time about it if they reject us.

Rick meets my eyes. "We'd like to invite you to join our community," he says. OK, that's a shock.

"That's it?" I question. "That's it," Rick replies. I look at the other members of his group and they all seem to be OK with this decision. Carl looks excited and Kira is bouncing on her toes.

"OK, follow-up question," I say. "Go ahead," Rick replies. "What are the rules of this community?" I ask.

"Rules?" Rick questions sounding confused.

"Yeah, rules," I reiterate. "Are people allowed to come and go as they please, or is it more a case of once you enter you never leave again?"

Rick grins, "You really don't trust anyone, do you?"

Nope," I reply unashamedly.

Carol speaks up, "You can come and go, but we appreciate it if you leave word at the gate where you're going--so we know if you're OK and know where to look if you don't come back when you are expected. Nobody is bound to stay there forever, if you don't think it's for you then you can leave."

Rick speak up, "That is all true, but I would ask that you at least give it a month trial run before you decide it's not for you."

"How about a week?" I counter.

He laughs, "If you are that leery, a week will do at first. If that week doesn't give you a reason to run though, I'd ask for a month's commitment after that."

"I could probably do that," I say slowly. Kira bounces in excitement, "Is this really happening?! Are we really going there?!" I pull her into a side hug. "It looks like it," I reply.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this chapter please consider subcribing and I would love some reviews/comments!  


	4. Moving In

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

Well, here we are. On our way to their community. I glance at the man to my right in my passenger seat. He offered to help us get our stuff, but I told him we had what we needed and after a week, if we decided to stay, then we could go back and get the rest of it. The important stuff is in the van. He insisted he and Carl ride with us to show us the way.

He glances up seeing me looking his way. "It's not far now," he comments. "Alexandria is really something. I think you and your family are going to like it."

Soon I can see walls coming into view at the end of the street. I see a gate and stop in front of it. Rick looks at me. "Welcome to Alexandria," he says. "Just park here and we'll move the van later."

"OK, grab your stuff kids,"I say as we start getting out of the van. The gate is open for us now, Carol, Darryl and Aaron had arrived ahead of us and were watching for our arrival. They stand at the gate waiting.

As we walk through the gate I can hear it sliding closed behind us. I turn and glance, hoping I haven't made a mistake and these people are as good as the kids think they are. I swing back around and Rick is standing there waiting for me. He motions me forward.

"We'll want to interview you all later, but first let's get you settled in," he says.

"Interview?" I question.

"Yeah, the former leader of this place would interview everyone she let in, just asking some general questions about them, what they saw out there, their old life, stuff like that," he explained. "We've kept it up since we lost her."

"How did you lose her?" I ask.

"In that incident we told you about, with the wolves and the walkers," he replies. Carol catches up to us and joins us walking down a street. We just passed a whole bunch of solar panels on the right and I see a row of townhomes coming up. On the left I see a lake behind some homes. Wow, this place is unbelievable. The homes are huge. So...a luxury community is a haven from the dead now?

"If you lost your leader, who is your leader now?" I ask. It'll be good to know who I need to deal with.

"Rick's the leader," Carol answers. I glance at them. Of course he is. Hmmm. I should have known by the way everyone looked to him to make a decision about us earlier.

We take a street to the left and walk down about a block further. We approach some homes on the right and slow. Rick gestures to a large home and says, "Here is your house."

"My house?" I question. "You're just giving me a house?"

"Yeah, this is yours. Well your family's. We figured you'd need a bigger one because there are so many of you. You're lucky, there aren't many large families left anymore."

I'm speechless, looking at this house. It's huge with a nice wraparound porch. Something I would have loved even before the end of the world. The kids come running up excitedly. "Is this where we're going to stay?" asks Jordan.

"Yep, this is your house," replies Carol. "Why don't you go check it out and get settled in? I'm going to swing by the pantry and get you some supplies. You explore, get settled in. Rick's house is just right next door if you need anything and I'm just across the street over there," she points.

The kids are vibrating with excitement and grab my hands and pull me up the steps to the house. I look behind me at Carol and Rick and they are standing with satisfied looks on their faces at the kids excitement. Rick calls out to me, "Go ahead, I'll swing by in a couple hours to take you over for your interview. There's even hot water and towels if you're interested."

Hot water? The kids squeal in excitement and race into the house. I stare at him in disbelief and turn and slowly walk into the house after them. What IS this place? How is it still functioning? I enter the front door and my hand automatically goes out to the light switch. Lights come on overhead. I stare in amazement and then turn them off again. Wow. Electricity and running water. How is this place still standing? I close the door behind me.

After a lot of running around, giggling and squealing as they test everything out, things have finally calmed down. I leave the kitchen where I was testing everything and head upstairs. Annie pokes her head out of a room. "Hey Mom."

"Hey," I say. She points down the hall. "We saved the master bedroom for you. There's enough rooms for us all to have our own, can you believe it?? Jordan already claimed the attic room." Just then he pokes his head down the stairs and waves. "This is awesome!" he declares, before disappearing again.

Kayla steps out of another door and steam follows her out. She's wrapped in a towel with one around her head as well. She sighs in bliss. "It feels so good to be clean again! OK, Annie, all yours now." Kira pokes her head out of another door down the hall--I assume this is her room. "Wait, what about me?" she asks. Annie rolls her eyes at her, "I'll be fast, don't worry!" She runs into the bathroom and locks the door.

I have to chuckle at their antics. Wow, this brings back memories of them fighting for hot water. I walk down the hall to the door at the end. Opening the door I walk into a very large bedroom. There is a huge bed with a nook by the bay window with a small loveseat and chair. I stare. Nothing feels real. I dump my backpack on the floor and continue on into the master bath. It's huge with a jet tub and shower. I suddenly can't stand the filth one moment longer. I have time to figure this place out, but for now I can be clean. I strip down and find myself in a steaming hot shower. I close my eyes as some tears find their way out amidst the water beating down on me. Please let this be real, I think to myself. Please let this be a good place, a home my children can stay at and be safe.

I emerge from the shower and wipe down the mirror so I can see. I stare back at my reflection. I almost don't recognize myself without all the grime that you never seem to completely get rid of on the road. My face is thinner than I ever remember seeing it in my life. Wow. I have cheekbones. Makes sense, I've used up almost all of my fat deposits. Heh, all I needed was the apocolypse to take off those last stubborn pounds. I smile to myself and turn to get my backpack finding some clean clothes to put on. Well, relatively clean with what we had access to on the road. I pull on some jeans and a tank top. It's still hot. Hmmm, I wonder if this place has A/C? I roll my eyes at myself. Even if it does, I doubt the solar panels support the whole town cranking up their A/C. Gotta save it for the important stuff.

I grab my dirty clothes and eye my filthy bra. No, I think, I can't put that back on right now. I throw it in the pile and go through the kids rooms and hallway bathroom gathering up all the dirty clothes. I even find a laundry basket to put them in. All the girls are showered and Jordan is finishing his up now. Nice, the whole family is clean. I carry the laundry basket downstairs thinking I can use the big kitchen sink to clean our clothes. This will be easier to do laundry than it has been for a while. As I set the laundry basket down on the counter I hear a knock on the door.

I open the door to the sight of both Carol and Rick with baskets of supplies. "We're back with some supplies for you!" Carol sings as they walk in. I see Rick eyeing me as he walks past and now I feel very self-conscious without a bra. I follow them into the kitchen. Carol is already unloading supplies onto the counter. There is food, dish soap, dishes for us to eat from, and then I spot laundry detergent as she pulls it out. I walk over and take it from her. "I was just going to do some laundry," I say. "I thought the sink would work well..." She cuts me off. "Oh no, no need to use the sink. Grab your clothes and follow me." She walks out of the room. I put the detergent on top of the laundry basket and follow as I keep an eye on Rick who keeps staring at me.

As I round the corner I see Carol going into a room I haven't been in yet. I walk in. A laundry room. Wow, a big laundry room with a full sink and folding counter. Carol leans over the washer and raises the lid. "Here, use this."

I frown at her. "Is there enough electricity to use that?" I ask. She says, "Yes, of course. This community was planned as a sustainable community. Hence the solar panels and independent wells and water. They bought the best energy rated appliances on the market. It doesn't take much to wash the clothes and you can use the dryer too."

I hear Rick walk up behind me. He says, "In fact the only thing we don't use is the A/C. It drains the system too much, but everything else is fair game. Luckily the houses are well insulated so they don't get as hot as they could. And, there's always the basements that stay cooler."

I look back at Carol. "This place is unreal, you know?" I say. She pats me on the shoulder and says, "I know. It takes some getting used to." She brushes past me and I turn to the washer and get the clothes started. When I'm done, I turn around and Rick is still there watching me from the doorway. I walk up to him and can't quite slide by him as he's blocking the door.

He reaches out and tucks my hair behind my ear. His hand lingers on my cheek before falling away as I pull back in alarm. "You clean up well," he says before turning away to head back into the kitchen. I follow him with my heart beating a million beats a minute. What was that, I wonder? Why does this guy get such a reaction from me?

In the kitchen, Carol shows me where she has put everything and what kinds of supplies she has brought over. I am overwhelmed--this is more than we've had in months. There's enough food here to keep us alive for 6 months or more if we ration carefully. I also smell something delicious--what is that? As the smell hits me, I sway on my feet and have a hard time staying upright. "Woah there," I hear Rick say as he grabs my shoulders, propping me up. "Are you OK?" he asks. I can feel him right behind me.

"I'm fine," I say. "Just a little dizzy for a minute there. What's that incredible smell?" I ask, looking at Carol.

She grins at me. "A casserole in the oven, it'll be done in just a few minutes. When did you last eat, sweetie?"

"A casserole," I mumble under my breath. "I didn't know those existed anymore." I move over to sit in one of the chairs in front of the counter. Rick assists me, making sure I get settled OK.

"It just takes a little creativity and you can have a casserole," Carol comments. "You didn't say when you last ate though." The timer on the stove dings and she turns to remove the food. I hear the kids running down the stairs like a herd of elephants. I smile to myself, they definitely know when food is about to appear.

"I ate last night, don't worry." I reply. I hear the kids coming up around me. Kira says, "You ate, Mom, but you never eat enough. You only take enough to get you by and give the rest to us."

Carol says, "Yes, that's what Moms tend to do. Here Mom, eat up. I want to see that plate clean," she says as she passes a huge portion of the casserole over to me and starts scooping out portions for the kids.

My eyes are wide. There is no way I can eat all of that. I pick up the fork and poke it a little. Rick leans over me and whispers in my ear, "Yes, you need to eat all of it. You are seriously malnourished I think."

I eat while the kids eagerly scarf down their portions, moaning at how good it is. I agree, it's the best thing I've tasted in a very long time. I manage to eat about ¾ of it, but I am so full there is no way I can eat the rest. I look up at Carol in despair and she knows what I'm saying. She grabs my plate as Rick protests telling her I need to finish it all. "Rick, I think her stomach has shrunk so much that she just can't. We got a bit in her, we get more in her later. I'll just wrap this up."

Rick stands there looking at me contemplatively. "OK, change of plans then. Interviews can wait until tomorrow. I'd like you all to go to the infirmary to see Denise. She's our Dr. and she can check you out and make sure you're OK."

I protest, "I'm fine, really. I just had a moment there. The kids should be checked out, I agree, but all I want to do is sleep for about 3 years."

He grabs my hand and helps me out of the chair as I start to get up. I sway slightly again. Shoot.

He narrows his eyes at me and says, "You are not fine. It probably isn't a big deal, probably just lack of good food, but you all need to be checked out. You can sleep afterwards, I promise."

Seeing that I'm not going to win this war, I concede and follow them all out of the house and down the street to the infirmary.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this chapter please consider subscribing and I would love some comments!  Please tell me what you think of my story so far. What do you think of Rick and Sandi's interaction so far?


	5. Check Ups and Too Much Honesty

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

What I thought would be a quick in and out turned into hours. Denise is very thorough and I send the kids ahead of me. She checks over each of them with a fine tooth comb, getting medical histories, and testing everything she can. She's finally done with all the kids and they are anxious to be set free. I give them permission to go explore as long as they stay together. Rick promises that Carl will look after them as they leave. Carl had come looking for them earlier, wanting to show them around. They all kiss me goodbye and promise to stay together and be on their best behavior. They promise to be home by dark. I really shouldn't let them go, but I've relaxed a bit since we got inside the walls. This place seems too good to be true, but i haven't seen anything to concern me yet. They all seem to be exactly as they present themselves--good people who are just trying to survive. People who are willing to bring us in to survive with them. No alarms have gone off yet. My hope for this place is growing. Carl was right--we were almost out there for too long.

Denise takes twice as long looking me over as she did my kids. I suspect she was told of my dizziness which is confirmed as she asks me several questions about it. I tell her it hasn't happened before and in the end she says I am malnourished, likely iron deficient, but doing OK. Rest and food, slowly increasing my portions so my stomach can handle it are my instructions. Rick comes back in to hear those instructions. He thanks Denise and tells me he'll walk me back to my place. That sounds so weird. I have a place now?

As we walk home he gives me a small tour of the town. He points out the pantry, the church and the homes of a few people I have met, like Aaron. It's starting to get dark out, I should get home and check on the kids, make sure they're home.

As I start to tell Rick I need to get home, a couple approaches us and stops to say hi in curiosity.

"Sandi, I'd like you to meet Glenn & Maggie Rhee," Rick says.

I shake their hands and they tell me it's nice to meet me. I internally roll my eyes at this polite world that exists within these walls. Then Maggie says, "I've heard a lot about you."

I eye her warily. "Really?" I ask. "From who?"

Maggie laughs and puts her arm through mine as we resume walking. "Nothing bad, I assure you." she says. "Mostly from Rick, surprisingly. He couldn't shut up about you over dinner last night."

That shocks me. I glance at Rick who looks back at me with a grin. What on earth could he have to say about me?

"Really?" I ask Maggie. "We didn't meet for long yesterday and most of that was me threatening to shoot him. What could he possibly have had to say about me?"

Maggie laughs again. "Well, you left an impression, I'll say that. He was impressed you've managed to keep 4 kids alive and in pretty good health as well in this crazy world. And we heard all about your coordination as a team to work back to back and take out all those walkers. It sounds like you worked seamlessly with Rick and Carl as well."

I'm stunned that he told them all of that. I figured they just thought of me as the crazy lady that came close to shooting them. Then again, they did seem pretty determined we should join their community.

Just then the kids rush past us giggling and yelling, "See Mom, we're home before dark!" I eye the darkening sky as they run up our steps a couple houses down. "You are cutting it awfully close, you know!" I yell back. The giggling shuts off as the door slams and Carl waves and continues to his own house.

Maggie says, "Well, it was very nice to meet you! This is home for us, so I look forward to seeing you again later." She squeezes my shoulder and takes a step back to where Glenn and Rick follow us. Glenn says, "Nice to meet you Sandi, I'm sure we'll get a chance to talk more later."

"Yes, good you meet you two as well," I say as they walk up the sidewalk to their home. Rick takes his place beside me again and we continue on to my house. I'm processing all that Maggie told me and sneaking glances at him to see his reaction. None of that seemed to phase or embarrass him, so I'm not sure what to think.

As we walk up onto the porch of my new home, he stops me with his hand on my elbow. I look up at him questioningly.

He says, "Well, as Maggie already told you, I like you. I want you to be comfortable here, be safe, make a life again for your kids. Follow Denise's instructions so you can be well again."

I respond, "Um, thanks. Don't worry, I'll do what I need to in order to be strong for my kids. To protect this community. And I suppose you're likeable enough even though you have a pretty intense way of communicating." I grin at him, hoping he can take my joking around. I know I have a weird sense of humor and not everyone gets me. Jokes take some of the pressure off intense moments though, like this one. I'm still not sure what to think of him.

His response is unexpected. "That's not the kind of 'like' I mean."

"Okayyyy," I stammer. " It's not? What do you mean then?" I had to ask. I should know by now not to ask questions I don't really want to know the answer to.

He gets straight to the point. "I'm attracted to you. I think you should know that right from the start."

I let out a nervous laugh. "I'm married. Um, I mean, OK, I guess technically I'm a widow. But I still feel married even though he's gone. I haven't really had a chance to even process that yet or grieve. It's been all about keeping the kids alive." I twirl my wedding ring nervously.

"I understand," he says.

"I really don't think I'm ready to have this conversation," I declare as I try to turn around and head into the house.

He tightens his hold on my elbow. "I'll wait."

I sigh and look at him. "To be completely honest, I'm not sure I'll EVER be ready to have this conversation."

He responds, "I'll wait until you are. You'll be ready eventually. I just wanted you to know my intentions."

I mutter under my breath, "I'm definitely not ready for intentions." I look up at him. "Umm, OK, well, you can definitely consider me notified. I'll say goodnight now. It's been a very long day."

He smiles, "That it has. I really wasn't expecting you at all you know. But here you are. Get some rest." He lets go of my elbow and runs his hand along the side of my head and down to cup my cheek. "Sleep well."

"Goodnight," I reply and turn and walk into the house, shut the door and lean wearily against it. Holy crap, what was all of that. That didn't just happen, right?

"Lock the door," I hear him say from the other side of the door.

I jump hearing his voice through the door, then slowly turn and shoot the deadbolt home with a loud click followed by the softer click of the door lock. I stand there contemplating what he just said without any comprehension. I give up and run up the stairs to check on the kids and try to turn off my mind that was now running 100 million miles an hour. I pull all the kids into the master bedroom to sleep so we're all together with the door locked and blocked. I might not have alarm bells anymore about this place, but I'm not stupid. All the alarm bells have shifted to Rick but for a different reason. I don't have the brain power to figure this one out right now. I need sleep.

Outside, Rick walks down the stairs and over to his house once he's satisfied her doors are locked. He heads up to his porch to meet Daryl there.

"You scare her off a'ready?" asks Daryl.

"No, I have no intention of scaring her off. Just the opposite really," he replies.

Daryl huffs, "Well that might not be your 'tention, but I think you 'ight do it anyway.

"How so?" Rick asks.

"I seen the way you look at her," Daryl says.

"And how did I look at her?" Rick asks.

"Like ya was starvin' and she was the last bit o' food in the world," Daryl replies.

Rick smiles. "Heh. That obvious huh?"

"Oh, you coulda cut the air wi' a knife ou' here—that's how 'lectric it were 'tween you two," Daryl comments. "I heard wha' you just told her," he says. "You don' think that was too much, too soon?"

Rick gives him a steady look. "You know how this world is. Chances like this don't come along often. I'm done waiting to see if things work out. I'm being honest with her about it from the start. We have something pretty intense going on between us already and I only met her yesterday. I'm not going to ignore it and put it off just because people think it's too fast. If I've learned anything over these last years, it's to take whatever happiness you can find with both hands as soon as you can. Because waiting only leads to losing that chance. I'll give her the time she needs to get used to me, to the idea of us, but she needed to know where I stand."

Rick ponders some more. "She's mine Daryl."

Daryl laughs. "Yours huh? And what does she think of tha'?"

Rick continues, "She's my other half. That shock that went through me every time I touched her, it took me the night to figure it out. It's some electric connection we have, but it tells me that we belong together. I've never felt this way about anyone before. She's mine, and I'm hers. She just doesn't know it yet. I'll help her understand."

Daryl eyes him like he's crazy. "Ya do know tha' women don' like to be told what to do, right? 'Specially when they tired, hungry and protecting their family. Ya don' think you were a little TOO honest wi' her righ' up front?"

Rick shrugs. "I can't do anything else but tell her the truth."

Daryl laughs. "Alrigh' man, but jus' know that when women get scared or overwhelmed they have a tendency to run. This is gonna be fun to watch." Daryl claps Rick on the back in sympathy.

They walk away together to head for their watch assignments.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this chapter please consider subscribing and I would love some comments!  What did you think of Rick's pretty blunt honesty? It just seems to me he's done with dancing around things anymore, he's going to go straight to the point.  How do you think Sandi is going to react?


	6. Late Breakfast & An Interview

I feel the sun shining in my face. I roll over to avoid it. I don't want to wake up yet, the bed is so comfy. Wait. A comfy bed? When did that happen? Usually we sleep on the floor or a hard bed. Comfy beds are hard to come by in this world. I concentrate and start to remember. We are in Alexandria in a nice house. I brought the kids into my room for us to sleep in my comfy bed and be safe together. Rick Grimes declared his attraction to me last night. Ack. I sigh, there is no going back to sleep now. My mind is definitely awake.

I may as well get up and get some breakfast going for the kids. I open my eyes and see the door is open. Wait, I shut that and barricaded it last night! I look around seeing no sign of the kids. I sit up in the bed panicking, about to jump out of the bed. I hear someone clear their throat. My eyes swing back to the door. Rick stands there with a tray. Ack! I grab the covers and pull them up over my chest. I ended up sleeping in a camisole and underwear last night, I'm not exactly dressed for company.

"What are you doing here and where are my kids?" I demand as he walks in and puts the tray down on my lap. I look down and see pancakes and what looks like ham. Or maybe that's spam?

"They're fine," he reassures me. "They were getting antsy and wanted to go explore, check out school today. They didn't want to wake you up though, cause you were sleeping so well. You slept through them moving the dresser even, so they knew you needed some more rest. When I came to check in with you all before going on a run, they told me their worries. I told them to go ahead and go explore with Carl and Carol would keep watch over you. I just got back from my run and sent Carol home, you must have been extremely exhausted."

I look at him suspiciously as I try some hot chocolate. Mmm, heaven. I eye him. "You look exhausted yourself. You've gone on a run and come back again already? And why do you think you get to give my kids permission to do things?" I ask.

He chuckles as he sits on the side of the bed. "Well, I will admit it's been a day. But, I wanted you to sleep more, obviously you needed it. If they didn't get to go they were going to wake you up. You slept till 4pm so we all know you were exhausted."

"What?! 4pm?" I exclaim.

"Yeah, you were dead to the world," he says. "You look a lot better already, so I'm glad you got enough rest."

"So what did you come over for earlier?" I question, feeling a bit uncomfortable. I'm practically naked under the covers. Wow, 4pm. I've never slept that late before.

"Well, I came to get you to take you over to do your interview, but I decided it was more important that you sleep." he replies.

"I'm fine, I can come and do that," I state.

"Why don't you finish your breakfast first?" he says while standing up. "Come next door to my house when you've finished eating and are dressed. Make sure you eat it all though."

I agree, grateful that he isn't going to hover over me in my bedroom any longer. I wanted to call him out for giving me orders, but whatever gets him out of my bedroom the fastest is best. I'll take that up with him later. This still feels a bit awkward, like there's this big nebulous, unnamed thing between us. I refuse to think about what that is.

I dress and am quickly ready in jeans and a t-shirt and walk over to his house. He must see me coming because as I'm about to knock on his door, he opens it. "Ready?" he asks.

"Yeah, let's do this," I reply. "But first, can we swing by the school, so I know where the kids are?"

He smirks at me. "Gotta see they're OK with your own eyes huh?"

"Something like that," I say.

We head down the stairs and walk down the street. Rick points out a few items of interest and then gestures, "There's the school right there. They wrap up at 5pm though, so they should be done very soon." I walk toward it and peek in the window in the door. I see the kids working on something. Kayla sees me and comes over, slipping out of the door. "Mom, you're finally awake," she says, pulling me into a hug. She leans back and examines me saying, "You look so much better today. I'm glad you got the rest you needed so bad. Annie and I have been worried for weeks cause you have looked so exhausted!"

Rick says, "Don't worry Kayla. You have us now, we'll help make sure your Mom gets the care she needs."

I turn my head and glare at him. "Mom can take care of herself." I turn back to Kayla. "I understand why Jordan and Kira are here, but both you and Annie already graduated from high school. Why are you two hanging out here?"

"Well, there's lots of kids and I think their teacher was a bit overwhelmed. We didn't have anything better to do and it's been kind of fun to help out."

"OK," I reply. "Enjoy yourselves and I'll see you later. I'm heading over to get my interview done, I guess."

She says, "Alright, see you later at home," and slips back inside.

Rick and I resume our walk toward the interview. He tells me that Maggie, Carol and he will be asking the questions today. They do the interviews in one of the townhouses that serves as a kind of Headquarters of Alexandria.

When we arrive, Maggie is already in the living room doing something to a video camera on a tripod. Carol is sitting on a couch. I greet them both and I'm directed to sit in a wing chair in front of a window. I take a seat and look around. This is a pretty fancy place.

Maggie asks, "Do you mind if we record this?"

I smile. "Does it matter if I mind?"

Carol replies, "Of course it does. We wouldn't do anything against your will. This is sort of a 'for posterity' thing. We were all recorded when we arrived here as well."

"Alright," I shrug.

Maggie starts the recording and joins Carol on the couch while Rick remains standing behind them.

"Please state your name, date of birth and where you're from for the record," Maggie asks.

Woah. They are pretty serious about this 'for posterity' thing, aren't they?

"Sandra Jones, but I go by Sandi. I was born Feb. 11, 1971 in Idaho Falls, Idaho. Do you want my social security number too?" I joke.

Rick replies, "If you want, but that isn't necessary." Woah, so serious. OK, noted. They don't really like the jokes in this interview.

Carol asks, "What was your profession before?"

I laugh, "Nothing helpful in this world. I managed the medical records department of a large regional medical center."

Maggie looks up. "So you have medical experience, you could maybe help Denise out at the infirmary?"

I put my hand up in a gesture as if to say slow down. "Oh, I was no clinician. I wasn't involved with the patients at all. My job was to make sure the providers completed their documentation so we had accurate records and the coding and billing could be done. From what I saw yesterday, Denise is very meticulous with her records and I don't think she needs any help with that."

"Hmmmm," Carol muses. "But you managed people?"

"Yes, I had a staff who made sure the work got done."

Maggie says, "Well, I'll have to think about the best way to utilize your skills here. We try to match people with things they are good at and what they used to do often works well. But it isn't a hard rule or anything. As you explore and get to know people, look at what they do. If you see something you'd be interested in helping with, let us know. We do need everyone to help out whatever way they can in order to keep the community running."

"That's fair," I reply. "I don't expect a free ride, the kids and I are happy to help wherever we can."

Rick looks up at me. "So you're from Idaho? How'd you end up clear over here?" Rick asks.

"Well, I was born and raised in Idaho, and I met my husband at college in Utah. But we actually had lived in Colorado for about five years before all this. As far as how we ended up out here, well we took a trip to Disney World." I chuckle bitterly. "Wouldn't you know that the time I pick for an epic family vacation is when the whole damn world ends?"

Maggie stares at me in disbelief. "You were at Disney World when this went down?!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, how would you survive herds of walkers at Disney World?? If you liked this chapter please consider commenting!


	7. The Interview Continues

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

They sit in silence, staring at me in shock after the revelation that we were at Disney World when things started. Finally, Rick speaks up. "Your van has Colorado license plates."

I nod. "We almost flew. We're lucky we didn't or we'd all be dead right now. We had decided to drive, to see some sights on the way. The kids had never been east of Colorado, so we figured it was worth making some memories on the way."

Carol asks, "How in the world did you get out of Disney World alive? I mean, there are thousands of people there. One walker could make thousands of walkers really quickly. People wouldn't have a chance."

I take a deep breath. "Well, really it was my husband, Dave, who saved us. Without him we'd never have made it out, we would have become some of those thousands of walkers. He humored me and my desire to take the kids to Disney World." I huff out a laugh at the memory. "He hated crowds. The very last place on earth he wanted to be was there. But, I suppose, after 23 years of marriage he knew when not to argue, when it was hopeless." I smile, remembering. "I can be pretty stubborn when I have my mind set on something," I confide, and they all laugh. I think Rick laughed the hardest of all. Maggie says, "Wow, 23 years. That's a long time."

"Yeah," I say. "It is."

"How did he get you out?" Carol asks.

I look back up at them. "Well, he had his stubborn moments too," I laugh. "We were on our third day there. It was early afternoon and I think the kids had already hit every ride in the park at least once by then. He started telling me that weird things were happening. That we need to leave, to get back to the hotel. I thought he was just tired and cranky, but this time it was me that didn't argue. I thought I'd just head back with the kids after we dropped him off so he could take a break." I chuckle, "Maybe take a nap. But once we reached the hotel he insisted on packing up. I didn't know what he was going on about and, honestly, he made me mad. I'd worked so hard to plan this trip and now he just wanted to leave early? I started to argue with him and he just grabbed me and told me this wasn't just him being a dork about crowds. That there were some serious news reports circulating of some strange virus that was making people act crazy, attack other people, even eat other people like cannibals. I didn't know what to think, it sounded so out there, ya know?" They all nod at me. They remember how crazy it sounded at first.

"But then he looked into my eyes and told me that if I loved him," my voice cracks on the words. I take a deep breath. "If I loved him or ever trusted him, I needed to trust him more than ever now, stop arguing and help him pack up so we could get out of there. So we could get our kids out of there before it was too late."

All is silent as they digested that. Maggie asks, "So you believed him?"

I smile. "I don't know that it was so much that I believed him as that I could see that he believed it. This wasn't just him sick of vacation, he was serious. He thought there was a threat. So we packed up and left."

"Just like that?" Carol asks.

"Just like that," I say. "Of course, the kids were furious. How dare we cut short their vacation? But we got on the road, got out of the city and managed to make it to Atlanta before the roads gridlocked."

"You were in Atlanta?" Rick asks, surprised.

"Well, only peripherally," I say. "Once we saw the roads were packed and we wouldn't get through, we ended up on 85 going the opposite direction than we wanted. It was the only way out though, that road was moving at least. By this time we'd been listening to the reports on the radio and even the kids were convinced something bad was going down. And then we saw them bombing Atlanta from a distance. That was a night I'll never forget."

"You were headed home?" Carol asked.

"We were trying," I responded. "It seemed to be an exercise in frustration though. Every time we made progress, we'd lose it. We soon had to get off 85 because it was so congested as we approached Charlotte. I couldn't even tell you what roads we took. Every back road we could find that was clear and trying to turn west whenever we could. We should have done that in Atlanta and maybe we wouldn't have ended so much further east than we wanted to be. Then we had to start scavenging for gas. The gas stations were closed but there were cars everywhere.  It felt so wrong, but the cars were abandoned or their owners were dead inside and we were alive and needed it. So we scavenged and stayed wherever we could find that was safe. We spent months doing that and trying to head toward home. There was always some blockage that would send us east again. Eventually we came upon some people. They said they had a community, good people, wanted us to join." I look Rick in the eyes as I say that.

He responds, "Did you?"

"We decided it was worth checking out. We were exhausted and hadn't made much progress toward home. It would give us a place to regroup and recharge, get ready for a longer journey than we ever thought we'd be taking. Obviously the 30 hour drive of old was going to take months, maybe even years. We followed them back, but their community wasn't all they said it was."

"What was wrong with it?" asked Maggie.

"Well, first of all it was just a bunch of people camping out around a tank. As if a tank could protect them from walkers," I scoff. I see their eyes perk up as I mentioned the tank.

"Then it was just little things from there. We stayed the night with them, but Dave and I took shifts keeping watch. Something just didn't feel right. Then the next morning, we met their leader. He was some smooth talking operator, that's for sure. He wore an eye patch of all things! I don't know if he actually needed it or not, but he had those people wrapped around his finger. We soon learned that what they really wanted was more people to go to war for him. There were some people who lived in a prison who had done him wrong. He was planning a war to take over this prison. According to him these were hard criminals that we'd be doing the world a favor by taking them out." I scoff again, "Those people were buying it, every one of them."

Rick asks, "You didn't?"

"No," I reply. "Dave and I talked it over and we could both see that he just wanted that prison. Maybe they'd done him wrong, maybe not, but we guessed not. But really, we didn't care. No way were we going to fight a war for this guy, put our children in danger for him. But, we knew better than to tell him that. He just smelled that kind of crazy, you know?"

Maggie says, "Yeah. We know. So what did you do?"

"Well, we smiled and nodded and said the right things. And we watched and waited. As soon as there was a chance that night, we booked it out of there. Luckily we'd parked the van outside of camp. The way was blocked west and we knew they had lookouts on the roads that way watching for those people at the prison. So we headed east, again."

"So you got away?" Rick asked.

"Yeah," I reply, "We never saw them again luckily. He looked like the kind of guy that would take our leaving personally."

"Well, you're not wrong about that," Rick says. "We were the people at the prison. I'm glad you didn't come with him to attack us."

"What?!" I exclaim. "You were at the prison?"

"Yeah," Maggie said. "He wanted what we had and managed to destroy the prison while he was at it. He got most of his people killed too. He was bad news and nobody had a home there anymore after he was done. Except the walkers."

I take a moment to digest that. "Wow. So you guys were out there as well then once you lost the prison?"

"We were," Rick replies.

Carol asks, "Where did you go after leaving them?"

"Well, we wandered for months. Two steps forward and 5 back it seemed like constantly. Scavenging for supplies, gas, food. Eventually we ended up near Harrisburg. I wasn't sure we were going to make it anymore, to be honest. It had been so long since we started and we were no closer to getting home. But then we met some more people. We were more wary this time around, cautious. We met and talked to them a few times before we even thought about going back to their camp. They seemed...sincere. There was this older lady who had that whole maternal thing going on. Anyway, they called their place an 'Outpost' and said there was a bigger group in another location. They did mostly farming at their place. It wasn't a bad place. We worked hard, but then we worked hard out there scavenging too. And they had food. So much food. They shipped a lot of it off to other locations, but we got first pick because we grew it. It wasn't the best place in the world, but it wasn't the worst place either. We spent a few months there, relatively happy. We all worked in the fields and grew and harvested food. Dave and I planned on resting for a bit, putting away some food stores for later so we had some for the rest of our trip home. We hadn't given up, we'd just delayed things a bit."

Right then, Daryl comes walking in. Maggie pauses the recording while Rick gets up to talk to Daryl. They speak low, but I hear something about the prisoner still being unconscious. Prisoner, I think to myself? That doesn't bode well for this place if they have prisoners. My heart sinks. This place was growing on me. I so wanted it to be what it presented itself as--a safe place to raise my kids with a community of like-minded people. Not psychopaths who keep prisoners.

Carol looks over at me. "Hey, we can finish this later. Why don't we head over to Rick's for some dinner? You come too Maggie, I have enough for everyone, it'll be like old times. Sandi, are you hungry, I'm sure your kids would be happy for some dinner." My stomach growls right on time. We all laugh.

"Rick, we're having spaghetti Tuesday at your house. You two join us when you're done," Carol calls out.

Rick waves at us as we leave. Dang, I wanted to find out more about what kind of prisoner they have.

I am confused about something else though. "Carol, it's not Tuesday," I say. She and Maggie both laugh. "It's just a longstanding joke, don't take it seriously," she says.

We get to Rick's house and the kids see us walking by and join us. Once we get inside it's mass chaos. People everywhere. Carol goes into the kitchen to get dinner on the table. Maggie kisses Glenn and grabs my arm. "Let me introduce you to everyone. You know Carol and Glenn of course. This is Michonne," she gestures to a beautiful african american woman with a large sword on her back, "and Eugene," a man with an actual mullet haircut stands next to her. I shake their hands and murmur pleasantries. Maggie continues pulling me around, "This is Rosita, Sasha & Abraham," she points to two more gorgeous women and a very large man. I barely have time to acknowledge them before she continues on, "You know Denise and this is Tara." Tara and I look at each other in shock. I recognize her from the crazy tank pirate mans group. She speaks first, "Didn't you join Brian's group back when we were camping out in the woods with the tank." Wow. She's not going to deny it. I look at Maggie in shock. Maggie smiles. "Yes, Tara was part of that group, she helped attack the prison. But she figured out that it was wrong part way through, and after things were over she helped Glenn. He wouldn't have made it without her and she's a full member of our group." Okay then. "Hi Tara," I say. She asks, "Where did you all disappear to? One minute you were there and the next you were gone." I reply, "We left. We weren't about to get our kids involved in a war." She nods. "Fair enough, I wish I'd figured it out ahead of time as well."

I hear Rick's voice behind me then greeting people. He walks up and puts a hand on my shoulder. Ack. He's sure touchy-feely and that makes it hard for me to ignore him. I still get a jolt every time he touches me. Every time I turn around he's there. It's not good for my piece of mind. Maggie tells him, "I was just introducing Sandi to everybody. I think I got everyone...no wait," she drags me over to Carl who is holding a baby. Wow, a baby in this world. "You know Carl, but this is Judith." Rick follows us over and picks up Judith out of Carl's arms with experienced hands and props her on his hip. Carl says, "This is my little sister." I look at Rick in shock. I look around wildly, but there isn't anyone else I haven't been introduced to. I had assumed that Carl's Mom was gone, but if he has a baby... "I'm sorry, is your wife here too?" Why on earth was he telling me he was attracted to me when he had a wife, son and a baby?

He looks a little sad. "No, my wife didn't make it when Judith was born." Oh. Well, dang.

I touch his shoulder. "I'm so sorry," I say. He replies, "I know, you understand better than most." Yeah, I do understand. Wow, we've both lost our spouses. Crummy thing to have in common. Right then Judith grabs my hand which I was pulling away from his shoulder. She babbles happily at us. We laugh and she puts her arms out and practically jumps into my arms. Wow, she's lucky I'm a good catch.

"It looks like she likes you," Rick says with a gleam in his eye. Uh oh. He's back to giving those looks again. Carol calls us in for dinner and we have a good time. I can tell this group has been through a lot together. I find myself surprisingly enjoying this time and I know the kids had a lot of fun. Judith is determined to be by me, so it was fun to play with a baby again. Every time I look up Rick is staring at me. It's making me uncomfortable. Luckily there are too many people in the house to have any more 'talks.' He thinks this is waiting for me to be ready??

Finally, Judith has tired herself out and I hand her over to Rick to put her to bed. He tells me how good I am with her. I point out that with 4 kids I'd better have at least some skill. While he is upstairs laying her down, people start to head home for the night. I quickly grab my kids and slip out before he comes back downstairs. I think I've had enough of Rick Grimes intensity for the day. What am I going to do about him?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what do you think so far??  This story is starting to come together a bit better in my head.  I hope it's building up the tension for my readers as well. Sandi is starting to realize she has a problem, judging by her reaction to the possibility of Rick having a wife.  Will she acknowledge what's between them or stay in denial a little longer? What do you think?
> 
> If you liked this chapter please consider commenting, I would love some reviews!


	8. A Bigger World

**Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters.**

The next morning I was up early--OK, so it was still dark out and technically still nighttime. I was surprised I slept at all after how much I'd slept yesterday. I guess I did have some catching up to do. I decide to go out on the porch and sit on the swing while I sip some hot chocolate. I'm decent enough in shorts and a t-shirt. OK, the shorts might be a little shorter than I prefer, but beggars can't be choosers and nobody else is up anyway.

Scratch that, I see Daryl, Glenn, Maggie & Abraham go running past my house and up the stairs to Rick's house like there's a fire somewhere. I want to know what's happening, so I set my cup down and race across the lawn in my bare feet and follow them into the house. I peek over Abraham's shoulder and see a man on the stairs with a beanie on. Everyone has their guns pointed at him including Carl. Rick says to the man, "You said you wanted to talk, so let's talk."

By the time we all relocate to the kitchen, the sun is coming up. Rick asks me, "How'd you end up here," as he eye's my outfit and bare legs and feet. Not exactly an outfit I planned on being seen in. My face turns red, I am sure. "I saw everyone running so I wanted to see what was going on," I reply. He nods and turns back to the man who calls himself Jesus.

Rick asks him how he got out. Yep, this must be the prisoner. He gives a very long, convoluted answer. Basically, not enough guards and he picked the locks. He informs us he saw our arsenal which is impressive. Also our food stores which are not. Hmmm, I'm learning things here as I eye Rick. He'd have me believe this place has everything, but obviously they're running low.

Jesus starts talking again to Daryl. "Look, we got off to a bad start. But we're on the same side--the living side. You and Rick had every reason to leave me out there, but you didn't." Interesting, I think. He is grateful he was a prisoner? He continues, "I'm from a place that's a lot like this one. Part of my job is searching out other settlements to trade with. I took your truck because my community needs things, and both of you look like trouble."

He's looking at Rick and Daryl as he says this. I smirk. My thoughts exactly, I can't blame him. I thought the same when I first saw them. Wait, he took their truck? OK, so maybe they had good reason to lock him up if he was stealing from them and they get points for not leaving him out there as walker bait.

Jesus continues, "I was wrong. You're good people. And this is a good place. I think our communities may be in a position to help each other." Glenn asks, "Do you have food?"

Jesus answers, "We've started raising livestock. We scavenge, we grow. Everything from tomatoes to sorghum."

Rick says, "Tell us why we should believe you?" Ha! Look at him, not trusting what somebody says and yet he'd have me believe every word that comes out of his mouth. I narrow my eyes at him and he sees me. He knows  _ exactly _ what I'm thinking.

Jesus responds, "I'll show you. If we take a car, I can take you back home in a day and you can all see for yourselves who we are and what we have to offer."

Maggie speaks up now. "Wait, you're looking for MORE settlements? You mean you're already trading with other groups?"

Jesus sits back and smiles. "Your world's about to get a whole lot bigger."

It doesn't take long before they are loading up an RV and ready to go visit Jesus' community called the Hilltop. Judith woke up and I'm trying to help out by entertaining her. I put Judith in her high chair and feed her some oatmeal. When she's done, I give her a few cheerios to play with.

I see Rick walking back into the house. Carl meets him at the door. "You sure?" Carl asks his Dad.

"No. But if he's telling the truth, this could be the start of everything," Rick replies. "Well, get your stuff. Gabriel can take care of Judith while we're gone."

"No, I'm not coming," Carl replies. "Somebody's gotta stay back, keep this place safe. A kid with a messed-up face probably wouldn't make the best first impression anyway." Oh. My heart breaks for Carl, and I can see from Rick's face that he's not sure what to say either. Carl pats his Dad on the shoulder and goes out the front door. It is then that Rick notices me and sees Judith eating in her high chair.

He walks over, eyeing my outfit again. OK, now I really wish I had changed, but Judith was hungry.

"I wish I knew what to say to give him his self-confidence back," he says as he leans against the counter next to me. No really, right next to me. Our shoulders are touching. This man truly has no sense of personal space. I scooch over a little bit.

"Can I ask what happened?" I request.

"He got shot in the eye during that mess with the wolves and walkers," Rick replies. I gasp. Oh no, what a horrible thing to happen to a kid. "You are so lucky he lived through that," I say.

"I know," he replies. "I give thanks every day that Denise was able to save him. But, he's finally out of the woods and he's so self-conscious."

I bump his shoulder. I know, I know, the one I was just avoiding. I'm just trying to give comfort where I can. "He's a good kid. Give him time and he'll adjust. Kids are good at adjusting."

He smiles at me and moves in for a hug. Uh oh. "Thanks," he says. "You know just what to say. I need to ask another favor though," he says as he pulls back from the hug but hangs on to my elbows.

"Um, sure. What can I do to help?" I ask as I try to show no impact from him touching me.

"Judith really likes you," he replies. "Carl is staying behind, but I'd appreciate it if you could keep an eye on him and Judith. Carol will look in on them as well, but she'll also be busy helping with the defense of this place while we're gone."

"Of course," I say. "I'm happy to help. I'll make sure Judith and Carl are OK while you're gone."

His eyes look at me intently. "Thank you," he says fervently. Then he leans down and kisses me on the temple. I take a deep breath and pull away, grabbing a cloth to clean Judith up with from the sink. "I'm going to give you a pass on that one," I say as I start to wipe Judith's face off. "Because I know there's a lot going on and you're stressed about Carl. But you really aren't showing me that you actually know how to wait very well like you said you would," I complain. He laughs out loud and says, "I really like your outfit, by the way," and heads out the door to join the group. Now that was just deliberate teasing, I think to myself as I see them load up the RV and drive away.

I pass most of the day hanging out with the kids. We explore the town thoroughly with Carl & Judith tagging along. I push Judith's stoller all over town, at least twice. She is very popular with the Alexandrians and I meet more people because of her. Everyone is very friendly but some of them don't seem to be very prepared for this world. Around noon, we pass one of the guard posts and Carol calls down for us to wait a minute. She climbs down and asks me if I would feel comfortable manning the guard post for just a little while so she can grab some lunch.

"Absolutely," I say. "You have done so much for me, I'd love to cover for you for a bit."

She hesitates and then hands the shotgun to me. "You know how to use it?" she asks.

I flip it up, check the chamber, see it's clear and then slide a round into the chamber. Then I clear the chamber again.

"Well," she says. "It looks like you know what you're doing."

"I've had to use one a time or two," I acknowledge. She gives me instructions shows me a radio to call the other guards for help if any living show up. She takes Judith's stroller and heads back with the kids. I climb up into the watchtower and keep watch for about 2 hours. When she comes back, she thanks me and tells me the kids are back at Rick's house.

I join the kids and we play some games. Carl actually pulls out an old monopoly game and looks at me. "It's Thursday," he says. I just laugh at him. Touche' kid.

We are deep in a game of monopoly, where mainly I'm trying to keep Judith from eating the pieces, when Rick comes walking in. "Dad!" Carl says. "What's happening?"

"It's fine Carl. We're just discussing a request the Hilltop had for us."

Carl asks, "It's good then?" Rick responds, "Yeah, it's good."

Rick looks at me. "Would you mind staying with them another hour or two? I'm so sorry to ask, but it would really help me out."

"Sure," I reply. "I'll get Judith to bed before we head home." That is when Rick notices the monopoly game. He smirks. "I see it's Monopoly Thursday." I roll my eyes at him. "Carl had a point to make," I say. He laughs out loud and heads out again. Crazy man.

I look at the kids. "Well, who wants to buy a hotel before Judith eats them all?"

Once we finish Monopoly, Carl heads to his room when I tell him I'll bathe Judith and get her to bed. I send my kids home to get ready for bed. After her bath, I make her a bedtime bottle. I enjoy some time rocking a sweet smelling baby in her room as she downs her bottle and falls asleep. I put her down in her crib and knock on Carl's door to let him know I'm leaving. As I head out the door, I hear murmuring from the garage. I hear Rick's voice along with some of the others. Hmmm, well, whatever it is, it seems to require a lot of discussion. I'm tired, I'm not used to chasing a baby all day anymore. I head to bed and it's bliss to lay down. I'm letting everyone sleep in their own beds now, but we all lock our doors.

The next morning I'm sipping hot chocolate on the porch when I see a lot of activity again over by the gate. What now? At least this time I have on some yoga pants I found--much better than shorts if people start walking by. I won't go running into other people's houses this time either.

My strategy seems to work as I see the RV pull out. Well, I hope whatever they're doing, it goes well.

I enjoy a lazy morning. I fix the kids breakfast and we invite Carl & Judith to join us for breakfast at our house.

Eugene knocks on the door and tells me they are short handed on the guard towers. He asks if I would help them out again. I agree and head out to the front gate tower for a shift from noon till 8.

The guard post is very quiet. I saw that all the other posts are Alexandrians that don't seem as comfortable with guns. Tobin seems to be in charge and Eugene is helping him. Very strange. Now I wish I'd asked more questions. Kayla dropped off lunch and told me they'd be having dinner with Carl at Rick's house and to come there when I was done. At 8 I'm relieved and head over for dinner. The kids are having a good time when I join them for dinner. They have eaten, so I hurry and eat while they are playing a new board game in the living room. I finish eating, but Judith is getting cranky. I pick her up and ask Carl, "Is your Dad going to be here soon? Should I get her ready for bed?"

Carl says, "Nah, Dad will be gone tonight, so she can go to bed. Do you want me to do it?" He looks reluctant to leave his game--I guess it's a critical part. "No, that's fine, I've got her," I tell him. He looks relieved.

After I get her settled down, I head back downstairs. Their game is finished and people are starting to look tired. "Carl, are you OK here alone with Judith," I ask? "Do you want some company?"

Before he has a chance to say anything Annie yells, "Sleepover!!!" and all the kids get excited. I roll my eyes, but don't protest. I'd feel bad leaving Carl here all alone. In the end, Carl and the kids set up in the living room. He pulls out sleeping bags from somewhere and they are finally settling down. I lock the doors and make a bed on the floor by Judy's crib.

I wake up to Judy babbling. It makes me smile. Life is good here, baby's can even babble without being afraid. I get her up and ready and take her downstairs for her morning oatmeal. By the time Judy's done with breakfast, the kids are moving. Judy isn't a quiet eater.

I make breakfast and feed the crew. I hand Judy off to Carl and head home with my kids. I'm working 10-2 on the gate today. I've been trying to be patient, but I'm really curious where half our residents (and the strongest ones) have gone and why they were out overnight. When I get to the guard post, I ask Tobin what's going on. He tells me the same thing Eugene was saying--they are helping the Hilltop out with something in exchange for food.

The guard shift goes fast and soon I'm back home. I change and go to Rachel's house where Judy is. Rachel offered to cut my hair this afternoon. I can't wait--it's hot and a mess. I end up getting a short pixie cut so it's out of my face and not on my neck. I love it! I take Judy back to Rick's house to make dinner. The kids show up ravenous and Carl insists it's movie night because it's Saturday. The boy is going to make me eat every one of my words. They find some old 80's movie and start it up and soon I get Judy ready for bed and tucked in for the night.

When I come downstairs, I hear a commotion down at the gate. I tell the kids I'll be right back and make sure I have my machete and gun as I run down to see what's going on.

I am relieved when I peer through the dark to see the RV parked just inside the gate. Good, they're back. I pass Carol on the way, she's fast-walking toward her house. Something looks wrong there, but she's gone before I can ask. Next, Glenn & Maggie head my way. Something is very wrong there.

"What's wrong," I ask. Glenn looks up at me. "It was a hard day," he says, and then they continue down the street. Strange. Finally I see Rick, Daryl and Abraham standing by the RV unloading some things.

"Hey," I say. "Is everything OK?"

Rick turns around and glances at me. "Why would you think anything's wrong?"

"Well, I just passed Carol, Glenn & Maggie and they look like they've been through the wringer."

"Long day. They're fine," he responds. I stare at him. Seriously? He isn't going to tell me anything that happened? Fine. I swing around on my heel and head back to his house. He's home, he can watch his own damn kids.

"Sandi, wait!" he calls out. Yeah, no. He had his chance to talk. I'm not interested in living in a community where only the 'cool kids' get to know what's happening. Something big just went down and I deserve to know what it was, especially if it puts my kids at risk. What day is it now? Day 5 of our week commitment? OK, we can leave Tuesday morning then. I break into a jog and make it back to his house.

The kids all look up at me when I slam the door behind me. "They're back," I say. "Time for us to head home kids." There are the usual protests, but I gather them quickly. I tell Carl goodnight and we head home. Just as I shut my front door, I see Rick coming up my porch stairs. Fat chance. I slide the deadbolt home, loudly, and then snick the lock on the doorknob. He did tell me to make sure my doors were locked after all. Luckily the kids have already gone upstairs to bed when I hear him say, "Sandi, come on. We need to talk." I shut off the porch light and the living room lights so this level is dark. That should answer that. I walk over to make sure the back door is locked and then go upstairs. Sleep is a long time coming tonight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot happening in this longer chapter.  Sandi is getting closer to Rick's kids. She allows herself to consider the possibilities and then bam! betrayal.  Do you think Rick intentionally left her out of the loop? Do you think he had a good reason? Will Sandi forgive him?
> 
> If you liked this chapter please consider commenting!  


	9. Poking the Bear

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

After a long night of tossing and turning, I finally sleep, only to wake up early. I think about last night and debate whether I'll really take my kids from this place they've come to love. In the end I decide that if I can't trust them then we can't stay here. Unless I get an explanation that justifies everything that happened the last couple of days, we can't stay.

I head to the kitchen for my morning hot chocolate. I'll miss this. I eye my porch, but it's too desolate out there this early. Normally that doesn't stop me, but the last thing I want is a heart to heart alone with Rick Grimes before everyone else is up. I've noticed his early morning rounds he makes of the walls. Thus far he hasn't come my way that early, but I suspect this morning would be an exception.

I decide to get all our laundry done in preparation for our departure if that's the way it goes down. I quietly retrieve all the kids clothes and start the washer. As I sort, I come up with a plan. The pantry often has bored Alexandrians ready to gossip. Let's see if they know anything.

I see Rick heading home. As he climbs the stairs to his porch I see him glance at my porch. Nope, I'm not there you ass. Finally he turns and enters his house. Good. Give it about 15 and he should be fully occupied with Judy's morning routine. I quickly finish folding the freshly washed clothes.

I should be in the safe zone now, Judy will be demanding her oatmeal. Time to go to the pantry.

I go out my front door and glance at Rick's house quickly. Crap, I see his startled face staring at me from the kitchen window. I ignore him and run down the steps swiftly and jog down the street. Hopefully his hands are full with Judy so he can't follow immediately. Yeah, I know, paranoid, right? I just have a strong feeling in my gut that he'll be seeking me out very soon.

I reach the pantry shortly and glance around. Phew, no sign of him. I offer silent thanks to Judy for keeping him occupied.

I greet Olivia and exchange pleasantries. Soon more women come, including Rachel who cut my hair yesterday. I greet her and thank her again for the great haircut. She inspects it and decides it passes muster. Then, Anne comes up and asks Rachel what she thinks about this task for Hilltop, if it was worth the food that we got from them. My ears perk up as I listen.

Rachel replies, "It's a whole months worth of food, of course it was worth it."

Anne huffs, "Well, I don't know, the thought of them killing all those people at that satellite station just makes me feel nauseated when I look at this food."

Wait what? Satellite station? They killed people? My mind is starting to connect the dots and I'm not liking the picture it's drawing for me.

Rachel says, "And yet I still see you here lining up for some of that food, Anne."

Anne huffs, "Well, I just can't believe this is what we've come to. Killing people for food. And do you really think they got that Negan guy?..." I can no longer hear Anne as my mind fills in the last dot. And the picture is of Negan. OMG, what have they done?!

I don't even say goodbye. I take off running for home. We've gotta get out of here!

As I near my house, I run past Glenn & Maggie who are walking down the sidewalk. Glenn asks, "Hey Sandi, where's the fire?" I ignore them. Rick is walking toward me with determination and I try to run past him. Michonne is just behind him. Rick grabs me, pulling me to a stop. "Hey, where are you going? We still need to talk and you can't avoid me forever." Then he eyes my new haircut. "What'd you do to your hair?"

I glare at him so fiercely he's taken aback and his grip on me loosens. I yank my wrist out of his grasp and yell, "No! No talking. It's past the time for talking. Do you have any idea what you've done?!"

Rick, Michonne, Glenn and Maggie all just stare at me, trying to figure out why I'm yelling. "I gotta get my kids outta here!" I exclaim, running up my steps. Unfortunately, they all follow me.

As I run into the house I see the kids eating breakfast in the kitchen. Jordan looks up, "Hey Mom, look at..." I cut him off as Rick and company run in behind me. "No time for that now buddy, everybody go pack!"

"Pack?!" Rick exclaims. "You committed to try this community for at least a week!"

I glare at him again. "Well, that was before you poked the damn bear, wasn't it?" I say sarcastically. I look at my kids. "These idiots just killed everyone at one of Negan's outposts." My kid's faces pale as my words sink in. Rick asks, "How do you know about Negan?!" Kayla looks at him. "Negan killed Dad," she says faintly. The kids all look at me and then run upstairs to do as I asked. They understand the gravity of the news.

Rick speaks up. "Don't worry, we killed Negan too. He isn't a threat to anyone anymore. I'm sorry he killed your husband."

I roll my eyes at him. "You killed him, did you? And how do you know it was him? Was he carrying a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire? I doubt it. Oooh, let me guess. Did he say to you, 'I am Negan'? Is that how you're so sure it was him?"

They all look dazed. Rick replies slowly, "No, no baseball bat. But he did say he was Negan in exactly the way you did just then."

I sigh. They are so stupid. Didn't they do any reconnaissance at all?

"Negan always carries that bat with him. It's what he uses to beat people's heads with to gain compliance from the communities he leeches off of. All of his hundreds of people are trained to say 'I am Negan' when asked where he is. It throws people off, you see. They believe they have killed the head of their enemy, when in reality they've just set up their own doom. Negan has multiple outposts, not to mention his main base. I would have told you all this if I'd had even an  _ inkling _ this was your plan. He's coming for you. He will kill some of you and make the rest work for him like he's done with other communities. He will own you. We all have to get out of here." They look stunned at the information I just gave them. They stand there processing. I turn and head for the stairs to help the kids pack up. The sooner we are out of here the better.

Rick grabs my arm. Man that is getting so old!

"How do you know all this?" he asks. I reply, "That outpost we were at, the one that grew food? That was one of Negan's outposts. Even though the lady running it was kind and we had it good, we found out too late just who we were owned by for staying there." I pull my arm free and walk upstairs to help the kids.

Surprisingly, they don't follow. I get 15 minutes of uninterrupted packing time. That's about all I need these days, we still travel light. I have everything gathered up that matters and am ready to load up when Maggie calls my name from the door. I knew it couldn't last.

"Sandi. I know you're in a hurry to get out of here, but could you please come talk to us and tell us more about Negan?" she asks. "We need to understand better the threat we're up against. I promise, there is no way they could know it was us even if we didn't kill Negan. We took precautions. I know you think we're idiots, but we truly did take every step we could to make sure this wouldn't come back on Alexandria." I stand there holding my backpack. "Please," she says. My shoulders slump. As much as I want to get out of here and get my kids to safety, I think of all the people here that will die if they aren't made to understand the repercussions of their act. Tobin, Rachel, Olivia, oh geez, Judith and Carl. Maybe I can convince them to leave, to be long gone before Negan figures out who took out his outpost. Because he will figure it out.

I turn around and tell Maggie, "I will outline it quickly and then we are gone." Maggie says, "Agreed." I tell the kids to finish up and I'll be back after explaining some things about Negan. I follow Maggie down the stairs to find a larger crowd of people in my living room now. Abraham, Daryl, Sasha, Rosita, Father Gabriel, Morgan, Carol, Tobin, Eugene and several more are gathered there. Standing room only. I look helplessly at them all, I don't even know how to start.

Rick sees my look of distress. "It's kind of crowded in here. Would you mind if we relocated to the church where there is more room?" he asks me tentatively. Huh, now he seems worried about offending me. "Sure, that makes sense," I reply. I call up to the kids letting them know where I'll be. We start to file out of my house and walk to the church. Rick falls into place beside me. "I'm sorry," he says. I glance at him. Which thing is he sorry for? Sorry he didn't include me or sorry he was caught? He continues, "I should have included you in the community discussion about this. You had valuable information for us."

"You should have," I reply. "And not just for the information. Why didn't you? You didn't trust us yet?"

He lets out a deep breath. "No, it wasn't that. It was just...I wanted you to stay." I look at him questioningly. I ask, "How does withholding vital information that could affect my life, my kids' lives help convince me to stay?"

"I wasn't thinking of it that way. I was thinking of how you'd judge us for killing people in order for us to survive. I was afraid you'd judge us harshly and leave. I was convinced that what we did was the right decision, but I didn't want you to see me as a killer just yet." I digest that. I suppose I understand what he's saying, particularly since he seems to want some kind of relationship with me. "I think I get an idea of where you were coming from," I reply. "But that's old world thinking. You can't gain anyone's trust anymore by withholding important information, especially in a community that works and lives together to keep each other alive." I shrug, "We're all killers now. There is nothing to judge someone on for that. And if you aren't doing the killing, then someone is doing it for you. We're all complicit. If you don't kill, you die in this world." He looks at me in shock that I would have that perspective. Did he think I was some naïve kid who thought this world was all sunshine and flowers? Luckily we arrive at the church, I can't take any more of this one on one conversation. It makes my heart hurt that he didn't trust me, even hearing his explanation. And it shouldn't, why should what he thinks make a difference to me? I've known him less than a week. That's nothing. He should be nothing to me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Sandi knew something was going on, right? Had you guessed she's already met Negan before? Will she forgive Rick for withholding information from her? Or will she even be around long enough to forgive him? She seems pretty determined to get her kids out of Alexandria now that she knows what they did.  After all, he’s nothing to her. Right?
> 
> If you liked this chapter please consider commenting!


	10. Family History

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters.  Trigger warnings for this chapter--mentions of attempted rape._ **

In the church I head to the front as others take their seats.  I look at everyone, at a loss of where to start.

Carol notices and asks, “When did you first meet Negan?”  

“It was after we’d been at the farming outpost a few months.  I mentioned before that we were just resting and gathering our strength to try for home again.  The food was abundant and we had all we needed--more than we needed. I suppose amongst the workers there, we were fairly anonymous.  Until we decided to start putting aside food. I learned about canning growing up, my Mom always had a huge garden. Dave went out and found some canning supplies and I asked Jane if I could use the kitchen.  We didn’t take any more than we had been--we just didn’t eat all of it anymore. I began canning food so we could stock up for our trip. That was a mistake.”

“What happened?” Maggie asked.  

“We’d had visitors before, ones who came to pick up the food.  But I guess it was time for Negan to come inspect the place. One of his more hardened lieutenants showed up before him to make sure everything was set for Negan’s visit.  He found us in the kitchen canning and accused us of stealing food. Jane tried to tell him that we were just canning our own rations, but it didn’t matter. Soon he had Dave, the kids and I all lined out on our knees on the floor.  It seemed he was going to execute us.”

I hear Rachel gasp in shock.  I continue, “But that wasn’t unusual at the other outposts or the main base, from what I learned later.  We’d had a privileged life at the farming outpost. Maybe because they were so happy we grew food? Right before he was going to kill us, Negan strolled in.  He put a stop to it.”

“Wait, he saved you?” Rick asked.  “I thought you said he was a killer.”

“Well, he is,” I replied.  “But he kills strategically I guess you could say.  Usually. He weighs his options and takes out the people he doesn’t see a return on investment in.  In me, he saw an investment and was smart enough to recognize that if any of my family was killed I’d refuse to cooperate.”

Carol says, “He wanted to you can food for him.”

I nod.  “He did.  Before we knew it, we were in our van in a caravan back to the main base.  The Sanctuary--that’s what they call their base--used to be some kind of a factory.  He felt it would be a better place to set up a canning operation. I tried to convince him that canning is best when fresh from the garden and should be done at the farming outpost, but he wasn’t buying it.  I think he knew he didn’t have enough men there to keep us there and we’d manage to get away. So...we moved to the Sanctuary and I started up a canning operation. He gave me all the workers I wanted and basically anything else we needed.  We had all the points we could ever desire to obtain anything. He even guaranteed me and my family safety--that no one would ever raise a hand against us. He gave me his word, which surprisingly he does honor. Honestly, we didn’t have to work as hard as when we were scavenging to stay alive.  But, we didn’t have our freedom and I was worried about the kids. I knew it was only a matter of time before something would happen, and I was right.”

“What happened?” Glenn asked.

“That same hardened lieutenant who wanted to kill us before.  He was mad he was overruled and he kept watch over us like a hawk.  He was determined to find something, anything to give him reason to take us out.  He found me buying things for others with my points--which wasn’t actually against the rules--and he caught me alone and beat me pretty badly for it.”

“He beat you?!” Rick asks, seeming pretty upset.

I wave off his concern with my hand.  “It was a black eye, some hurt ribs, that kind of thing.  Nothing too serious. But I did take it up with Negan calling him out on his pretend protection and showed him just how much it was worth.  That’s when I learned he was serious. He took his trusted lieutenant and had him beaten and thrown in a cell for a week. I was amazed. But I should have been scared instead.”

Carol asks, “You made an enemy?”

“Exactly,” I reply.  “The lieutenant was determined to get revenge.  But he knew he had to be crafty about it, that he couldn’t come after me directly.  So he came up with a devious plan to go after my kids instead. Specifically Kayla.”  I take a deep breath to gather my thoughts. “He should have known better. We kept a close eye on our kids, even after the time we’d been there.  We were well-liked by the workers there because we were fair. Working in my kitchen was a coveted job even though it was hard work. Some workers came to Dave and told him that they saw Kayla get grabbed.  By the time we got there, he was attempting to rape her. Luckily he had knocked her around a bit, but hadn’t…” I trail off with my hand to my mouth. I take another breath and continue. “We got there in time, but something snapped in Dave and he was punching the guy over and over.  I don’t blame him, had I not had Kayla in my arms I probably would have joined in but...he should have known better. Right then Negan walked in. From his point of view he saw Dave trying to kill his lieutenant for no reason. He waded into the fray and…” I close my eyes. “He killed Dave with that damn bat to save that ass of a lieutenants life.”

The entire church was silent at that point.  Most stared at me in disbelief.

“When it was over he dared to walk over to me and tell me he didn’t have a choice, that Dave had brought it on himself.  That’s when I let him have it. He heard the whole story of how his lieutenant tried to rape my daughter and how Dave was protecting her, protecting his family.  Negan has very specific feelings about rape. He won’t tolerate it. He’ll bash people’s head’s in, but his people know they’ll die if they ever attempt rape. I told him that his promise to protect my family was worthless.  That even given his views on rape, my daughter almost fell victim to it while under his protection--by one of his own most trusted men. Then, when her father took steps to protect her, Negan took the rapists side. I told him my family wasn’t safe there, with him, and that we’d be better off outside with the walkers.  I should have known better than to scream at him and lay it out for him that way, but that actually bought the kids and I our freedom.”

“How so?” asked Daryl.

“After he beat his lieutenant to death in his frustration that attempted rape was involved, he came to me.  He had spoken to everyone around, all the witnesses, and verified what happened. He told me I was right and that he owed me a debt for failing to keep his promise to keep my daughter safe. For killing my husband without understanding what was actually happening.  He told me that if I truly believed we were better off out there with the walkers, that he wouldn’t stop me, that we could go. He even gave us a week's supplies first.”

I look out to see nothing but stunned faces staring back at me.

I continue.  “That’s why I have to get my family out of here before he finds you. He’ll think I led you to that outpost for revenge.  You all should get out too. He’ll kill some of you right off for this and the rest of you will wish you were dead, working for him.”

I leave them sitting there dazed by my story.  I walk out of the church and head back home to retrieve my kids and leave Alexandria.

I’m near home when I hear someone running up behind me.  I cringe, can’t they just leave me alone and let me leave in peace?  I’m already broken knowing that the home I thought I could give my kids is slipping from my grasp, just like every other time.  I turn and look. It’s Michonne and Daryl. Huh. I’m surprised it isn’t Rick to be honest, he generally doesn’t hold back his opinions or give me space.

 

They reach me and Michonne says, “I’m very sorry about your husband.  I understand why you want to leave. I do. But we left no trace, Negan isn’t coming anytime soon.  He doesn’t know where we are. Could you please stay long enough to give us some information on him?  His base, his outposts. Where they are located? Anything you could remember about setups and numbers would help us.  If he is truly what you say he is, we need to get ready to protect Alexandria and bring this coming war to him.” I look at her in disbelief.  

“So you want me to actually give you the information he’d kill me for giving?” I ask with shock in my voice.

Daryl speaks up.  “If he’s gonna think ya did it anyway, ya may as well be thorough.  Join us. Help us win this war.”

I arrive at the steps leading up to my home.  Michonne says, “I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know you and I regret that.  I’ve seen how close you’ve gotten to some members of the community very quickly though.  Rachel, Olivia, Carl, Judith...Rick.” I look at her in shock at Rick’s name. She’s really going to go there?  I respond, “Rick doesn’t trust me. He makes me uncomfortable and is an additional reason I need to leave.”

She starts backpedaling.  “If you stay, he’d have to be involved in the discussions, the transfer of information.  But he’ll keep his distance if that’s what you want.”

I just stare at her.  She continues, “But everyone in this community needs your help in order for us to stay alive.  Carl & Judith especially.”

Ugh.  She’s going to lay that guilt on me.  I suppose staying a couple days to give them some intel wouldn’t hurt.  As long as we’re gone before Negan gets here we should be OK and it might give them a chance.  I look back at them. “Let me talk to my kids and get their input. I’ll let you know.”

Michonne responds, “That’s all we ask, that you think it through and help us have a chance.”  I nod and head up the stairs to review their request with my family.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, this chapter is a bit heavier than the others.  Had to be done to get her backstory in there and explain how her husband was killed and how she knows how Negan will react to their assault on the satellite outpost.  They really should have asked her opinion before they attacked, shouldn’t they? She has intel they could really use. Do you think she’ll actually leave?
> 
> If you liked this chapter please consider commenting!


	11. Intel

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

After talking it through with the kids, it comes at no surprise to me that they want to help Alexandria.  They’ve all made friends here already and if there's a chance we can help give them an advantage so they survive, we decide it’s worth the risk.  We’ll still get out of here before Negan shows up, that’s the plan. I let Michonne and Daryl know our decision. They plan a war council for tomorrow morning in the garage at Rick’s house.  Daryl protests saying we need to get started right now, but Michonne overrules him. I am relieved. I need some time to adjust and think about this. I need to figure out what to tell them, what the Saviors biggest weaknesses are.  What would give Alexandria the biggest advantages. I go back into the house. The kids and I unpack some things, but I keep anything we don’t need right now in the backpacks ready to grab quickly.

We have lunch and then I take paper and pen and go out to sit on the porch.  This is a good thinking place. I try to tune out the world and start making lists and drawing pictures of what I remember.  I need to get this all out on paper and then I can organize and refine what I have left into something that makes sense. I work for a couple of hours when I hear someone walking on the sidewalk in front of me.  I look up and see Rick staring at me intently as he walks by. I look back down at my paper. He doesn’t make any move to come talk to me, continuing on to his house. Good. That’s what I wanted. Wasn’t it? I have a hollow feeling in my chest, but I push it down and get back to my work.

In about 15 minutes, Carl comes out with Judith on his hip.  Instead of walking past, he turns and heads up the stairs to me.  Judy dives for me as soon as she gets close enough. I drop my paperwork and catch her and give her hugs and kisses while looking inquiringly at Carl.  He looks hesitant. “Judy saw you out the window and really wanted to come see you,” he says. “I hope that was alright?”

I smile at him.  “Of course, you both are always welcome for a visit.”

“But not my Dad?” he asks.  Oh. Teens. I forget, they always go right for the jugular.

“Not right now,” I respond, trying to keep it casual and on an even keel.  “He withheld information from me that put my family at risk and I’m still angry with him about that.  He’s just a little too intense for me right now.”

“He really likes you, you know,” Carl says.  Again, teenagers. They have no filter. Ugh.

“Well, we really haven’t known each other that long,” I reply unspecifically.  “Right now, the only thing we need to concentrate on is the threat to this community.  That’s why I’m working on some information to help us.” I gesture to the discarded notes I dropped on the floor.

He looks down at them.  “Yeah, I get that. I just wanted to make sure you knew.”

Ha, how could I  _ not _ know?  I change the subject and gesture to the front door.  “The kids are all inside. I’m sure they’d be happy to see you,” I nudge.  “Judy can stay here with me for a bit. We have some catching up to do.”

He nods and goes inside.  I sit with Judy on my lap, letting her stand up and pat my cheeks.  

I see Rick come out of his house again and head down the sidewalk.  He pauses in front of my house but stays on the sidewalk

“I can take her if you want,” he calls out a little awkwardly.  “If she’s buggin you.”

“No, she’s fine,” I respond.  “We’re just catching up, aren’t we Judy?” I ask her as I bounce her on my knees.

“Ok, well let me know if you get tired of her,” he says, peering at me with those intense eyes.  “And…” he pauses, “Thank you. Thanks for agreeing to help us out with some information. I know you didn’t have to do that, especially after we kept you in the dark…” I interrupt him.  “You don’t have to thank me. I’m doing it for the community.” This is awkward.

I get up and walk to the door.  “I think Judy needs a drink. I’ll talk to you in the morning at the meeting.”  I walk inside, leaving him on the sidewalk. I feel bad as I see him through the window, standing there almost looking dejected.  But I harden my heart. I have to look out for my family and myself. Now’s not the time to start a relationship, especially with someone who isn’t truthful with me, even if it’s only by omission.  Actually, I can’t even imagine being with someone other than Dave. I close my eyes as a wave of grief goes through me. Immediately following is a wave of guilt for even considering for a moment that I could have a relationship with someone else.  One of the advantages of being on the road, always having to watch out for walkers, is the absence of time to think too much. It’s easier to push the grief down. I miss him so much. 

About an hour later, Maggie knocks on the door.  She says she is here to relieve me and take Judith.  I protest, “Oh no, Judith and I are doing great! She’s been helping me make dinner.”

Maggie laughs as she sees Judy sitting on the floor banging some pots and pans with a wooden spoon.

“Yes, I see she is hard at work,” she laughs.  “I really can take her though. I heard you were working on your information and sketches and got interrupted.  We’d like to free you up so you can work on them again.”

“You heard, huh?” I query.  “And who could have told you that, I wonder.”

She smiles.  “Not sure, it just came through the grapevine.”

I snort.  “Yeah,” I reply.  “Sure it did.” I know full well that Rick sent her.  Well, at least he’s keeping his distance. “How are you feeling?” I ask.  Maggie had brought me up to speed the other day. She and Glenn were expecting a baby.

“Good, most of the time,” she replies.  “I’m sure I’ll bug all you experienced Mom’s with a million questions as I progress though.”

I smile.  “Well, I’m happy to help with whatever I can.”  We visit for a few more minutes and then she leaves, taking Judy with her.  I finish up dinner and call the kids down.

 

After dinner, the kids find an old movie to watch.  I go back to my paperwork from earlier today so I’m ready tomorrow morning.  I go back out to the porch on my swing to finish up. I review, revise and make sketches.  I look them over and consolidate and do it again. As it starts to get dark, I think I’ve got it where I want it finally.  I feel ready for tomorrow now and I’m getting the inkling of a plan that just might work. I go back inside and find the kids have all gone to bed already.  I’m suddenly exhausted as I realize just how long this day has been. Not just length, but an emotional rollercoaster. It was just this morning that I went to the pantry to find out what was happening.

 

In the morning, I wake up feeling much more refreshed.  I lay there in bed, mentally reviewing my documentation for yesterday and the beginnings of a plan in my mind.  By the time I get up, I have fleshed it out a bit more. I grab my hot chocolate and sit on the swing on my porch in my t-shirt and shorts and watch the sun come up.  Not long after, I see Rick step out of his house, ready for his rounds. I decide now is a good time to get ready and slip back inside, feeling his gaze on my back.

 

Later, I wait to see Maggie and Glenn headed over to the meeting and join them.  Soon Rick’s garage is filled with what I guess is our planning committee. Michonne, Abraham, Daryl, Sasha, Father Gabriel, Morgan, Eugene, Aaron and Rosita are all there.  Rick comes in last and motions to me. “We’ll let Sandi lead us through her information the way she wants. We’ll listen and when she’s done then we can ask questions.” He turns to me, “Does that work?”

I nod.  “Sure, that works.”  

Daryl speaks up, “Where is Carol?”  Rick replies, “Not sure. When she comes we’ll catch her up.”

 

I start reviewing my notes with them, the location of the Sanctuary, the chemical plant outpost, the Shepard office plaza outpost, the satellite outpost that they already know about--although I point out that it will be re-staffed by now, so we’ll need to see what changes they’ve made.  Then I go over everything I remember about the inside of the places. Exits, hallways, armories. Last, I start talking about every lookout post I know of. A platform in a tree, the 3000 block of Reyes St., Paze Industrial Research on Burke Rd and an overgrown road house on Austin. I go over the numbers of people at each outpost, main base and lookout posts.  I tell them about the workers that are rather mistreated and are just there to stay alive. I let them know that they don’t really have loyalty to Negan and would leave if they could and had an alternative to stay alive in this world. That there’s a chance we could recruit them to our side if they were sure Negan wouldn’t be back to punish them. They just want to live.

After I finish reviewing all the facts, diagrams and numbers I have I ask, “Any questions?”

Daryl immediately speaks up.  “What ‘bout that farmin’ outpost you were at?”

I clear my throat.  “They have a few guards, but they aren’t a threat.”

“We take out their food source, we take them out for sure,” Daryl says.

“No, no deal.  Those are decent people, good people.  Most don’t have any idea who Negan is or what he does.  They don’t deserve to be punished for that!” I declare.

Rick has been watching our exchange.  He puts a hand on Daryl’s shoulder, “We can work with this.  We’ll reevaluate later to see if we need to go there when we come up with a plan.”

I respond, “I won’t give you any information on them if you’re going to kill them.  They’re innocent. That goes for the workers at the Sanctuary as well, we need them.  If they all turn on us we just don’t have the numbers to defend from them.”

Rick eyes me.  “Sandi, I just don’t know if we can save them all and still take out the Saviours and Negan without exposing our people to a very high risk.”

I say, “Well, I actually have a few ideas about how to do that.  But it would take more than just Alexandria. It would take several communities working together to make this work.  I think we’d have the numbers if we can swing that.”

“Well, we may be able to talk the Hilltop into it if we can get Jesus on board,” Rick mused.  “But that still wouldn’t bring our numbers up enough.”

I smile mysteriously.  “The Hilltop isn’t the only community out there with a grudge against Negan,” I state.  “In fact, I can think of two others. Maybe three.”

They all stare at me in amazement at my revelation.  Just then the door to the garage opens and Tobin rushes in holding a note.  He rushes up to Rick and silently hands the note to him. Rick reads it and then looks up at Tobin.  “What time did she leave? Do you know what she took?”

Tobin responds, “Sometime in the night.  I never heard her go, but she made a bunch of food, you know.  She took her pack, one of my coats.” 

“Did she leave on foot?” Rick asks.  Tobin shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“What’s going on?” Daryl demands.

“Carol’s gone,” Tobin replies.  “She says she can’t anymore, that she’ll just have to kill again if she stays.”

“What?!” Daryl yells.  He runs out of the garage.  Several others run after him.  Morgan asks, “Can I see that?” Rick hands him the note and pauses and turns to me.  “I’m sorry. We’ll have to come back to this later. We need to find her.”

I put my hand on his arm.  “Go,” I say. “Bring her back.”  He stares into my eyes for a moment longer before nodding and then turns and runs out of the garage.  Morgan follows him.

That leaves just Michonne, Sasha, Father Gabriel, Eugene & Maggie.  I ask them, “Is there anything else that has happened around here that I should know about?  Anything else I’ve been kept in the dark about that could affect our plans?”

They quickly tell me about Daryl’s encounter with 3 people they suspect were saviors after finding Daryl’s bike they stole at the Satellite outpost later.  Then about Abraham, Daryl & Sasha’s encounter on the road with a group and taking them out very dramatically. I digest this news. So they had been getting closer this whole time but hadn’t yet found them.  This was good news, we just need to keep it up a little longer.

After dark, Rick returns with everyone but Morgan.  I had been hovering at the gates with everyone else, worried about Carol and the ones searching for her.  Trying to tell myself I’m not worried about a certain intense man. As the weary people came in the gate I ask, “Did you find her?”

Rick’s tired eyes turn to me.  “No. We found her trail though.  She’d fought off 4 saviors on the road, taken them out.  We followed her trail through a field to a barn, but didn’t find her.  Morgan is continuing the search without us, we knew we had to get home and help protect this place with saviors on the roads.”  

Oh no, they’re getting even closer, I think to myself.  Wait. Carol took out 4 saviors by herself? I smile. Den Mother my ass.  Just then Edith comes running up looking frantic. “Maggie’s in really bad pain, I think she may be losing the baby!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sandi just couldn’t leave without giving them intel that could help them.  Can she stay mad at Rick? She was holding him at a distance and made it very clear she didn’t want him around, even when Carl called her out on it. It seems she was actually considering something with him as well before he screwed it up. She did seem to comfort him and voluntarily touched him when Carol went missing though, so we’ll have to see if she sticks to her guns.  Poor Rick.


	12. Emergency Run

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

Everyone runs to Maggie’s house and Glenn, Rick, Michonne and I run in to find her in agony on the kitchen floor.  Michonne & I get her up and into her bed so she’s ready when Denise comes rushing in to examine her. All of us but Glenn leave the room.  We are all pacing in the living room when Denise comes back out. We look to her for answers.

“How’s she doing?” I ask.

“Not good,” she replies.  “I can’t determine what is actually happening, but it’s not good.”

“Can you help her?” asks Rick.

Denise looks frustrated and finally exclaims, “I’m a psychiatrist, not an obstetrician!  I have no idea what’s going on. It could be the beginning of a miscarriage. It could be placenta previa.  There are a million other things it could be, but we need an ultrasound to look inside and see.”

I look at Rick and Michonne.  “Maggie showed me an ultrasound picture.  Wasn’t there an OB at the Hilltop? With an ultrasound machine?”

Rick looks thoughtful.  “Yes. Yes, there was. You’re right, we need to get her to the Hilltop.”  He looks at Michonne, “We need to get the RV ready and head out.”

Michonne cautions him, “Rick it’s dark.  We’d be sitting ducks if we try to drive to the Hilltop in the dark.”

Denise says, “I agree.  There would be too much jostling for her as well--you won’t be able to see where you are going and all those bumps may make her worse.”

Rick huffs a breath out.  “I know you’re right, but can she last the night?”

Denise says, “I can keep her comfortable through the night as long as it isn’t a miscarriage.  If it is, well, the Hilltop can’t help her any more than I can.”

Rick ponders this.  “OK, we leave first thing in the morning then.  I’ll go get the RV ready.”

“No,” I say.  They all look at me surprised.  “You can’t take the RV. In fact none of you can go.”

Rick looks offended.  “It’s not your call. We aren’t just going to sit here and watch Maggie or her child die when we can get her help.”

“And I don’t expect you to,” I say.  “But I do expect you to listen to what I have to say.  You said Carol killed 4 of Negan’s men out there. That means he’s got people out there combing the roads for the ones who killed his people.  You go out there now, in an RV with a bunch of people, he’s going to find you. It’s a good distance to the Hilltop.”

Rick eyes me, “We still have to do it though.  Even with the risk, we have to save her!”

I reply, “I think we can save her  _ and _ get her to the Hilltop without creating such a big target.  We have to be smart about this. Giving you all the data I have on Negan isn’t going to do you any good if you just die on the way to Hilltop tomorrow,” I say passionately while my eyes clash with his.

Michonne looks interested and asks, “How can we get her there without Negan knowing or making ourselves a target.”

“I’ll take her,” I say.  “I’ll use my van. If Negan stops us, who cares?  He already knows about me and when he set us free he gave strict orders to his men that I’m off limits.  He made enough of an impression that none of them will question me even if they find me out there. It’s the only reason I was able to stay in the area until we’re supplied for the trip home.  He guaranteed my safety on pain of death and made sure all of his people knew it.”

Rick looks at me in disbelief.  “You want to take her alone?!”

“Well…not alone, exactly,” I reply.  “My kids and I will take her.”

“You’d put yourself  _ and _ your kids at risk out there?!” Rick almost yells.  I look at Michonne. She isn’t upset like Rick and seems to just be weighing the possibilities.

“They wouldn’t be at risk,” I reply calmly, realizing I need to tone it down.  “Right now, they’d actually be safer out there than here. If Negan finds you and the kids are here then they are dead because he’ll think we gave info on him to you that led to the satellite station being attacked.  But out there, Negan’s people know me. They know that my kids are never far and would expect to see them with me. They’d be suspicious if they weren’t there. Actually, we’d be at much less risk than you would be if you go out there.”

“It makes sense,” Michonne says.  Rick looks at her in disbelief. “You aren’t actually considering this insane idea?!”

Michonne replies, “I am.  I think you should too. It’s a good idea and she’s a good strategist.  She’s using the tools she has to keep everyone safe.”

Rick shakes his head, muttering to himself as Daryl comes in the front door.  Shortly after, Glenn comes out saying that Maggie finally fell asleep.

Glenn says, “We’ve got to get her to the Hilltop.”

Michonne replies, “Sandi has a good plan to get her there.”  Daryl and Glenn both look at me inquiringly. I recap my plan.  Glenn looks frustrated. Daryl says, “But no one here could go with?  Not even Glenn?”

I shake my head.  “No, I’m sorry. I could explain finding a female friend along the way that needs help so I’m taking her to a Dr. at Hilltop.  But after what happened at the Sanctuary with my husband and Kayla...well, I don’t think they’d buy me letting any man near my kids.  I don’t think we can risk taking anyone else but Maggie.”

We all look at Glenn.  He looks conflicted. He shakes his head.  “I’m not going to say I like it, but I can see it’s the smart choice.”

Rick growls, “I don’t like it at all.  It’s too risky for Sandi’s family. There’s got to be a better way.”

Daryl responds, “I know you don’ like it Rick, but she’s right.  It’s Maggie’s best shot that don’ risk everyone else. I think we gotta do it, man.”  Everyone looks at Glenn. He says, “Yeah, let’s do it.”

“I’ll have everything ready.  We leave at first light,” I say.  Rick gives me a look. I can tell he’s holding a lot back that he wants to say.  He nods at us all and walks out the door with Daryl. I begin to head for home as well when Michonne touches my shoulder.  “You have to understand,” she says, “he doesn’t doubt your abilities, it’s that he’s protective of you. It’s killing him to put you and your family in danger when he feels he should be the one taking the risks.”  I nod at her, acknowledging what she is saying and head home.

The next morning I am up early.  Everything is ready, the kids are more than willing to help Maggie, all we have to do is wait for the sun.  I take my hot chocolate out to the swing on the front porch again. It isn’t long before I hear footsteps. I look up to see Rick approaching.  He doesn’t look like he’s slept much. He hesitantly motions to the other side of the swing. “May I?” he asks. I nod, giving him permission hoping he isn’t here to argue with me about taking Maggie to the Hilltop.

He sits down and clears his throat, leaning his elbows on his knees and staring at his hands.  “I just wanted to talk to you before you left. I know I’m not your favorite person right now and I understand that.  I promised Michonne the other day that I’d keep my distance so you’d help us, and I’ve done my best but I just wanted to explain something to you before you leave.

I trust you.  I do. You are one of the most capable people I’ve met since this all started.  I wouldn’t hesitate to put my life in your hands. I made a mistake by not telling you about what we were going to do.  I told you that I didn’t want you to see me as a killer, but that was selfish. You deserved to know what was going on, both as a member of the community and as someone I’m beginning to care about very much.  You not only have valuable insights, but strategically you can see opportunities the rest of us can’t. I didn’t mean to diminish your part in this community, I suppose I let those caveman instincts take control.  It seems that’s the world we’ve regressed to sometimes.”

He takes a deep breath and then continues, “I had the urge to protect you from everything, even from the truth about me and what I’ve done, what I’m capable of.  I’m not a good man anymore, I’ve accepted that about myself. But, I didn’t want you to have to know it. I was selfish and wanted a chance for you to get to know all the other parts of me before you had to know that.  But, again, you surprised me. You already accepted that about me, about yourself, about everyone. You already knew. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to show me that you already know how it is.”

He looks up from his hands, cocks his head to the side and looks me in the eyes.  “I’ve been thinking about your trip to the Hilltop all night. I don’t want you to do it.  I know you say it’s safe for you, but all the what-if’s have been going through my mind. Logically, I know it’s a good plan, a great plan.  But emotionally I want to tie you up and keep you from going.” I roll my eyes at this.

He huffs out a laugh.  “Yeah, I know what I’d get if I tried to do that.  I also know you already know how to protect yourself, how to be careful.  But I’m going to ask you to be extra careful nonetheless. You and your kids are important to me.  I don’t understand how you became so important to me so quickly, but there it is. You promise me you’ll be OK.  That you’ll come back.” He stares deep into my eyes. I look down to break the contact and say softly, “I promise.”  My mind is spinning at all he had to say. I’m not sure how to react to it all, but I can make that promise. I’m always careful, but some extra caution today wouldn’t hurt.

He takes a deep breath.  “Ok. Thanks.” He gestures to where the faintest light is coming over the horizon.  “I guess it’s time to do this then.” Just then the front door opens and Annie pokes her head out.  “Mom, the sun’s starting to come up. Are we going now?”

I take a breath and stand up.  “Yes, time to go. Tell Kayla, Kira and Jordan it’s time, OK?  The van is in front of Maggie’s house, meet me there.”

Annie steps out the rest of the way, followed by the other three.  Annie grins. “We’re already ready.”

“Alright,” I say.  “Let’s get loaded up then.”  They all have their backpacks on and Kayla hands me mine.  Rick reaches out and grabs it as I’m about to. “I’ve got it,” he says.  OK, I guess it gives him something to do, right? We head down the stairs to where the van is parked in front of Glenn and Maggie’s house.  I open the back of the van just as the door opens from the house and Glenn appears carrying Maggie down the stairs as Denise follows. The kids load all the packs into the back, followed by the one Rick is carrying for me and one for Maggie that Denise adds.  I motion to Glenn to bring Maggie to the passenger door of the van and open it so he can get her settled inside. The kids pile into the back while Denise gives me some last minute instructions of how to care for Maggie on the trip. Glenn kisses her goodbye and Rick wishes her luck and shuts her door.  I’m left looking at them and all the others that have gathered. Michonne, Abraham, Sasha, Tobin, Aaron, Eric, Father Gabriel, Eugene, Daryl and Carl have all gathered to wish us luck. They wave at Maggie and wish her well while I walk around to the driver’s side of the car. Rick walks up and opens my door.  I look at everyone and say, “It’ll work.”

Michonne responds, “It will.  It’s a good plan.”

Daryl adds, “You get ‘er there.”  

I say, “I will.  Better get going.  The sooner we leave, the sooner we’ll get there and figure out what’s going on.  I don’t know how long it’ll take. I’ll try to get back by tomorrow night to give you some news, but if I don’t make it, don’t go out there,” I caution.  “Don’t go out for supply runs, don’t go out for anything until I get back. Depending on what happens, it may take some time, but I’ll get word to you somehow.  It won’t necessarily mean that something bad has happened if I don’t make it on time. Don’t get caught because you get impatient waiting.” I look at Rick, who's still holding my car door, while I say this.  

He nods.  “We’ll be patient.  We’ll give you a few days to get back before we start worrying.”  Carl comes up and gives me a hug. He says, “Stay safe and come home.”  He backs up and then Rick rounds the door and bends his head to whisper into my ear, “Don’t forget your promise.”  I nod. “I won’t,” I reply. “And Rick? You  _ are _ a good man,” I whisper back.  I can’t leave letting him think he’s bad man.  He’s not, far from it. I feel a small shudder go through him as I say this.  He then places a small kiss on my temple and backs away. “Be safe,” he says. I nod and get into the van with my emotions reeling.  How can one small kiss feel so meaningful? He shuts the door and I start the van and wave. I drive to the gate where it’s opened so we can pull out.  I look in my rearview mirror as I drive away. Rick, Carl and the others are all standing there watching us go. 

Hilltop or bust.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, this isn't the way it happens in the show.  I'm taking some liberties here and changing some things up, hopefully in a way that you'll like!  
> 
> This chapter shows the complicated relationship Rick and Sandi have.  She says she wants nothing to do with him, but yet she listens and has to reassure him that he’s still a good man.  She just can’t seem to pull completely away. He can’t seem to truly keep his distance. What comes next as she gets Maggie to the Hilltop?  Do you think she’s really safe from Negan’s men, or is she just kidding herself?


	13. Getting There

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

We’ve been driving about an hour now.  The kids have quieted down in the back and settled in for the drive--a couple of them have fallen asleep.  I look over at Maggie. “How are you doing so far?” I ask. “Denise sent some painkillers if you need some more.”

She turns her head and smiles at me.  “It’s calmed down a lot since last night and hasn’t been too bad so far today.  I’m OK, no need to stop.”

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“Yes, absolutely.  In fact, I’m starting to think I started a panic for nothing,” she replies.

I scoff.  “Oh, I was there last night.  That was no false alarm, you were in some serious pain!”

She replies, “Well, yeah, last night I thought I was going to die.  This morning not as much, there is still pain, but it’s tolerable.”

I remark, “Well, there shouldn’t be any pain at all, so we still need to figure out what’s up and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Maggie says, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.  Also, thank you for talking them out of taking the whole damn calvary out.  For getting them to see they shouldn’t be out here right now. I can’t have them sacrificing everything for me.”

I say, “Well, luckily we had an alternative that would get you there without putting everyone else at risk.  I guess we’ll find out if we run into anyone on the way.”

We drive in silence for a few more minutes when I see something in the road ahead.  Roadblock. Crud, I was hoping we could make it all the way there without a confrontation.  Then I see who’s manning the roadblock. Simon. Great.

I look at Maggie.  “Hey, see that?” I motion to the roadblock ahead.  “Yeah,” she replies. “I see it.”

“I need you to be very, very sick right now.  Almost non-responsive, OK?” I say. I look in the rear view mirror at the kid. “Kids, you look like you’re sleeping.  Don’t respond to him, you hear me? Let me do the talking.”

Maggie shifts back to the position she was in and puts a pained expression on her face.  I’m convinced. The kids all slump down and appear to be sleeping. I pull the van up and stop in front of Simon.  He wastes no time coming over to the drivers side and I roll the window down.

“Well, well, well,” he says.  “If it isn’t my old friend Sandi and her kids.  How the hell have ya been?” I just stare at him.  “Simon,” I say. I look at the roadblock ahead. “What’s all this?”

“Well, this is just a little welcome party we’re arranging for some friends.  They’ll be along sooner or later. You haven’t seen others on the roads have ya?”

“Nope,” I reply.  “It’s very quiet out there.”  He then notices Maggie. “Woah, that’s not one of the kids.  Who’s your friend?” 

I say, “We met her a few weeks ago.  She helped us fight off the dead, but got hurt in a fall as we were running.  I think it’s internal. I’m getting her to the Dr. at Hilltop to get her checked out.  Least I can do when she was saving one of my kids when she fell.” I stare evenly at him, hoping he’ll buy it.

“Damn,” Simon replies.  “I always wonder why people help others.  It could end up being their last day doing that shit.”  I give him a look, but he continues. “No, think about it.  What if it’s the last day on Earth for  _ you _ ?  Maybe you should be extra nice to those people in that van, cause you never know...just like that.  Be kind to each other. Like it was your last day on Earth.”

OK, I’m done with his crap.  “You got something to say, Simon?  You got plans for this to be my last day?  You planning on going against Negan?” I challenge him.  I see the saviors behind him shuffling about nervously. They know Negan’s orders when it comes to me, and it’s not to hassle me.  Maggie lets out a small moan then. I motion to her, “She’s hurt Simon. Whether you agree with Negan’s ruling or not, I’m to have free passage.  You aren’t to touch me. I suggest you make a path so I can get her to the Dr.”

I stare him down, watching for any sign he’s going to attack.  One of the saviors speaks up, “Come on Simon, we can move that car pretty easy for her.  We don’t want to piss off Negan.”

I can see the rage in Simon’s eyes before he turns away from me to address the savior.  “Oh no, never wanna piss of Negan, right? That’s not the plan.” He pauses and I can see him taking a deep breathe.  “Alright move the car back and let her through.” He looks back at me. “It’s your lucky day Sandi, looks like you get to live another day after all.  We have bigger fish to fry tonight.” I glare at him, but pull forward as the car is pushed back. Soon we are through and they disappear in my rear view mirror.  

I let out a sigh of relief and the whole car begins to come alive again.  The kids are stretching in the back as Maggie looks at me and says, “I have a feeling that was a whole lot closer than it should have been.”

I shrug my shoulders, “Simon was the worst one we could have come across, he’s a bit of a loose cannon.   But still, it worked!” I grin at her. 

She laughs as she adjusts in her chair.  “Yeah, well, I don’t think I’ll tell them what a close call that actually was.”

“Good choice,” I reply.  I look at her and we both burst out laughing in relief.

 

Soon we pull up to the gates of Hilltop.  We made it, thank goodness. I get out and ask for Jesus.  The guards don’t really know me and are on edge. Finally Jesus comes out.  “Sandi, what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be on the roads, the saviors are out in force today.  I don’t understand where they all came from, we took out their base!”

“I know,” I reply.  “We had to get through a roadblock to get here.  But Maggie is in trouble and needs the Dr. pretty badly.  After that we need to have a talk about the task you asked Alexandria to take on.”

He has them open the gate and we drive in.  Jesus helps me get Maggie up with her arms over our shoulders so we can get her to Dr. Carson.  The kids ask if they can look around and Jesus tells them it’s fine and looks at me and says, “I’m going to want details about what’s happening and how you got through that roadblock once we get her to the Dr.”

I nod in acknowledgement and we support her into the Dr.’s office.

After we get her settled with Dr. Carson, Jesus and I take a walk around the Hilltop as he gives me a tour and we talk.  I explain to him all that has happened since they took out the satellite outpost. I also explain how I know Negan and the circumstances of my release from his service.  I update him on the savior’s home base, the Sanctuary and all of their outposts and why I was the only one that could bring Maggie. I let him know just how much he didn’t know about the saviors operation.

Once I finish talking he takes a deep breathe.  “Damn. I thought I knew what I was sending them into.”

I huff out a breath, “Well, you obviously needed to do more reconnaissance.  You’ve put Alexandria into a very bad position now, you know. If the saviors find them, they’ll start killing them.  They may not stop with just one after this.”

He rubs his chin.  “I know. I don’t know what to do about it though.”

I stare at him.  “I know exactly what you’re going to do.  You’re going to rally your people and you’re going to help us take out the saviors once and for all.”

He stares at me in shock.  “There is no way Gregory will allow that!”

I stare back at him.  “You started this. Now you are going to help us finish it,” I declare.  He starts to say something and I cut him off. “I don’t care if Gregory will sanction it.  In fact, the less he knows, the better. He’s squarely under their thumb, you know. You pulled Alexandria into this and you are going to help end this.  Or I’ll tell Negan myself that the Hilltop are the ones that ordered the satellite station be taken out.” 

The shock is reflected on his face.  “You can’t do that! There are innocent people here who…”  I cut him off. “Innocent people? Just like the innocent people at Alexandria?  The ones you put at risk because you couldn’t do all the damn research you should have done before sending them in there?!” I demand, outrage in my voice.

“Rick and his people are adults.  They knew the risk…” 

“The risks that you told them about.  Based on your intel. Wrong intel, by the way.”

He finally quiets down.  “I know we’re responsible for this.  But, how can we help. We aren’t really fighters or we would have fought them off already.”

I eye the blacksmith who is working, hammering on some metal.  Hmmm. I tuck that away to add into my plans.

“If we work together we’ll have strength in numbers,” I state.

Jesus replies, “Even with Hilltop and Alexandria together, we won’t have enough numbers.”

I turn to look at him.  “I think it’s time to pay a visit to the King.”

He stares at me in disbelief which begins to transform to understanding.  “You want to rally all the communities.”

“I do,” I reply.  “It’s the only way.  We have to stand together.  You up for a road trip?”

He smiles.  “I suppose you have a plan for getting past the saviors roadblocks then?”

I grin.  “The roadblocks aren’t for us, remember?  They’re out there chasing a phantom, they don’t even know who they’re looking for.”

 

I stop by where the kids are talking to some Hilltop kids and let them know we’ll be leaving soon.  Then I go to Dr. Carson’s office to see Maggie. She is in a bed when I walk in.

“Hey, how are you feeling?  Any updates or an idea what was happening?” I query, looking at Dr. Carson.

“I’m still trying to rule some things out.  I’m a little worried about placenta previa but haven’t been able to get a good enough look yet to see if that is it or not,” Dr. Carson says.  “I’m going to need her to stay here on bedrest for a while though, no quick return home today,” he looks at me suspiciously.

I raise my hands up and say, “Hey, no disagreement here.  I was actually going to suggest she stay here under your supervision for a bit if you didn’t know what was happening.”

“Good,” he says and turns away back to a reference book he was looking things up in.

Maggie says, “You’re leaving then?”  She says it without inflection in her voice, but I can tell she’s not happy with the idea.

“Just for a bit,” I reply.  I look at Dr. Carson to verify he is involved in his book and not paying attention to us now that he’s verified I’m not threatening to take his patient.  “I’m going to take Jesus with me, touch base with another community we know of. See if they would join us against the saviors,” I whisper. 

Maggie looks surprised.  “Us?” She questions. “I thought you were just giving us intel and then leaving?”

I look away.  “I have a few ideas.  I want to test them out and at least give you all a plan and a fighting chance before I leave.”

Maggie chuckles.  “Sandi Jones, I can see right through you.  You don’t want to leave. You like us and you want to stay so you’re working on a way to make that happen!  You even like Rick more than you let on.”

I look at her in shock.  “No, that’s not it!” I insist.  “I mean, of course I like you all, you welcomed me and the kids and have become my friends.  I just don’t want you to become victims of the saviors, that’s all.”

I take a breath and then continue, “Maggie, I’m going to talk to this other community, maybe one other.  Then if I’m lucky, I’ll get their leaders to Alexandria by tomorrow so I can update everyone on how you’re doing.  Rick and company can meet with the other community leaders and do their thing. But then, I’m going to bring Glenn here.  I know this is hard and you miss him, but I’m going to try and get him here for you, OK? Just hang on and do whatever Dr. Carson tells you to and he’ll be here soon.”

Maggie looks at me with wide eyes.  “How?” she asks. “With all the saviors out there, how will you get him here?”

I pat her arm.  “Just trust me and leave it to me.  I’ve gotten us this far, haven’t I?”

She smiles.  “You have. Thank you Sandi, if you get Glenn here I’ll be forever grateful.”

“Just get well, that’s all I ask,” I say as I give her a hug and get up to leave.  On to the next task.

 

Jesus, the kids and I load up.  Jesus asks, “Want me to hide in the back for the roadblocks?”

“Nah,” I respond.  “I got it covered,” I say with a smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m changing some things up from how it played out in the show.  Sandi got Maggie there, but it wasn’t quite as easy as she told Rick it would be.  What do you think of her slip when she said ‘us?’ Do you think Maggie is right and she’s trying to pave the way so she can stay in Alexandria?  Does she already consider it her home? Is she right about Sandi liking Rick more than she’ll admit?


	14. Rallying the Troops

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

We pull out of the Hilltop and once we reach the interchange I take a right.  Jesus gives me a quizzical look. “You know it’d be faster to get to The Kingdom if we went left back there?” he queries.

“I know,” I say.  “But fast isn’t the most important thing today.  And I have a stop I want to make on the way.”

He looks at me inquiringly, but stares out the window again after I make no move to enlighten him.  Just before Dumfries, I see another roadblock ahead and slow down. Jesus looks at me. “You sure you don’t want me to just meet you on the other side of Dumfries?” he asks.

“No,” I reply.  “I have a plan, don’t worry.”

I pull up to the roadblock and stop.  “Too late now,” Jesus mutters under his breath.

Oh ye of little faith, I think to myself as I roll down my window.

“Well hello again Gavin,” I call out.  Gavin walks up and says, “Sandi? Is that you?”

“Yep,” I reply.  Gavin bends over and sees Jesus.  “Jesus? What’re you doing with Sandi?” he exclaims in astonishment.

“Oh, I just dropped a friend off at Hilltop for some medical attention.  Jesus asked for a ride since I was headed in this direction. Scavenging again, was it?” I ask as I turn my head to look at Jesus and wink at him while I’m at it.

He catches on and speaks up, “Yeah, I saw a good vehicle at a Whole Foods over on Duke that I wanted to pick up.  That store looked like it might not be picked clean yet either. It was convenient that Sandi was headed that way already.”

Gavin stares at us.  “Huh,” he says, “Well good luck in the scavenging.  Find us something good!” He grins at Jesus. Then he turns and motions for his crew to let us through.  Once they’ve moved things enough that we can get by, I slide the van through and continue on our way.

I look over at Jesus.  He gives me a huge grin.  “You’re crafty, you know? I’m gonna have to keep an eye on you!”

I laugh and we continue on our way.  Soon I see the road I want and take a right, heading toward the atlantic.  Jesus eyes me as we slowly make our way across a bridge that I have to weave around obstacles.  It appears there was a fight here at one time. 

He finally asks, “I know this isn’t the way to The Kingdom--not even a creative roundabout way.  Care to share where we’re going?”

“Just another possibility I want to check out.  I had a friend who lived over here. I suspect she had a larger community than what she admitted to.  Even so, she told me how to find her if we ever got into trouble.”

Soon I see a sign for Oceanside Cabin Motor Court and turn in toward it and stop the van.  “Come on kids, we’re going to have to walk a bit from here.” I look at Jesus. “They aren’t very fond of men from what I understand.  You might want to sit this one out.”

Jesus steps out of the van.  “I can take care of myself.” I laugh and say, “Famous last words.”

 

We hike through the vegetation for about 15 minutes before I can sense we aren’t alone anymore.  I stop and motion for the kids to stop as well. Jesus comes up beside me.

I yell, “My name is Sandi Jones.  I am friends with Cyndie. We helped each other out of a tight spot a while back and she told me where I could find her if I needed her.  These are my kids and my friend. We mean no harm, I just need to talk to Cyndie.” I put my machete and gun on the ground. I motion for the kids to put their weapons down as well.  Soon, faces melt out of the trees. They come silently and tie our hands behind our backs and march us to their camp. After waiting for a while in a room, Cyndie and an older lady appear.  Cyndie runs over and gives me a hug. “I hoped it was you,” she exclaims and starts untying my wrists. 

“Cyndie,” the older woman says as she reaches out to stop her from releasing me.

“No Grandma.  Sandi isn’t here to hurt us, and she wouldn’t be friends with anyone who wants to hurt us either.  Negan killed her husband. She has just as much reason to hate him as we do.”

Her Grandmother considers and then nods her head.  But looks at Jesus and says, “Leave him tied up.” Cyndie nods, grateful she can release me and the kids at least.

I sit and speak to them.  I explain about Alexandria where I’ve been living and Hilltop where Jesus is from.  I tell them all about the events of the last week, the satellite outpost, Negan’s roadblocks, them hunting for Alexandria, all of it.  

Cyndie’s grandmother, Natania, says, “I saw the roadblocks.  They are uncomfortably close to us.” I look at her, “Natania, I know you want nothing to do with the outside world.  But Negan is coming closer every day. He’s going to find you and your group will be right back where they were before, serving him and working for him.  Join us. Alexandria and Hilltop are going to fight back. I’m going to get The Kingdom to join us as well. We’ll be holding a war council tomorrow in Alexandria.  I know their locations, I know their manpower and I know their weaknesses. We’re going to end this so we can all live in peace again. We’re going to kill Negan so he can never hurt anyone again.”  I turn to look at Cyndie. “Join us Cyndie. Please.”

At first Natania is adamantly opposed to the idea.  But I watch in amazement as Cyndie slowly sways her grandmother.  I guess they had a visitor a few days ago who found them. Cyndie convinces Natania that more people will find them and they can’t just kill everyone who does.  She shares a story of the time we spent together when I got us out of a tight spot. How I’m good at that kind of stuff. I look down, I don’t even know how I’m good at that stuff, but I do seem to be.  I can just see pieces come together in my head and then plans form. Funny what talents you’ll find in the apocalypse. 

In the end, Natania finally agrees and Cyndie puts together a pack so she can come with us.  Jesus just stares at me in amazement as he’s finally untied. As we hike back out to the van he says, “I just watched all of that unfold and I still don’t believe it.”

I grin.  “Did I ever tell you I had a degree in Public Relations?” I laugh.  He smiles. “I thought you worked in medical records?” he asked. 

I smirk, “I did.  But I started down a different road early in my life that ended up being useful later.  Gotta be able to talk people into stuff, especially Doctor’s. They tend to be grouchy about being told what to do.  I put my PR skills to use in that job like crazy!” Jesus laughs.

 

We load back up in the van and head to The Kingdom while keeping an eye out for any roadblocks.  On the way I notice a Best Buy set back from the road that doesn’t look in too bad of disrepair. I pull the van off the highway and head toward it.  Things seem fairly clear of walkers for now. “Pit stop, I need to check something out,” I tell everybody.

 

Cyndie and Jesus insist on helping, so between the 3 of us and the kids, we’re able to clear some straggler walkers out pretty quickly.  I get to the right section of the store and hit the jackpot. I load 2 shopping carts full and the kids help me take them out and load them into the overhead carrier on top of the van.  Jesus and Cyndie give me querying looks and I say, “I’ll explain later, it’s a piece of the plan that’s coming together. Let's hurry and get to The Kingdom before dark.”

They nod, and we load back into the car and get back on the road.  

 

Within the hour we approach the gates of The Kingdom.  Riders intercept us so I have to stop. I roll down the window and a rider yells out, “Who dares trespass on the sovereign land of the Kingdom?!”

“We seek an audience with the King!” I declare with glee.  Jesus grins and says, “You don’t have to play it up quite so much,” as he gets out of the van.  I just grin at him. In my mind, if the guy calls himself a King, it’s only right to play it up.  I may as well have fun with it, right?

The rider looks at Jesus.  “Paul, is that you?” he asks.  “What’re you doing here? Have you seen all the roadblocks?  It’s not safe to be out there today!” 

Jesus replies, “Hi Richard, like she said, we’d like to speak with the King.  We’ve seen the roadblocks, and Sandi here,” he gestures to me, “has gone through 2 of them today.  I’d like to introduce some representatives from like-minded communities to you.” I get out and join him.

Richard eyes me and says to Jesus, “You said they’re a like-minded community.  Like-minded how?”

Jesus replies, “We live, we trade, we fight the dead.  Sometimes others.” Richard looks at Jesus assessingly.

Jesus continues, “We’re going to war, Richard.  We’re going to take out Negan once and for all. We need to speak to the King to see if he’ll join us.”

Richard gets off his horse and approaches Jesus and I.  “That’s the best news I’ve heard all year! You may even have a better chance to talk him into it today too.”

Jesus asks, “Why, what’s happened?”

Richard snorts.  “The saviors happened, what else?  They’ve been getting tougher and rougher with each pickup.  I’ve been warning the King that they’d soon kill someone, but today it happened.  They killed Benjamin and the King was mighty fond of him. He was just a kid. If that won’t push him over the edge to war then nothing will.”

I ask, “Can we ask him?”  Richard nods and says, “The van stays outside.  You gotta hand over your guns.” I nod and hand over my gun and motion to my kids to do the same.  Cyndie reluctantly turns hers over. 

Richard says, “OK, follow me.”  I motion to the kids and Cyndie to join us and we follow Richard into the gates of the Kingdom.

As we walk in, I see people milling about in a big square.  To my surprise I see Morgan. I break away from the group and run over to him.  “Morgan,” I yell. He turns around surprised to see me. I give him a hug. “It’s good to see you!  Where’s Carol, did you find her?” I ask anxiously. Morgan hesitates and finally admits, “Yes. And I got her help, got her wounds taken care of.  But she left. She wants to live alone now.”

My face falls.  “Well, I’m glad she’s OK at least.  Maybe with time...” I trail off.

“Yeah, give her some time,” Morgan says.

I rejoin the group telling Morgan I’ll catch him later.

We enter a big auditorium.  Richard says, “He’s a good guy, just a little dramatic,” as we walk down the aisle.  I have heard a lot about the King from Jesus along with workers and Negan's Lieutenants at the Sanctuary, so I thought I was prepared for him.  I knew he was dramatic and speaks like Shakespeare. Even so, I was not truly prepared for the King. As we walk down the aisle, I notice the backdrops on the stage are of castle walls and grin to myself.  They must have been mid-production of Camelot when the world ended or something. But then I see not only a very large man with dreadlocks lounging in a throne, but a, holy cow, a tiger. An actual tiger prowling around the stage letting out low rumbles.

“Jesus!” the King calls.  “It pleases me to see you old friend!”

The big guy with an axe next to him yells, “It pleases him indeed.”

The King glances at the man and says, “Jerry.”  His tone indicates that he felt his statement was unnecessary.  I keep a wary eye on the tiger, but smirk. I’m already enjoying Jerry’s sense of humor.

“Tell me, what news do you bring good King Ezekiel?  Are these new allies you’ve brought us?” the King asks.  I bite my lip to stop a giggle. Oh man, he even speaks of himself in the third person.  I glance at my kids to make sure they don’t openly laugh, although I can tell they are holding themselves back.  Even Jordan is doing a good job at keeping a straight face. Mostly. I glance at Cyndie and she just looks gobsmacked.

Jesus replies, “Indeed, they are, your majesty.  This is,” he turns to gesture to me and sees the look on my face as I continue to eye the tiger.  “Oh right, I forgot to mention…” I interrupt. “Yeah, a tiger.”

Shiva chooses that moment to let out a large growl as Jesus grins at me.

Jesus continues, “This is Sandi Jones of Alexandria.  And these are her children along with Cyndie of Oceanside.”

King Ezekiel says, “I welcome you all to the Kingdom, good travelers.  Now, what brings you to our fair land? Why do you seek an audience with the King?”

“King Ezekiel,” I bow my head at him.  “Your majesty, may I also introduce Cyndie of Oceanside?”  I motion to Cyndie and she steps forward and hesitantly bows her head while looking at me like I’m crazy for going along with this.  Hey, the guy can have his delusions. He has people and supplies. I don’t care if he thinks he’s the King of England as long as he’ll fight with us.

I continue, “Alexandria, Hilltop, Oceanside and The Kingdom all have something in common.  We are all having to deal with the Saviors. They haven’t found Alexandria yet, but it’s only a matter of time before they do and try to subjugate us as they have other communities.  Oceanside lost all of their men to the Saviors in an utter manslaughter.”

I continue speaking and explain about Alexandria where I’ve been living.  I tell them all about the events of the last week, the satellite outpost, Negan’s roadblocks, them hunting for Alexandria, all of it.  I tell him about being forced for work the saviors, the attack on my daughter, my husband’s death and circumstances of my release. 

Richard, says, “I saw the roadblocks.  I saw what they did to Benjamin. They are only escalating the violence, King Ezekiel.”  

The King digests all of this and looks at me and asks, “And what plans have you, Sandi Jones of Alexandria?”

“I came to ask The Kingdom, to ask  _ you _ , to join us in fighting the saviors.  Fighting for freedom, for all of us,” I reply.  “I have a plan coming together. I’d like you to join us tomorrow at Alexandria for a war council.  There we can discuss and plan how to take on the saviors, to take out Negan. There will be leaders from Hilltop, Alexandria, Oceanside and, I hope, The Kingdom there.  Come hear what these people have to say. Let us make a plan. Together.”

The King is silent for a few moments as he stares at me.  “What you’re asking is very serious,” he finally replies.

Jesus speaks up.  “I used to think the deal was something we could live with.  A lot of us did. But things are changing. So let’s change the world, your majesty.”

I continue, “King Ezekiel, I know you were hoping for a peaceful resolution.  But the saviors escalate everyday. More and more people are dying. It isn’t enough for them to subjugate us, they have to grind us into the dirt.  They enjoy killing, so the killing will never stop. Join us. Alexandria, Oceanside and Hilltop are going to fight back. I know their locations, I know their manpower and I know their weaknesses.  We are going to end this so we can all live in peace again. We’re going to kill Negan so he can never hurt anyone again.” 

King Ezekiel responds.  “The hour grows late, Sandi Jones of Alexandria.  The roads are too dangerous for you tonight and you’ve given the King much to ponder.  I invite you all to sup with us and stay till the morrow. I shall deliver my decree in the morn.”

I nod.  “We would enjoy that,” I reply.  Soon Richard escorts us to our rooms.  We are able to freshen ourselves and join the King and his entourage for dinner.  It is pleasant company and I think it does him good to see we can all relax. The kids especially enjoy themselves, making friends quickly.

 

After a restless nights sleep, the kids and I join Cyndie and Jesus in the square.  We are ready to leave for Alexandria regardless of the King’s verdict. I hope and pray it’ll be in our favor though.  My half-formed plan depends on it. Soon the King approaches. 

“I have reached a decision,” he declares.  I resist rolling my eyes at his dramatics. “The Kingdom will join you on this journey to create an alliance.  We will fight with you and shall defeat them so that no one will suffer under their capricious malevolence again!”

I breathe out a sigh of relief.  My plan truly depended on the Kingdom joining us.  I feel renewed energy filling me. We have a chance, we can do this!  And maybe, just maybe, that can result in the kids and I having a permanent home in Alexandria.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter shows how persuasive Sandi can be.  It appears she has decided Alexandria has potential as a home and wants to fight for it.  Or does she just want Negan dead, so she’ll help anyone who could do that? Or is she just setting the scene and then she’ll sit back from a safe distance with her immunity and let them all fight it out...see who wins?  What do you think of the King? I admit, I had fun with this one. ;)


	15. Planning a War

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

The King insisted on bringing Shiva with him to Alexandria.  I cringe when I think about how Rick will react to that. We load up one of their vehicles with Shiva, Jerry and some guards and they follow us to Alexandria.  We kept an eye out for roadblocks, but luckily there doesn’t seem to be any in this section of the road. It seems the main roads are where they have set their traps.  For now. All the way home I hope and pray that everyone at Alexandria is safe, that the saviors didn’t find them, that they didn’t get impatient and come hunting me and Maggie at the Hilltop.

Soon Alexandria comes into view.  I drive up to the gate and open my door.  “Open the gate,” I yell as I stand in the door of the van.  I see Rosita look down at me from the guard post and motion to them to open it.  I drive through the gate and park just inside, leaving room for the truck behind me to park as well.

I climb out and see Rick, Glenn and all the others running toward us, alerted by the radio from the gate.  Rick is jogging straight at me. I eye him. Crap, he looks like he’s going to run right into me, he’s not stopping. I take a couple of steps back, but before I can avoid it Rick has grabbed me in a hug and lifted me off the ground.  I grab onto him with a squeak of fright as I dangle off the ground, he’s got a good 5 inches on me. “You’re back!” he declares while squeezing me tight. “How’s Maggie?” he demands as he sets me back on the ground and holds my shoulders.  Glenn and the others are standing there looking anxious for my answer. Woah. It takes me a second to regain my wits after that greeting.

“Maggie’s OK and so is the baby,” I say.  “The Hilltop’s Dr. is treating her and wanted to keep her there on bedrest for a bit to make sure she was alright.”  I hear a collective sigh of relief escape those present.

Right then King Ezekiel guides Shiva out of the truck and she roars.  My friends all freeze in place with their eyes trained on Shiva now. Some raise their guns and Rick releases me to grab his.  I see King Ezekiel take a defensive stance in front of Shiva.

“Woah, everybody just chill,” I exclaim with my hands help up in a calming gesture.  Rick looks at me and asks in disbelief, “Sandi, why is there a tiger in Alexandria?”

I look at King Ezekiel and ask, “Is there a chance that Shiva could go for a walk or something, just while I explain?”  I hadn’t expected him to pull her out that quickly. I had hoped that I’d get a chance to explain the tiger before they saw her.  Whoops. King Ezekiel gestures to Jerry to take Shiva’s chain leash. He says, “Jerry will take her outside to hunt.”

“Thank you,” I reply.  I look at Rick. “Rick, I brought some friends to join us in a War Council.” I see everyone’s interest perk at the words ‘war council.’  “You already know Jesus, who is representing the HIlltop. This is Cyndie, who is representing her community, Oceanside.” I gesture at the King, “And this is King Ezekiel of The Kingdom.  You saw his companion, Shiva, already. She rarely leaves his side. These leaders have all have felt the weight of the saviors boot. They’re here to talk about the potential of forming an alliance that could bring war to the saviors, that could take out Negan.”  Everyone just stares at me blankly as if I told them the Easter Bunny had just arrived ready to fight.

I turn to King Ezekiel and Cyndie.  “Your majesty, Cyndie, this is Rick Grimes, the leader of Alexandria.  He is responsible for keeping our community alive.” I give Rick a wide eyed look, urging him to say something, anything.  To trust me.

He moves forward, extending a hand.  “Your majesty, Cyndie, welcome to Alexandria.  We are very happy to meet others who would like to join us in our quest.”  I almost burst out laughing. Quest. It didn’t take him long to get into the spirit of things.

Luckily the King isn’t opposed to shaking hands.  He shakes Rick’s hand and replies, “I am happy to greet you, Rick Grimes of Alexandria.  You have a mighty advocate who told us of your quest. She is very persuasive. We have come to parley and see if our goals mesh with yours.”

I urge them along a little bit.  “Might I suggest taking this conversation to the war room?”  OK, so it is a garage, but whatever. “It would be good for the leaders of each community to meet and discuss the threat there and then invite those needed to join as you discuss logistics.”  

Daryl gives me a wild eyed look.  Oh, I bet this talk is just driving him crazy.  I internally giggle, making sure to keep a straight face.

Rick gives me a look and agrees.  “Yes, I’d invite you all to join me for a strategy session.”

Rick leads the other leaders away, deep in discussion already.  Thank goodness he caught on and that’s going well so far. Good.  That oughta keep him busy for a while.

Glenn comes over and hugs me in gratitude, whispering, “Thanks,” in my ear.   I look back at Glenn and whisper, “I told Maggie I’d bring you back to be with her as soon as I could.”

He looks at me in shock.  “We can do that? Do you think we can get through?”

I nod.  “I think I’ve figured out their roadblocks.  I have an idea. We’ll have to slip out though, cause Rick will never authorize it.”

Glenn looks conflicted.  I don’t think he’s ever gone against Rick in his life.  Finally he says, “OK, don’t give me details. Just grab me when you’re ready to go.”

I nod.  “Have a bag ready,” I say and walk away.  I have a delivery to make. Everyone else is just standing around in shock.  Daryl looks at me. “You brought a damn tiger back?” he asks in disbelief. I just shrug.  There is really no explaining Shiva. Seeing is believing. I tell the kids to go ahead and head back to the house and I’ll meet them there shortly.  

I grab Eugene and ask him to ride with me.  We get in the van and drive it over to Eugene’s place.  I open the rooftop carrier and tell Eugene I have a surprise for him.  I start pulling out the supplies I picked up from Best Buy. Eugene sees what I have and starts grabbing boxes from me.  He looks up, “Do you know what we could do with this?”

I nod.  “I suspected, and hoped that you could find a way to use them to our advantage in this war.”  He’s almost giddy with excitement. I say, “Eugene, I’m under the impression that you’re a smarty pants, so you can do this, right?”

He looks up at me.  “I am indeed a smarty pants.  If knowledge is dropped, I pick it up.  I can get this up and running.” I smile and pat him on the back.  “Good,” I say. “I’ll help you get it all unloaded.”

 

After I finish with Eugene I strategically park the van back outside.  I talk to Jerry who has Shiva and lead them to an area away from the houses.  Luckily Shiva looks sated from her hunt and curls up for a nap. I then head to the house.  The kids are there, they just finished showering and changing. I gather them up around me after we have lunch.  “I’m proud of you guys. You held up over a lot of travel. Through roadblocks, which I know were scary. You were quiet when you needed to be and did a spectacular job.  Dad would be proud too.”

Just as I’m about to continue, there’s a knock on the door.  Jordan answers and it’s Daryl. “Rick wants ya in the so called ‘war room’,” he says.  “The damn King is demandin’ ya presence.”

I look at the kids and they make shoo-ing motions with their hands.  “Go Mom,” says Kira. “Help make this place safe for us.” I hug them and head out the door after Daryl.  We take the short walk to Rick’s garage. As I walk in, I hear the King proclaim, “There she is. Your master of strategy, creator of plans, persuader of people.  I want to hear her proposal for how we can take the saviors down and win this war.” I’m surprised and I look at Rick. He gestures me forward and says, “Jesus tells us you’ve been formulating a plan.  Cyndie and the King and I would like to hear more about it.” He gestures to the others gathered round, Michonne, Daryl, Abraham, Glenn and the usual crowd. “We’d all like to hear it.” Wow. I thought I’d place a suggestion here, a nudge there, plant an idea over here.  They are actually looking at me like they’re interested. Well. I wasn’t expecting this. I take a breathe. “I do have some ideas,” I start. “What if we could pin them down at their main base for a bit? Give us time to take out their outposts, all of them, while they’re occupied?”  Rick looks thoughtful. “It’d be easier to get rid of the outposts without them being able to send for reinforcements, but how would we pin them down for long? Even with the four communities, it’d take all of us to keep them pinned down and that wouldn’t leave enough to attack the outposts,” he says.

I reply, “But what if we used the dead to pin them down?  I’ve heard them talk about a herd on the highway. They’ve been able to block it off thus far and keep it from reaching the Sanctuary.  They have it going in a big circle out there. What if we were to direct the herd where we need them? Make the dead start working for us?  Didn’t you direct the quarry herd the direction you wanted them to go before, so you have some experience with that?”

I can see the gears turning in his head as he stares at me, thinking it through.  The King bursts out in delight, “Rick, your Sandi is a woman beyond measure. You are lucky to have her.  Make the dead work for us indeed!” He chuckles. I look at him, realizing he misunderstands. He must have misconstrued that hug Rick gave me when we arrived.  I say, “Oh no, we’re not...” when Rick cuts me off, putting his hand on my shoulder and saying, “I  _ am _ lucky to have her.  Very lucky.” I shoot a disbelieving look at him.  What?

I’m just about to call him out when Michonne distracts me, asking, “OK, say we can direct the herd there.  How do we make sure the most saviors possible are inside and pinned down? Who’s to say we don’t catch them when not many are home?”

“Timing,” I reply.  “The saviors have a monthly meeting.  First Friday of the month like clockwork.  10am till noon, Negan is closed up with his Lieutenants.  We strike then, during that time frame? We catch not only the most people, but all Negan's Lieutenants with their escorts from their outposts.  The outposts will be more vulnerable without their leaders as well.”

The whole room stares at me in shock at that little tidbit.  I go on to explain my idea of getting the workers out to safety right before the walkers arrive.  If we take out the sentries with snipers after the meeting starts then nobody will notice the workers leaving.  If we get them out, then they won’t fight for the saviors and it’ll be to our advantage. I then lay out the idea for the blacksmith at Hilltop to attach armor to cars to protect us.  Drive the cars up right before the walkers arrive to distract from the workers escaping and make them think we’re attacking right then. Keep their attention on the front while we take the innocent out the back.  Blow open the gates and send the walkers right in. Then we can contain them with little effort while we take out all the outposts.

 

Soon, others start throwing ideas out.  Jesus suggests taking the workers to the Kingdom where they’d be safe since it’s close.  King Ezekiel agrees. Abraham brings up removing the sentries in outlying areas around the Sanctuary to ensure they don’t see us coming.  Rick mentions Eugene has come up with a way to produce bullets, that he could have a good supply ready for us in a week. Cyndie mentions that Oceanside has a large supply of weapons.  The ideas just start flowing and soon I’m occupied writing them all down. This is good stuff, I want to make sure we don’t lose anything. Daryl and Glenn both throw out ideas and I’m so excited.  This is working. This is going to work, we’re going to win. 

 

At some point, someone brought in dinner and we ate while talking.  By the time everyone is done, it’s dark and I have pages of notes. I want to organize them so they make some sort of cohesive sense.  I don’t want to lose any of the great ideas everyone had. We actually have a plan, one that is stacked for us to succeed. I am amazed at how receptive to my ideas they were, in fact, they only shot one of them down completely.  I scowl, it had to do with going in and taking Negan out during the chaos of the walkers when they first arrive. They decided it had too much risk, but I really think it would have worked. It would have eliminated the head of the problem right off and made sure he doesn’t wriggle out and escape.  Ah well, I’ll bug them about it some more, maybe if I put some thought into it, make it less risky, they’ll change their minds.

Rick has escorted Jesus, Cyndie and the King to their sleeping quarters for the night.  Some of the other Alexandrians have already left for home. Just Daryl, Michonne, Glenn and I remain.

Daryl looks at me.  “How the hell did ya round up those people so fast?”

I smile, “Well, I already knew where they were.  I was going to tell you about the communities we could lobby to join us when I was giving you all information the other day, but then we got interrupted.  I figured as long as I was out and about after dropping Maggie off, I may as well see if I could even get them to agree to talk. I knew our timeline was short until the next Lieutenant meeting and I didn’t want to wait another month.”

Michonne smiles, “Thanks Sandi.  You really delivered on the intel along with some good plan suggestions.”

I stand up.  “Anytime. Well, I’ve got some work to do to get these notes straightened out,” I say, heading for the door.  “Possibly sleep for a week as well. Goodnight all.” I get a chorus of goodnights and go home. A shower and my bed are all I want right now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, kind of a filler chapter.  The planning needed to be done, and she managed to get all the leaders together.  Let me know your thoughts on this chapter.


	16. Prep & Delivery

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

 

I startle out of sleep abruptly, breathing heavily.  It takes me a minute to get my bearings and remember where I am.  Once I remember, I look at the bedside clock, it’s 2am. As I continue to pant on the bed, I know I’m not going to get any more sleep--the nightmare is still vividly in my brain.

I get up and see my notes from the war council sitting on the floor where I dropped them before getting into bed.  Well, that’s a project that needs to be done, I think, gathering up the notes and heading downstairs to the office the prior owners kept.

Luckily they had not password protected their computer and the printer was a USB connection.  A full Microsoft suite of products was already installed, as I’d verified earlier. I set to work typing up my notes and assembling them into a project plan.  Hey, I used to do this every time I implemented something at work, and it’s even more important that we cover all our bases for a war, right? I can assign due dates, person responsible and all, right in my excel spreadsheet.  Yeah, I know, I’m a nerd.

After a couple hours work, I have all of our ideas drafted out into phases and a spreadsheet prepared that we can work through to assign people and due dates.  With this I can make sure everyone knows what they are responsible for and we can stay on target. Counting today, It’s only eight days until the saviors meeting on the first Friday of the month.  We’ll need every little bit of organization we can summon to meet this deadline, to be prepared. I’ve never planned a more important project. This one has to work and has to be successful. Every piece is contingent on another piece being done right.

 

Once I verify I have all the pieces and everything looks right, I print 5 copies--one for each community leader and one for me so I have a reference if they ask me questions.  I decide everything is so quiet that I may as well deliver it to the war room in preparation for tomorrow’s follow-up meetings. I walk over to Rick’s garage door, hoping it will be unlocked.  Yes! It is. Hmmm, for someone who likes to tell others to lock their doors he’s not a very good example, I think snarkily to myself. Ah well, it works in my favor this time.

I lay out the paperwork at each leader’s spot--where they sat today is likely where they’ll sit again tomorrow.  Apocalypse or not, we humans are still creatures of habit when we can be.

I head back out the garage door, casting a satisfied look at what I’ve left for them.  Sitting on the table with the black title a contrast to the white paper, ‘A Project Plan for War’ has been delivered and is waiting for their approval.  My mission complete, I go tumble back into bed, finally tired again.

 

The next morning, I wake up to Kayla knocking on my door. She opens the door hesitantly and comes in.  “What is it,” I ask. She responds, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re awake! Michonne is downstairs asking for you to come to the war room.  Rick stopped by last night looking for you too, but you were already asleep.”

I laugh.  “Well thanks for being my message service.  Sorry, tell Michonne I’ll be right over. What did Rick want?”

“He just said he needed to talk to you, wanted to know more about the trip to Hilltop or something.”

I nod and she heads downstairs to deliver my message.  I quickly get dressed and grab an apple and walk over to the ‘war room’ garage while eating it.

When I walk in, there are already many there.  Rick, Daryl and Abraham are having an intense discussion and Glenn, Sasha, Michonne and Rosita are listening.  I don’t see Jesus, Cyndie or King Ezekiel though.

When they hear me walk in they all turn to look.  Rick asks, “Did you do this?” gesturing with one of my project plans in his hand.

“Yeah, I figured it might clarify to put it together in phases and the order things would have to happen,” I reply.

Michonne looks up from where she’s thumbing through a copy.  “This is great, it sums it up so we can be organized about it and make sure all the steps get done.”

I smile, “That’s the plan.”

Rick gestures to me to sit down.  “Have a seat, I have some questions about yesterday for you.”

I sit down and look up at him still standing above me.  Why does this feel like the principal’s office? “OK, shoot,” I respond.

He says, “Don’t get me wrong,” Oh boy, here we go, I think to myself.  “I’m grateful that you were able to round up some other communities to help us with Negan.  But...what were you thinking?” he asks as his voice raises.

I exchange a look with Michonne who looks as surprised as I feel.  I look back at Rick, who’s looking upset. “What do you mean?” I ask.  Gonna need some clarification here. I don’t understand what he’s upset about.

“You were just supposed to take Maggie to Hilltop and then come back.  You could have been back that night, but instead you drove all over creation while the saviors were out there trolling for people to hurt.  Jesus tells me you went through not one, but two roadblocks. Then you made pit stops at other communities and altogether were out on the road longer than you had to be.”

I just stare back at him, in shock.

“So,” he continues, “I’d like to know what you were thinking?  Putting yourself, and your children, at risk like that.”

I jump up out of my chair, furious.  “I  _ thought _ I was helping a community I’ve come to love have half a chance at surviving,  _ that’s  _ what I thought I was doing!” I exclaim, practically in his face.  Michonne puts a calming hand on my shoulder saying, “Woah, I think we all need to just calm down here.”  I turn to face her, saying, “Calm down?! He just basically accused me of not knowing what I’m doing and putting my kids lives at risk.  I knew exactly what I was doing and just how much risk there was. With Negan’s orders that risk was practically zero.”

Rick pinches his nose with his fingers, takes a deep breath and says, “I know that you think the risk was zero, but you’re telling me that none of his men hassled you at all?  They didn’t give you any trouble?”

I hesitate, thinking of Simon, and Rick zeroes in on that saying, “Something happened.”  He cocks his head and stares me down, trying to force the information from me. I roll my eyes and say, “No, nothing happened.  Yes, one of them pushed a little harder but it wasn’t anything I wasn’t expecting. He’s an ass and I pushed back, he let me through, end of story.”  Rick’s eyes get wider and wider as I say this and he exclaims, “I knew it! I knew it wasn’t as straightforward as you made it out to be. You realize that if you’d pushed him too hard, he may have taken you out regardless of Negan?!”  I shake my head. “No. They are scared of Negan, they know he means what he says. He’d be signing his own death warrant if he went against him.”

Rick walks in a small circle and back again, huffing his breath out in frustration.  He’s frustrated? I’m beyond frustrated. “What’s with the 3rd degree anyway? You told me that you trusted me and my abilities before I left.  I brought you  _ allies _ for heaven's sake, and all I get now is attitude?  I kept my promise. I took  _ extra _ care.  I got Maggie there.  I came back, not only alive, but with reinforcements.  We have a plan, an actual  _ viable  _ plan.  Are we going to do this or what?!”  I take a breath. “Or are you going to chuck it all out because you think I took too long getting back?  Can I point out I said I’d be back by last night and I got here by mid-morning. Technically I was early!”

It’s silent for a minute, you can feel the tension in the air.  Then, unexpectedly, Daryl speaks up, looking at Rick and putting his hand on his arm.  “Hey. She’s right, she did good. The others seem like good allies and the plan is a good one.”

Abraham agrees saying, “Hell, we got all we need to whip up some whoop ass to rain down on the saviors parade.”  Rick looks between the two of them and then to Michonne who says, “It’s a good plan. She helped us more that we could ever have dreamed of.  And she came back. She didn’t have to.” Glenn adds his two cents, “I know it’s selfish, but I’m glad she helped Maggie. What does it matter if it took her a little longer to get home.  She brought a way out of this back with her. A way to live.”

Rick nods and looks down in contemplation.  “Right,” he says. He looks at me. “I do appreciate what you did.  I just wish you hadn’t risked yourself out there…” I cut him off. “I wasn’t at risk.  I promise. I knew what I was doing every step of the way. I even accurately predicted the saviors reactions.”  I’m not giving an inch on this. He needs to know that others may be obedient little minions, but that’s not me and never will be.  I’ve always been independent and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. In short, he isn’t the boss of me. Juvenile, I know, but an accurate summation.  I stare him down intently, trying to convey my thoughts.

 

He finally nods and starts to say something else when the King walks in followed by Cyndie and Jesus.  “Good morrow my friends! I have slept on our plan and it still looks bright this morning. Let us continue our discussion,” the King declares.  Cyndie and Jesus also murmur good morning. I greet Cyndie with a hug and walk with her over to the table. Rick invites them to sit down to review the plan, indicating the project plans in front of them.  Michonne hands hers to Jesus.

Rick says, “Sandi took all our ideas and typed them up into a pretty detailed project plan.  Sandi, would you like to review with us?” He smiles at me and I just stare him down. He can’t think he’s just forgiven for doubting me that easily.  The moment draws out uncomfortably long until I finally let him off the hook. I pick up my copy and flip it open. “OK, if everyone can turn to page one.”  We all start to discuss the different phases and steps. We make good progress and refine a few things as we progress through the plan. We get to the point where the walkers descend on the Sanctuary when Rick looks up at me, pinning me with his gaze.  He says, “You put in the step we ruled out last night.” 

“Oh,” I respond innocently.  I know exactly what step he’s referring to.  Dang. I hoped he might overlook that one.

“Yes,” he continues.  “The part where you try to kill Negan as walkers are filling the Sanctuary.  We decided that was unsafe and we’d wait him out, remember?” He eyes me suspiciously.

I keep my gaze steady.  “Oh right, I must have forgotten to line that one out.  Whoops.”

He narrows his eyes at me.  He’s not buying it for a minute.  I decide I may as well sell it again.  “But if you think about it,” I say, “It makes a lot of sense.”

He glares at me.  “It doesn’t make any sense at all!  Wade into a herd of walkers, voluntarily, to maybe try and get a chance to kill him.  It’s better to wait it out.”

“Whatever you say boss,” I salute him and draw a line through that item on my project plan.  Yeah, I’m a smartass sometimes.

The other leaders agree with Rick.  Again. I’m overruled. Again. Hmmm.  Rick casts me a suspicious look when I finish lining through the item.  I just smile, blandly, as if all's right with the world. 

 

We make it through the rest of the plan quickly and agree this is the finalized version.  We start assigning people to be responsible for tasks and I scribble frantically, making sure I have the right information so I can update the plan.  Then we talk timeline. Rick says, “The timing is going to be crucial for everyone to get their tasks done on time. We only have 8 days, counting today, until we have to be ready.  Everyone look over the tasks you or your community is responsible for and the date you need to get them done. I need to know now if you can do it and meet these deadlines?” They all flip through their plans again, someone asking me every now and then to clarify a date.  When they are done, all three leaders commit to Rick that they will have their responsibilities done by the date required. They get up to leave, indicating it’s time for them to return home so they can prepare their people and complete their tasks on time. Arrangements for a quick meeting in Alexandria are made for early next week.  Everyone starts to file out of the garage. I’m following when I hear Rick say, “Sandi, can you stay for a minute?” My heart falls, I really don’t want to get into it with him again right now. Especially not alone.

Just then the garage door opens to the house and we can all hear Judith wailing.  Carl pokes his head out. “Dad. Judy won’t stop crying. I can’t figure out what’s wrong.”  On a normal day I would have gone and comforted Judy. But, I have plans today and this distraction may be just what I need.  Rick looks at me and then sighs. “I’ll be right back,” he says and I nod.

Once Rick walks inside, I grab Glenn just before he goes out the door.  I whisper, “Grab your bag and meet me at the gate in 5.” He looks at me in disbelief and then at the door Rick just disappeared through.  “You wanna see Maggie or not?” I prod. He nods and then rushes out. 

 

I grab a piece of paper off the table and quickly write a note for Rick.

Rick,

Sorry, couldn’t wait.  I told Jesus I’d give him a ride back to Hilltop after I drop Cyndie off at Oceanside.

I want to check on Maggie and I’m a grown up  who can make my own decisions .  Don’t follow me, I’ll be back tonight.  It’s even more important now that they don’t find you until we can execute our plan.

-Sandi

PS I took Glenn with me.  He needs to see Maggie something fierce and I promised her I’d get him there.  Don’t worry, I’ll keep him safe. I have a plan.

PPS  You trust me, remember? Prove it. Or was that just all talk and no substance?

 

I prop it up on the table where he’s sure to see it and sprint out of the garage to grab my kids and tell them we gotta go, now.  I just hope that Judy keeps Rick occupied long enough for us to make our escape.

 

Luckily the kids were all at home.  They follow me down to the gate. I see Glenn and Jesus there, waving to the King as their truck pulls away.  I wave as well.

I look at Jesus and Cyndie, “Wanna ride?”  Jesus looks at me in disbelief. “You sure you wanna do this?”  I shrug, “I told Glenn I’d take him to Maggie. And I promised Maggie I’d deliver him to Hilltop.”

Jesus looks at Glenn and his bag.  Glenn just shrugs. “Gotta do what ya gotta do,” Glenn says.  “And I gotta be with Maggie. Besides,” he gestures to me, “she’s going whether I come or not.”  I nod.

I look at Cyndie.  “I can give you a ride as well,” I state.  She nods. We all go to the gate. Tobin is there and asks, “Where are you all going?”

“I’m taking these guys home and delivering Glenn to Maggie,” I reply.  “Ah, OK,” says Tobin as he pulls the gate open for us.

I rush everybody out to the van and we load up.  I glance back at Alexandria, trying not to think about Rick’s reaction when he finds I’ve gone out again.  I shrug, the man’s gotta learn that I make my own decisions. I did leave a note after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn’t quite as exciting, but we have to do a few things before we get to the more exciting stuff.  Things need to be set up, etc. Rick went a little over the top there, didn’t he? She just did what she told them she was going to do.  Taking a couple detours on the way back wasn’t a big deal, was it? I mean, look at what she’s set up for them, alliances and a real plan.  Is Rick just being controlling or is he right to worry.


	17. Coming to Terms

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

 

Rick walks back into the garage a little while later after calming Judith and getting her down for a nap.  Luckily Michonne had come home and could keep an eye on her. Carl follows and sees Rick looking around in frustration.  Rick heads for the door to go find Sandi, who was supposed to be waiting for him, when Carl sees the note sitting on the table.  

“Dad,” he says, “look, there’s a note.”  He picks it up and hands it to Rick. Rick reads it looking angrier and angrier and starts clenching his jaw.  He turns, heading for the door when Carl says, “Dad!”

Rick turns and gives Carl an inquiring look.  “She’s right ya know? Sandi can handle herself and so can her kids.  Don’t you think you're pulling on the reigns just a little too hard?” he questions.

Rick heaves a deep sigh and shakes his head.  “I just have this  _ need  _ to protect her, Carl.”

Carl nods.  “I know,” he replies.  “I know you really like her, you have since we met them.  I can almost  _ see _ it, this connection between you two.  But Dad, remember, we want them to stay, not drive them away.  They were already going to leave but somehow, they haven’t. Sandi just doesn’t seem like someone who takes being told what to do well.  She’s been right so far, can’t you just trust her?”

Rick pinches his nose.  “I do trust her.” Carl responds, “Well, it doesn’t seem like it.  You question everything she does. We can all see her getting angry about it.”

Rick emphasizes, “I trust her.  I do. It’s just everyone else out there I don’t trust, particularly the saviors, and I worry what will happen to her out there where I can’t keep her safe.”  Carl nods and says, “I understand Dad. I worry too, but you’re going to drive her away if you don’t ease off.” Rick nods and puts his hand on Carl’s shoulder.  “Just think about it Dad” Carl says.

Rick replies, “I will, son,” as he turns to walk out the door.  Before he can leave, Eugene walks in. Eugene looks excited and asks, “Where’s Sandi?”

Carl responds, “She’s gone right now.”  Eugene looks disappointed. Rick wants to get down to the gate and find out when they left but asks, “Anything I can help you with Eugene?”

Eugene seems to consider and then says, “Yeah, I need to show you anyway since Sandi’s gone.  We have eyes on the outside now thanks to her.” Eugene explains all the equipment Sandi brought back to him as they walk to his house.  How he was able to use the equipment to set up CCTV views all around Alexandria and they can now see who might be coming toward them in a 360° view.  As they walk into his living room, he proudly displays all the views from the cameras he deployed around Alexandria. Rick is speechless.

Carl says, “Sandi did this?”  Eugene replies, “It hams my biscuits that you’d give her all the credit.  I 100% did this. But Sandi thought of it and brought the supplies back to me.  I wanted to show her that I completed the task she asked me to do.”

Rick finally says, “Good job Eugene.  We’ll need to make sure someone’s watching 24/7.”  Eugene responds, “On it. I’ll set up a schedule.”

Rick and Carl head down to the gate.  Carl looks at his Dad. “That was really smart, thinking of getting us eyes on the outside.”  Rick says, “Yeah, it was.” Carl eyes his Dad, trying to gauge his reaction. “Those are the kinds of things Sandi does best.”  Rick looks back at him. “Yeah, I get it Carl. I need to stop clipping her wings.” Carl looks satisfied. “Yeah,” he affirms.

They approach the gate where Tobin is on guard.  “Sandi and Glenn come through here?” Rick asks. Tobin replies, “Yeah, about half an hour ago.  They were dropping Cyndie at Oceanside and then heading for HIlltop.” Rick just nods. He then walks up to the guard tower and tells Sasha that he’ll take over for now.  She shoots him a questioning look, but hands off the rifle and climbs down. Carl looks up at his Dad and shakes his head. Rick looks down at him and shrugs.

* * *

Sandi pulls up at the entrance to Oceanside and lets Cyndie out.  They share a few words and then Cyndie heads through the trees. Sandi gets back in the van and heads back out to the highway.  The roadblock will be coming up soon. “Hey, we need to do some rearranging real quick,” she calls back to the kids. “Grab that blanket I stuck in the back.  Got it? OK, Kira & Annie, I want you two to sit in the very back. Good. Now Glenn, you need to lay across the floor under their legs. Kids, lift your legs and let him lie down.”  I glance in the rear view mirror and it looks like they’re set. “OK, now spread out the blanket over your legs and make sure Glenn is covered by it.” I hear shuffling and then look back.  Perfect. I can’t tell Glenn is there at all, it just looks like the kids were cold and laid a blanket out that they’re sharing. “OK, everyone needs to stay in that position while we get through this roadblock.  I look at Jesus in the passenger seat and ask, “Ready?” as we approach Gavin’s roadblock.

 

Gavin recognizes my van and approaches.  “Sandi, Jesus, what’re you doing back this way?”  He looks at Jesus and continues, “I thought you were scavenging?”

I respond, “It was a bust.  The car wouldn’t start and the Whole Foods was overrun.  I ran into him on my way back to check on my friend. He was walking back.”

Gavin nods.  “That’s too bad.  I was hoping you’d find something good for us,” he says to Jesus.  “So did I,” Jesus replies. 

I motion to Gavin, “Can we get through?  The sooner I drop him off, the sooner he can get back to scavenging for ya.”  Gavin nods and motions for his men to make a path. I nod back at Gavin and drive through.  After we have gone several miles past the roadblock I look at Jesus and then call back, “OK, Glenn, you can get out now.”  The kids let him out and he climbs back into a seat. “I can’t believe that worked,” he says. I grin at him in the mirror.  “Never underestimate the power of simplicity,” I reply.

 

Soon we arrive at Hilltop.  We unload and walk in, but notice that there are remains of some big fires and there are some parts of the gates that look new.  What happened here? I see Maggie talking to someone over by a trailer and run over to her. “Maggie, why are you out of bed?! What happened?” I ask.  She turns and gives me a hug. “You’re back!” she exclaims. “We had an incident I had to help with. Don’t worry, I did it mostly sitting down.” I look at her in shock.  I shake my head, nevermind, Glenn will make sure she rests. I say, “I brought somebody for you,” and look back. She follows my gaze and the kids part and there is Glenn. Their reunion is sweet to watch.  I don’t know if I’ve ever seen two people more in love.

After they are done greeting each other, Maggie brings us up to speed.  The Dr. ruled out placenta previa, but she did have abruptio placentae which is a separation of the placenta from the uterine wall.  Hers was just a small one, so bedrest would fix it. I give her a significant look and then look around the yard. She sighs and then explains what happened, how they woke up to music playing in a car, the gates open and walkers inside.  They couldn’t get out cause their doors were locked, so they went through the roof. She assures me all she did was ride in a tractor sitting down, that she squashed the car and shut off the music with the tractor. Glenn urges her back inside to lay down.  

Jesus and I investigate the Hilltop, making sure everything is secure again.  We talk to several of the residents who fill us in on more of the incident and how the saviors came afterwards--and how Gregory meant to give up Maggie to them.  The overwhelming theme is that Maggie is their hero though. They respect her. No respect for Gregory comes through. Hmmm, I share a look with Jesus. We can work with this.  Jesus reminds me that I promised to be back to Alexandria by dark. I nod, I didn’t expect things to have happened at Hilltop though. I need to talk to Maggie before I leave.

I go visit her in her trailer.  Glenn has her back in bed and is sitting by her side talking to her.  He looks up, “I brought her up to date on the plan,” he says. I nod. Maggie says, “Wow, Sandi, a plan and 2 other communities to fight with us?  You’ve been busy.” I smirk, “Yes, although Rick doesn’t have the same appreciation for it that you do.” I say. Maggie shares a glance with Glenn. “He’ll come around,” she says.  I sigh. “I hope so,” I reply. “I can’t live somewhere with that tight of control, where the leader doesn’t trust me.” She puts her hand on my knee. “He trusts you.” I give her a look filled with doubt. She reiterates, “He does.  It’s just, well, whatever it is between you two. It’s got all his protective instincts riled up. He’ll adjust, he will. Especially if you two can work things out. Just give him a chance.” I clear my throat awkwardly. Is there  _ anyone  _ that doesn’t see this attraction between us?  “I’ll try,” I reply.

 

Glenn says, “Sandi, you need to head back.  You promised you’d be back tonight.” I nod.  “I know,” I say. “But if you need me here to help clean up, I can stay.”  Glenn shakes his head hard. “I appreciate you getting me here. But, you need to keep your promise.  We’ve got this.” I nod and say my goodbyes. The kids hug Maggie and we head back to the van to brave the road again.  Maggie calls, “Hilltop will be ready and will join you for the war in seven days. We’ll get all our tasks done, I’ll make sure of it!”  I nod and wave goodbye. We get back in the van for the trip back to Alexandria. I am unenthused. I know an angry man will be waiting for me.  It was easier to discount that when I was heading away from him.

 

Surprisingly, Simon’s roadblock was gone.  I’m relieved, I really didn’t feel like dealing with him tonight.  I suppose it makes sense, he pulled all his resources to mess with Hilltop last night.  We make it back to Alexandria in record time. As I pull up and park the van, it’s dusk, the light is starting to fade.  I step out and see Rick up on the guard post. Great. He calls down for them to open the gate and we walk through.

I see Rick climbing down from the guard tower.  Darn, I’m exhausted. I know it was unrealistic, but I’d hoped I could get some sleep first.  He walks over to me, but Michonne reaches us first. She eyes me. “I’m glad you made it back.  Did you get Glenn there safe?” she asks. I nod and run a hand through my hair nervously as Rick comes to a stop next to us.  My kids walk past heading home. I wish I could go with them.

“Yes, we dropped Cyndie off at Oceanside, snuck Glenn through the roadblock,” I see Ricks jaw clench at this, “and got both him and Jesus to Hilltop just fine.”  Michonne nods. “Good, I’m glad it all went smoothly,” she responds. “You realize that could have turned out badly, that you were pushing it after yesterday?” she continues.  I look at her in shock and then look at Rick. He’s surprisingly silent. I didn’t expect Michonne to be the one to call me out.

“I know it might have been pushing things a bit,” I concede.  “But I’d promised Maggie I’d get Glenn to her before I left her at the Hilltop.”  Rick makes a sound of frustration and grates out, “That’s a detail you failed to mention.”

I glance at him.  Yep, he’s angry now.  I sigh. “Well, I  _ was _ going to tell you.  But then you went all Ricktator controlling on me, so I figured I’d better just get it done and then talk to you about it later.  I knew how to do it and you don’t seem to trust that I can take care of myself.”

Rick visibly takes a breath.  I think he’s trying to reign in his temper.  Interesting. I’ve never seen him hold back before.  After a couple of deep breaths he says, “I do trust you.  I just don’t trust all the people out there--particularly the saviors--who want to hurt you.  Regardless of what kind of magic ticket you think you hold from Negan, I know people like that.  They don’t hold back well. One of them is going to snap and hurt you and I can’t let that happen.”  I see the sincerity in his eyes as he says this. Hmmm. 

 

He huffs another breath and then says, “Maybe we can communicate better.”  I stare at him in shock at this. “Talk things through better,” he continues.  “If you’re forthright with me, we can have a discussion and work things out to both of our satisfaction.  I’ll try harder, I promise.”

I stare at him without blinking.  My mouth might even be open. Who is this man, and where is uncompromising Rick Grimes?  The Ricktator? Michonne glances at me. “I think that’s a very generous offer,” she says.  “Sandi, would you be willing to work on communicating better with him?”

I swallow.  “You would talk and not just bark orders and questions at me?” I ask him.  “Actually listen?” I emphasize. He grimaces. “I’m sorry if that’s what I’ve been doing,” he says.  “I’ll do better.”

I nod.  “Alright, I’m willing to try,” I respond.  He visibly relaxes in front of me--I didn’t realize he was wound up so tight until I see him relax.

 

He motions toward our homes.  “Shall we walk and talk?” he asks.  I hesitate, but then nod. I guess we may as well try this out and see if we can make it work.

We say our goodbyes to Michonne and begin to walk down the street.  Rick glances at me and then says, “Eugene got the CCTV monitoring set up like you asked him to.”  I glance at him to see if he’s angry. He doesn’t look like it. He continues, “That was a very smart idea to do that.  Nobody can sneak up on us now.” I wait for the lecture about stopping to pick up the stuff. It doesn’t come. I eye him warily.  This seems too good to be true.

“Yeah, when I saw the supplies I knew it would be a good option if we could get it to work.” I glance at him again.  “I was going to tell you, truly I was. I just wanted to make sure Eugene could make it work first.” He nods. “That makes sense.”  Wow. We’re having an actual conversation. No accusations being thrown around. I feel a twinge of hope that this is a turning point.

 

“Hilltop had an incident last night.  I almost stayed to help them out, but they had it under control and Glenn is there to help them out now,” I say.  This gets his attention quickly. He says, “I’m glad you kept your word and came back tonight as promised. What happened?”  I cringe. He doesn’t know how close I really came to staying, mostly to avoid this confrontation that is actually going quite well.  I mentally send a thanks to Glenn for insisting I return on time. Also an extra thanks for Rick being so reasonable. I glance at him again.  So reasonable that this is feeling very weird.

“The saviors opened their gates in the night, locked them in their buildings so they couldn’t get out and put a car with speakers playing loud songs in the middle of the community.  Multiple walkers came in, of course.” Rick looks shocked to hear this. I quickly reassure him, “They’re all OK. Maggie actually saved the day by driving a tractor over a bunch of walkers and squashing the car to stop the music.”  I shake my head at this again.

“She’s OK?” he asks.  “Yeah,” I respond. “Although she was supposed to be on bedrest.  She assures me she was sitting in the tractor the whole time.” I grin at him while I say this.  He responds with a smile saying, “I can just picture Maggie saying that.” I laugh. “Yeah, it’s a good thing I got there with Glenn.  He’ll keep her down and can help with the cleanup. Maggie assured me they will fulfill their obligations for the war and have everything ready on time.”  He nods appreciatively.

We walk in silence for a minute as we approach my house.  I stop in front of my sidewalk and face him.

“This is weird, you know?  I keep waiting for you to start yelling,” I tell him.  He looks down. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I never meant to yell,” he replies.  We stand there awkwardly for a minute.

“Well,” I finally say, “I guess I’ll head in.  It’s been a long day.” He looks up at this. “Yes, that it has,” he says.  He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Thanks for coming back. And...for the second chance.  Maybe we can talk some more tomorrow?” he asks hopefully. I nod and turn and walk up the steps.  When I get to the door, he still stands there watching me. I wave and go inside. That was so strange, but he seems sincere.  Maybe things are looking up? I head to bed. I am truly exhausted. That doesn’t keep me from pondering the changes in Rick as I lie in bed ready to sleep.  From Crazy Dude to Ricktator to Reasonable Rick in a little over a week? What else does he have in store for me, I wonder as I slide into sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, what do you think of Reasonable Rick?  Do you think he can keep it up or will the Ricktator take over again soon?  


	18. New Normal?

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

 

The next day I’m up early, just before the sun.  It’s surprising because I was dead tired last night, I thought I’d sleep in.  I mix up some hot chocolate in the kitchen, falling back into my routine. I walk out on the front porch and settle into my swing to watch the sunrise.Soon after the sun comes up, I see the door next door open, and Rick steps out ready to do his rounds.  I start to get up and then remember--I’m dealing with Reasonable Rick now, so I can stay put. He walks past and looks over at me. “Mornin’,“ he says giving me a nod. I nod back and murmur, “Morning.” He walks on and I let out a breath. OK, good, I was hoping he wasn’t planning on a heart to heart first thing in the morning when my brain was still waking up.  I relax and sip the rest of my drink, but head back inside before he returns. No reason to tempt the newfound peace with challenges right off.

I get dressed and check in with the kids--they’re all still sleeping.  I leave a note in the kitchen and then head off to find Eugene. We need to get his bullet production up and running and find all the efficiencies we can.  We need those bullets. This is my self-assigned next task.

Once I find Eugene, he’s about to leave with Tobin and a large group of Alexandrians for the factory.  It isn’t far, but is outside the walls of the town. We get there quickly with our supplies and set to work setting up production.  I make some tweaks here and there, but Eugene has things under control. Mostly I blur his blunt edges with the others so we don’t have a revolt with his demands.  

I find myself working the assembly line next to Tobin.  I quickly find out he has a very dry sense of humor. He has an arsenal of Dad jokes which he proceeds to tell me.  I know most people don’t like Dad jokes, but I miss my Dad and he was the master. He keeps me entertained through the morning until it’s time to break for lunch.  After lunch, I resume my place by Tobin and am laughing hard at a joke he just told when I see Rick, Daryl and Abraham walk in. I see Rick look my way and then look hard at Tobin.  Odd. I send a quick wave at Rick and company and continue working. Tobin cracks another joke which has me laughing again. I hear, “Sandi!” above the sound of us working and glance over at Rick.  He’s motioning for me to come join them. I look around and grab someone to cover my job and then walk over.

“What’s up?” I ask.  “How are things going here?” Rick asks.  “Are we going to be able to produce what we need?” he questions.  I look at Eugene confused, he should have been able to answer those questions.  Eugene says, “I have assured Rick we’d meet our deadline but he insisted on hearing it from you.”  Huh. I look back at Rick, “As long as we don’t have any hiccups, we should be able to produce what we need in time.  Eugene is right.” Rick smiles at me, wow, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen this big of a smile out of him before. Usually he has to touch me to feel that crazy spark, but I’m feeling it now with that smile, it’s blinding. 

“That’s perfect,” he says.  He glances up at the production line where I had been working and then continues, “Could you come go over the plan with us again?” gesturing to Daryl and Abraham.  “So we can just make sure we haven’t missed anything?” I look over to Eugene and back to Rick. “Um, sure, as long as Eugene doesn’t need me anymore.” I send a querying look to Eugene.  Eugene replies, “I have noted all of your suggested efficiencies and will carry them out. You are free to go.” 

I’m soon following the three men back through the streets on the short walk back to Alexandria.  Rick moves to walk beside me. I glance over at him and he smiles, again. Woah, he’s got to stop doing that, I think as my heart zings.  “I don’t think I’ve said thank you,” he says. I look back at him, “for what?” I query. “For all of this. For the plan, for recruiting allies, for our outside monitoring cameras, for getting Maggie to Hilltop to the Dr., for making Eugene’s set up more efficient.”  He gives me an intense look, “for all of it,” he says. I look away, I can’t hold that gaze. I now realize the downside of getting along with him. Without being mad at him all the time, the intensity I feel from him is even more prominent now. I could tune it out a bit when he made me angry.  I take a breath and say, “I didn’t do any of that by myself.” He quickly responds, “I know. But without you, none of it would have happened.” 

We pause as we get to the gate and Rosita lets us in.  Michonne joins us and we arrive shortly, entering his garage and taking seats around the table.  Rick pulls out the plan and proceeds to go over every detail again. We also make updates of what we know of the status on each item.  I scribble notes as we go, I need to update the project plan tonight. My arm keeps brushing his on my right, he’s seated a little too close.  I scootch over a bit and he looks at me. I geture to my arm, “Can’t write, keep running into your arm,” I say as I bend back to my papers. Yes, much better.  Now there’s a little space between us. “What was that last thing about the lookouts?” I ask. Abraham clarifies and I resume my notes while they debate another point.  Daryl reminds us to make sure and pick out what cars we want to use so we can get the metal protectors put on them. Jesus is going to bring his blacksmith here on Monday to outfit the cars while we have our leadership touchbase.  Soon we have everything double and triple checked and the meeting breaks up. Daryl leaves first as Abraham has a quick word with Rick on his way out. I talk to Michonne for a minute and then tell her I’m going to grab some dinner and make sure the kids have eaten.  I slip out while Rick is still talking to Abraham. 

I make short work of the walk to my house and am soon inside.  I stop quickly when I see Tobin in the living room chatting with the kids.  “Hey guys, what’s going on?” I ask. Kayla laughs, saying, “Mom, Tobin has a boat he takes on the lake and invited us to go check it out.  He even has sandwiches for dinner.” I look at Tobin and he holds up an actual old-fashioned picnic basket. He smiles, “The kids mentioned they hadn’t been boating in a long time and the lake isn’t much, but I thought you guys might want to go.”

I look at the kids and see mostly pleading gazes wanting to go.  “Well, that’s very kind of you Tobin, the kids look like they’ll die if they don’t get a ride on your boat now,” I respond.  I think longingly of the quiet night I had planned. Ah well, the kids don’t get a lot of fun things these days. I’ll survive.  The kids cheer and we all head out the door for the lake which isn’t far.

I spread out a blanket for the picnic intending to keep my feet firmly on the ground.  Somehow I find myself in the boat though. We are on our last trip around the lake as the sun is starting to set when I see Rick, Carl and Judith walking past watching us.  I yell hello and wave at them, as does Jordan, Kira and Tobin. Carl waves and I see Judith waving her arms as well. Rick just stands there staring though. It’s hard to see, but he almost looks...angry?  Soon they continue on toward home and I’m left trying to figure out what I’ve done now. The man is a whirlwind of personalities from day to day. I wonder if he has a personality disorder? Soon we make it back to shore and I thank Tobin for the boat ride and we head home.  When we run up the stairs I glance over and see Rick staring at me out of his kitchen window. He still looks mad. I shrug it away, I don’t have time to figure out what’s up with him. The kids and I clean up and go to bed. Have I mentioned that I love my bed? It’s so soft and I have an excellent nights sleep in it.

 

In the morning I’m running late but soon I have the kids all up and moving and fed breakfast.  We are all heading to all help at the bullet factory today. Many hands make light work and all of that.  The morning passes swiftly as I happily work next to Tobin again. He is entertaining and makes a monotonous job past more swiftly.  Soon, Rick, Sasha and Rosita walk in. They wander over to where we are cleaning up from lunch. “Here to check up on us again, huh?” I tease Rick.  He looks taken aback, sputtering, “No, no, just checking in. Also Sasha and Rosita were looking for you,” he gestures to them, “are things still going well?”

I look at Sasha and Rosita with a surprised look on my face.  I mean, I’ve met them and they seem nice, but I don’t really know them well.  I can’t think of why they’d be looking for me. “Yes,” I respond to Rick, “things are going amazingly well.  We are actually ahead of schedule.” He looks very happy about that and says he’s going to check in with Eugene.

Sasha looks at me and says, “We thought you might want a head’s up that Father Gabriel is calling everyone to attend church tomorrow.”  I look back at her confused. “I don’t really belong to his denomination,” I respond. She smiles and says, “I know. But it’s kind of expected that we all attend.  Solidarity and all that. Also, he wants to do something to get us all ready for the coming war.” I nod. “OK, that makes sense I guess. I appreciate the warning. What time is church?” I ask.  Rosita responds, “It’s at 10am, but that’s not the important part.” I give her a quizzical look. “It’s not?” I ask. “No,” Rosita says, “we’re dressing up for church. All of the women of Alexandria have agreed.  There isn’t much call for dressing up so we’re going to make church tomorrow a day to get gussied up for once.” I stare at her blankly. Sasha picks up the beat now, “We know you probably don’t have dressy clothes,” she says.  I snort. Not hardly. She smiles in return and continues, “That’s why we came to get you. We want to raid the pantry before everyone else thinks of it. It has clothes there too. We wanted you to come with us.” Their purpose is starting to sink in.  On one hand, it seems like such a trivial, trite thing to do, get dressed up in this world. On the other hand, if everybody’s agreed it would be nice to  _ look nice _ again.  I grin at them, “I’m in,” I say.  They cheer and I go tell the kids what I’m doing.  I have strict instructions from the girls to get them something nice.  Jordan is just hoping I don’t find anything for him so he doesn’t have to dress up--I know how that boy thinks.  

 

Soon Rosita, Sasha and I are rummaging through the pantry, trying to find the perfect outfits.  I find things for the girls quickly that they’ll like. For myself it is a bit harder. Finally I settle on a dress that isn’t the best shade for me, but it fits.  Rosita sees me holding it up and grabs Sasha and walks over. “Hell no, you can’t wear that,” Rosita says. “Well, it’s this or that granny dress,” I reply. Sasha looks at me and then says, “I have the perfect outfit at home for you.  Come on, we have everything else that we need there,” and pulls me out the door. I protest, but am steamrollered. In fact, they don’t listen to anything I say and I soon find myself in front of a mirror with a gorgeous red dress on. It’s a little tight, a lot low in the bust line and shorter above my knees than I’d like.  I start to shake my head, but they insist this is the one and then pull out the shoes to match. I fall in love with the shoes although I don’t know how well I’d walk in high heels these days. The shoes push me over the edge though and I end up home with red dress and shoes along with my picks for the kids. How do I let myself get talked into these things, I wonder as I hang everything up in the closet.

By the time the kids get home, I have dinner on the table and we’re able to enjoy a quiet night while the girls try on their new outfits.  Much to Jordan’s dismay, I have nice clothes for him as well. 

In the morning we spend an unusual amount of time in the bathrooms--doing hair and getting ready.  By the time everyone is ready, we only have about ten minutes before the service starts. We rush to the church, which considering the high heels I’m wearing it’s an impressive feat that we make it before they start.  Everyone else all seems to be there as I follow the kids inside. I smooth down my dress nervously, this really is not the kind of dress I’d normally wear or feel comfortable in, and follow the kids inside. 

A lot of people are standing in the back chatting as I look around.  Tobin walks up to me immediately wishing me a good morning and complimenting my dress.  I see Rick across the church who is staring intently at me. Oh my, we’re back to intense Rick now I see.  Kira runs up with Carl, “Mom, come here, you’ve got to see Judy’s cute outfit,” she says. She grabs my hand and starts pulling me across the church to where Rick holds Judith.  I wave goodbye at Tobin since I’m being drug away. Kira pulls me almost into Rick. I skid to a stop, wobbling a bit in my shoes. Rick catches me with his free arm. “You OK there?” he asks.  I nod sheepishly. “Yeah, I’m just really not used to heels anymore,” I respond. He nods and Judy then demands my attention with a “Ba!” I admire her dress and tell her how pretty she looks and soon she launches herself into my arms.  I’m covered with her frothy dress as I hold her while chatting with her. 

Father Gabriel asks us all to have a seat and I offer Judy back to Rick.  He just shakes his head and gestures towards the pews. Alrighty then. I guess we’re sitting together?  I shoo the kids toward a longer pew and they move in ahead of us. Carl goes in to sit by Kira after which I follow.  Rick comes last and sits on the end by me. It’s a little crowded, with all eight of us in this pew, so I can feel Rick’s entire side pressed against mine.  I take a deep breath as I help Judy stand up on my legs. Oh my. How long is this service again? Judy bounces on my legs as Rick moves his arm back and behind me along the pew and talks to her while she jumps.  Ack. This is entirely too close. Judy finally sits down on my lap and I cross my legs to get more comfortable. I see Rick’s eyes follow my legs. OK, possibly not the smartest move I’ve ever made. I try to discreetly tug my skirt down a bit.

The service goes on for what seems like forever as Father Gabriel asks for blessings on our endeavor to protect our people.  Finally he winds down after what seems like eternity. I quickly stand up once the service is over and Rick joins me with his hand on the small of my back, guiding me.  What is that all about? I’m not  _ that _ wobbly anymore.  We all wander out of the church and I chat with a few people around the area and Rick sticks next to me the whole time.  Carl comes and takes Judy from me for which my arms are thankful--she is definitely growing. Jordan calls me, “Mom, come on!”  I see he is eager to leave, so I head toward him with Rick, Carl and the girls following. We all start to walk home but I’m wobbling and my feet are sore.  I am  _ so _ not used to heels anymore.  I stop and Rick stops beside me and watches as I peel my shoes off.  I wiggle my toes and say, “Much better,” as he and the kids all laugh at me.  I laugh back and tell them, “Hey, you may think it’s funny now, but as beautiful as those shoes were I can't take them anymore.  Some things just need to be done consistently to handle them, ya know?” I march off toward home with my shoes hanging from my fingers.  

As we approach the houses, I see Tobin standing on my porch.  Rick quickly says, “We’re having a potluck with several of us, we’d love it if you’d join us.  We have plenty of food.” The kids hear and cheer and rush toward Ricks house. I nod at him and say, “It looks like the kids are all in,” I chuckle, motioning to the kids already running in his front door.  He looks at me and asks, “but are you all in?” I nod, saying “Sure. I’m always up for food.” Rick continues, “I was hoping we could talk some more like we’d agreed. I was coming to find you the other night but you were occupied on the lake.”  I stare at him, realizing that he’s irritated we didn’t continue our talks. Is that why he was mad that night? Just then, Tobin walks toward us and I stop to see what he needs. Rick stops next to me, placing his hand on the small of my back again.  Tobin shuffles a little nervously giving Rick a glance and says, “Sandi, I was going to see if you and the kids wanted to come over for dinner, but it looks like you may have other plans.”

I’m relieved we have plans.  I don’t want to give Tobin the wrong idea and say, “So sorry, yeah we’re having dinner over at Rick’s house.”  Tobin nods. “Maybe another time then.” I nod and say, “Yeah, maybe.” Tobin nods and walks away. I look after him, feeling bad.  I didn’t realize where he was going with that. Did I encourage him? I’m thinking about this when Rick says, “Seems you have a fan.”  I look at him and shake my head. “Now I feel bad. Do you think he had other expectations? Did I somehow give him the wrong idea?” I question while looking at Tobin’s retreating back.  Rick touches my arm and I look back at him. “I wondered. But looking at it now, I think you’re just a nice person and he took it the wrong way. No, I don’t think you did anything to lead him to believe there was hope there,” he says.  I sigh, still not feeling great about this. I hate hurting people and I have a feeling I just hurt Tobin. Rick says, “Don’t worry, he’ll be OK. I think he understands how things are now.” He then leads me to his house. As I enter his home I wonder about his statement.   Just how are things now? I don’t even understand them, what things does Rick think Tobin understands now? I really hope he doesn’t mean what I suspect he means. Did Rick just lay claim to me?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, was Rick actually jealous of Tobin?  Sandi just isn’t sure how to react to this new Rick and he keeps throwing her off.  Can she continue to keep her distance without her anger to give her space from the spark between them?


	19. Relationship Decisions

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

My thoughts are whirling as we enter Rick’s house.  On the one hand, I want to call him out for what he just said.  On the other hand, I could have been misinterpreting. I know he’s interested in me, he told me that the first night we were here.  But he said he’d wait until I was ready to pursue it...not that I think he’s a real patient man. But he is a man in control of his emotions and he hasn’t pushed me thus far, actually he was doing a good job of pushing me away with all his bossiness up until I returned from my 2nd trip to the Hilltop.  Yeah, he always seems to have little touches and things that remind me he’s there, but that just seems to be who he is rather than a way to corral me into a relationship. I think he really does intend to wait for me to be ready. I wonder what happens when he realizes that I’ll never be ready? I have no intention of having another relationship.  I barely survived losing Dave. The kids are the only reason I’m still here. I can’t do that again. I told him I might never be ready though. He thinks I’m wrong, but I’ve been nothing but honest with him about that.

My brain hurts with all this thinking and luckily Michonne, Sasha and Rosita strike up a conversation about past life church potlucks as I start filling a plate.  I throw myself into the conversation and soon find myself having a good time with ‘the girls.’ I even sit by them as we continue our conversation but keep a sense for where Rick is at all times.  He’s on the other side of the room with Abe and Daryl discussing something but I can feel his eyes on me several times. I decide that the less time I spend with him, the better until I can figure out what’s going on here.  I know he wanted to talk so more, but what do we really have to talk about? Haven’t we said it all for now? Given that I have no intention of becoming involved with him, it seems the best choice to stay away from him.

I pass the time with the girls and even take a break to go watch the kids show me some tricks they learned on the trampoline.  We all cheer them on, it’s nice to see them able to relax and have some fun for a bit in this world. Somehow I manage to avoid Rick for the rest of the night by paying attention to my sense of where he is.  He goes outside, so I stay in. He comes our way and I find myself talking to another group across the room. It really works amazingly well and doesn’t look like I’m obviously avoiding him...I think.

As it starts to get dark, I start rounding up the kids for home.  Rick just stepped into the garage with several of the guys, so it’s a good chance to leave while he’s not watching.  I tell Carl thanks for the food and the good time and to tell his Dad thanks as well and the kids and I go home. I let out a sigh of relief once we shut the front door and the kids all disperse to their own nighttime pursuits.  Once I’ve tidied up the kitchen and living room, I go upstairs to bed. Somehow, even though I didn’t do anything worthwhile or any hard work, it’s been a long day.

In the morning I’m up early again.  I mix my hot chocolate and eye my front porch, but decide it’s probably not wise just yet.  Yep, there goes Rick on his rounds shortly after. Wise choice to stay out of his way for now.  I make the kids breakfast, but soon see Jesus and King Ezekiel walk toward Rick’s garage followed shortly by Cyndie and Michonne.  It looks like everyone made it for the touchbase we planned. I take a deep breath and walk over to the garage to join them. I need to hear how their preparations have gone, how the roads are out there and if we will be meeting our deadlines in preparation for Friday.

As I walk in, everyone is talking but when the door shuts, King Ezekiel looks up from his conversation with Rick.  He smiles and walks over to me for a hug, lifting me off the floor as I squeak in surprise. “Sandi, I’m so happy to see our strategist today!  I have good news to report to you,” he says as he puts me back on the floor. I shoot him a small smile as I recover and ask, “And what is your news that requires you to hoist me into the air?”  He grins and reports, “The Kingdom has completed all of the tasks due and all the others are in process right now!” Jesus then walks over and says, “The Hilltop is also on schedule and our blacksmith is out working on your lineup of cars right now.”  I grin. Then Cyndie walks over, “Oceanside has brought the weapons we promised and we are also on schedule.” I look at all three of them and then at Rick who is smiling. I say, “That’s spectacular everybody! I think we are not only going to be prepared, but we are going to win this war!”  Then I see that Carol is standing on the side of the room. I rush over to her, “You’re back,” I say as I hug her. I’ve missed her. She hugs me back. “Yeah, I needed some time to get my head on straight again. Thanks for holding down the fort and keeping this lot on track,” she replies. Rick is now standing next to me and says, “I agree, we are prepared and Carol’s back to help us win.  Let’s sit down and go over the details and update the plan. Sandi?” he gestures to me to take a seat and start the discussion. I sit and he sits next to me. Whoops, I walked right into that one didn’t I?

After everyone is settled at the table we go over the plan with a fine-toothed comb.  We mark the completed items and detail everything that is yet to be done. Once we have everything outlined to our satisfaction Jesus gives us a surprise--a long range radio that belongs to the saviors.  We can hear their chatter and spy on them from afar. The best thing of all is that it gives us an idea of where they are and what they are doing.

I point out that the radio makes it safer to start the big job--the study of the walker herd so we can figure out how long it’ll take to get them to the Sanctuary.  Rick glances at me and then states he’s going to take a group out of investigate. I give him a look, but then realize that he’s right, it’s time. As much as I’d like to keep them all here, the long range radio at least give us a chance to get out of the way before any saviors show up.  “I agree, it’s time,” I say. Rick looks at me surprised, I think he thought I was going to argue with him to stay put again. “We have some work to do in order to make sure we can direct the walkers to the right place at the right time. We’d better get on that.”

Rick replies, “I’m going to take Carol, Daryl, Tara, Rosita, Abraham and Michonne out to do this study.”  He stares at me, “You’re off the hook for this one, you’ve done enough. Stay and make sure everything else runs smoothly.”

At first I’m offended, there he goes trying to protect me again--I don’t want or need his protection.  But then I realize--this gets him out of my way for a bit. I won’t have to work out where he is all the time so I can avoid him.  He saw my eyes light up in protest and is ready for a fight. He’s very surprised when I respond, “OK, you take care of this one, just make sure you dot your i’s and cross your t’s so nothing goes wrong.  I’ll work on the other pieces here.” Now he’s staring at me suspiciously. Sheesh, I just can’t win. “Stay safe out there,” I say, giving each of them a hard look. “Watch out for Negan and the saviors closely, and if they come close, hide.  Don’t try to take them on alone. We have a plan, a good one. We need to let it work.” Rick relaxes and nods. “We will. We’ll do what’s needed and then be back. It might take a couple days though to do it right.” I nod and look away. He’s really dialed up the intensity so much it’s almost uncomfortable to look him in the eyes.  Or maybe that’s my guilty conscience knowing that I’ve already made a decision about our non-relationship that I haven’t shared with him yet.

We all start to disperse and I try to make my escape.  Rick’s hand lands on my shoulder before I quite get out the door.  I stop and turn around, reluctantly. Luckily there are still a lot of people in the garage so it isn’t like we’re alone.  “Yes?” I query. He’s still staring intently at me. “I’m counting on you to make sure everything else is done while I’m gone.”  I nod. “I’ll keep an eye on everything and make sure work continues. Don’t worry, we’ll be ready. Just concentrate on the walkers and how we can control them.”  He nods back. “We will. I’m sorry we didn’t get the chance to talk more yesterday and now I’m going to be gone…” he trails off. “Yeah, things were a bit chaotic at your house yesterday,” I say, “I appreciate the invite, it was fun.  Nice to relax a bit before everything happens. We can talk after this is all over, no big deal.” He eyes me like he knows something is up. “Yeah, after,” he replies. “Definitely after,” he affirms as he gives me a hard, intent look.  I nod thinking that’s going to be a discussion I don’t really want to have. I’ll have to tell him my decision as far as any kind of relationship. Just then, Michonne walks up asking Rick when he wants to leave to study the walkers. “Within the hour,” he replies.  She nods and they move off to inform everyone else on the team going out there to be prepped and meet at the gate in an hour. I use the opportunity to slip out the door.

In an hour, I join everyone else at the gate to see them all off.  King Ezekiel, Cyndie, Jesus and his blacksmith are heading back to their communities as well.  I checked over the cars armor earlier to verify we were all set. Everyone mills around as they get ready to go.  I look up to see Rick coming straight toward me with that intent look again. Dang, I thought I could just blend in with the crowd.  “We’ll be back as soon as we can,” he says to me. I nod, “Don’t cut it short though. Make sure we have the data we need.” He nods and then suddenly moves in.  The next thing I know he’s hugging me tightly. He whispers in my ear, “We’ll talk later about why you’re avoiding me.” I swallow hard and whisper back, “Just stay safe.  And come back.” He pulls back and nods at me while giving me a knowing look. 

Soon they have all left and the gate is closed again.  I take a deep breath and then consult my internal list of what needs to be done next.  

The next couple days pass more slowly than I could have imagined.  We work on everything that needs to be done the rest of Monday and all day Tuesday.  But now it’s Wednesday and almost everything is completed other than Eugene’s bullet factory--we’ll be producing right up to the day we leave.  We’ve outpaced production though, we already have the amount I thought it’d take a week to produce, so we have ammo to spare. I’m worried though.  I haven’t seen or heard anything from Rick’s group since they left on Monday. What if they were caught? What if they couldn’t control the walkers? What if they’re out there pinned down?  I find myself heading back to the guard tower at the front of Alexandria for what seems like the millionth time today. It’s getting dark. As I climb to the top of the tower, I make up my mind.  If they aren’t home by morning, I’m going out tomorrow to find them--or find what happened to them. I have a large knot of dread in the pit of my stomach. I may have decided against a relationship with Rick, but I don’t want him dead.  Just the thought upsets me, but I don’t want to examine that too closely. After about 10 minutes of monitoring, I see lights. I’m filled with hope that it’s them--or dread that it’s the saviors, that they finally found us. We sent the walkie with Rick so they’d know if the saviors were heading toward them.  That left us in the dark though. I watch carefully and as the first car pulls up and parks I finally recognize it--it’s Rick's group, they’re back! I call down to open the gate and climb down the guard tower as fast as I can. 

Before I can reach the bottom of the ladder, I’m lifted off and swung around into a hard chest.  Rick hugs me tightly and I helplessly hug him back just as tight. When he finally lets me go, I take a step back and then punch him in the arm.  “You scared me, you jerk,” I say. He laughs so I continue. “No seriously, I had just decided I was going to go out and find you all tomorrow if you weren’t back.”  His face gets more serious then. “You know better than that.” I nod, but that doesn’t change the fact that I was going to do it. Michonne runs over and gives me a hug and then several others from the group join us.  They tell me how they have timed the walkers, and they also found explosives. We have the perfect way to direct the walkers where we need to them to be now. Soon I walk with the group back toward our houses. It’s been a long day, we need to rest.  We have a lot to finalize tomorrow.

People drop off as we pass their houses, soon only Rick, Michonne and I remain.  Michonne tells us she’s eager for bed and runs ahead. Rick and I stop in front of my house.  I turn to tell him goodnight and he reaches his hand up and cups my cheek. “Sandi…” he starts to say very seriously.  Suddenly we hear Carl, “Dad!” he yells as he runs down the steps. We turn toward him and he barrels into Rick giving him a hug.  Carl had been as frantic as I was. The only reason he wasn’t haunting the gate is because he finally took Judith back to put her to bed.  Rick hugs and comforts his son and tells him about his successful trip. When they finally look up, I’m halfway up my stairs. I wave back, “Goodnight you two.  Get some sleep, we have a lot to do tomorrow.” Rick’s eyes narrow at me, but then he responds, “Goodnight. See you in the morning.” Carl says goodnight as well and I step inside and close the door.  I don’t think I want to know what Rick was about to say to me, but I can’t help being curious. I shrug it off, we have larger items to deal with. Only one more day until the war begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...what do you think about Sandi’s decision about her non-relationship with Rick?  She justifies not talking to him about it because she already told him she wouldn’t ever be ready and they are going to war so she doesn’t think they need the distraction--is that fair?  Do you think Rick’s going to let her get away with it?


	20. All Out War!

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

The next morning dawns bright and clear.  We have a lot of work to do, so after I have my morning cup of hot chocolate--in the kitchen--I dive right in.  I review the project plan again and take note of any loose ends. I round up a group to help me transport the bullets from the factory to Alexandria.  We need to be able to load them up when we leave. Soon Alexandria is bustling as residents from The Kingdom, Hilltop and Oceanside arrive and Alexandria is bursting at the seams.  I get them all set up in their own staging areas and pass out armbands. That seemed to be the best way for us to tell who is friend or foe since we aren’t going to recognize all the residents from the different communities.

The day passes swiftly with a lot of work being done and soon we are ready, the day is over and everybody is getting some sleep.  I saw Rick at various points throughout the day, but luckily he was just as busy as I was. A couple nods is all I got which I’m grateful for.

 

In the morning, everyone is moving early.  We have a lot to get done before 10am. I kiss the kids goodbye just before we load up everyone to caravan to the staging area.  They are going to stay behind with Carl & Judith and help protect and guard this place. Morgan, Carol, Tara & Daryl have already left to start the herd moving the direction we need them.  Soon we are all loaded up in vehicles to get to the staging area. Rick and some others have gone ahead to remove the lookouts in several key areas. At the last one, he motions for us to come after he has taken out the threat.  We reach the staging field just as the sun is coming up and Rick pulls me up onto the back of a truck with him, King Ezekiel and Maggie. I was surprised to see Maggie here, but Glenn had just shrugged and said he couldn’t stop her and something about getting their Dr. back.  I protest when Rick grabs me, but I am hauled up anyway. I’m no leader, I shouldn’t be up here.

 

Rick speaks loudly, “When I first met him, Jesus said that our world was going to get a whole lot bigger.  Well, we found that world. We found each other. That…’bigger world’ is ours by right. That we’ve come together for it, all of us...it’s that much more true--it’s ours by right.  Any person who would live in peace and fairness, who would find common ground. It’s their right too. But those who use and take and kill to carve out the world and make it theirs alone--we end them.  We don’t...celebrate it. We don’t have shame about it, either. There’s only one person who has to die...and I will kill him myself. I will. I will.” At this I look at Rick. No. Not if I get to him first, I vow.  It’s my right, not his. I will take Negan out if it’s the last thing I do. 

Rick continues, “But if it’s the others...the others who prop him up, stand by his side, even those who just look the other way--so be it.  Then...we keep making the world bigger. Together.” Ezekiel repeats, “Together,” and continues, “Bound forever. To quote the Bard, ‘For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.’  For she today...my sister,” as he gestures to Maggie and I. Shiva roars in agreement.

Maggie says, “We’ve practiced.  We’ve been through it over and over again.  We all know the plan doesn’t end this morning.  That we may have to live in uncertainty for days, maybe more.  That we have to keep our faith in each other. If we can hold on to that with everything we have, the future is ours.  The  _ world _ is ours.”

Rick looks to me and I shake my head.  I don’t have any words for these people.  I’ve already given them all that I have--and it has to be enough. Rick nods and then he continues talking to the crowd himself, “I don’t want to wait for it anymore.”  He hops down from the back of the truck, “ You don’t either, I know,” he nods to Jesus as he walks by him. “So we don’t have to wait for it.” He paces in front of the crowd.  “If we start tomorrow right now...with everything we’ve beaten, with everything we’ve endured, everything we’ve risen above, everything we’ve become. If we start tomorrow  _ right _ now...no matter what comes next, we’ve won.  We’ve already won!”

 

After this pep talk, I’m relieved to retreat from that truck.   But...everyone seems inspired by Rick, Maggie and King Ezekiel’s words as they cheered.  Good. Hopefully that inspiration lasts until Negan’s blood covers the ground and he is no more.

 

Soon we see a large explosion coming from the direction of the Sanctuary.  That’s our cue. We load up in our armored cars and head out. At the last minute, Rick jumps into the passenger seat of my car.  I give him a glance and then keep driving, trying to ignore him. He puts his hand on my shoulder. I sigh, I need my wits about me now, he can’t be touching me and sending that crazy spark through me.  He says, “This is going to work. It is.” I nod at him. “It is,” I reply. He pulls his hand back and looks at me. “And we aren’t wading into the mass of walkers to take him out.  _ You _ aren’t doing that,” he emphasizes.  I nod. “I’m not,” I reply. “I’ll stick to the plan, we’ll surround them and take out the outposts.  Then we’ll deal with him.” He nods and relaxes with my compliance. I relax as well, feeling relief that he didn’t catch the loophole I left myself.  As long as we take out the outposts first, I technically didn’t commit to not doing anything after that. Negan is mine.

 

Just as planned, snipers take out the roof guards without anyone being the wiser.  The 2 cars the saviors sent to investigate the explosion have already left and hopefully will be  disposed of soon. We line up strategically and they all hop out of the cars, armed and ready. Rick gets out and wishes me luck.  I take off around the corner, meeting some vans driven by people from The Kingdom that they’ve pulled up to the back gate. Guns go off as they fire the warning shots in the front.  I run in the back doors and start evacuating workers and families. Everyone else is occupied out front. People are surprised to see me, but luckily they trust me. Hearing all the gunfire in the front doesn’t hurt either.  We fill the vans quickly. Soon, Negan steps out of a door and I can hear him saying, “Well, shit! I’m sorry, I was in a meeting.” My eyes burn hearing him again. I blink the tears away though. I’m seeing this through. Negan is saying a bunch of crap.  That’s all he’s full of...crap.

Rick responds and calls out Negan’s Lieutenants.  Tells them they can survive if they surrender. I’m starting to hear the walkers now...we don’t have much time.  Negan starts asking if we have the numbers for this fight and then that piece of crap pulls out Gregory, the Hilltop leader.  Huh. Figures that asshole would go running to Negan. Gregory tells everyone that the Hilltop stands with Negan and the saviors.  That any resident that takes up arms or who supports this ultimatum against the Sanctuary or any of the saviors, will no longer be welcome in the colony.  That their families will be thrown out and left to fend for themselves. To go home now or they won’t have a home to go back to. 

I listen to all of this as I get the last innocent people out the back.  Success. I send them on their way with their drivers back to The Kingdom, and drive my armored car back around to its place in the front, sliding into its spot quietly.  Rick sees me and nods at me while giving me that intense look. I give him a thumbs up letting him know the workers and families are safely away.

The residents of the Hilltop are looking around at each other nervously and Maggie tells them to do what they need to do.  Gregory yells one last time, “Hilltop stands with…” when Jesus interrupts him and yells, “The Hilltop stands with Maggie!” Simon gets mad and throws Gregory down the stairs.

 

Another explosion comes from a distance.  Good. That should be their people they sent out to investigate.  Nobody else is close enough to help them. Rick tells the Lieutenants they have to make up their minds.  Gavin asks for a time-out and Rick shuts him down saying it has to happen now. This is the only way. Rick starts counting down for them.  Ten, nine, eight, seven...and he starts shooting and we all join him. We do a good number on the windows of the Sanctuary, the air was filled with bullets.  Somewhere out there the walkers are getting closer, Daryl is going to bring them the rest of the way with the explosives we planted. We wind up our shooting when Maggie screams, “Now!”  She honks the horn to let Daryl know to bring the walkers the final leg. The RV bursts through the fence and blows up. I see Negan trying to hide behind some debris. I join Rick in shooting at him when Father Gabriel pulls us back.  Damnit, I could have had him, but Rick grabs me and we follow Father Gabriel. I’m able to keep an eye on Negan long enough to see he runs into a trailer though. Everyone loads back into their cars and drives back to the staging area.

 

We split up into teams to take out the outposts.  Morgan, Jesus and Tara lead a group to the newly staffed and fortified satellite station.  King Ezekiel and Carol lead a team to the chemical plant. Rick and Daryl went to Shepard Office Plaza and Aaron and Tobin led another group to create a distraction at the courtyard of Shepard Office Plaza.  I decided to tag along with the satellite group, at least I’d have a little more distance from Rick. I have a word with one of the snipers before we leave, just to make sure there are eyes on Negan in the trailer.  If he leaves that trailer, I want to know about it.

 

When we get to the satellite station we see they’ve created like a moat of walkers inside some chain link fence around the facility.  Great. Morgan makes a crazy move by making them congregate around him as he bangs on the fence. Luckily Dianne from the Kingdom takes out the 2 sentries with arrows before they get any shots off.  We move our way through the satellite station, taking out saviors as we come across them. Jesus goes soft and doesn’t kill a guy who ends up holding him hostage. I recognize him, he definitely isn’t a worker.  I walk up and shoot him before he can do more damage. Jesus gives me a look and I just glare back at him. In the end they all surrender. Jesus made a gamble and it paid off. I don’t agree, Tara doesn’t agree, nor does Morgan, but I have bigger fish to fry.  I tell Jesus that I have to get back and if he’s going to take them to Hilltop as hostages he’ll have to do it without me. 

 

I get back to the rooftop where the snipers are just before dusk.  It was tricky to navigate, but we had planned for a way to get over there via rooftops and avoiding the dead who are milling below surrounding the Sanctuary.  They have been observing all day and assured me Negan hadn’t left the trailer. I smile. Tomorrow is my day. Tomorrow Negan dies.

They have sleeping bags all lined up along the far side of the roof.  I’m going to need my strength for tomorrow, so I may as well get some rest.  I roll up in a blanket and pass out.

 

Not much later, Rick & Daryl make it back to the roof.  After getting a status update, Rick asks if anyone else has made it back.  Sasha points out where Sandi lays sleeping and tells him what she said about Jesus taking hostages and Tara & Morgan helping to escort them back to the Hilltop.  Rick updates those there about how the guns had been moved and they weren’t in time to save most of The Kingdom’s fighters. How he sent Aaron to the Hilltop with a baby after he lost Eric.  They sit in silence for a while, mourning the losses, but then Rick lines up the sniper watch rotation and sends everyone else to get some rest. 

He eyes the spot where Sandi’s sleeping and finally walks over, sits down on the sleeping bag next to her and takes off his boots.  He sees her shivering, so he moves his sleeping bag over right next to hers, pulls the blanket off her and lies down, pulling her into his arms as he covers them both with the blanket.  He tells himself that she’s cold and he’s helping her out by sharing his body heat. But he can’t deny the peace that comes over him when he holds her in his arms, like a puzzle piece is finally clicking into place.  He suspected it would feel like this, but now it’s confirmed. She definitely belongs with him. His last thought before drifting off is that when this is over they are going to talk... _ really _ talk.  And he won’t let her avoid him and he won’t take no for an answer anymore.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!  War is here and Negan doesn’t know what hit him!  I know, this isn’t the way it goes in the comics or in the tv show, but it’s just the way it went in my story.  People are alive who Negan killed, but I just think adding Sandi to the story with her knowledge of Negan and her loss of her husband made it so she could save some people.  Maggie doesn’t have to lose Glenn in order to become a great leader of Hilltop. Abraham can stay around being his normal inappropriate self.


	21. A Change of Plan

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

I wake up with a start.  I open my eyes but don’t register anything except that it’s still dark.  I’m cocooned in a cave of warmth, but something’s off, something’s wrong.  Why am I so warm, I remember being chilly as I went to sleep? As I start to more fully wake, I realize that someone’s arm is wrapped around my waist.  What the hell? I take a couple deep breaths and then turn my head as my eyes adjust to the dark. I feel breathing on my hair. But then I feel it, that spark, as I crane my neck to see, as my heart picks up the tempo and I realize that it’s Rick.  I relax, but then I tense again. No, I shouldn't feel safe in his arms. I shouldn’t even _be_ in his arms.  What did he do, sneak up and cuddle?  My mind boggles at this, why would he think I would welcome this?  A little rebellious part of my mind tells me that I do welcome this, that it feels comforting and safe.  It’s been a long time since I felt safe. I squash it down. No. I have a mission today and Rick is the last one I want around while I tackle this one.  I don’t even have to ask to know he won’t let me do this. In fact he’s shot it down a few times already and was suspicious enough yesterday to make me promise I wasn’t going to try to take Negan out, that we’d follow the plan and hit the outposts.  Hence the reason I don’t plan on asking for permission or let people know what I’m doing until it’s too late to stop me. One way or another, Negan dies today.

 

I start to slide out of his arms very carefully.  I freeze when he moves and starts muttering something under his breath.  All I understand is, “Keep you safe,” as he grabs me more securely, shifts me in his arms and wraps his arm tighter.  Crap. Even in his sleep he’s trying to protect me. Does he know what I’m planning, is that why he’s wrapped himself around me, to keep me from executing my plan?  I wait for what seems like forever, but is probably only 5 or 10 minutes. Finally he relaxes into deeper sleep and his hold loosens. This time I grab my pillow and stick it under his arm as I slide out.  Success! I put my shoes on and stand up looking at him with his death grip on my pillow. I smirk thinking about the shock he’s going to have when he wakes up. Serves him right for sneaking up on me in my sleep and then making it feel so good to be held.  I shake my head to clear my thoughts and stride away, keeping an eye on the current sniper sentry. Luckily they are watching the Sanctuary, not me, and everyone else is sleeping. I’m able to sneak down the rooftop entry into the building below without notice.

 

I case the joint and pick a door on the opposite side from the Sanctuary that only has a few walkers around it.  I manage to open it allowing only one to enter and then shut it without the others becoming aware. I take the walker down with a machete to the head and lay him out on the floor.  I pull a poncho out of my backpack and drape it over my head. I try to get a grip on my gag reflex--I’ve never done well with really strong, disgusting, smells. There is a reason Dave was the designated kid vomit cleaner in our house.  I just threw up in sympathy. I chop into the walker while holding my nose. Man, this is disgusting. Finally, I stick earplugs up my nostrils in desperation to keep me from gagging. Once I get it all chopped up, I reach inside to use the ooey, gooey insides to smear all over my poncho.  I’m so glad I have gloves on, but it’s still disgusting. By the time I’m done, I am covered in goo and even through the plugged nose, I can smell it.

It’s now or never.  I truly smell disgusting, so let's hope they think so as well.  I open the back door and start to make my way around the building.  The two walkers there look at me curiously, but don’t seem to be fazed.  I triple check all my weapons, just to make sure and then lumber my way around the corner of the building.  Luckily the sun is now rising, so I can see where I’m going. I turn another corner and then I can see it ahead of me.  The trailer where Negan is hiding. That’s my goal. It is more crowded now, more difficult to make my way toward the trailer.  The dead are gathered around it--they know their next meal is inside. Several are on the stairs, wanting to get in. I push a couple out of my way as I climb the stairs and I open the door.  When I swing it open, I swing with it and hit the side of the trailer before I drop down to the ground. Negan tries to grab it back, but several walkers are already pushing their way inside. I hear him yell, and then I hear some thwacks of his bat.  Damn. I was hoping he’d lost the stupid bat. Ah well, even if I take some hits, he’s going to die. I see walkers being mowed down as he runs down the stairs trying to make a run for it. I trip him and he goes down, but pops up again too fast. Damn, that would have been the easy way, for the walkers to have piled on him as he was on the ground.  I guess it’ll be the hard way then, I sigh in resignation. He whirls around to try and find what made him fall, but I’ve already blended to the other side of the crowd. I hear Rick shouting my name from the rooftop. He’s always been an early riser. Well, I guess he’s figured out what I’m doing then. Too bad he’s too late to stop me.

 

Negan makes a run for it, hitting any walkers in his way and runs up the stairs to the dock.  He makes it to the door and my heart is in my throat thinking he’s going to get away, when he bangs on the door in frustration.  I suppress a laugh. They locked him out. What did he really expect when he ruled in fear? They probably thought he was already dead after being out here overnight.

I avoid the stairs where walkers are already surging in pursuit and boost myself up the edge of the dock.  Negan turns and sees me and realizes I’m not a walker. He walks closer, examining me. “Sandi? Is that you?”  I nod at him and walk to the right putting him between me and the walkers coming up the stairs. “Darlin’ what are you doing out here in this?” he asks.  “Did you miss me so much you had to come back?” I glare at him and pull out my machete. I swipe at him and he retaliates with a blow to the side of the face.  Ouch. I shake my head, shake it off. He smiles and says, “ I guess not.” I glare and pull out my knife. I throw it at him, landing it in his side, near his ribs.  “That’s for Dave,” I growl. I have him riled up now, I can see the change in him. He’s out for blood now, he knows I intend to kill him. How he thought I’d ever forgive him for Dave, I don’t understand.  He pulls the knife out and tosses it to the side. This time he punches me in the ribs and I can feel the pain radiate through me. Hopefully he didn’t break them--it’d suck to finally kill him only to die of a punctured lung.  I hear Rick yelling some more. I have to tune him out, no distractions. Just as I think that, Negan lets loose with a roundhouse kick to my thigh. I go down hard, my head smacking on the hard concrete of the dock. I lie on my back as he walks over to me to gloat.  “Well darlin’,” he says, “we could have had something good. But you had to go thinking you could kill me. Haven’t you learned yet? Nothing kills Negan.” He smirks and swishes his bat around through the air. I look behind him and see the first walkers break free from the stairs.  Good. Timing is everything. “Now I’m gonna have to kill you,” he continues with a final swish of Lucille. I eye that bat. I hate that bat almost as much as I hate Negan. He pulls the bat back for the kill. I hear Rick yell “NO!” I pull out the gun I have hidden beneath my poncho and shoot Negan, twice, between the eyes.  Immediately after, I see two more sniper shots hit him. His face is a mask of disbelief as he falls backwards into the walkers that are approaching. I lie there in relief that he’s dead. He’s really, truly, dead. I watch with dazed pleasure as the walkers descend on him and start to feast. Nobody deserves it more. “I got him Dave,” I whisper.  

 

I roll over to the edge of the dock and look up to the sniper roof and meet Rick’s eyes.  I can see from here he’s clenching his jaw so hard he’s liable to break a tooth. He glares at me as I slowly lower myself off the edge of the dock and back into the horde of walkers.  I begin to make my way out of the Sanctuary’s yard and I see him abruptly turn away from the edge of the roof and walk away. I wonder what the chances are that I can make it out of here before he gets to me.  I wince as a walker stumbles into me and bite my tongue to keep from yelling out in pain. Yeah, those chances are not good. I am not fast right now. On the other hand, I _am_ surrounded by walkers so it’s not like he can just waltz out here and grab me.  I look toward the sniper building I am approaching. Rick, Daryl, Abraham and a few others are at the door already clearing a path for me.  Right. Maybe he _can_ just waltz out and grab me.  I forgot we were talking about Rick Grimes here.  I continue to stagger toward them and soon Rick grabs my hand and hauls me through the door after them, slamming it and then gently leaning me against it.  I start to say, “Rick, I’m sorry, but I knew you wouldn’t…” when he cuts me off, “Don’t,” he grinds out. “Just don’t.”

Before I could grasp his intent, Rick braces his hands on the door behind me, leans down and kisses me hard. The kiss was as forceful, demanding and as mind boggling as I’d imagined it would be. He didn’t start soft, didn’t coax his way inside my mouth and didn’t tease me into returning the kiss. His lips moved with rough possession over mine, his tongue shoving past my trembling gasp to forage inside my mouth and stroke, lick and explore. To take.  All I can do is hang on to his shoulders as the intense sensations sweep over me.

There was a buzzing in my head.  When Rick finally pulls back, moving his hands down to grip my shoulders and I was allowed a breath, the buzzing resolved into voices.  Daryl telling Rick to back up, that I needed air. Sasha telling Rick to help her get me to a chair. Maggie telling Rick that we need to get Dr. Carson to look me over.  Maggie? When did she get here? I thought she was at Hilltop. Rick still has a hard grip on my arms, but he looks at me and then looks at everyone surrounding us. He shushes them and the next thing I know, I’m in the air, he’s carrying me over to a chair.  He sets me down gently and Maggie is there supporting me and helping to pull the disgusting poncho off, trying to get a look at my wounds. It finally registers that he kissed me while I was covered with walker guts. Gross. I can see the front of him covered with it as he stands there staring at me like he’s not sure what to do with me.  Daryl gets his attention, telling Rick that we need to clean things up at the Sanctuary now, to end this. Rick nods. He gives me an intent look and says, “Stay put, let Maggie take care of you,” and walks off with Daryl and the others to plan how to divert the walkers so they can take out the rest of the saviours inside the Sanctuary.

 

Sasha joins Maggie as they look me over.  After several minutes of deep breaths, I tell them, “I’m actually not too bad, I think I mostly just had the wind knocked out of me.”  Maggie looks at me in disbelief and says, “I saw what he did to you, no way you are not hurting badly.” I roll my eyes, “It was mostly bluster,” I say.  Sasha finishes probing around my ribs about now and says, “I don’t think they’re broken. You are very, very lucky, you know that?” I smile. Negan’s dead and I’m alive to tell the tale.  I know just how lucky I am. They wrap my ribs and that helps with the pain a lot. With them supported, it doesn’t feel like a raging fire every time I take a breath...just a small campfire now.  Maggie probes my head and decides I likely have a small concussion from the large goose egg she finds back there. They determine I shouldn’t go to sleep anytime soon.

 

Soon there is activity in the yard.  Loud music starts playing and then slowly drawing away.  I wince and look at Sasha and she explains, “They call it the Fat Lady.  They used it to draw walkers away but we found some saviors trying to get to it so they could save them.  We took them out and took the Fat Lady. Now we can use it to finish this.” I nod. Within the hour, most of the walkers are gone.  The rest, the stragglers, are taken out by the team. Abraham is having a hayday cleaning up the courtyard. I start to walk around in the courtyard once things are safe.  I need to ambulate and get my body functioning again and with my ribs wrapped, I can manage it. As Abraham passes me he compliments me on my very large lady balls. I just roll my eyes and chuckle, I’m glad someone doesn’t look at me all disapproving.  I see Rick stare at me from time to time, checking up on me I guess. I don’t know what other trouble he thinks I can get into now. My mind keeps wandering back to that kiss. I don’t know what I’m going to do with Rick. Without the war to concentrate on, I suspect he’s going to be concentrating on me.  I’m not sure I can withstand his attentions, and I seriously doubt he’ll accept the non-relationship status I had decided on. I guess I should have talked to him before and explained my stance. I might have had a chance to get him to accept it before, but now, after that kiss…

My mind has been obsessed with revenge for Dave for so long, now it’s free to think about other things and it keeps wandering back to him.  Rick Grimes. The most intense man I’ve ever met. I make up my mind that if I get a chance, I need to think things through before we talk again.  If he talks. After that kiss, I can’t even predict what his next move is going to be. My hand wanders up to my lips. Rick glances my way and sees my hand.  He smirks at me. My spine straightens with resolve. He may think he has me cornered, but I need to think before we talk. I need some space to figure things out and that kiss is one thing that needs figuring out.  I start plotting as he and the crew enter the Sanctuary for the final confrontation. I hear gunshots and soon they all return, intact. I’m relieved when I see Rick stride into the courtyard, unharmed. It looks like the war is over and the saviors lost.  Negan lost. Dave is avenged. Now, maybe I can let him go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sandi is certainly determined on her course, isn’t she?  She stuck to the plan though...mostly. Rick is furious with her, and what about that kiss??!
> 
> I was so excited to post both the war and Sandi’s revenge.  She finally has some closure for her husband’s death.


	22. Escape!

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

Everyone mills around the courtyard--it’s a bit of organized chaos after clearing the walkers out and taking out the last of the savior’s Lieutenants.  Vehicles have been brought in and various people are starting to load up for the trip back home. Rick, Daryl, Abraham and company are tying up a few loose ends, but for most, the job is done.  Maggie starts loading up her car, telling me that she’s stopping at Alexandria tonight before continuing on to the Hilltop. She’s going to stay there now to be close to Dr. Carson for her pregnancy, so she’s going to gather up the rest of her and Glenn’s personal items back at Alexandria.

I jump in the car with her at the last moment and Maggie pulls away and starts through the broken gates while giving me a knowing look.  A loud yell erupts behind us, “Sandi! Come back here!” A pause and then, ”Maggie, stop the car, now!” Rick yells. The car slows slightly.  

I look at Maggie.  “Please Maggie. Keep going, floor it!”  She replies, “You know this isn’t going to stop the confrontation, right?  It’ll just delay it.” 

“I know and a delay is all I’m asking for.  At least a chance to shower before I face the music,” I say.  She laughs. “Ha, yeah, a shower can be helpful.” I reply, “Yep, I can face a lot of things after a shower.  So please, step on it a bit so I have time.” The car speeds up and Maggie says, “OK, we’ll get you your shower time.”  I reply, “Thanks Maggie. I owe you one.” She looks over at me, “No, I owe you Sandi. More than I can ever repay.”

When we arrive in Alexandria, there is a lot of hustle and bustle going on and cars & people everywhere.  It looks like something is happening. Eugene walks up to our vehicle and leans in Maggie’s window. “Thank Tetris you are here!  I need your help. The Hilltop sent a messenger asking for help, their captives from the satellite station got restless and they almost had an escape.  They need more bodies and considering what happened with The Kingdom, I’m sending some Alexandrians to help.” About then I see my van parked nearby with my kids loading stuff.  I pin Eugene down with my eyes, “What are my kids doing Eugene?” I ask.

“Well, I asked them to help Hilltop,” he replies.  My temperature starts rising. “You were sending my kids there without my permission??!!” I exclaim.

He responds, “Well, they are some of the most capable, able-bodied people we have here in Alexandria right now.  I asked Kayla and Annie if they would go with the group to help Hilltop, but they were only willing to go if Kira and Jordan went with them so they could protect them.  I assured them they’d be fine here, but they insisted, so…now that you’re back though, they can leave them here with you.” I send a glare his way, “Forget that, I’m going with them.”  I get out of the car and start to stalk away. Eugene yells, “But we need you here!” as he chases after me. I turn around and stick my finger into his chest. “Nope, you send my kids somewhere then you are sending me as well.”  I turn and walk away toward the kids.

Kayla notices me walking up.  “Mom! I’m so glad you got back in time, I knew you’d kill us for leaving even though Eugene insisted,” she says.  I respond, “Yeah, Eugene and I had a few words about that. I’m coming with you, let me just pack a bag real quick.”  Annie pipes up, “We’re already ahead of you, we packed one when we packed ours. We figured that even if we missed you, you’d show up at Hilltop soon enough.”  I give her a nod of appreciation and gather them all for a quick hug.

Kira asks, “Mom are you OK?  What happened out there, we just heard that Negan was dead?  Are you hurt? You have some ucky stuff on you.” She looks at my clothes with disgust.  The poncho didn’t completely protect me from all the walker gore. “Yeah, I’m great. I had to decorate myself a bit to get through a herd,” I assure them.  Kira groans, “Ugh, not that. I hate that strategy. You’re sure you are OK, no bites or scratches?”

“Nope, it worked like a dream.  I was able to get to Negan. He’s gone now and Daddy’s avenged.  Nothing to worry about although I could use a shower.” Right then Eugene yells, “Everybody heading to the Hilltop move out!”  I sigh. So much for that shower.

Maggie and Eugene walk over.  Eugene states again, “Sandi, you can’t go, we need you here.”  I roll my eyes at him. “My family comes first. If they’re going, then I’m going.”  I’m unyielding on this point. Eugene tries to argue again. You’d think he’d have learned by now.  “No, you can send Kayla and Annie and stay with the younger ones…” I interrupt him firmly, “No. They go, I go.  We stay together.”

Maggie takes the chance to speak up, saying, “Sandi you know he’s not going to be happy you ran off.”  I look at her and sigh again, saying, “I’m not running off. My kids need me, Hilltop needs help, so I’m going.  Just tell him the facts, that I didn’t plan this. I’d really much rather be in a nice hot shower right now.” She nods.  “OK. I’ll tell him. I have some things to do here and may as well help out, but tell Hilltop I’ll be there tomorrow.” I nod back and say, “I will.  Don’t worry, we’ll get things under control by the time you get there. I’ll see you soon.” We load up and follow the convoy out of Alexandria’s gates, heading for the Hilltop.  I cringe, thinking of the next time I see Rick. He’s going to be even more angry than he already is. I set my shoulders, well, there’s no help for it. It is what it is, nothing I can do about it now.

An hour later…

A crowd of cars pull up to the gates and slowly come through.  The first car isn’t even fully at a stop yet when Rick hops out and starts stalking up the street.  Eugene rushes to intercept with Maggie not far behind. “Rick! I’m so glad to see you, we have a lot to do to sort these people out, can you take those on the left and I’ll take those on the right?” Eugene asks.  

Without stopping his purposeful stride Rick calls over his shoulder, “I’ll be back to help in a minute.  First I have something I have to take care of.” Eugene protests, “We can’t wait, it’s mass chaos and Alexandria needs you now Rick!”  Rick ignores him and continues striding up the road. Eugene calls fruitlessly, “Rick!”

Maggie intervenes, “Rick, she’s not there.”  Rick stops and then slowly turns around, pinning Maggie with his eyes.  “Where is she?” he demands. Eugene figures out who they’re talking about and states, “You mean Sandi?  She went to Hilltop and against my express orders too!” He sounds indignant at this. It still upsets him that she wouldn’t listen to him.  He was left in charge, wasn’t he?

Rick looks at Maggie incredulously.  “She ran off to Hilltop? When she knew we needed to talk about her actions at the Sanctuary?”  His voice starts rising incrementally. Maggie replies, “She didn’t have a choice Rick. She wasn’t planning on going, she just wanted a shower and then she planned on talking to you.  That’s the only reason I took her with me, I figured she had the right to clean up before you two went at it.”

Eugene says, “What do you mean she didn’t have a choice?!  I expressly told her not to go!” Maggie rolls her eyes at Eugene.  “Rick, when we got here they were getting ready to roll out for Hilltop.  They were sending a group over because Hilltop called for help. I guess there was an escape attempt by the captured saviors and they needed more manpower since a lot of theirs was still at the Sanctuary.  But her kids were there with the van all packed up. She couldn’t let them go alone.”

Rick looks confused asking, “Her kids were going?  Who decided that?” Eugene replies, “I did. Her oldest 2 are capable fighters but they wouldn’t go without their younger siblings.  Didn’t trust us to keep them safe for some reason.” Rick scoffs, “I can understand that. So then you tried to make her stay and still send her kids?”  Eugene responds, “Well, I told her the younger ones could stay now that she was home. But the older 2 were still on the detail to go.”

Maggie asks, “You see that she didn’t have a choice but to go with them?”  Rick responds in frustration, “Yeah. I see that.” He looks around the mass chaos in Alexandria coming to the realization that he can’t leave right now.  Maggie looks at him in sympathy. “I can head back to Hilltop now and I’ll send them back here so you can talk to her.”

Rick pinches his nose with his fingers, taking a deep breath and saying,  “No, Just keep her there. It’ll take me a few days to get this all cleared so I can come and I won’t have time to talk until then.  There’s too many things that can happen with them on the road back here and too many opportunities to get ‘lost’ on the way back. Just have her stay there and I’ll talk to her when I get there.”  

Maggie nods and looks around at the chaos.  “Well, in that case, I know she and Jesus will have things in hand at the Hilltop, so I can stay and help you get everything settled here.  Should cut some time off for you so you can get there faster. Rick throws her a look of gratitude. “Thanks, Maggie.”

“Anytime Rick.  You know I’ve got your back,” she responds.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...she didn’t mean to run away, just to grab a shower.  Whoops.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter I would love some comments!  


	23. Calming the Masses

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

Meanwhile at the Hilltop, Sandi visits with the prisoners, calms them down, and verifies she killed Negan.  She tells them that there is no going back, the Sanctuary is no more. That seems to take the wind out of their sails.  Most of them seem to accept and believe it. She next sits down with Jesus and sets up a rotating schedule to guard the prisoners until they can sort out who they can trust.  The reason they almost escaped is because there was a hole in the schedule. She points out a couple of people to keep their eyes on particularly, she doesn’t think those saviors are so innocent.  Once that is done she has a sponge bath to clean up the best she can, then stops to see Dr. Carson who’s been brought back. He evaluates her wounds, does a bit of patching, rewraps her ribs verifying via ultrasound they aren’t broken and gives her some painkillers.  He then tells her how lucky she is to be alive knowing exactly what she did. He cautions against keeping the ribs wrapped for long periods of time and gives her some breathing exercises to do. Then she sleeps for a whole day. Well, most of one anyway.

I walk out of the door late afternoon the next day and see Jesus standing there.  Jesus says, “Well, hey sleeping beauty! Too bad we didn’t have someone who could kiss you awake.”  I scowl at him. “Very funny. How are things going?”

Jesus falls into step beside her, saying, “The watch schedule you set up is working amazingly well.  In fact, it’s working so well, that you and your kids can be excused from duty at the Hilltop.” I eye him skeptically.  “Excused huh? And who arranged that?” Jesus responds, “Well, I did. We got a message from The Kingdom this morning.” That’s not who I expected he’d have been receiving messages from.  “Yeah?” I inquire.

“They’re having some issues with the workers and housing and such.  Since they’re so low on numbers they need some help,” he continues. I eye him asking, “What kind of problems?”  He responds, “It sounds mostly just like a misunderstanding to be honest.” I ask, “So what do they need?”

Jesus says, “Well, I think they need you.”  I look at him in surprise, “Me? You’re sending me to The Kingdom?”  Jesus confirms, “Yeah. You and your kids, since I know you won’t have it any other way.”  I laugh, “Ha. You know me well. Funny, I thought you were sending me back to Alexandria.”

Jesus chuckles, “Well, there are some that would probably prefer that, I’m sure.  But I think The Kingdom needs your connections with the workers and your scheduling expertise more right now.  Since the workers know you I think you’ll have a better chance of getting this calmed down peacefully.”

Just then there is a commotion at the gate.  Jesus looks over wondering out loud, “I wonder who that is?” as he hears the gates open.  Some Alexandrians come in, none from Rick’s group though. One of them walks over to Jesus saying, “We’re here for reinforcement.  Also a message for Jesus.” He hands over a note and continues, “Who should I talk to about getting settled in?” Jesus stares at the note and looks up, “Oh, go check with Earl right over there,” he points, “he’ll get you all set up.”   The man nods and walks over toward Earl.

I say, “Well, we’ll get packed up then.  I want to get there while there’s still daylight.”  I call the kids over to tell them of the new plans. They start running around to gather up their stuff, eager to check in with some friends they made at The Kingdom last time.  Soon, we are packed up and ready to load up and pull out of the gate when Jesus walks up. I say, “OK, we’re heading out. Good luck with that bunch, keep them under control.” Jesus replies, “Oh, we will.  We’ll have more reinforcements soon that will scare the crap out of them as well.” I chuckle, “Oh yeah, who is that?” He smirks at me as he says, “Maggie and Rick will be here before dark.”

I swallow.  “Oh, I see.”  Jesus replies, “Yeah.  Exactly.” I sigh. “I suppose this won’t look good with me running off to the Kingdom just before they get here, huh?”  He shakes his head, stating, “No, and they asked me to make sure you were here in their note.” I reluctantly say, “Dang.  Well, I can wait. May as well get this over with, right?”

Jesus looks determined and says, “Nope.  The Kingdom needs you too much right now.  Rick’s just going to have to wait. I’ll tell them I sent you to the Kingdom and then after you were gone I looked at the note.  It’ll be a matter of just missing you.” I roll my eyes at him. “Yeah, I’m sure they’ll believe that.”

Jesus responds, “Get going.  I’ll take care of it. Besides, he can always follow you there and then The Kingdom will have more than enough help.  They still have that wall down that needs to be fixed as well. Rick promised the King he’d help with that.” I huff out a breath in amusement, “Oh yeah.  The Kingdom will be thrilled to have this conversation taking place there, I am sure.”

Jesus says, “Well, it has to happen somewhere.  May be better to have it in a place with lots of witnesses,” he smirks at me in amusement.  I am not amused. “Yeah,” I respond dejectedly. Jesus puts his hand on mine, “You always have a home at the Hilltop if you need one.”

I smile at him, patting his hand.  “Thanks for the offer. But, the kids like Alexandria and I think that’s where home is.  Unless I get kicked out of course.” I grin at him at my joke. Jesus responds, “That’ll never happen.  Possibly locked in, but never kicked out.” That makes me let out a full belly laugh because of how entirely possible it is.  Ouch. Forgot about my ribs for a minute there. Jesus smiles back, saying, “Get going, I’ve got this.”

“Thanks.”  I give him a hug.  “See ya later J.” I get in the van and drive out of the gates heading to The Kingdom.

After arriving at the Kingdom, I send the kids to get settled into our appointed rooms and follow Carol to the area housing the workers.  King Ezekiel is in there talking to them, trying to calm them down. I don’t understand what’s happening, why they’re so riled up. These are peaceful people, I know they are, I lived with them.  Once again, I verify I killed Negan and that things won’t be going back to the way they were before. That they can’t go back to the way they were, that the Sanctuary is now nothing more than an empty building.  All the old Lieutenants are dead. Nobody is coming for them. I can almost sense the relief that goes through the group.

Then somebody yells from the crowd, “What will happen to us now?  They’ve given us supplies, food and more than we could ever work off in points in a lifetime.  We’re hungry and tired, but we don’t dare take it. The houses they gave us are too much, we don’t dare sleep there.”

I suddenly understand why they are so upset.  Their world has just changed and they’re still stuck in the old ways.  I ask, “That’s why you are refusing the food and supplies and making such a fuss?  Points?!”

Another worker replies, “Well yeah.  We can’t be that far into debt. We’ll never be able to pay it back.”

I sigh.  I supposed I can’t blame them, I sent them here without explaining how things were changing and how things would work now.  To be fair, we had to get out ahead of the walkers arriving, but I should have at least tried to explain. I raise my voice, “People, listen to me because I’m only going to say this once more.  Negan is dead. His soldiers are dead. The old way of doing things is over. Points are gone. The Kingdom has given you these supplies because they care and they want to help. You have the opportunity to become a part of something huge.  Look at this town. They have food to spare, they have relationships, and they are considerate of one another. People don’t get beaten and killed for no reason--or at all. You have the chance to be a member of this community! Are you going to let points that don’t exist anymore hold you back?!”

Another worker speaks up. “OK, so there are no points.  What do they want from us in return for this then?”

I respond, “What any well-functioning society wants.  They want you to be a productive member of the community.  The food takes work. People to plant, water, weed, harvest.  The food needs to be cooked. The animals need tended. There is work to do and not enough people to do it since many of theirs were lost at the chemical plant outpost as casualties of this war.  They want you to become a member of their community, a PRODUCTIVE member of their community.”

Someone else yells, “If they want us to be part of their community, then why are we guarded?  How can they forgive us for what happened to their people at that outpost?”

I sigh and say, “Well, would you just automatically trust people you’ve been fighting with?  They are being cautious. There will be a trial period to prove yourself, of course. You can’t expect automatic trust.  However, they understand that you were not the soldiers of the Saviors, that you were the workers who did all the work. You had no choices.  It was obey or be killed. But you do have choices now. You can prove yourself, earn that trust so you don’t need to be guarded anymore. You can become a member of a thriving community and thrive yourself.  You won’t go without and you will never have to worry about points again!” Utter silence follows my words. Then I see Sarah, I lady I knew, speak up. “I believe Sandi and I’m going to trust she’s telling us the truth.  She put herself at risk to rescue us. I’m going to work hard and become a member of this community. I’m not going to waste the second chance she gave me and my children.” I smile at her hearing this. Other workers begin to agree and then we get a consensus that they are willing to move into their provided housing.  They line up and begin gathering the food that the people of The Kingdom were trying to give to them. I smile at Carol and King Ezekiel. Finally, I think they get it. Everything’s going to be all right now.

After speaking with the workers, King Ezekiel invites me to sup with them.  The kids are already eating with their friends, so I sit down and have a nice dinner with the two of them.  King Ezekiel says, “Thanks Sandi, I never dared dream they’d send you. You are the best one to reassure them given your history, but I didn’t think Rick would let you come.  I didn’t think he’d let you out of his sight for the near future after what you pulled at the Sanctuary.” He chuckles with amusement.

I respond honestly, “Well, he didn’t, exactly.  I was at the Hilltop helping there and he was at Alexandria when we got the request, so Jesus sent me.  He agreed that I’d be the best one to help resolve the situation with my history with them. That’s why he sent me,” I shrug.

Carol questions, “But you and Rick talked?  And he still let you head to the Hilltop without him?  How did that go? I know he was furious when you took off with Maggie without waiting for him, we heard all about it.  I’m with Ezekiel, I didn’t think he’d let you out of his sight, so that’s a good sign he let you go to Hilltop.”

I clear my throat.  “Well, no, we haven’t talked yet. We haven’t been in the same place long enough so far to have a discussion.”  Carol looks very surprised, saying, “Really?” I explain how things happened upon arriving at Alexandria and how I ended up at Hilltop and then here.

Carol sits there pondering, finally saying, “Wow.  I can’t decide if that’s good or bad.” I give her a quizzical look, asking, “What do you mean?”  She just shrugs helplessly, saying, “Good because time lets him cool off before this conversation, or bad because he’ll get madder and madder as the days go by without it?”  The look on my face probably showed exactly how I feel about that. She continues, “It could go either way, really.” I drop my head into my hands. “That is just making me feel so much better,” I mutter.  Carol and the King laugh uproariously. I look up giving them the stink eye. “I’m so glad you find my predicament so amusing. Glad I could entertain,” I murmur sarcastically. They just laugh louder. I drop my head to my hands again.  How did I end up here? How did everything spin so out of control? Oh yeah. I met Rick Grimes.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think she’s regretting meeting Rick at this point?  She’s gone again when Rick arrives and is dreading this confrontation.  Should she just take the kids and leave Alexandria? She does have two other good communities that have offered to have her.  
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter please consider leaving a comment!


	24. Seeking Counsel

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

The next day passes with a lot of work to do.  The workers are slowly relaxing and hoping that this opportunity is really happening.  They are adjusting well now that they’ve let go of points, with a couple of exceptions (and I have guards keeping an eye on these people round the clock).  The Kingdomers are starting to relax around the workers and beginning to accept them. Carol makes sure I visit with their Doctor, a lady who insists I call her Millie.  Soon I find myself on the exam table getting a follow-up on my injuries. Nobody believes me when I say I am fine. Maybe it’s because the area around my eye where Negan hit me is now some dramatic purple colors.  It truly looks worse than it is. The ribs are still tender, but I wrap them for my most active hours of the day and let them breath at night.

That night I find myself sitting around a campfire with Carol.  I look at her and say, “It’s time to go back home.” Carol questions, “Home?”  I nod, “Yes, I think that Alexandria actually might be home. It’s feeling more and more like that every day.”  In fact, I’ve been internally surprised at how much it feels like home. I was ready to take the kids and run just a couple weeks ago.  Somehow staying a couple days to give them intel morphed into helping Maggie (to be fair, she’s my friend) which then morphed into connecting them with other communities and then had its final metamorphosis into helping them create a plan to take the war to Negan and eliminate him.  I’ve also been surprised at how much I’ve missed being there after being gone for the war and then running around putting out fires at the other communities. I really do want to go home to Alexandria.

She tells me, “You’re welcome here you know.”  I smile back at her. “I know. And I got the same offer at the Hilltop.  But, the kids have bonded with some friends there, they have a school and it has just settled in with them.”  I give a short laugh. “I think Kira and Annie may even have the beginning of romances brewing. I think sometimes you just know where home is—especially in a crazy world like this one.”  Honestly, it would probably be more comfortable to live at The Kingdom or Hilltop. I wouldn’t have to deal with Rick in those communities--or at least not as much. But Alexandria feels like home and I just can’t bring myself to leave.  Even to get away from Rick, which is probably the smarter option.

“So what are you going to do about the one item of friction there then?” she asks.  I have confided in her about Rick’s truth bomb about his attraction the night I moved into Alexandria.  How I was trying to avoid it, but am now realizing we’re going to have to address it and find a way through it somehow.  Avoiding isn’t going to work anymore, I’m coming to terms with that. 

I sigh.  “Not sure.  Let him give me a piece of his mind for taking on Negan, let him get it all off his chest.  I know he’s still very angry about that. After that, slow down and talk I guess, see if I can get him to give me some space before he pushes this attraction further.   He’s such an intense man though. I need to help him understand that honesty may not actually be the best policy in this case. Sometimes there’s such a thing as TOO MUCH honesty.  Or at least more than you’re ready for at the time? Perhaps incremental honesty?” I laugh. “Does that exist?” I ask her. She smiles and responds, “For him, I’m not sure. But I think if you talk to him about it he may be willing to try.  And yeah, I think you summed it up in one word —intense. Rick Grimes is definitely an intense man. One that at times doesn’t have the word no in his vocabulary.”

I look at her, “You don’t think he can do incremental or wait like he told me he would?  He’ll push too hard too fast?” She replies, “Oh no, he’s a man of his word. If he told you he’d wait then he will.  He just might not be….what’s the word I’m looking for here?...subtle. He may not be subtle about the wait and the fact that he’s waiting.  He’s not the kind of man to blend into the background. You’ll always be very aware that he’s there and he’s waiting.”

I heave a bigger sigh.  “Hmmm. I’m not so sure that’s going to work for me.  I’ll be constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to see what he’s going to do next.  That’s no way to live either.” Carol smiles at me and says, “Or…you could just go with it. See what happens?  Maybe it would be a good thing? You two certainly have sparks.” I laugh. “Yeah, sparks. I’m not so certain I like sparks,” I say.

Carol smirks at me, saying, “Don’t like sparks?  Oh honey, sparks can be the best thing in the world.  It certainly makes the bedroom much livelier when there are sparks.”  I give her a look of disbelief that she’s going there. “Ugh. I know that, but I don’t want to think about it!  I just mean there are such INTENSE sparks.”

“Intense sparks for an intense man,” she replies with a grin.  I chuckle. “Isn’t that the truth. Right, I suppose that makes sense.  I admit, I’ve been a bit baffled about why the sparks are there between us?  It came out of nowhere, ya know? I wasn’t expecting it and bam! There it was.  And I’ve just never felt sparks of quite that intensity before. And if I’m being honest…”  I trail off. Carol says, “Always recommended. Except possibly for a certain intense man.” That makes me giggle.  Ouch. My ribs are feeling better, but laughter does hurt. “Heh, yeah. Well, if I’m being honest the sparks are more intense than I’ve ever felt before.”  Carol gives me a side glance, “Really?”

“Oh yeah.  And see I feel horribly guilty even thinking that let alone saying it.  Then I go back down the spiral of guilty thoughts and feeling guilty I’m alive and feeling…” I struggle for words for a minute.  “Intense sparks,” Carol fills in.

“Yeah.  That. And Dave isn’t here and I’m having thoughts about things that would mean I’ve moved on.  How could I have moved on already? And that’s not even accounting for what the kids would think about all this, they loved their Dad.”  Carol holds her hand up, “Woah. Stop there. He’d never want you to feel guilty.” I look at her and give a small, “Yeah.” She continues, “He loved you and wouldn’t want you to mourn forever.”  I nod, and say, “True. But I’ve barely started. There’s been no time. I’ve been obsessed with finding a way to take Negan out, like that’d somehow make Dave’s sacrifice more worth it. Only now that it’s done am I starting to let go and finally grieve.  And now it feels like I’m skipping ahead several steps. I’m already…” Again, I’m lost for words for what I’m finally acknowledging I’m feeling. Carol says, “Well, you have to live.” I respond, “No, I…” Carol cuts me off. “Yes. In this world you have to live and take the happy moments or sparks where you can find them.  This isn’t the old world. We don’t have the time we used to have, we have to grab happiness with both hands when we get the chance. There is far too little happiness in this world. We have to take advantage of it when we find it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take some time to get there. Go home, settle in, get your kids in a routine.  Try a friendship to start.”

I give her a surprised look, “With sparks?  Do you even think that’s possible at that level of sparkiness to reign it in to just a friendship?  Would he be willing to do that?” She contemplates and responds, “I think it is for a while. I think he’ll understand.  I mean, he told you he’d wait. You just need to lay it out for him, explain your feelings and if you do I think he’d respect it.”  I say with disbelief, “You think he’d respect it if I told him I just want to be friends????!”

She smiles, “I do.  For now at least, as long as you aren’t completely cutting off the possibility.  If anyone understands grief, it’s Rick Grimes. You didn’t see him after his wife died, he went through some extreme grief.  Just...don’t friend zone him, let him have hope that it isn’t forever, and he can control the spark. If anyone has control it’s that man.”

I smirk, “Thank heavens, because it’s a crazy spark.  I think it would have been easier to ignore and be friends if he hadn’t pointed it out so very deliberately that night I first moved into Alexandria.”

Carol says, “Just tell him that.  He accepted what you said before about needing time and not being ready.  Just tell him you would like to use some of that time to get to know him as a person, as a friend.  Time to interact without the spark getting in the middle and in the way of everything. I think he’d welcome the chance to know you.  Especially if you quit avoiding him.” I chuckle, saying, “Yeah, I’d like to stop that, I just couldn’t quite handle it at the moment, ya know?”  Carol responds, “Yeah.”

I continue, “And I would like to get to know him without that dang spark in the way.  I want to know who he is beyond that crazy connection. I’d like to know who I’m entering into this potential relationship with.”  There. I said it out loud, that I know there will be a relationship. I’m coming to terms with it. I was naive to think that I could avoid it.  I admit, the kiss kind of shocked me out of my denial. Carol nods at me, “I’m glad to hear you acknowledge that there is potential for a relationship there.  Now you know what you need to do.” I nod, “Yeah. I think so.”

Carol asks, “Still heading out tomorrow or are you going to stay and do this?  Rick and team will be here tomorrow afternoon. We just got word.” I take a deep breath on hearing this news and respond, “Oh no.  I’m definitely heading out tomorrow morning.” Carol chuckles, asking, “Still running then?”

I reply, “A bit.  I’m about done though.  The kids need to get home and so do I.  I want to get settled, get into a routine.  I need to think everything through before I talk to him.  Try to plan out what to say, how to get my points across.”  I give Carol a shrug. “I have a tendency to not be able to think when he’s around, it’s very annoying.  I blame the spark. Then I just might be ready to have this conversation with him when he gets done here and returns.  How long do you think I have?”

Carol ponders, “Hmmmm, well they wanted to get the wall rebuilt so we can use that section of The Kingdom, so probably at least 4 days.  Maybe 5, but I’m guessing he’ll be in a hurry.” I nod. Yeah. Well, that’ll give me time to get back to Alexandria, settle in and prepare for a conversation.  Probably an intense conversation, knowing the man. I wonder if I could write my thoughts on notecards and hide them in my sleeve? That way I might be able to remember all the points I want to bring up.  I shake my head at myself in amusement. I’ve never been the type to lose my train of thought because of a man. This is such new territory for me, no wonder I’ve been avoiding him. This is so far out of my comfort zone I think I’m a few zip codes away.  Carol then says, “Be prepared for him to come in hot though.” I look at her confused, “Hot?” She nods, saying, “Yeah, the longer he chases without catching up to you, the more likelihood of an eruption.” My stomach sinks. Well, crap.

Carol says, “Hey, I can see your stress level rising from here.”  I nod, saying, “Yeah, this might not work as well as I thought.” Carol smiles, “Calm down.  I’ll talk him down a little while he’s here. As long as he knows you aren’t going to keep running and will be willing to talk to him I think it’ll be fine.”

Shoot.  I eye her, asking, “You planning on advising from both sides of the field?”  She just smiles, saying, “He’s my friend. Has been for a long time.” I nod, “Of course.  And when it comes right down to it, you really owe your loyalty to him, not to me. I understand.”  She puts her hand on mine, saying, “Stop. I think I can be impartial on both sides of this. It will only help you for me to have a conversation with him and keep him from charging home hotheaded.”  I look at her, saying, “Right. Thanks. I do appreciate it you know?” She responds with, “I know.” I continue, “And I appreciate you letting me talk things out a bit and playing a combination of sounding board and devil’s advocate.”  She grins, saying, “Anytime buttercup.” I smile, she’s such a character. She continues, “One last piece of advice though.” I look at her inquiringly. “Don’t delay too long. Yes, get to know him, enjoy some time as friends. But then jump in, even if you’re scared.  Some of the best things in life start out scary. I think you two will be very good together, the sparks seem to indicate that, but you’ll just have to let go and take that leap. You might be amazed at how well it goes if you let it happen.” I nod, acknowledging her advice.  We both stare into the fire for a while. Eventually, I tell her, “I’d better turn in now. I plan on getting an early start tomorrow.”

She nods, “Also a good idea if you want to be out of here before your intense man arrives.”  I roll my eyes at her and say goodnight. As I walk to our sleeping quarters, I ponder her words.  My intense man. I’ve never thought of him as mine before, just as Rick. It feels like I’ve gone through several iterations of Rick in the three weeks I’ve known him.  Crazy Rick. Honest Rick. Leader Rick. Ricktator. Reasonable Rick. Annoying Rick. Intense Rick. But never My Rick. I’m surprised by how right it feels. 

  
  


 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, she’s finally acknowledged that there’s a potential relationship now, so that’s progress.  On the other hand, she’s still running a bit. How do you think their confrontation will go back in Alexandria?


	25. Facing the Music

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

Late evening, Friday, 4 days later…

I hear something and look through the window and see Rick walking up to his house.  I take a step back as I see him look up at my window. I’m sure he can’t see me, but he stares piercingly at the window, and it feels like he’s staring into my soul.  I see him alter his course a few steps to head toward my house rather than his own. I jump slightly, startled, but then freeze in place hoping he didn’t see that and praying he doesn’t come my way yet.  I’m not ready. Tomorrow I’ll be ready. He stops, continuing to look at my dark window. What are the chances the kids are all asleep and won’t answer the door if he keeps coming, I wonder? Well, I could lie down and pretend to be asleep in any case.  After visibly clenching his jaw, slowly, he turns and heads up his stairs to his porch and into his house. I exhale and realize I was holding my breath. Luckily I have a reprieve until tomorrow.

The next day, I’m up early.  To be fair, I didn’t really sleep much last night.  I tossed and turned all night trying to think of the right words, the right way to convey my thoughts and running through many different scenarios of how it could go—both good and bad.  OK, maybe more bad than good. I have a knot of dread in my stomach as I get up. I may as well use this energy to cook the kids something better than usual. There’s no way I can eat, not with this knot of dread—I’d throw up.  But, I can give the kids a good big meal before school for once. Something better than cereal or oatmeal. It’ll be nice, since they are having to go to school on Saturday. With so much happening with the war, school was out for a bit there last week and before, as everyone was helping to prepare.  The teacher decided to make up some time and hold class today. The funny thing is, the kids hadn’t even complained. I think they were relieved to return to school Wednesday morning after being gone several days, and more than happy to go again today. The war was stressful on everyone, it helps to get back to ‘normal.’  As I prepare the meal, I try to ignore the ‘last supper’ thought that drifts through my mind. What if things go so badly we have to leave? The kids really love it here. “Cross that bridge if we come to it,” I mumble under my breath. Besides, we’d still be better off than before, it’s not like we’d have to go back out there.  We have two other lovely communities that would love to have us. Even Oceanside would take us, although I’d rather avoid that one. Jordan needs some father figures in his life and there are none there. Stop, I tell myself. No need stressing over nothing. It may all go really very well! Think positive! I probably should have just stayed at The Kingdom and gotten it over with.  I haven’t had any great breakthroughs in how I’m going to communicate what I’m thinking and feeling to Rick. 

Once breakfast is over, I round up the kids to head to school.  Kayla has a shift at the pantry and Annie is working on some defense engineering with Eugene.  They decide they’ll all walk together to the school, the others peeling off as they reach their destination.

As soon as we set foot on the porch, the door of the house next door opens and Carl and Rick step out, with Carl holding Judith.  She starts babbling at the group, chattering away. Rick is giving me that intense look again, but I can’t get a gauge of his emotions, so I’m not sure whether to expect an explosion or not.

The kids pull ahead as Carl joins them, starting a discussion with Kira.  Rick falls back with me. I look at him warily and say, “Hey.”

He looks incredulously at me.  “Hey? All I get is a ‘Hey’ after the stunt you pulled and then making me follow you all over creation!?”  I look down and say, “Umm, sorry?” I hear Rick scoff under his breath. Yep, this is going to go so well. My heart drops, but I defend myself, saying, “Seriously though, I didn’t plan that.  I fully planned on grabbing a shower and then having it out with you that day at Alexandria. I just wanted to be clean first. Eugene…” he cuts me off, “Yeah, I heard what Eugene was up to.”

I sneak a glance at him, asking, “Well, can you blame me?”  He sighs. “No, I guess not. You have a right to protect your kids and he shouldn’t have done that.”  I sigh in relief. “OK, we’re on the same page then.” He immediately responds with, “Hardly. There’s going to be a lot of discussion before we’re remotely on the same page.  Right now. Today.” I nod. “OK.” He gives me that intense look again, asking, “OK, that’s it? You aren’t going to run anymore?” I shake my head, responding, “No, I always planned on having this discussion.  Things just happened and it got delayed though. Today is good.”

Rick lets out a breath of frustration, saying, “Well, I’m glad it fits your schedule because I wasn’t going to give you a choice.”  I look at him. “I know. I only have one request.” He quickly fires back, “Nope, I don’t think you get any requests. It’s happening today, right now, as soon as we drop off the kids.”  I look at the ground in front of me and roll my eyes. I’m agreeing, aren’t I? I respond, “Yes, I know that and I agree. My request was just to do it privately so we don’t put on a show for the whole town.”  He grumbles, “I would put on a show if I had my way. I’d like to put you over my knee!” I take a breath. “Please.” He responds, “Fine.”

I wave to Kayla as she peels off for the pantry and wish her a good day.  A couple minutes later Annie separates from the group to head for the engineering area they set up.  They both give me good luck gestures and looks of commiseration. They have heard the story of how I killed Negan from multiple people and have also heard the story of how angry Rick was.  Luckily, they have no doubts about my ability to kill him, unlike Rick, but they know this is going to be a difficult conversation for me. I’m not sure that they know about the...other aspects to the conversation though.

We arrive at the school and Kira and Carl are still in deep conversation.  Carl hands Judy to his Dad and he and Kira absentmindedly wave and walk in.  Jordan hangs back looking nervous. Finally he says, “Mom, I think I’ll skip school today.”  I just look at him, saying, “You think you’ll just skip school?!” I give him a Mom look.

He responds, “Yeah, I want to hang out with you today.”  He sends a nervous glance at Rick and continues, “Make sure you’re OK, and we can spend some time together!  Remember you promised you’d teach me to sew?”

OK, obviously Jordan has heard about the disagreement between Rick and I as well and doesn’t understand.  “Oh, honey.” I run my hand through his hair and continue, “You don’t have to worry about me.” I see Jordan shoot another quick glance at Rick.  Yep, just what I suspected. “And you don’t have to worry about Rick. We’re just going to have a conversation that’s been a long time coming and clear the air.  Rick would never hurt me, you don’t really think he would, do you? I mean, you know Rick. He’s just not that kind of man, buddy.”

Jordan visibly relaxes as I reassure him and says, “Well, I didn’t think he was.  But you’ve been avoiding him and I keep hearing people say you guys are going to have a big fight when he got back.  So then I worried that you might get hurt if you’re going to fight.” Rick jumps in here, “Jordan, I just want to talk to your Mom, clear the air like she said.  Did you really think I’d ever hurt your Mom?” Jordan then looks down in shame. Rick reassures him, “No, don’t feel bad, don’t ever feel bad for protecting your Mom.  I’m sorry I made you think I might hurt her.” I look at Jordan and ask, “Are you feeling any better?” He grins sheepishly up at me. “Good, cause you aren’t getting out of school!”  He smiles, hugs me goodbye, and then runs inside. 

Rick says, “Just give me a minute,” and he takes Judith into the house connected to the school where he’s arranged for her to be watched for a while.  When he returns, I turn to him and ask, “So…where do you want to do this?” He responds, “Well, we could go back to the house?” I shake my head, “No, that’s too private.”  Rick makes a noise of frustration. “You just said you wanted to do it in private!” I look at him and say, “I know, but something in between, OK? Somewhere people can find us, but not eavesdrop for the Sunday Edition of the Alexandrian Gossip.  Obviously everyone is waiting for a big blowout--even the kids are hearing about it.”

Rick huffs in amusement.  “They do like their gossip.  Seriously though, you just assured Jordan that you had nothing to fear from me.  Do you believe it, or do you secretly think I’m going to attack you the minute we’re alone?”  I respond saying, “Oh for the love of...! Fine then. Your house, let’s go.” I march off toward his house.  He pauses, surprised, and then runs to catch up.

Rick calls out, “Slow down.  Stop acting like you’re the injured party here.”  I swing around, “Really Rick? You’re injured?” He says, “You know what I mean.”  We walk in silence to Rick’s house. He holds the door for me to enter and I immediately make a beeline to the kitchen, asking, “You want Coffee?”  He says, “Sure, that’d be nice.”

I pour some coffee in a mug for him and hand it to him where he’s taken a seat at the table.  I mix up a mug of hot chocolate for me and then take a seat as far from him as possible at the table.  He looks at me knowingly, but lets it slide. He starts, “OK, would you like to explain to me what was going through your head back at the Sanctuary?  We had a plan, all we had to do was stick to the plan and everything would have worked fine.” I snort. “Until Negan slithered out of there and was gone in the wind with all his minions?  Sure, that would have been just fine.”

Rick says, “We had watch set up and there was no way he was getting out of there!”  I shake my head and say, “He would have escaped the same way he’s escaped every other consequence anyone has tried to set up.  He has contingency after contingency set up Rick!”

“You should have stuck to the plan Sandi!  We had everything covered. We thought of everything and accounted for it—hell, you helped plan it all, you should know that!  We had a plan and you could have died by not sticking to it! We all agreed…” I cut him off right there saying, “No! You agreed, Rick!  You wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell you what needed to be done to ensure he died! You were so sure you had it all covered and you wouldn’t listen to anyone else!”

He says, “So you just took it all into your own hands.”  I look down at my hot chocolate. “I suppose I did. I knew it would work and it did.”  He looks at me intently again, stating, “You put yourself in danger for no reason! You could have gotten yourself killed and then where would your kids be?!”

I erupt emotionally, “No reason!  A world without Negan is a world my kids can survive in.  I calculated the risks, I wore the riot gear, and I did my best to make sure I didn’t get hurt badly.  I accounted for all the variables and it worked! Even if it had cost me my life, my kids would have been better off and I knew you’d make sure they had a home in Alexandria!”

He gets up and paces around the kitchen saying angrily, “All the variables?  What about the one where the bigger, larger man killed you?!” I shake my head.  “I accounted for that.”

“Oh, you accounted for that did you?”  He walks over and gently yanks me up from my chair and softly brushes the corner of my eye where the bruise Negan gave me is just starting to fade to an ugly yellow from the equally lovely green.  “Did you account for this? What about this?” He carefully brushes the side of my ribs while I take a soft inhale from the shock of him touching my bruised but yet unbroken ribs. “How about here?”  His hand goes down to gently rub along my thigh where I had yet more bruising.

I’m silent at the shock of him knowing the extent and location of all my injuries.  I mean, I knew the eye was obvious, but who told him the details about the other, hidden injuries?   “You promised me you wouldn’t go wading into those walkers. How can I trust you if you don’t keep your promises?”  I immediately defend myself. “No, that’s not what I promised. I said I’d  stick to the plan, that we’d surround them and take out the outposts. And then we'd deal with him.  That’s exactly what I did. I dealt with him after the outposts were down.” He just stares at me. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.  Even if you worded it carefully, you knew the intent of the promise I wanted from you, that you wouldn’t go after Negan on your own, that we would do it together.”  I look at him skeptically. “Are you saying you would have let me go with you to kill him?” His eyes twitch, he knows I have him there. No way Mr. Controlling, Mr. Rick Grimes would have let me come close to Negan.  I just sigh, “I had to do it Rick. I owed it to Dave, to the kids. I had to make sure. It was  _ my _ right and I’m the one that had to do it.”

He brings both hands up to hold me by the shoulders and give me the gentlest shake I didn’t know it was possible to give, while getting his point across.  He stares me down as he asks, “What if it wasn’t just surface injuries, huh? What if he’d killed you or immobilized you enough for the walkers to get to you?  What would I have done then?!” The intensity was strong as he stared into my eyes. I was pinned down by his eyes, unable to take my gaze away. I was startled as I saw tears gather in his eyes.  “What if I’d lost you?” he murmured, while closing his eyes, hiding away his tears. “I just found you, I can’t lose you.”

Shame washes through me.  I shouldn’t have negated his thoughts on the issue.  Regardless of what I thought about it or not, he had a true emotional stake in this.  I had truly scared him—terrified him even. I reach up and put my arms around his neck and pull him in for a hug.  He quietly cries on my shoulder. I hold him as he clings to me. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m sorry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, how do you think their first confrontation went?  At least they’re finally talking and she now realizes how much she scared him.  She’s making progress, hopefully Rick is willing to be patient with her.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter please consider commenting!  


	26. Coming to Terms--Again

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

Things got very quiet and I was still standing there holding him.  I felt something nudge against my stomach and I blushed as I realized what it was.  I started to pull back but he held tighter, stopping me for a moment. After a few seconds, he took a deep breath and started to let go, but retained one of my hands as I pulled back.

He pulls on my hand saying, “Let’s sit down in here.”  I look longingly back at the table and the space around it, but obediently follow him into the living room and sit on the couch beside him—leaving as much space as I can between us.  “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I thought you knew how well I can take care of myself.”

Rick clenches his jaw, grating out, “No matter how well we can take care of ourselves, there are always variables that can get us killed.  That’s why when we can, we discuss it ahead of time, plan for it, have more than one set of eyes look at it so we can get it right.” I nod.  “True. All I can say is that I’m sorry, I can’t go back and change it. Honestly, I’m not sure I would if I could. He’s dead. It’s over. That has to count for something, right?”

He’s still holding my hand.  His thumb rubs along the inside of my wrist and I fight not to react.  The freaky spark is chewing me up inside, I really need to get my hand back and get some distance.  He finally replies, “You’re right, it’s over and done. There isn’t much we can do about it now. I am glad the bastard is dead.  I just wish…” He trails off. I ask, “You wish what?”

He shakes his head.  “Nevermind.” He pins me with his gaze and continues, “But I  _ can _ make sure you don’t do something like this in the future.  Make sure you don’t forget next time around and feel the consequences.”  I smirk, “Whattaya gonna to do, ground me?” He surprises me when he says, “I should.”

I say in shock, “What?  Wait just a minute…” He cuts me off, “Hold your horses.  I said I should, not that I was going to. However, I  _ am _ going to ask that you tell me anytime you’re going outside the walls for the next month or so.  Just so I know and can make sure you’ve taken the proper precautions.” I’m irritated, saying, “Now wait just one minute!  You don’t require that of anyone else except the kids and I damn well am not a kid!”

Rick takes a full minute to look me over, top to bottom.  Shoot, maybe that was a mistake to say that, the way his eyes are gleaming.  Finally he says, “No, that you are not.” I take a deep breath, “Our month is close to being up.  We haven’t even made an official decision to stay yet. Maybe it’s best…” This time he interupts, “Now just slow down.  You’re telling me that you’d run away just because I’d ask you to exercise some common sense?! You had to know there would be some repercussions to your actions.  And yes, if anyone else pulled what you did, I’d ask them to do the same thing until I was sure I could trust them to have some sane decision making out there.”

I say, “Oh my gosh, it’s not running away to decide not to stay, to decide that this place doesn’t suit us.  You were always aware that we were making a decision.” He replies, “Yes, I was. I’m also aware that you made a decision, that as of just a few days ago you were planning to stay, to make this your home.”

I eye him, asking, “How could you know that?  Oh, Carol…” I trail off as I think of our discussion.  He says, “Yes, Carol. Are you going to tell me you hadn’t decided to stay?”  I say, “She’s a blabbermouth. Well, yes, depending…” I trail off again, debating how to word this.  He fills in, “Depending on how a certain discussion between us went.” My eyes get wider. “OMG, she really IS a big blabbermouth.”  Rick chuckles under his breath. “Well, you gave her permission to try and calm me down, didn’t you?” I nod, “I guess, but…” He interupts, asking, “Well, how did you think she was going to do that?  Magic?” I just stare at him. I have no response to that. I guess I didn’t really think about how she’d do it or that she’d share some of our discussion.

Rick says, “She did make some good points, but I’d like to hear what you have to say about it.”  I just look at him. “Well, it doesn’t sound like we need to talk at all, it sounds like she has filled you in on everything we discussed.”  He shakes his head, “Not everything. Just some high points. But now I need to hear it from you and we need to talk about this ‘spark’ between us.  I might even call it an intense spark.”

I start blushing furiously and whisper, “Oh my gosh,” and bury my face in my hands.  Rick tries to pull me upright again, but I resist. “Now, none of that. You know, I could rightly be upset with you for talking to Carol about something that is none of her business.”  My head comes fully up in righteous anger as I respond, “I can talk to anyone I dang well please about…” He interrupts, “But I did see how she was helpful in clearing my head as I discussed things with her.  I can only imagine that she helped you clarify your thoughts on the matter.” I mumble and fight to find words. “Ahhh, ummm.”

He continues, “But now I think we need to have a discussion ourselves without any 3 rd parties.  No more running, no more avoiding me, just an honest to God blunt discussion between you and me about us.” Ack, is all I can think.  He says, “Nothing to say? Carol gave me the impression you were ready to talk.”

I huff out a breath, saying, “I was!  I mean, I am.” I pry my hand away and scoot over as far as I can on the couch.  “You’re just so intense and you make me very nervous. It’s hard to find some space with you right here taking it all.”

Rick repeats, “Space.  When I’m right here?” He shakes his head, not understanding.  He reaches out and drags me back, taking my hand again. “No. No space.  Just you and me and an honest discussion.” I look at him and say, “But I can’t think when you do this.”  He grins, “Can’t think? I wonder what that means?” I continue pulling on my hand and trying to free it. His expression turns serious.  “No, seriously, we are going to talk and I’m going to hold onto this,” he holds up our hands, “while we do.” I ask, “But why? Why does it have to be your way?”

He says, “Because I think I’m better off when you can’t think.  But mostly because I need it right now. I need this connection so my brain believes that you truly are safe.  Six days Sandi. It took six days before I got to truly reassure myself that you were OK with my own eyes. I got a report from the Doctor, people assured me you were fine, but I needed to see you with my own eyes to make sure.”

My remorse returns.  “Sorry.” He says, “I know.  Now, let’s move to the next topic since you don’t feel you can make an official decision on staying until we talk and come to an agreement.  Let’s talk about us.” I sigh, “There is no us.” He growls at me, “There is and you know it. If you want to work through how this is going to work, you’re going to have to give a little and we need to have this discussion.”

I take a deep breath.  “You’re right. There is an us.  I’d like that to take the form of friends, just for now.”  Rick sounds frustrated and disbelieving, saying, “You’re friendzoning me?  Really?!”

 

“No, no, no.  That’s not what I mean.”  I lower my head into my hands in frustration, murmuring, “I really suck at this.”  Rick smiles, as he pulls my hand back again. “I’d have to agree right now. What do you mean then?”  I look up at him, “Look, Rick, this thing between us is just so overwhelming and you’re an intense man.  I hope you can understand if I say I’m just not ready for that right now.”

He picks up the pertinent part of what I’m saying.  “So at least you acknowledge there’s something between us?”  I huff out a breath and respond, “Yeah. Kind of hard to deny at this point.  I’ve been calling it some kind of spark.”

He smiles, saying, “Spark?  Yeah, as I mentioned before, I heard about the spark.  Also known as an intense spark.” Resigned, I say, “Yeah, most of the time I think of it as an intense spark.”  He chuckles, “You think it’s just an intense spark? I’d call it a bloody raging inferno.” My mouth drops. “Oh.”  He looks back at me, replying, “Yeah, Oh.”

“Well, whatever it is, I’m not ready for it.  I’ll be honest, it kind of scares me. You’re right it’s like a freaking inferno that I can just feel is ready to rage out of control and take me with it.”  Rick eyes me and states, “Well, it just might rage out of control depending on where this conversation ends up. You’re asking me to back off again and leave you alone.”

“No,” I say.  He heaves a sigh of relief.  “Glad to hear it. But I  _ am _ confused about what you are actually asking for then.”  I say, “Rick, I don’t really know you.” He gives me a confused look saying, “What?  I think you do, you have seen a lot of me even when trying to avoid me, and what you see is what you get.  We spent a bit of time together planning this operation.”

“Yeah, but that’s not what I mean.  I know you as the leader of Alexandria, I know you as the leader I planned things with but as a person?  I really don’t know you as a person.” He looks me in the eye, saying, “Well, you might know me that way a little better if you hadn’t avoided me quite so much.”

“I know.  That’s on me.  I had this idea in my head that this was something to run from.  That if I just stayed away from you then it might go away.” He shakes his head.  “There is no way that was ever going to happen.” His grip tightens on my hand. I say, “I know that now.“  I squeeze back. “I guess I had to try. I wasn’t in any way mentally prepared for such sparks or a relationship or any of that at all.”

He asks hopefully, “Does that mean you are now?”  I laugh. “No. Not at all. I am still woefully unprepared, but I have a plan.”  He sounds skeptical, saying, “A plan?” I respond, “Yes, a plan. Obviously this isn’t something I can run from.  The kids like it here, heck, I like it here. We’ve made friends. We can make a life for ourselves here, for the first time I can actually see the possibility of a life, of a future besides just always running, fighting and scavenging.  The only way I can avoid this is if we leave.” He immediately says, “That’s not happening.”

I glare at him.  “You would have no say in it if that’s what we wanted to do.  I know Alexandria doesn’t hold hostages, or hold people here against their will.”  He sighs. I continue, “But I don’t want to leave. I like it here. Spark and all.”  He looks hopeful. “Really?” I nod, “Really. It’s time to address this head on.” He smiles, “I like where this is going.”  I shake my head, saying, “Well, you may change your mind here shortly. I’d like to sideline the spark.”

He gives me a confused look.  “Sideline the spark? What does that even mean?”  I tell him, “I want us to put it aside for a period of time.  Ignore it so to speak.” He slowly says, “I don’t know if that’s possible.  You know infernos—they get loud, mow down everything in their way.”

“Stop.  I’m not saying ignore it forever.  But you told me you’d wait until I was ready.  Did you mean that or were you lying to me?” He grinds his teeth, replying, “I meant it, but not as an out to ignore what is going on.”  I reassure him, “Well, I don’t mean it that way either. But here is what I want. I want a friendship for a period of time. I want to get to know you without the pressure of the spark.  I want to enjoy some time together and grow that friendship without it hanging over us.”

He is thinking and slowly says, “I don’t know if that’s possible.”  I look at him quizzically, “Waiting isn’t possible? But you said you’d wait.”  He clarifies for me, “Waiting is possible yes, but I don’t know if I can spend time with you and not try to act on…” he trails off.  

“Hmmmm, you can’t control it?”  He grins and says, “Well, it is an INTENSE spark.”  I roll my eyes, “Quit trying to use my words against me.”  He smiles. “But it’s so fun!”

“Be serious,” I urge him.  “You’re the one that wanted to have this conversation, to hammer things out.”  He says, “OK, sorry. It’s just fun to actually be able to tease you without worrying you’ll run away.”  I reply, “Stop. I said I was sorry.”

He nods and says, “OK.  Continue to describe what this friendship would look like and how it isn’t friend zoning me.”  I just shrug. “OK, so I guess the easiest way to describe it would be sort of like dating without any pressure.”  He responds, “But dating has pressure. ‘What will he do, what will she do, does she like this, can I kiss her?’” I sigh.  “OK, maybe that’s a bad analogy. There will be no kissing. I guess that’s the pressure I’m talking about.” He protests, “No kissing?  Dating should have kissing.” I ponder for a minute. “OK, back up, alright. Not dating. Ummmm, more like hanging out. OK, that’s it, hanging out.  Pre-dating.” He says, “Hanging out has pressure as well. If you like the person there is always a possibility of a kiss.”

I look at him in frustration.  “Will you just stop it?! I’m a widow.  That’s something I’m still coming to terms with, not a word I’m used to using to describe myself even though it’s been almost a year.  I’m trying to come up with a way where I can relax and enjoy some time getting to know you while I finish grieving. I finally got some closure with Negan’s death and I’m trying to let go.  I’m opening myself up to the possibility of a relationship with you. OK, there, I said it. I haven’t ruled it out. But I feel guilty for even thinking about it.”

He pulls me in for a hug, patting my back.  “Shhh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.  It’s hard, I know. It takes some time to get there.”  I pull back to look him in the eyes. “I guess that’s what I’m trying to define.  Time. How much time will it take me to move on? For me to stop feeling guilty for even thinking about moving on?  I feel guilty already just acknowledging the possibility of moving into a relationship with you.” He nods. “It’s OK.  I always told you I’d give you time.” I am so confused. I say, “But you’ve been pushing.” He immediately respond, “I have not.”  I sigh, “Well, you push without overtly pushing.” He looks confused. “How on earth do I do that? Have I done anything specific that has pushed you?”

I point out, “Well, you are constantly hunting me down, talking to me, telling me about your feelings.  You are just so intense. You told me you’d wait, but you are always there, waiting, loudly.” He exclaims, “Loudly?  How do you wait loudly?” He looks confused. I sigh, I’m not good at this kind of explanation. “Well, I guess what I mean is you aren’t subtle about it.  Every time I see you, you're sitting there simmering with your ‘waiting.’ It’s like it’s impossible to ignore it.” He smirks at this, saying, “Well, I don’t want you to forget I’m there.”  I give him an incredulous look. “Oh believe you me, there is no forgetting. When you’re in the room the fact that you are waiting is all I can think about.” He sits back with a grin. “Oh stop it, it’s nothing to be feeling smug about.  That’s what was driving me to avoid you as much as possible. Is that what you want?” He says, “Well, no.” I reply, “Then you need to do a better job of quietly waiting and not being so obvious about it.”

He sighs.  “So we’re back to me waiting then?”  I reply, “Yeah. Sorry. But it’s going to be different.”  He asks, “How so?” I answer, “Because I won’t be avoiding you.  In fact, we’ll be spending a lot of time together.” He smiles, “I like the sound of that.”  I emphasize, “Not kissing.” He nods, saying, “I don’t like that as much. What will we be doing then?”

“Well, you’re going to dial back the intensity a notch or 10.  Back burner. And we are going to get to know each other better.  We’ll spend time together getting to know one another. We will do some things together, some with just you and I, some with the kids.  You know, just hang out.” He nods. “OK. Hang out. No kissing. Got it.” I look at him disbelievingly, saying, “I hardly think you’ve got it.  No little touches to try and incite the freaking spark. Just getting to know one another as friends.”

He leans forward and whispers in my ear.  “We’re never going to be just friends. You know that right?” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, at least they’re talking now, right?  Do you think they can come to an agreement to make this work.  Is Rick capable of reigning the spark in so they can actually get to know each other as people?    
> This is such a big conversation that I’m going to have to break it into a few parts.  It was over 5600 works alone and I decided that was far too big for one chapter, so I adjusted and tried to find a place I could break for the next chapter.  I guess all that avoiding and non-talking has now led to a very long conversation, right?
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter please consider commenting!  


	27. Intense Negotiations

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

Rick leans forward and whispers in my ear.  “We are never going to be just friends. You know that right?”  I heave out a heavy sigh. “Yes, I know it, but I need to know you’re willing to try this.  You need to give me a chance to get to know you and get comfortable around you. To not feel like the attack of the spark is going to happen at any given moment.”  He sits back and says, “OK.” I eye him, asking, “OK?” He nods, reiterating, “OK. I can probably do that.” I eye him suspiciously. “Why do I think you agreed to that too easily.  You understand the limitations, right?” He replies, “I understand. How long do you see this ‘friendship’ lasting?”

I shrug, “Well, forever I would hope?”  He splutters, “Forever?!” I ask, “What you don’t think people in a relationship should be friends?”  

“So you do see some progression to this eventually?”  I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Yes, Rick, I imagine there would be progression.  I don’t imagine in my wildest dreams you would just put the spark away permanently.” 

“You’re right there.  I don’t think it’s possible.”

I clarify, “Well, first you put the spark on hold and give me the confidence to be your friend.  To get to know you. Then we can move on to dating I suppose.” He questions, “You suppose?” I smile, saying, “Give me a break, I’m making this up as I go.  So...dating and whatever else comes after that. This phase is just to give us a chance to become more comfortable around each other.”

He asks, “How long do you imagine this friendship phase lasting?”  I reply, “I don’t’ know, I didn’t get that far.” I grin at him. “I never dreamed you’d actually accept.”  He looks offended, asking, “What did you think I’d do, force you into a relationship you didn’t want?” I shake my head.  “No, I never really thought that. More that you’d continue to wait so loudly that I couldn’t stand it anymore. I’d either run away and find a new home or end up diving in the deep end with you.”  

“It would have been the deep end.  I wouldn’t let you run away where it wasn’t safe.”  This time I can’t resist rolling my eyes. “Again. Not the boss of me, regardless of sparks.”

He gets back to the topic at hand.  “OK, how long should we set for the friendship phase then?”  I eye him. “A year?” I suggest. He immediately shakes his head.  “Nope, that’s too long. I don’t think I can contain the spark that long.”  I object, “But you said you’d wait as long as it took. How could you promise that if you don’t think you can contain it??”  He replies, “Yes, but that was before you wanted it dialed down a bit. I can wait as long as need be without changing the intensity.”

I sigh, “OK.  Six months?” He shakes his head, “One month.”  I answer, “One month? Man I thought you were the man known for his control around here?!”  He replies, “And I thought we were negotiating here?” I suggest, “Five months?” He counters with “One.”  I say, “Four?” Again, he comes back with “One.” I look at him with annoyance saying, “I’m not sure you understand what negotiating means.  You’re supposed to give a little, on both sides.” He just shrugs and says, “Two. I think two is all I can do honestly. You do want me to control the spark, right?”  I contemplate while glaring at him. Finally I concede, “Fine, two months.”

Rick asks, “Then what after two months?  The spark goes loose?” I quickly say, “Oh hell no, I don’t think we’d survive that.  Talk about 0-1000 in a flash.” He laughs. “What then?” 

“Well, I guess we decide together.  Dating I guess?” He asks, “With kissing?”  He’s sure obsessed with kissing. Although, I suppose I understand.  That was one hell of a first kiss and it’s been on my mind as well. I take a deep breath.  “I guess.” He smiles, widely. “Hey, if I had my way, we’d be in bed right now.”

My eyes open wide.  I smack him with my free hand.  “Hey, that’s not dialed down Mister,” I scold.  

“I’m just being honest.  But I’ll do what it takes to make you comfortable, to get you there.  Also, the dialing down doesn’t start until the negotiations are over.”  I ask, confused, “Why not?” 

“Cause I’ll need to practice.”  I say, “Well, aren’t we pretty much done negotiating?”  He shakes his head, “No.” 

“No? What else is there?”  

“What comes after dating?”  I just say, “Umm, I don’t know, I assume the usual?”  

“You mean you don’t have more rules for after dating?”  I smile and say, “Um, no. I didn’t get that far.” He verifies, “So no rules?”  

“Well, there might be, but we can figure them out then.  We don’t know what things will be like then what  _ we _ will be like together then.  I think by that time we should be used to each other and can sit down and figure them out.  I mean, we’re doing pretty good now, right?”

He clarifies, “Together?”  I nod, “Yes, together.” 

“OK, but I have a couple of amendments to the friendship stage.”  I can’t help but roll my eyes, saying, “Of course you do.” 

“Well, we’re negotiating, it makes sense to get all our cards on the table now.”  I nod. “You’re right. What is it?” 

“Two things.  First, you aren’t dating anyone else during any of these stages.”  I exclaim, “Of course I wouldn’t! I don’t even  _ want _ to date anyone to begin with right now.”  He nods. “I know. It’s just to be clear.  When I saw you with Tobin that night it brought out my competitive instincts.  If I’m going to be waiting then you aren’t going to be starting a relationship with anyone else while I wait.”  I look at him with annoyance. “You know that I wasn’t dating Tobin, right? He invited the kids out and I was just kind of drug along with them.”  He nods and says, “I know  _ you  _ weren’t.  I’m not so sure Tobin realized it wasn’t a date though.”  OK, that’s fair I guess. I had no idea Tobin was trying to go there with things.  I had just been enjoying his company. Rick continues, “If there is an event happening, I’m the one taking you whether we are at the friends or dating stage.   No other male ‘friends’ taking you places.”

I ponder this, saying, “OK, but you do know I have actual friends who are male, right?  I don’t have to suddenly avoid Aaron and Eric or Eugene, Daryl and Abraham because we’re friends, right?”  He says, “No, you’re fine. None of them are trying to date you. Do things all you want, but any community events, family parties and such are reserved for me to escort you.”  I think about this and say, “OK, I can do that. What’s the 2nd thing?”

He replies, “I get to hold your hand during the friendship.”  I look at him in shock. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, that’s a little beyond friendship, don’t you think?”  

“I agreed to no kissing.  This is how I hold the spark back.”  

“By holding my hand?”  I eye him skeptically. He nods.  “Yeah. It’ll give me that connection that’ll calm the spark down enough I can let it simmer for a while.”  

I think about it for a minute.  “That’ll be much harder to explain to the kids.  I figured we could be friends and then slowly work toward a conversation with them right before the dating.”  

“No point in putting it off.  They obviously know something is going on, we may as well discuss with them now.”  

“Give me a week of no hand holding first?  I’d like to see how they react to us as friends and have some time to bring it up.”

“Fine.  One week from today the hand holding starts.”  I think quickly and then say, “I have one more condition then.”  

“Of course you do.”  I give him a mini glare.  “The kids have to agree.” 

“Agree to what?”  I clarify, “Agree with us.  Being in a relationship. All of the kids have to be on board with this, both yours and mine.”  He sounds astonished as he asks, “You’d give the kids veto power over us?” I nod my head, saying, “Yes.  This affects their life too. I never planned on bringing someone else into their lives. They deserve my full attention, and this will take some of my time and energy away from them.  If they don’t like it, then I won’t force them to bring someone new into their lives.” He starts saying, “But…” I cut him off, “I don’t mean forever. Obviously, they could pull the veto card later just cause they’re mad at one of us.  I just need their agreement going into this, that they can handle this and it’s OK with them for us to pursue. We can make it clear to them this is their only chance to object.”

He slowly nods, saying, “OK, I can do that.  But we talk to them together then.” It’s my turn to say, “But…” and he cuts me off.  “No, this one one we have to do together.” I give in and say, “OK.” He thinks for a minute and says, “OK, one more addendum.”  

“What now?”  He replies, “Honesty.”  This surprises me. Then again, when I think about it, I should have expected it.  

“Ack.  Honesty is what got us into this mess.”  

“What?!  How do you figure?”  

“Had you not been quite so honest that first night we moved in, we might have had a chance to get to know each other like normal people.  You freaked me out, so the avoidance phase began.”

“Hmmm.  You’re right, I probably shouldn’t have been quite so honest right up front.  But it’s done now, and I think we’ve managed to finally find our way through it.”  

“OK, but do you think it’s wise to continue being quite so bluntly honest.”  

“I do.  You’re handling it and I don’t think I can stop now.  But I wasn’t talking about me, actually.” 

“No?  You meant me?  You don’t think I’ve been honest with you today?”  

“No, I do, today has been good.  But I don’t want to go back to how it was before.”

“It won’t!  I promised I’m not going to run and avoid you anymore.”  

“I know, and I believe you mean it.  But I can see you have a hard time saying what’s on your mind.  You needed 6 days to work up to today!” I protest, “That wasn’t planned that way!”  

“I know, I just want to make sure we continue this way.  Honestly.

“So what exactly are you asking?  You think I won’t tell you the truth about things?”  

“No, I think what you do talk to me about is the truth.  But I’m worried that you tend to hold things inside and not share.  Then you let them build up bigger in your mind than they really are.”  I say, “Mmm. Maybe. When did you become the great psychologist?” 

“All I’m asking is that if I can see you are chewing over something, thinking really hard, so to speak, that if I ask you what you’re thinking, that you’ll tell me.  And you’ll be honest about it. Don’t be afraid of hurting my feelings, I can take it. I’d rather have an honest discussion about what you’re thinking than have it build into some big hurdle.

I think about this and then say, “Sometimes I think some really dumb stuff and just need a minute to think it through and get over it.”  

“That’s OK, we can talk it out and go through the process faster.  I won’t think badly of anything you think is dumb. I think dumb stuff sometimes too.”  I eye him, saying, “You know, this is beyond the stuff of any friendship I’ve ever had.  Sometimes it’s easier to be friends if you aren’t quite so honest.”

“We both know this isn’t a normal friendship.”  I continue to look stressed. He just looks at me and says, “Please?”  I sigh. “OK. But I’m not responsible for the dumb things that flirt through my brain on a daily basis...probably hourly.”  He shrugs, “OK.” He then gives me an assessing look and says, “Come here.” He then proceeds to pull me over onto his lap. I splutter, “Ack, what are you doing?”

“Holding you.  You need to let me just hold you for a bit, so I can build up for the next week.”  He snuggles me in under his chin and rubs his hand along my back soothingly. I awkwardly say, “Ummm, OK, for just a bit.”  I can hear the grin in his voice as he says, “You really are bad at this, aren’t you?”

I lean back and smack him on the shoulder, saying, “Shut up or I’m leaving.”  He responds, “Shutting up now.” He then lays his head down on mine. We sit there for almost half an hour, just feeling each other’s presence and getting used to one another.  No expectations. It’s kind of nice.

Rick starts talking, telling me about when he lost his wife-- _ how _ he lost his wife.  How he thought people were calling him on the phone and he kept seeing her there all the time.  How crazy he got before he came back to reality. I just let him talk and let it all out, learning so much more about this intense man.  After several minutes of silence when it seems he has run of things to say right now, finally I pull back and look him in the eye.

“Thank you for trusting me with details about your life, about your wife.  I look forward to learning more about you and sharing more about my life before all of this.  This has been good, I think we’ve got a good starting point here. But, we’d better get moving.  I promised the kids I’d meet them when school’s over. Want to come to our house for lunch?”

“We’d love to.  Today’s the 10th of April.”  That’s a somewhat random declaration.  I’m not following. “Yeah, so?” He immediately responds, “June 10th will be our first date.  A week from today will be random hand holding.” I laugh. “OK.” We walk out of the house and head to the school to meet all the kids for lunch, in harmony for once.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think they did pretty good negotiating here.  They each gave and took a little bit. Do you think it’ll work?  Can they sideline the spark in order to get to know one another better?  Or do you think this is going to blow up in their faces and go down the pathway of the raging inferno?  
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter please consider commenting and giving me some feedback!  


	28. Grilled Cheese & Honesty

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

The kids chatter away around the table.   I glance at Rick occasionally to see him leaning back and observing everyone with a satisfied look on his face.  We had met the kids at school and met Kayla & Annie on their way back to the house for lunch. I made grilled cheese sandwiches which made Jordan very happy--they were his favorite.  

Kira says to Carl, “I wish you could have known my Dad.  He was really good at drawing, I’ll never be as good as him.”  Suddenly she gets a look on her face of realization. “Wait, I can show you him and some of his work at least!”  She dashes off to the mantle of the fireplace and pulls down a family picture I’d somehow managed to keep with us and a sketch her Dad had drawn in the van on our way to Disney World.  She runs over and plops them down in front of Carl.

“See, there’s my Dad.”

“Wow, he’s a big guy,” says Carl. 

Kira pushes his sketch over to him.  “This is what he was drawing when the world went crazy.”

“Wow, look at all those delicate lines!  This big dude could draw this?!”

“Yeah,” Kira sighed while looking at her Dad’s work.  “He was really good at this. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.  You keep saying your hands are too big, but that doesn’t have to stop you, not if you really want to draw.  My Dad liked to do powerlifting—that’s why he’s so big. But he also loved art, so he made sure to make time to draw as well.  Those two things don’t seem to go together, but he liked them both so he did them both.” She paused, eyeing Carl as she made her point.  “You don’t have to choose just one thing to be good at. Choose them all if you want to.”

Rick looks on with interest.  He looks at Carl and says, “She has a good point you know?  I didn’t know you wanted to draw or didn’t feel like you could?”

Carl shrugs.  “I just felt I should do something more productive with my time is all.  We need to get things done around here, not have me sit around drawing all the time.  My time can be better spent helping keep the walls clear or helping Daryl hunt or something.”

Rick gives Carl a look.  “I know you’ve had to grow up fast, faster than I’d have liked, but you have some downtime to do things you enjoy.  I’m hoping you will have more of chance to just be a kid, that now we have the saviors routed, that we can have some peace for a bit.”

Carl starts to protest but Rick continues, “If nothing else, you have a bit of time right before bed—why don’t you take that time to draw, wind down?”  Carl nods and appears to be thinking about it.

Rick motions to Kira toward the pictures.  “Can I see those?” 

I look up in apprehension.  I was of two minds when I put that photo on the mantle.  On the one hand, it was the only picture I had of their Dad, and I wanted them to remember him.  On the other hand, I looked horrible in that picture and really didn’t want anyone to see it, especially Rick.  It was back in my obese days, before I lost the weight. I should have hung it on the wall upstairs instead, I thought.  Not that it would have stopped Kira. She was on a mission to get through to Carl, so she would have just run upstairs to retrieve it and bring it down.  I cringe as she hands them to Rick. I watch him carefully as he first examines the family portrait and then turns his attention to the drawing torn out of a sketchbook.  He looks up at Kira.

“Your Dad looks like a fine man, and I like his art.  He was very talented.”

“That’s just a sketch, too,” Kira replied.  “You should have seen the completed pictures he did, in full color.  They were spectacular. My favorite is one he did of me as a little girl with my two orange tabby cats!  He made it look like I was floating away with joy!”

The kids then descend into reflections and discussion of their favorite pictures their Dad drew, describing them to Carl and Judith.  Judith listened with interest, trying to understand what they were talking about. Rick looked over at me and caught my embarrassed look.

“What’s wrong?” he murmurs softly.

“Nothing,” I mouth back.

He gives me a serious, intense look and starts to say something.  I know what he’s going to say though. He’s going to remind me of our honesty discussion—how he asked me to share with him my thoughts if he asked me what I was thinking.  That he wanted to be able to follow my brain. Hell. I don’t even want to follow my thoughts and I’m stuck in them. I head him off at the pass.

“Not now.  Later,” I promise.

His eyes gleam with the promise that he’ll be following up on that.  Crap. Hopefully he forgets. I look at the time and look at the kids.  I stand up and start gathering up dishes.

“OK, we all have things to get done.  Help me gather the plates and load the dishwasher so we can get moving.”

The kids get up and start gathering up their plates.   Carl picks up his without hesitation and heads to the kitchen and Rick helps, bringing more.  Once the kids are done loading their plates, they call goodbye as they start to disperse to their various afternoon activities.  Kira & Carl to do science schoolwork outside they decide to take Judith along to sit on the grass. Kayla heads back to the pantry and Annie to the engineering building.  We need to get the walls expanded soon to add more houses for some of the additional people we took on from the Sanctuary, so they aren’t sleeping in the church and crammed into the townhouses.  It’s not bad, but it could be more comfortable. Soon Rick and I are left alone.

“Well, I’d better get over to meet Michonne at headquarters,” I say.  “She wants to meet with me this afternoon. I wonder what she’s up to now?”  I finish wrapping up a loaf of bread and hand it to him quickly as I move toward the door.  “Here’s a loaf of bread to take home for you and the kids.”

Rick fumbles the bread but catches it quickly to my disappointment.  He moves fast to catch me by the arm. “Hold on just a minute, speedy.  Thank you very much for the bread, but it’s later and I’d like to know what you were thinking back at the table.”

I sigh in defeat.  I almost thought I’d made a clean getaway.  “I wasn’t really thinking a whole lot. Mostly just how I don’t really like that picture, but it’s the only one we have so…”  I trail off slowly. He shakes his head. “No. I think there was more going on than that. What is it?”

“Hmmm.  Well, I was embarrassed, I guess.”

“Why would you be embarrassed?” he asked.

“Did you see how large I am in that picture?  I have lost a lot of weight since then, but I still have the fat girl insecurity, I guess.  I didn’t really want you to see me at my worst…see what I could balloon up into.”

“We all have a past.  I think you’re gorgeous in this photo.  Yeah, I saw you were a little bigger, but most of us were pre-infected.  Seeing this picture hasn’t changed anything.”

“It hasn’t?  I don’t think that picture conveyed just how large I was.  My body is not young anymore.”

“Neither is mine,” he chuckles.  “We all age up in life, our bodies change, I have plenty of new scars since this crazy world, nothing to worry about.”

“I don’t think you understand,” I warble.  “I have remnants of those days. Loose skin.  My body is anything but beautiful and I just can’t imagine ever being willing to show it to anyone.  It’s very well used and just not pretty.”

Understanding enters his eyes.  He draws close and pulls me into his arms, staring me in the eyes the whole time.

“Hey!” I complain.  “This is way more than hand holding and this is a hand holding free time!”

He laughs at me.  “This is outside the boundaries of the agreement.”

I give him a look of disbelief.  “Outside the boundaries?! What do you mean, our agreement was clear, no physical stuff…” I break off as he ignores me and pulls me in closer while staring me down and resting his forehead against mine.

“No.  This is me, talking to you, telling you that  _ you are beautiful _ .  There are no scars that can turn me off, no loose skin that can deter me.  You are beautiful and you will be naked in my bed eventually. There is no question of that.  It’s happening. If you’d let me right now, I’d show you how I can worship your body. So let go of these thoughts and listen to me.  I can’t wait. You’re gorgeous and you’re mine.”

I splutter, “This is way beyond what we agreed to…”

He cuts me off.  “My girl needs reassurance that I find her attractive, flaws and all.  No agreement is going to keep me from doing that.” He pulls me the rest of the way in and nestles my head on his chest.  I quiet down and just enjoy the feeling of love and acceptance. We stand there for what feels like eons, but is probably only 5 or 10 minutes.  I finally pull back and look him in the eye. “Thanks.”

We head out the door to our individual afternoon duties.  Before we part he says, “You and the kids want to come over for dinner and movie night?”

“Movie night again?”  I smile. “What’s showing?”

“I don’t know, probably some old 80’s B-rated movies,” he laughs.  “And it’s spaghetti on the menu because that’s my best dish. But we’d be happy to have you join us.”

I smirk.  “Sure, I think that’d be fun.  I’ll bring some garlic bread.”

“Perfect,” he says.  “6 o’clock?”

“We’ll be there.”

“See you soon then,” he pats me on the shoulder and walks away before stopping and turning to look at me.  “And Sandi? We talk to the kids tonight.”

“We have a week, it doesn’t have to be tonight!”

“Tonight!” he reiterates as he walks away.

I stand there watching him.  I begin to doubt my plan. This was supposed to bring things under my control.  Although he was holding up his end of the deal as he seemed to have reigned in that intense spark some—even when he was just reassuring me it was more comfort than crazy spark—he still seems to be way more in control of this than I feel I am.  I turn and start walking toward where I am to meet Michonne again. Not much I can do at this point. I already agreed to this process and I know there’s no way he’ll let me back out now. With my thoughts a riot of confusion I head up the stairs to see what Michonne wants.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, even calming down the spark, Intense Rick is still intense.  Phew! On the other hand, he is very sure about how attracted he is to her and hopefully reassured her just enough.  She is starting to realize that even following her plan doesn’t mean she’s going to have control of it though. But then...who can control sparks?
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.


	29. Looking to the Future

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

When I arrive in the townhouse, Michonne is in the office.  I’ve been told that this was Deanna Monroe’s office, the former leader of Alexandria.  When she died, they continued to use it for town business. Maggie used to conduct a lot of it, but now that she’s moved to the Hilltop, Michonne and Rick mainly use it.  Michonne gestures to me to have a seat.

“I’m sure you’re wondering why I asked you to stop by,” she begins.  I nod, “It’s crossed my mind, yes.”

“Sandi, we have some work to do now that the war is over, and I need your help with it.”  I give her an inquiring look. “What can I help with? My job is done, I gave you intel and we took out Negan.  I had some very specific knowledge to help you with, but now that’s over.”

Michonne shakes her head.  “Sandi, you have more to offer than just what’s in the past.  You have relationships at all of the communities now. I think the next step for us all is to find a way to work together, to work toward our future.  I’d like you to help me work on that.”

“Help you how?  I agree that working together is in everyone’s best interest, but I’m not certain how I can help with that?”

“Well, I’d like to get the communities to come to an agreement.  Agree how we live in this world, how we interact with one another, perhaps a charter of sorts.  If we can agree on how we live, how we trade, how we punish people, then I think that can be our first step toward rebuilding civilization.”

I take in her words and nod.  “I can see that it would be an advantage to get everyone on the same page with those kinds of things.  I forget that rules just don’t exist anymore, so we need to create some that all can agree to. You were a lawyer, so you’re suited to write a charter, but how can I help?  I took history like everyone else, but I don’t think I have any skill at writing rules or charters.”

“You’re right, I can write the charter.  I’ve already started, actually. But we need your help as an ambassador of sorts.”

“An ambassador?  Like the United Nations?”

She smiles.  “Yes, a bit like that, except I don’t know that there would be more than one at this point.”

I question, “I’d be the only one?  Isn’t each nation, or in our case, community, supposed to have their own?”

“Yes, back in the old world each nation would have their own.  But this is a new world and we have few people compared to the way things used to be.  Honestly, we don’t have that many people in the communities that would make good diplomats right now.  You have a unique position in this world. It was your words that brought each of the communities to the fight, to join together.  You have a natural gift for diplomacy. The biggest thing of all though, is that each community trusts you. They followed you to war and I believe they’ll follow you to an agreement for the greater good.”

I start waving my hands, “No, no, no.  They didn’t follow me to war. I gathered them, yes, but it was Rick, Maggie, Cyndie and King Ezekiel that they were following, their own leaders.”

Michonne smiles.  “I think you underestimate what you did.  Yes, they were all following their individual community leaders.  But you are the one that brought them together. They were following you as well.  When we were planning, they were all looking to you for the plan and for instructions--including the leaders.”

I shake my head.  “I’m good at planning, so yes, they wanted my input.  But I disagree that I led this war.”

Michonne laughs.  “Can we at least agree that you helped to facilitate?”

I nod slowly.  “Yes, I suppose I can agree with that.”

“I would also point out that you ended up at almost every community afterwards, reassuring people that everything was going to be OK, setting up schedules and persuading saviors that they could start a new life,” Michonne says.  “The workers from the saviors know you and trust you so you have a connection there with them as well.”

“OK, I’ll concede I did some reassuring,” I say.  “So what is it exactly that you want me to do?”

“I’d like you to help me get the charter written, passed and signed by all communities.”

I take a deep breath.  “Wow, that’s a tall order.  Aren’t you still writing it, why would you need help with writing it?”

She nods, “Yes, I am.  But that’s why we need to start now.  We need to start talking to all the communities while the way we worked together to defeat Negan and the saviors is still fresh in everyone’s mind.  While they still remember how well we all worked together. And we can’t present a completed charter to them ready to sign right now.”

“Why not?” I ask.

“Because it can’t be something that was written by one community.  It has to be a multi-community effort. If I write it all myself and we present it to everyone else, they’ll feel like it’s Alexandria dictating to them how we are all going to live.  They’ll never agree to sign it in that case.” I nod, that makes sense now that she explains it. She continues, “That’s why we need you. I’ve written the preamble. I’d like you to take it to the other communities.  Visit with their leaders and their residents about it. Talk about what a charter between the communities would look like. What they think the rules should be. I have some ideas, but this needs to come from the people.  You get the feedback of each community and bring it back to me.”

I look at her confused, “But If I am the one negotiating with them, won’t they still think Alexandria is trying to dictate to them?  After all, I live in Alexandria as well.”

She shakes her head.  “You would be basically representing the interests of all the communities.  I think they’ll tell you what they think and be honest with you about it. If it was anyone but you, no, I don’t think this would work.  But they already trust you and they know you represent more than just Alexandria’s interests. They see you as representing the common good like you did with planning the war with Negan.  After the first round with the preamble, I’ll draft more of it based on your feedback. You take it around again, present it and get more feedback. Does it have what they are looking for, are there pieces missing, are there pieces they don’t want in there?  Why? Then I’ll draft another with the feedback and you make the rounds again. Each time, you point out to each community where you got the pieces they wanted put into it--or where you got the pieces they didn’t want taken out. They can feel you are representing them, that they are having direct input into this charter.  If we keep at it, we’ll reach a place where everyone agrees and have a signed charter. That will be our starting point. We can build civilization from there. Then, when we find more communities, they can join our charter as well. We can grow and we can take back this world from the dead in a civilized manner.”

 

I sit there trying to take it all in.  This is huge, but I agree with her that it’s a necessary step.  Unless and until we can all agree on some basic standards, we can’t be a larger community but just small outposts trying to hold our own against the dead.  If we want to grow, if we want to take back our world, this has to happen. We came together as one because of the threat, because of Negan, because of common interests.  Michonne is right, unless we can find something to anchor us all together we will quickly fracture back into separate groups with no real connection again.

 

Michonne picks up some paperwork from her desk and hands it to me.  “Maybe this will help, read what I’ve drafted of the preamble so far.”  I take the paper in my hands and begin to read. ‘Any person who would live in peace and fairness, who would find common ground, this world is yours by right.  We stand together for life, not death, in this new world. Together, we make this world bigger. The future is ours as we hold onto our faith in one another with everything that we have.  To consecrate our bond, we establish this Multi-Community Charter of Rights and Freedoms.’ Wow. This is good. I look up at Michonne with a smile and tell her so. “This is very good, an excellent start I think.”

She smiles.  “Will you help me then?  Will you negotiate with the communities?”

I shake my head, I’m still surprised she wants me to do this.  “I want to help, but it sounds like a lot of traveling will be involved.”  She smiles. “I guess it all depends on how persuasive you are on how many times you have to travel, make the rounds.  But yes, there will be a bit of travel and a bit of time spent at each of the communities. Nothing more than what you already did both before and after the war though.  Your kids are welcome to accompany you, of course.” 

I think for a minute and then ask, “Have you already spoken to Rick about this?”

“About the Charter?  Yes, he knows I wanted to write one, to try to get all the communities to agree to to one.  He thinks it’s a good idea.”

“Well, not just about the Charter, but about your idea to have me work as an ambassador to promote the charter?  About how much I would have to travel around the communities and be gone from Alexandria while we work on this?”

She sees where I am going with this.  “Well, no, I told him we’d need someone able to promote the charter and sell it to the different communities.  But I didn’t tell him I specifically had you in mind.”

 

That makes a lot more sense now.  After our discussions and negotiations today, I just didn’t get the feeling he knew about Michonne’s intention to send me out and about in the various communities.  He would have said something considering the breadth and depth our our discussions. I can’t imagine he’d be very happy about me taking this on when we just decided to start spending more time together.  That would be hard if I’m always somewhere else. It would have been perfect if I was going to continue to run and avoid him, but that time is over. I look up at Michonne. “You need to talk to him about it then.  I would like to help, I think this is a great idea. But, he and I just reached a bit of an agreement, made some decisions that will bring some peace to our relationship. I don’t want to do anything to disrupt it right now.  He would need to agree to me doing this, being this ambassador that you’re talking about. You need to talk to him about that part. If you can get him to agree then I’m willing to try to get everyone to create and sign a Charter.”

She looks at me in surprise.  “You’re waiting for his permission?  I’ve never pegged you as someone who had to have a man’s permission to do something.”

I sigh.  “You’re right, I’m not.  If I feel strongly about something, I do it, even before the world ended.  But Michonne, I underestimated how much I worried him during this war.” I think of the tears in his eyes earlier today talking about how Negan could have killed me.  “Especially when I took on Negan. I just agreed to check in with him anytime I leave Alexandria as a penance of sorts for charging in on my own. To prove to him I’m responsible and using my common sense rather than just running into things blindly.”  Michonne is looking at me in disbelief. “You agreed to this?” she asks with shock in her voice. I look her in the eyes. “I did. I scared him Michonne. If this is what it takes for him to trust me again, to make him understand that I’m capable, then this is what I’ll do.  It’s only for the next month or so. But that means you need to get his agreement to let me do this. Talk to him about your full plan and explain to him what you want me to do and why you think it needs to be me that does it. If you can get him to agree then I’ll be your ambassador.”

She nods.  “I’ll talk to him about it then.  He’ll have to agree that you’re really the best person to do this.  I take it that you finally talked then?”

I huff out a breath.  “Yes, we talked earlier.  A lot. Hammered a few things out.  Overall I think it went well, but we’ll see how everything goes over the next few weeks and months.”  She smiles, “I’m glad you two have ironed things out then. I don’t want this to become a new point of contention, so I’ll talk to him about it.  Nudge him and get him to agree that it’s for the best. Don’t worry, I’ll get him to agree. I’m nothing if not persistent.” I laugh at her saying, “Well, I’m going to tell him that it’s up to him.  I can see how it’d be good for all the communities, but I’ll leave him in charge of this decision.” Her eyes query me, “You really feel bad about going around him to get to Negan, huh?” I nod and then shake my head.  “I don’t feel bad about going after Negan, I can’t feel bad about it. I did what was necessary and he had to be taken out. But, yes, I feel bad that I couldn’t find an agreement with Rick or a way to work with him to take out Negan.  I didn’t have any idea until today how much I scared him and I regret that. Maybe I could have found a better way, I don’t know. But now I’m going to try to do better, be a better communicator. We’ll still have things we disagree about, that’s a given.  But maybe we can find a way through it in harmony after this.” I shrug my shoulders. I have no real idea how this all is going to work. I just have to believe that it can. I committed to giving this relationship a chance, and that’s what I’m going to do.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think of Michonne’s plan and Sandi deferring to Rick to make the decision?  How do you think Rick will react to the idea?
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  


	30. Family Dinner

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

Back at the house, I pull the garlic bread out of the oven at around 5:50pm.  The kids have been slowly straggling inside, back from their activities and I let them know we are invited for dinner and movies next door.  They have gone upstairs to get cleaned up. I call for them to come down, trying to get everyone gathered up as I pull out a basket and dish towel to put the bread in and try to keep it warm until it’s needed for dinner.  Eventually, at just about 6:01, everyone is ready and we head out the door for the short trip next door.

Carl opens the door when we knock and the kids all head into the living room area chattering away.  I go into the kitchen where I find Rick just finishing up with dinner.

“Hey, where do you want the bread?”  He turns around as he finishes rinsing the noodles off at the sink and gives me a big grin.

“Hey!  Oh, you have it all fancy there, go ahead and put it on the dining room table.  Carl got it all set for us.”

I turn and head for the dining room where I see the table set nicely—like a Sunday dinner of old.  There are even some flowers in a vase. As I set the bread on the table I notice there are too many plates.  There are only 8 of us, but there are 10 plates. Just then I feel a presence behind me and look around to see Daryl entering the room followed by Michonne.  Daryl is in mid complaint, “I don’t see why we have to eat all fancy all of a sudden. We can get a head start on movie night and eat in the living room in front of the tv like usual!” he proclaims.

Michonne shushes him with a uninterpretable look at me.  “Hush! You’ll still get your movie, it doesn’t hurt you to be a bit more civilized sometimes.”

Daryl huffs.  “Like Spaghetti is civilized.”

Rick comes in.  “Stop your caterwauling Daryl, like Michonne said, you’ll get your precious movie.”

I grin.  Even though I’m slightly disappointed it’s not just the kids and I spending time with Rick and his kids, I enjoy Daryl and Michonne.  Besides, this means the discussion with the kids I was dreading can be put off a little bit longer. My grin gets wider at that thought.  I’m not certain what I’m afraid of more, that the kids will exercise their veto right now and put a stop to all of this before it even starts, or if they are all for it and encourage Rick just a little too much.  I look at Daryl, “I’m sorry Daryl, are we cramping your style?” I tease, “What movie is so precious that a delay in watching is cause you such angst?!”

“Angst?  I ain't angsty.  I just like to eat while watching is all,” he says emphatically.

“He had his heart set on Star Wars tonight,” Michonne interpreted with a grin.

“Well, hey, I could go for some Star Wars so I don’t think your movie choice is at risk,” I grin.  Daryl just glowers at both Michonne and I.

Rick sets the spaghetti down on the table.  “Nope, guests get to choose. You can argue the merits of Star Wars with the kids at the table.”  Daryl glares at Rick’s back as he walks out while Michonne and I share a grin. I hear Rick in the living room hustling the kids to come in and eat.  Michonne walks toward me and nods to the seat between the head of the table and the middle one she was sitting down in. “There you go, you sit there.”  One is as good as another so I nod and sit down. Daryl sits down opposite me still grumbling and the kids all file in and sit down, putting Judith into her booster seat next to Michonne.  Rick comes in and sits between Daryl and I at the head of the table. I give Michonne a look and she just smiles at me innocently. 

Rick puts his hands up on the table on either side and grabs Daryl and my hands and says, “Let’s give thanks.”  Daryl looks at him incredulously and starts to protest and Rick looks at him and says, “I think we’ve had a good few blessings lately and I’d like to acknowledge that.”  Daryl gives him a hard look but then bows his head in acknowledgement. I give Rick a suspicious look—here I am again, holding his hand and I could swear that he isn’t what I would consider a deeply religious man.  Michonne grabs my hand and I see the kids catching on and grabbing each other’s hands and bowing their heads. Rick clears his throat. “Dear God, we give thanks for everyone’s safety, thanks for the passing of the threat, for (he chokes a little) keeping Sandi safe while she took care of the Negan threat.  Please bless our future, thank you for letting us have a future, thank you for our community, thank you for the other community’s we have the opportunity to build up. Thank you for the chance to rebuild the future, to create a future for our children. Please bless this food, amen.” Everyone echoes him, even Daryl.  I look up and Rick winks at me, I swear, and squeezes my hand before he lets go.

Everything is silent as the food is passed around and everybody takes a portion.  Judith is painting her face as she eats, and we all are eating and laughing with her.  The camaraderie is nice, even Daryl is in a good mood and starts joking back and forth with the kids.

After everyone is mostly finished eating, Rick looks up at me and catches my eye.  The look in his eye catches my attention as I can’t quite place what he’s thinking.  “What?” I ask.

He shrugs, “Just seems like a good time for a discussion.”

“A discussion?” I ask, caught off guard and not keeping up to speed.  “What kind of discussion?” We have caught Daryl and Michonne’s interest as they listen to us.  Rick clears his throat loudly.

“Hey kids, can I get your attention for a minute?” he says.  “Sandi and I have something we want to talk to you about.”

I suddenly understand where he’s going with this.  He’s going to pose our question about us to the kids to get their agreement.  In front of Daryl and Michonne! Ack, I panic.

“Not yet,” I hiss, glancing at Daryl and Michonne.

He sees who I’m looking at.  “Don’t worry about them, they’re family.  They don’t get a vote, but they aren’t going to go start any gossip or anything.”  This peaks their interest. Michonne immediately says, “Nope, no gossip here, my lips are sealed,” while Daryl look at us and starts to whine, “Why don’t I get a vote?  I want a vote!”

By now the kids are listening and Annie pipes up asking, “We’re voting?  What are we voting on?” I put my head in my hands and shake my head back and forth.  Michonne pats me on the back in sympathy and I lift my head and shoot a glare at Rick about the scene he is creating.  A nice quiet life, I muse. Is that really so much to ask for? I shoot him a look again and remind myself that if I get involved with this man, my life will never be quiet again.  Doubts assail my mind again.

Rick starts talking again.  “I don’t think it’s any secret to you kids that Sandi and I are attracted to one another.”

Oh.  My. Hell.  I think as I choke and sputter on a sip of water I just took to fortify me for the discussion that was happening whether I was ready or not.  Rick stops and looks at me and jumps over to pound me on the back. I wave him back and struggle to get words out to tell him to stop. Back pounding is not helping me breathe any better.  “Stop,” I sputter. “Just stop, that’s not helping.” I get a couple of deep breaths in finally and I glance up and see Daryl’s amused smirk and then over to Kayla and Annie who look all knowing.  Carl is smirking as well, Kira looks contemplative and Jordan just looks confused. Judith continues painting in her spaghetti, oblivious. Rick hovers and then asks, “You OK now?” I glare up at him and say, “OK is relative, but I’m breathing, yes.”  Taken aback by the strength of my glare, Rick slowly returns to his seat, shooting me glances as if to test my temperature as he goes.

Jordan finally pipes up.  “I don’t understand.” At this all the older kids burst into giggles and Jordan gets distressed.  Rick speaks up, “Calm down everybody and I’ll explain.”

Kira speaks up then and says, “Jordan, he’s saying that they ‘like like’ each other.”  

“Ooooooh,” Jordan says as the meaning dawns on him.  Next to me Michonne starts giggling and even Daryl cracks a smile.  I continue staring at Rick just daring him to crack up. Great, I think.  I’ve been reduced to the elementary school ‘like like.’ How embarrassing.

Before Rick can continue, Jordan pipes up again.  “But wait. If Mom ‘like likes’ you, then why is she always trying to stay away from you?  I thought she didn’t like you at all or you were mean or something.”

I want to slide under the table.  Surely there is an escape around here somewhere.  Rick smirks at Jordan’s question and gives me a knowing look as if to say, ‘See?  They noticed it too.’ Before Rick can respond Annie volunteers, “You see Jordan, sometimes if you want to avoid really strong feelings that you don’t want to deal with, you try to avoid the person instead.  Or the thing that causes the strong feelings. Like when you were trying to avoid the last episodes of Adventure Time because you liked it so much and didn’t want it to be over.”

Jordan looks at Annie, “Oh, OK, that makes sense.  I love that show…it was so sad it was ending. I’m really glad I finally watched it before the world ended though, now I can at least remember it even if it did make me sad it was the end.”  Oh my. I don’t think this could have turned out any crazier. From ‘like like’ to Adventure Time comparisons. Although knowing my kids, it could get crazier before it gets better.

Kayla speaks up, “So what are you trying to tell us?  That you’re together now, we’re just one big happy expanded family now?  And what was the voting about? If we’re voting on where to live, I vote to keep my room!”  Everyone but me chuckles at her reaction and room claim, even Jordan. I want to bang my head on the table.  Maybe that would stop this train wreck? I eye the table in contemplation and slowly lower my head to it with a thump, much to Michonne’s amusement and Rick’s dismay.  He gets up and rushes over and pulls me back upright from behind, setting his hands on my shoulders once I’m back up in my chair to hold me there. Daryl sitting across from me smirks with a glimmer of held back laughter in his eye.  I glare back at him. He’d better not laugh or I’ll smack him. Everyone is chattering away, with the kids mostly making room claims now and Carl arguing with my kids about which house we should keep. He’s making the point that he’s been here longer and shouldn’t have to move--that they should move in here.

Rick raises his voice.  “OK, stop everybody, let's bring this back in to what we were trying to say.  I think you’re getting ahead of yourselves!”

I decide I’d better take control of this conversation before we head off course again.  “Yes, listen, nobody is moving, no need for arguing about rooms! Everyone is staying right where we are at right now!”

I got their attention, all eyes are on me now.  Rick squeezes my shoulders in encouragement. “What Rick was trying to say is that we are going to explore a relationship and see where it goes, that’s all.  No moving, no drastic changes yet. We are just starting with getting to know one another better and see if we want to move forward.”

Daryl pipes up, “So, you’re dating?”

“No,” I reply.  Daryl looks confused.  Kayla asks, “What are you doing if you aren’t dating?  Isn’t that where you usually start with a relationship?”  She also looks confused.

I huff out a breath and try to explain.  “We’re just going to start hanging out, spending more time together, getting to know one another.  We’ve kind of skipped that part, and so we’re going to work on our friendship first.” 

Rick volunteers, “We’ll start dating in two months after we know each other better.”

Daryl splutters, “Two months?  I mean what you describe as hanging out sounds like dating to me!  Why would you wait for two months?”

I glare at him.  “Because I need some time to get used to the idea of getting into another relationship.  I never planned on this and I need a little room to get to know Rick as a friend, as a man instead of jumping in head first!”

Rick explains, “This is just taking the pressure of the attraction out of the equation—just so we have time to get used to each other for a bit.”

Annie looks up.  “So you’re just announcing that you are friends now?  I think we could have figured that out,” she says with a grin.

I give her a level look, “Not only are we announcing we are friends, but giving you a heads up that we’ll be spending a lot of time with each other for the next several months.  I wanted you to have a chance to get used to that and,” Rick cuts me off, “ _ And _ we’ll be holding hands starting next week, so we wanted you to be prepared.”

Daryl speaks in disgust, “You have a timeline for hand-holding?  Whatever happened to being spontaneous? Have you scheduled in your first kiss as well?” he smirks.  “Oh wait, I forgot, that already happened the day you killed Negan.”

I glare at Daryl, “What happened with spontaneous is that the world ended and we got hit with this attraction out of nowhere.  Is it so bad that we take it slowly?  And , (I shoot a look at Rick over my shoulder for interrupting me before) since we are planning on dating after two months and then progressing to wherever things take us after that, we needed to get your input first.  We wanted to find out if you are on board with us giving this a try.”

Daryl looks over, “Oh, that’s what we don’t get to vote on?  Well, I vote yes anyway for what it’s worth. Anything to get him to stop mooning around cause you won’t give him the time of day.”

“Stop,” I say.  This isn’t about a vote, per se, but just about the kids being OK with us doing this.  It could potentially affect your life too, so everybody has to be OK with this.”

The kids start chattering to each other about the issue and debating.  After a minute they look up and Kayla speaks for the group. She shrugs, “We don’t see a problem with it.  Go ahead, we don’t care.”

I probe, “You aren’t mad that I’m moving on without Dad?”

Annie speaks up, “Mom, you gotta live, you can’t mourn forever.  I mean we all miss him, but we want you to have a happy life moving forward.  We aren’t all going to stay at home forever, even in this world.”

Rick leans forward, “Carl?”  Carl looks up and asks, “Would this make Kira & I like, brother and sister?”

I answer, “Well, no, a friendship would just make you kids whose parents are friends,” I grin.  “But no, even if things progress further, you wouldn’t be related.”

The kids all agree that they are OK with this.  Rick emphasizes, “Remember this is a one-time deal.  We know all about how kids work and when you get mad you play parents against each other.  You’ve agreed now and there is no taking back that agreement in the future.”

I add, “This may or may not develop into something more,” Ricks hands squeeze my shoulders tighter.  I can tell he doesn’t agree, “but if it does, we aren’t stopping to ask permission again. You’ll just have to come along for the ride with us and see what happens.”  I shrug.

Jordan says, “OK, can we go look at the movies now?”

I laugh, “Yep, I see you have your priorities straight!”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of their discussion with the kids?  Do you think it went well or is a train wreck like Sandi thought?  How about Daryl and Michonne witnessing this whole discussion? I mean, they are Rick’s family as well. Wow, 5 chapters just to cover everything that happens on one Saturday.  That was one looong day with a lot of talking, right?
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.


	31. Movie Night

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

The kids all rush into the living room with Judith clamoring to be let out of her booster seat to go with them.  Michonne tells Rick, “I’ve got her.” Judith gets impatient from her booster seat as Michonne wipes her face. Soon she is cleaned up and Michonne releases her from the seat buckle and Rick takes her in to hand her to Carl.

Michonne sits back down just as Rick heads back to his seat.  I’m partially getting up to clear the dishes, but realize we’re staying put.  I sink back down and give Rick a querying glance. Then Michonne says, “Well, that was a surprise, but a good one.  I think that went well, they didn’t reject it outright. I think that was a wise idea, just bringing it up and getting their buy-in right up front.”

I choke, “Thanks Michonne.”  Rick adds, “Yeah, I think overall it went well.”

I blurt, “It was a train wreck!  But,” I sigh, “I think it turned out OK in the end.”

Rick reaches over and pats me on the hand, “I don’t think there was really any good way to bring it up.  I just figured honesty was our best option there.”

I give him a look of disbelief.  “So we could let them know that we ‘like like’ each other?”

He chuckles, “That was an interesting interpretation, but it got us there in the end.”

Daryl has been watching this interaction and finally speaks up as he starts to stand up.  “I just wan’ you to know…” he trails off into suspense, “that I’m determined to see Star Wars tonight.  I gotta go defend ma movie!” He heads off into the living room to demand his move. We all chuckle.

I stand up and start to clear the table.  Michonne starts to help and Rick begins to protest, “No, head in to the movie, guests shouldn’t have to do this, I’ll take care of it.”

I give him a speaking look.  “Am I a guest, is that what I am?”  He starts backpedaling. “Well, no, but I thought I’d give you some time before making you do chores over here.”

I ignore him and continue to gather dishes.  “I think I’ll start as I mean to go on. I’m helping out,” and I head into the kitchen with my arms full and begin to load the dishwasher.  Michonne brings me more and exits to the living room to watch the movie debate as Rick comes in with the last of the dishes. He helps me load up the rest of it and then pulls out the detergent to get the dishwasher started.  When it’s all running I turn to head to the living room myself and see who won the movie debate, but he catches my arm and pulls me back, swinging me around. He places both hands on my shoulders, peering into my eyes. “Everything OK?” he asks.  “Yes, it’s all OK, even after that disaster of an explanation.” I finally laugh about the incident. “Thank goodness we only have to go through that one time! After this, I will make the explanations though!”

He laughs and pulls me in for a hug.  Mmmmm. This is nice. I could get used to this.  We walk into the living room. To no one's surprise, Daryl has won and the opening notes of Star Wars begins to play.  Judith is already asleep on the floor and I move to pick her up. Rick motions to me to follow him and we go upstairs to her room.  I swiftly get her changed and into a sleeper and lay her down in her crib. Rick comes up next to me at the crib and puts his hand on my shoulder as he brushes his hand over her hair and kisses her goodnight.  We leave her room to go downstairs and join the kids for the movie.

I see the kids have left an open spot on the couch and Rick and I settle there.  It’s tight quarters, so he puts his arm up on the back of the couch surrounding me.  I tense for a moment, but then relax…there’s not much he can do about it.

Kayla looks over and gets a mischievous look on her face. “You know,” she says, “you don’t have to wait a week to hold hands.  We talked about it and we’re OK if you start now.”

I stare in surprise, while the rest of the kids turn toward us and nod with various reactions coming, “Yeah, that’s cool.”  “We don’t care.” “Yeah, go ahead.” 

Rick quickly grabs my hand with his opposite free hand.  “Yeah, that’s cool of you guys.”

I turn and glare at him.  “Whether they are OK with it or not, that’s not what we agreed on.”

He grins, knowing he’s been called out.  He drops my hand reluctantly, and says, “I’m a man of my word.  I’ll just have to be content with this instead,” as he squeezes my shoulders with the arm he has around me across the back of the couch.  I roll my eyes at him and turn to the movie.

It isn’t long before I begin to nod off.  I really didn’t get much sleep at all last night while I was dreading the confrontation coming today.  I valiantly fight it, but eventually lose the battle. The last thing I remember is being pulled in by the arm that is now around my shoulders into a nice, warm, hard but comfortable shoulder to nestle my head on.  My hand is on his chest and I am so comfortable that I slide the rest of the way into sleep.

I feel the sun on my face and slowly blink my eyes, just seeing a blur of blue.  I blink again, more blue. After a couple more blinks, the blue finally resolves into a shirt.  I can see my hand laying on the shirt and feel my pillow breathing. My sleepy brain tries to make sense of this.  My pillow doesn’t usually breath, nor do I have it covered in a denim shirt. That’s when I hear, “Good Morning.” That startles me and my eyes fly upwards, meeting Rick’s clear blue eyes.  Blue is a theme today, I see. I stare at him blankly for a minute before glancing around me quickly. We are laying on the couch in his living room, where we were watching the movie last night. He’s put up the leg rest of the reclining portion of the couch, so our legs are up and it’s almost like laying on a bed.  A blanket covers us. I am half laying on him on my side with my head on his chest and a leg over his. Whoops. OK, so I fell asleep here last night and nobody woke me up? I pull my leg back and start to sit up, “Why didn’t anybody wake me up, where are the kids?” I put my right arm behind me to help me sit up and my fingers brush something hard.  I pick it up and pull it over in front of me. Rick says, “I’m not sure, you were out and I think I fell asleep shortly after. I thought they would have woken us when the movie was over though.” I see that my hands hold a notebook, which has a note written on it. We both read it.

Hey,

You both dozed off, but seemed very comfortable so the kids insisted we not wake you up.  Don’t worry, I made sure they were all in bed and your house was locked up behind them. Hope you had a good sleep!

-Michonne

 

I relax a little bit, seeing that they are safe at home.  I don’t know why they didn’t just wake us though. Rick huffs out a laugh.  “Well, I don’t think we have to worry about them not approving of us together anymore if they left us sleeping here alone.”

I shake my head.  “Yeah, I guess they’re OK with it then.”

“I have to admit I’m glad they let us sleep.  That’s the best night of sleep I’ve had in a long time,” he says.  I actually slept very good as well, but that’s not something I’m about to admit.  I’m still tucked up next to him and start to try to shift to get up again. Part way through getting up, I feel his hand touch my bare left side softly.  What? I glance down and see my shirt has pulled up to expose my multi-colored ribs and he is gently tracing over the bruising. He leans forward, looking at it more closely, saying, “It’s worse than I imagined.  You’re damn lucky you didn’t break any ribs.” 

“It looks a lot worse than it is.  It’s hardly painful anymore.” I then continue forward until I gain my feet and turn around and look at him as I adjust my shirt so everything is covered again.

He gives me a hard look like he doesn’t believe me and then gets up himself, asking, “Want some breakfast?”

“Sure, I guess.  There’s something I’d like to talk to you about, so over breakfast sounds like a good plan.”  He shoots me an inquiring look but I defer, “We’ll talk at the table.”

Working together, we quickly get some oatmeal made and on the table.  As we sit down he asks, “OK, so what have we not covered in all of our talking yesterday that we still need to discuss?”

I laugh.  “Nothing to do with all of that.  Just to do with your request that I tell you ahead of time anytime I’m planning on leaving Alexandria.”  

His head comes up quickly at that. “You’re planning on leaving?  Why?”

“I need to take a quick trip.  Jane and the farming outpost don’t know what’s happened, that Negan is dead.  I really should have already gone to talk to her, but it needs to be done soon.”

He relaxes now, understanding what I’m talking about, that I’m not talking about leaving permanently again or anything.  “We can send some people out there to inform them if you give us directions. Maybe Daryl & Abraham?”

I shake my head.  “It has to be me, Rick.  She trusts me, they’d never get in the door.  At least not without some casualties.” He’s shaking his head at me already.  “Rick, they have food. Once they know Negan is gone, that they don’t need to keep up their contributions to the saviors, we may be able to arrange a trade with them.  They are another community that could join us in collaboration, they should be included in the charter Michonne is working on.”

He stops to think about this for a moment.  “Michone told you about her idea of a charter, huh?”

“Yes, that’s what she wanted to talk to me about yesterday.”

“She wanted to talk to you about the charter?  Why?”

I heave out a breath.  “I think I’ll leave it up to her to tell you why.  All I’m asking right now is to be able to talk to Jane and let them know they’re free now.”

“Why do I get the feeling there is more there that I’m probably not going to like?   
I smile.  “Because you’re a very smart man.  Talk to Michonne, she’ll tell you her ideas that she shared with me yesterday.  I’m staying out of this one.”

He looks at me skeptically.  “You’re staying out of it. That doesn’t sound likely.”

“It’s the truth.  After you talk to Michonne, if you want to talk to me about it then we can chat.  It’s her idea and I think she’s the one that needs to explain it to you. So, Jane?  Can I go? I could leave in the morning and be back the next day, probably late.”

He pinches his nose between his fingers as he thinks over my request.  “I don’t really want you out there alone. Regardless of what you say, you aren’t back to full strength yet.”

I wave him off.  “I’m close enough.  There aren’t any saviors out there to terrorize people, it’s safer to go than it was just a week ago.”

He looks at me, knowing I’m not going to let it go.  “This world has more than enough hazards even without the saviors as a threat.”

“Eh, a few walkers, nothing I can’t handle.”

“We’re just starting to spend time together.  I don’t want us to backslide.”

“We won’t.  It’s just a couple of days.”

He gets a thoughtful look on his face, like a man who has a plan.  Uh oh. That can’t bode well for me.

“Alright, we can do both.  I’ll come with you.”

“You’ll come with me?  To see Jane?”

“Yep.  It makes sense for me to meet her, so she knows people from other communities.”

“But what about everything that needs to be done here in Alexandria?  You told me you had work for weeks lined up to complete.”

“Michonne and Daryl can handle it.”

Now I’m giving him the skeptical look.  “You, the man in control, are going to delegate?”

“Yes.  I’ve been told I need to delegate more.  No better time than the present.”

I think it over.  Well, it gets me where I want to go.  “OK. I guess that works, I’ll go tell the kids to be ready to go tomorrow morning.”  I stand up in preparation of leaving.

He grabs my arm.  “Actually, I thought we might leave the kids here.”

I look at him in shock.  “Leave them here?”

“I heard them talking about how good it was to be in a routine again, not running around as much as they were, not being on the road.  Daryl, Abraham, Michonne and Sasha would all be here with them, to protect them. They can stay with Carl and Judith. It’d give us a little one on one time.  Nothing like a road trip to get to know another person better.”

“But, I really don’t like to leave them where I can’t get to them quickly.”

“I know, and I’m the same with Carl and Judith.  But it’s the safest it’s been in a long time, and safer here than out there.  You’ve raised strong kids too, kids who can protect themselves if anything happens, which it won’t.  Come on, let’s go on a road trip together.” He makes some good points, and I know the kids were glad to get back to Alexandria and back in a routine when we returned.  They probably wouldn’t be too thrilled to be leaving again so soon.

“Alright.  I guess we can road trip.”  He says, “Yes!” and gives me a quick hug before I go back to my house to check in with the kids and prep for leaving in the morning.  Hopefully I don’t regret this. We’re on good terms now and things seem to be going well, but you just never know what’s going to happen on the road.  I’m going on a road trip...with Rick Grimes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...what do you think of their movie night that morphed into a movie sleepover?  It definitely doesn’t appear there is any objection from the kids! How about taking a trip alone with Rick?  With this be good or bad for their friendship/budding relationship do you think?
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.


	32. Road Trip

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

It’s a comfortable silence in the van as Rick and I drive to the farming outpost.  After a lazy Sunday which I used to spend time with the kids before our quick trip, morning came early and we got on the road shortly after sunrise.  Even after the years of the apocalypse, I’m still not much of a morning person though, so I appreciate Rick not having to fill the silence as my brain wakes up.  I might wake up early now out of habit and necessity, but that doesn’t mean I like it. We’ve been driving for about an hour now and are making steady progress toward the outpost.

“How long will it take to get there?” Rick asks, finally breaking the silence.

“We’re making really good time,” I respond.  “I guesstimate we are about 1⁄3 of the way there, so another couple of hours.”

I can feel his eyes on me.  I ignore it for a few minutes, but finally give up, glancing at him and verifying that he’s staring at me.  “What?” I ask.

“Just trying to figure you out.”

I smile.  “What are you trying to figure out?  I’m pretty straightforward.”

He responds, “Mostly, I’m just trying to figure out how you became who you are now.”

“I don’t know that just staring at me is going to help you with that.  But a basic answer is that an apocalypse tends to change you in unexpected ways.  I grew into who I am now through the necessity of keeping my children alive.” I look at him.  “Whatever it takes, right?”

“Right.  Whatever it takes.”  He reaches over and squeezes my hand.  Silence reigns for a few more minutes until Rick says, “This seems like a good chance for us to get to know one another better.”

I glance at him.  “Alright. What do you want to know?”

“Ladies first.  Anything you’d like to know about me?”  Wow. There’s so much I’d like to know about him, his past, his views, I struggle with where to start.  He’s a complicated man and there are a lot of things I’d like to understand. Maybe start with who he was before all of this?  I slow down as I negotiate a tricky car wreck, maneuvering the van around the cars. Once we’re past the cars and I speed up, I say, “OK, what was your profession back before all of this?”

“I was a Sheriff's Deputy in King County, GA.”

I nod to myself.  That makes a lot of sense.  “That must have been handy, you at least were a little more prepared for this world than the rest of us.”  He asks, “How do you figure that?” I reply, “Well, you already knew how to shoot a gun and how to fight. I’m sure you knew self-defense and such?”  He nods after understanding my train of thought.

He looks at me, “How did you learn to fight and protect yourself in this world if you didn’t know how before?”

“Well, I had shot a gun before but was no expert at it.  Dave taught me as we were trying to make our way home. Well, he taught me _and_ the kids.  He knew we all needed to know how to defend ourselves.  As far as the fighting skills, that just came with practise and a lot of luck.  I learned what worked on the dead and what didn’t by trial and error. I soon learned it was better to knock them off balance so I had an advantage in order to get the head shots and take them out.  I was lucky and didn’t make a fatal error while I was learning. Knowing I had to keep the kids alive was a good motivator.” I glance over to see him nodding at my response. “How did you manage to keep your family safe when I imagine law enforcement was pulled in for duty when things got crazy?”

It’s silent for a few moments when he finally responds, “I didn’t keep them safe.”  I glance at him at that, surprised. He looks back at me with sad eyes. “I got shot on duty just before all of this, was in the hospital.”  I stare at him, shocked. “I was in a coma when everything happened. My best friend, Shane, he’s the one that got them out, protected them until I found them again.”  Woah. I wasn’t expecting that. It must have been bad if he was in a coma. I ask, “So you didn’t see things happening? You just woke up to this world?” He nods. “Yeah.”  I can’t even imagine. It took me time to accept what was happening in this world and that was while watching it happen. How did he survive without knowing what was happening?  I ask him about this and he responds by telling me the whole story. How he woke up, made his way home, found a man named Morgan and his son Duane. They taught him about what was happening, how to live in this world now.  How he cleaned out his station of guns & ammo and made his way to Atlanta hoping to find his family at a refugee center he’d heard was there. How he rode into town on a damn horse and was saved by Glenn after he called him a dumbass.  The way they escaped the walkers by using walker guts to walk among them and disguise their smell. Finding his family at their base camp when they got there. Going to the CDC, what they found there, what Dr. Jenner told him. Losing Carol’s daughter Sophia on the road, Carl getting shot, Shane getting the supplies to save him, but sacrificing a man to do it.  How Shane went down a dark road and killed walker’s kept in Maggie’s family’s barn going against Maggie’s Dad’s wishes. How Sophia walked out of the barn a walker and Rick had to put her down. Finding out his wife and Shane had been together, her trying to end her pregnancy and then the horde that came through when Shane tried to kill him. How he had to kill Shane and Carl killed walker Shane.  How he took control of the group after that and dictated what they had to do to survive. Finding the prison and then losing his wife there. He trails off, but I can connect the pieces now. He told me how he lost his wife before, how he thought he was losing his sanity. This adds so much depth to it though. We sit in silence for a couple of minutes and then I look at him and say, “I’m so sorry.  I don’t know how you came back from that. You’ve been through a lot, more than I could have imagined.” He nods and says, “I’ve been lucky to be able to make it through, keep my kids alive. You haven’t had a monopoly on luck.” I shake my head, “I don’t think that was all luck for you. You did that. You kept them alive.”

He shakes his head at me, saying, “No.  Sometimes I think I’ve put them in more danger than I’ve protected them.  I’m a broken man, Sandi. It’s best you understand that before we get involved any further.  I’ve done things that I’m not proud of, some horrible things. I already told you that I’m not a good man anymore.”  No. I shake my head denying what he’s saying. He’s been through a lot, but he got his kids through it and survived it.  “You aren’t broken, maybe just reshaped. We can’t stay who we were before and survive this world. You tried to tell me before that you aren’t a good man, but you’re wrong Rick.  I told you then and I’ll tell you again now. You _are_ a good man.  You’ve beaten impossible odds, you’ve kept your kids alive through all of this.”  I put my hand on his leg. “Whatever it takes, remember? You have what it takes.”  He puts his hand on top of mine. “Whatever it takes,” he reaffirms. He looks relieved, like he thought I was going to judge him harshly for what he’d told me and break off our agreement.  I never could, he did what was necessary. I look up and see the watch tower of the farming outpost come into view. I nod toward it as I pull my hand back and point. “There it is, we’re here.”

 

I pull up and stop at the gate.  Luckily they recognize my van and the goon manning the gate lets me through.  I see Negan’s orders about me made it up here as well. Good thing they don’t know Negan is gone, I don’t like the way the goon is looking at me.  “I’m here to see Jane,” I declare as I get out of the van. The goon nods to Rick who has joined me. “Who’s that?”

I reply, “It’s a friend I brought to see Jane.”  The goon doesn’t look convinced, but after mulling it over he lets us continue on.  Not worth defying Negan’s orders over. I quickly lead Rick to Jane’s office and knock.  At her instruction to enter, I open the door and walk in. She looks up and sees me and choking back a cry, runs over to embrace me.  “Sandi! I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, what are you doing here? Did Negan finally see reason and let you come back here to do the canning?”  She looks behind me, seeing Rick standing there observing. “Where are the kids? Where’s Dave?” I step back from her embrace. Obviously Negan was keeping her in the dark.

“It’s good to see you too Jane.  I came to tell you that Negan’s dead, you’re free.”  She sits down in shock. “Negan, dead? How?”

“I killed him,” I respond.  She chokes, “You killed him?”  She looks afraid for me. I explain.  “He killed Dave.” I explain what happened with Kayla, Negan’s lieutenant and Dave’s death.  “Negan set the kids and I free as repayment when he found he was in the wrong. I had to take him out Jane.  I couldn’t let him get away with that or everything else he was doing to people. I joined with some other communities.”  I gesture to Rick, “Rick is the leader of a community called Alexandria. I pulled in Hilltop and The Kingdom as well. We surrounded the sanctuary with walkers, took out all their outposts except yours and then dealt with the Sanctuary and Negan.  They’re gone Jane, the saviors are gone, either dead or captured.”

Jane sobs and hugs me again.  After some time, she pulls back and says, “The guards must not know.  They are rabid Negan fanatics.” I shrug, “There was no one to tell them.  They knew to let me in without challenge though, so they obviously knew about Dave’s death and the orders for me to be left alone and not hassled.  They kept it all from you Jane. But they will figure it out sooner or later when nobody comes from the Sanctuary to pick up the food. They’ll ask questions.”

Jane shakes her head and sits down.  “This isn’t going to be easy. Since Negan took you, he’s put bad men, hard men here.  There’s only two of them, but they’re dangerous. They harass my workers, take the cream of the crop and have been running the place ragged.  They’ll kill you if they find out you killed Negan.” Rick looks at me, concerned, and says, “There’s only two of them? I can handle that. Tell me about them, about their routines.”

I shake my head at him.  “You aren’t taking them on alone.  We’ll do this together.” Rick immediately shakes his head at me, “No, you took out Negan alone, I’ll do this on my own.”  I put my hand on his shoulder, “I’ve told you I was wrong to not include you with Negan. We’re a team now, we need to work together, to prove that we _can_ work together.”  I stare into his eyes as I say this.  He sees that I’m serious and closes his eyes.  When he opens them, I can see resignation in them.  He knows that this relationship won’t be going anywhere if he shuts me out now, not now that we’ve agreed to work as friends and progress to whatever else comes.  “You can’t protect me all the time, not in this world. But we can learn to work together to take on the threats in this world, to protect our kids.” He stares at me and finally nods.  “We plan it all out though, every piece and we don’t deviate from the plan.” I nod and agree. We turn to Jane and grill her about the guards routines and habits. After that we develop a plan using me as a distraction, as bait.  Rick isn’t happy about it, but he can see it’s the best route to take. I then turn to Jane.

“Jane, I live in a place called Alexandria now.  They are low on food, but they have ammunition which I remember you being low on.  They’re producing their own now, so it’s plentiful. Since you won’t have to give Negan half of everything anymore, would you be interested in a trade?”

Jane is amenable to the idea and we hammer out the details.  She is very generous in her terms, telling us it will be worth it if we rid her of these goons and bring her ammunition in return.  I give her an overview of the charter Michonne is working on as well, a beginning to rebuilding our worlds, to communities working together.  She is interested and agrees to talk more later when we return. Rick eyes me and I can tell he has thoughts on this, but he holds his tongue for now.

As we walk out to enact our plan, Rick catches my arm and pulls me to the side.  “I thought you were waiting for me to talk to Michonne about the charter, get my feedback first.”  I look up at him, “I was, I am. I just wanted her to know it existed, that it’s a good thing, that I endorse in case I don’t get a chance to talk to her about it more later.”  He gives me a steady look. “I know what Michonne wants you to do, I talked to her about her ideas yesterday afternoon.” I nod. “Then we’ll have to have a conversation about your thoughts on that.  I meant what I said, this is between you and Michonne and I’ll abide by your decision, but it’s not a bad idea, you know. Let’s take care of these goons first though.” He nods and we continue on our way until we reach the place we part for now.  He pulls me in for a hug saying, “Stay safe. And don’t provoke him too much.” I hug him back and respond, “I know you’ll be there and have my back, but I’ll try to be good.” He gives me a knowing look repeating, “Don’t go too far. The plan doesn’t work if he gets so mad at you he kills you before I can get to you.”  I smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll be good,” I assure him as I continue walking toward the guard tower.

We have verified they only have one person on guard at a time--not very smart on their part.  This leaves the other free to wander and molest unsuspecting people trying to work the fields.  I walk up to the guard and distract him with conversation--at least I keep it limited to conversation despite the overtures he’s making to me--and Rick sneaks up behind him and takes him out quietly with his knife.  One down, one to go. These two men are some of the worst of Negan’s soldiers. They have harassed Jane and her people badly and they would never change. The best option is to take them out of the equation.

We dispose of the body and one of Jane’s men takes over the guard tower.  Soon we locate the other guard in the carrot field, harassing a poor girl there.  I walk over and send the girl away and repeat the plan. I distract as Rick sneaks up behind him and soon he’s gone as well.  Good riddance, that one was especially creepy with his propositions. I need a shower after interacting with those two.

 

Jane is grateful and loads up the van with food despite wanting us to stay the night.  I tell her we have to get back to the kids, I don’t like leaving them alone for long, even with all the completely capable people who I trust at Alexandria.  We will get more food when we send the ammunition back as well, so the sooner we return and send the ammunition, the better the situation for the people of Alexandria.  I hug Jane before we leave, glad we could take care of the threat to her and her people. We leave the farming outpost quickly, hoping to get most of the way home before it gets dark.

After we’ve been driving a little while, Rick looks over at me and says, “Thank you for sticking to the plan.  I didn’t like that you were the one at risk, but it went well.”

“Believe it or not Rick, Negan was the exception.  I don’t usually take risks, I stick to the plan. You can trust me to stick to our plans in the future.  I don’t plan on leaving my children orphans in this world.”

He looks at me speculatively.  “You’ll tell me if you don’t agree with a plan in the future, not just run off and change it on your own?”

I nod.  “I will.  I think I can do that now, I was just driven to take Negan out.  He had to die at all costs.” I glance at him. “That’s unusual for me.  I don’t generally go rogue and I don’t see it happening again. Thank you for giving me the chance to prove it to you today, and hopefully you can come to trust my actions in the future.”

He stares contemplatively out the windshield and then looks at me.  “I believe you. I trust you to follow our plans.”

I start looking around and realize that it’s getting dark.  We aren’t as far as I’d hoped we’d get, we are only about halfway home.  “It’s getting dark,” I say.

“We’re too far from home still.  It’ll be too dangerous to go the whole way tonight with just the two of us.”

I hate that he’s right, but he is.  I wanted to get home to the kids tonight.  “There’s a place we can stay not far from here.  We can use the rest of the light to make sure it’s still clear.”

“You know a place?  Where is it?”

I nod, “It’s where the kids and I lived when you found us.  It isn’t far.” He agrees and I head toward our old base. Hopefully it’s still clear, we locked it up tight when we left but you never know.  That’s the least of my problems though, he and I can clear it, no problem. I should have listened to Jane, shouldn’t have been in such a big hurry.  We should have stayed the night at the farming outpost. The bigger problem is that I’m going to be spending the night alone on the road with Rick Grimes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They can work pretty well together after all, right?  But being alone with Rick on the road is making her worried.    
> 
> Sorry for the delay, it doesn’t usually take me so long to get another chapter up.  I ended up taking an unexpected trip out of town for work to help support a go-live and connection was extremely spotty in this town.  It may be a week or so before I have the next update ready though. Life is crazy!
> 
> Thanks to @Eli3021 who commented and asked for more! Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  


	33. Weathering the Storm

We find the house is still clear--it doesn’t even look touched, but we check every room anyway.  Rick looks around as a storm picks up outside. We made it just in time, there is major weather tonight, the rain is coming down in sheets and the temperature dropped suddenly.  The cold is affecting me, so I try to keep moving in order to compensate. It’s a good thing we decided to stop, there’s no way we could have kept going in this on the road. I don’t think we could have even seen the road, even with headlights.

Luckily, I left some reserve food stores hidden away in the house.  I heat up some canned food. The fire provides a little relief from the temperature drop, but we can’t afford to leave it going for long.  Carbon monoxide is still a thing, unfortunately. Too bad other threats don’t stop being reality the moment the world ends and you have bigger threats to deal with.

I hand a plate to Rick and we both eat while eyeing the storm outside and trying to absorb as much warmth from the fire as we can before I have to put it out.  As we finish, I hear the change in the sound of the rain as it becomes louder, thumping into the roof and ground. Rick gets up and peers out the back door. “It’s hail,” he says.

I nod, it figures.  I hear the wind pick up as well and batter against the sides of the house, coming through the cracks and whipping my small cooking fire around.  I quickly move to put it out--a house fire is the last thing I need to deal with tonight. It’s cold, but I’ll survive, I think as I shiver slightly.

Something drops down over my shoulders, startling me.  I look up and see that Rick has removed his coat and dropped it over me.  I feel the warmth from his body heat inside the coat envelope me. I protest, “I already have a coat, you’re going to freeze!”  He shakes his head. “I run hot anyway and I could see you shaking. It’s just going to get colder and you’re already shivering.  You won’t last the night in that thin jacket.” It does feel good, but I do have an alternative.

“There are blankets in the other room on the couch.  I don’t want you being cold and getting sick because of me.”  He scoffs at the thought, but still follows me into the other room and watches as I pull out all the blankets.  I take his jacket off and hand it to him as I sit down on the couch and pull a couple of blankets over me. He eyes me and looks like he may protest, but then slowly puts his jacket back on, sits by me on the couch and draws a blanket over his lap.  I am in the process of putting my third blanket over me and tucking them all around me to block any drafts from getting in. I probably look like an insane caterpillar with so many blankets, but it’s helping, even if it’s slowly. I look over at Rick who’s staring at me like I’m nuts.  I’m slowly warming up, but a strong shiver still goes through me.

Rick shakes his head and says, “Oh for hell’s sake, that pile of blankets isn’t doing you much good!  You’re still cold at the core and until you warm up you aren’t going to get any relief.” After this he scoots over right next to me and lifts up the side of my blankets.  I start to protest when he gathers me into his arms, putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his side. Then I feel a wave of heat from him hit me and my protest dies on my lips.  He’s so warm. I lay my head down on his chest enjoying the heat as my body begins to calm from it’s shaking and he adjusts my blankets back over the top of us to hold the heat in. Mmm, it feels so good.  The warmth starts to infiltrate my body and even my toes start to thaw out. “Wow. You weren’t kidding about running hot,” I comment. I feel his chest rumble as he chuckles. “Yeah, I have enough body heat to share.  You won’t be cold if you’re willing to stay next to me.” I hum in response, not really having words. On the one hand, I’m warm again and I won’t freeze tonight. One the other hand, staying warm involves snuggling up close to Rick Grimes which is still a bit of a daunting prospect.  

We’ve made a lot of strides in our relationship the last few days, but this is still a little overwhelming.  It’s not like he planned it though, I was the one who insisted on heading back home tonight. If that storm hadn’t rolled in, bringing on darkness early, we should have been able to make it, too.  Best laid plans and all that.

We sit there in silence for some time, both of us lost in our thoughts.  Surprisingly, it’s a comfortable silence. There’s no urgent need to talk and not even a lot of awkwardness at the fact we are basically snuggling on the couch.  The attraction is still there, but it’s not urgent and we both seem to be content to relax and just be. It’s actually quite nice and I have to hand it to him, he really has been able to throttle back that spark some, the intensity of it.  I don’t know how he did it, I certainly had my doubts about this process working.

After sitting in silence for quite some time, Rick clears his throat and says, “So...Michonne wants you to be an ambassador for the communities to work on the charter?”  I smile and say, “Yeah. You want to discuss that now?”

“It seems like a good time,” he replies.  “We have some free time and it’s something we’re going to have to work out.  I don’t mind telling you that I don’t really like the idea.”

I shift off his chest to a more upright position so I can look him in the face as the blankets fall down.  “You don’t like the idea, or you don’t like that I’m the one she wants to do it?”

He sighs and pulls me back into his warmth saying, “Here, you need to stay warm.”  He starts to adjust the blankets back over me but I push back against him saying, “I find it easier to talk if I can look you in the eyes.”  

He says, “Please.  I don’t want you to get cold again.”  I relax against him, it _is_ more comfortable here.  Just the brief moment of sitting up let the chill back in and I’m shivering again.  He rubs his hand over my back, trying to warm me up again. After a few minutes, I say, “OK, we can discuss like this if you want, but answer my question.  Do you dislike the idea completely, or just because it’s me she wants to do it?”

He lets out a big huff of breath.  “I don’t dislike the idea completely and I understand where she’s coming from.  She’s not wrong. You do have a unique relationship with all the communities that nobody else has.  She’s also right that you’re probably the only one suited for it.” He pauses here for a minute and then continues, “So yes, I guess you could say that I don’t like that you’re the one she wants to do it, but I do understand the reasoning behind it.”  OK, this is progress. He’s at least admitting it isn’t a bad idea, just not one he’s thrilled with. “So have you ruled it out? Is there anything to discuss or have you already made a decision?”

“No, I haven’t ruled it out,” he responds slowly. “I don’t like it because you’d be traveling a lot and regardless of arguments you’d make to the contrary, traveling is still a risk.  But besides that, you’d be gone a lot. I don’t imagine this would be a fast process, so you’d end up staying at the other communities quite a bit while you work out the nuances of the agreement.  I worry that would affect us, affect this relationship we’re building.”

I nod, I understand his concerns.  It would be hard to build a relationship if we’re never in the same place for long.  That’s part of the reason I decided to let him make the decision, we had just come to an agreement on how to approach our relationship when this came up.  He made a lot of compromises and I didn’t want him to think I was reneging on that. Not to say I won’t give my input though, since we’re talking about it.  “I understand, it would make things a bit harder for us. I admit, I worry about how it would affect us, affect our time to get to know each other. But Rick...” He interrupts me.  “I thought you told me you were staying out of this? That you were going to let Michonne argue her case and you’d accept whatever decision I made? Plain and simple, I don’t really want you away from me.  When you’re near, I know you’re safe. I’d worry a lot if you were gone all the time.”

“Um, may I remind you that you’re the one that brought it up?  I _did_ plan on staying out of it, and I will accept whatever decision you make.  I would remind you that I’m more than capable of looking after myself! Also, I think it was fair to assume you wanted my opinion since you brought it up and said we needed to discuss it.  Or was I wrong? Did you just bring it up to tell me what you decided, you didn’t want my input?”

He sighs.  “No, you’re not wrong.  I do want to know what you think about it.  You have good instincts, good strategy. Hell, we won a war based on your strategy.  I suppose I just hoped you had an alternative to us being split up like this. That you’d want to stay together to explore things between us as much as I do.”

Oh my.  The sadness in his voice tugs at my heartstrings.  I move my head from his chest and up onto his shoulder, pulling back far enough to see his face, but retain the warmth.  I slide my hand out from under the blankets to cup the side of his face while I stare into his eyes.

“Rick.  I do want to explore things between us, that’s why I didn’t leave Alexandria permanently, why I came back and why I sat down with you and hammered out our agreement.  I end up being drawn to you no matter where I go. I promise, I’m not using this as a reason to run away or escape our agreement. The last couple of days have been incredible, getting to know you better, getting to work together as a team.  I intend to continue this journey so we can figure out exactly what we are to each other. I’m not afraid of it anymore, of the intensity of it.” I pause. “Well, OK, that might not be completely true, but I’m getting there. I can see that it can be a good thing between us, even if it _is_ intense.  But Rick, we can’t put ourselves above the good of the group.  This could be the start of something huge. It could be the start of everything, of humanity coming back, of building up again.  Trade. Safety. Civilization. Everything. How can we put ourselves ahead of everyone else?”

He closes his eyes for a minute and then opens them again staring deeply into mine.  “You’re right. I know you’re right. I just don’t want to know it. I’ve sacrificed so many times for my people, for my community.  Sacrificed without a thought, even knowing I could die. But...I don’t want to sacrifice us, even for the sake of civilization, not now that I’ve found you.  I know it’s the right thing to do, I do. I just don’t want to do it.”

I reach my other hand up to hold the other side of his head as the blankets fall off, down to my waist.  I’m intent on him, I don’t feel the cold. Acting on instinct, I use my hands to pull his head down to mine, where our foreheads rest against one another. “Getting the charter done, getting the communities to cooperate is the right thing to do,” I murmur to him. “But it doesn’t have to mean we sacrifice our growing relationship.  Just because I do this doesn’t mean it’s the end...in fact, it can be the beginning. We can find a way to stay connected. We’re pretty smart people, we can find a way.” I pull my head back and look at him, glad to see the glimmer of hope in his eyes now.  I want to encourage that hope, make it grow. On instinct, I lean forward and kiss him. Yes, I know, I know, I told him no kissing. But he just seems like he needs one. He needs to know that we’re in this together that I’m committed to exploring where this relationship is going.  That I’m not abandoning him if we decide the ambassador thing is what I need to do for the community. It doesn’t take him long to get into the spirit of things and kiss me back. This time it’s a soft meeting of lips rather than a demanding confrontation, although no less intense for it.  Our lips touch, then part and touch again. It’s comfort and attraction all rolled into one. He nuzzles in deeper, inquiring and I respond by parting my lips, granting admittance. We explore one another with lips and tongues and small nips. I tell him through my kiss that I’m here, I’m not abandoning him.  He acknowledges that with a deep follow-up kiss that takes our breath away. He’s here for me, he’ll always be here for me, he tells me. Slowly, the kiss calms more and we catch our breath as we pull apart. I lay my head back down on his shoulder and he pulls the blankets up to cover me again. We look into each other's eyes, confirming silently that all's right with the world right now.

After several moments of silence as we recover from that intense but comforting kiss, Rick says, “I’ve thought and thought about it.  In fact, at times I wonder if I’ve thought about anything else since I talked to Michonne about it yesterday afternoon. But I haven’t come up with an alternative.  She’s right, you’re the best person for the job and it does need to be done. But we have so much work to be done at Alexandria, so many things I need to see done to make sure we’re set before next winter comes, so we don’t starve next year.  I don’t see how both can be done without us being split up.” He gives me a look. “We don’t even have phones to stay in touch, like a long distance relationship could use in the past.”

I look at him, my mind whirling.  “No, but we do have walkies,” I declare.  “The saviors long-distance walkies, would those work?” I ask.  He’s thinking. “They might. I’m not sure they’d reach the farming outpost, but they would probably reach everywhere else.”  My eyes light up, “See, it’s not ideal, but we can come up with solutions!” He gives me an expectant look. “How about solutions that don’t split us up for days or weeks on end?”

I start thinking harder.  “What are the projects that need to be completed, do you have a list of them?”

He thinks about it.  “I guess it’s more of a mental list right now, but I could get it down on paper easily enough.  Why?” I’m in planning mode now, possibilities running through my mind. “Because we plan it out.  We list all the things that need to be done, divide them into projects. Put them all into project plans like we did with the war preparation.  Assign dates, people responsible for items, work out the things that have to be done by you and the things that can be done by others. You’re finally starting to delegate, so we use that, expand it, assign each project to someone else as a co-owner along with you.  Assign it all out, determine the highest priorities, what order things need to be done in, what dependencies one project has on another’s timeline, how long each task will take. Once we work all that out, we can assign due dates to everything. That then determines the dates you absolutely must be in Alexandria to see these projects through for the parts that you have to do.  Then we can look at what’s open.”

He’s catching on and says, “What’s open would leave me free to travel with you.”

“Exactly!  If we could free up some time in the beginning for us to travel to all the communities for the first round, that would be the longest one.  It would be good for you as the leader of Alexandria to spend some time at each of the communities anyway. Get to know their leaders better, negotiate trade deals, let their people see you and know you aren’t the big bad wolf some make you out to be.  You could work on those things while I negotiate with community leaders and their residents about the charter. What they want, what they would agree to or disagree with. It would serve a dual purpose.”

“Big bad wolf?” he asks with a raised brow.  I shrug. He may not realize it, but he’s a bit intimidating, especially when he’s leading a war.  It was reassuring to see him that way during the war, but people need to see him without his war face on as well, especially the people from other communties that only know him in that context.  

He lets it go and continues,  “I could learn more about how their communities work, maybe take some of their methods of farming, blacksmithing, etc. back with me and implement.”  He’s getting the idea now. I smile and say, “That’s the spirit! There’s a lot of good that could come from you going with me.” He then turns a very intense look on me, saying, “We could still spend time together, even if it isn’t in Alexandria.  We could spend the evenings together when you’re done negotiating. In fact, it may be even better this way.” The intensity is back and in full force. I swallow and ask, “How so?” He replies, “It’d just be you and me with a lot of time to kill when you aren’t in meetings.  I can think of a lot of things we could do with that time.” I give him a wary look. “Like what?” I ask. He smiles, widely. Wow, he should really smile more, it dazes me and lights up his face. “Like playing board games,” he says as the sudden intensity rapidly dissipates.  Wait, what? I look at him in disbelief and he just keeps grinning at me and then starts laughing. I laugh and tap him on the shoulder. That’s not what he was thinking and we both know it. I do appreciate him letting it go though. For now.

It is getting darker and colder.  Rick gets up to check outside once more, but reports the storm is still going strong.  He sits back down but looks at me with purpose. I give him an inquiring look.

“This couch isn’t going to work all night.  I need to stretch out my legs. Nothing is moving out in that storm right now, we need to get some rest while we can.”

“You’re right.  You should go up to one of the bedrooms, get some sleep,” I reply.

His look of purpose increases.  “I’m not leaving you down here so I can find you as a popsicle in the morning.  You’re too stubborn to come find me if you need it. You’re coming with me.”

Oh.  Now I know where he was going with that.  The thought of laying in a bed with Rick for the night is a daunting one, but I know he’s right as well.  I can’t seem to keep warm, I’m already getting cold again just with him being gone from the blankets for several minutes.  I nod and stand up. “OK, let’s get settled for the night.” He looks surprised, like he was expecting a fight. I know I’ve been difficult, but I’m not unreasonable.  I know I’ll need his body heat to get through the night.

We go upstairs to the room I used to use.  The bed is hard, but it’s a king size at least.  It should accommodate us and maybe even give me a little extra breathing room.  We get settled down on the bed a little awkwardly. We’re all limbs and shuffling as I try to find a position to take advantage of his heat without invading his space too much.  That hope is lost when, after much shuffling around, he huffs in exasperation. He then hauls me over in front of him laying me on my side facing away from him and tucks my head on his arm and under his chin, pulling my hips over in front of his.  My breathing is rapid as he adjusts the blankets over us and then he lays his arm over my waist and just like that we’re spooning. I’m definitely warm, both from his body heat and as my cheeks flush with embarrassment. He rumbles in my ear, “Alright?”  I take a couple of breaths and then agree, “Yeah. Alright.” Unexpected, but alright. My breathing calms and slowly the warmth overtakes me and the active day catches up with me. I’m exhausted and suddenly it doesn’t matter that we are so close. The intensity calms and the comfort rises.  I begin to drift off to sleep in Rick’s arms as we lay there. Right before I give up consciousness, I sleepily think, who ever thought I’d be spooning with Rick Grimes without the intense spark having it’s way with us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay on this chapter, I really struggled with this one for some reason. Well, actually I know the reason. I had an idea in mind for exactly where things were going at this point, but every time I tried to take it that way, my characters rebelled and didn’t cooperate. Everything I wrote felt forced and wrong. It took me some time and finally clearing my mind of expectations and plans and sitting down and just writing before they showed me where this chapter was really going to go. I let them lead the way and it seems to have turned out pretty well. In fact, they solved their own problems in this chapter rather impressively. Rick looked to Sandi to come up with a solution and it suddenly just appeared. I had actually planned for them to debate this for a while longer and honestly had no idea of the resolution when Sandi just came up with it on her own out of nowhere. She didn’t like that Rick was sad and torn up at the thought of them being apart, so suddenly her project planning skills from the war prep made an appearance and saved the day again. She also knew that for their children, they have to make sure this charter works so they can rebuild civilization. Now, I guess she’ll be taking many road trips with Rick while still making sure everything stays on track for Alexandria. Let me know what you thought about this chapter, I absolutely love feedback!  
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more. I really hope you enjoyed where this chapter went and enjoy how Rick and Sandi’s relationship is growing. I plan on having another chapter up next weekend as long as my characters are more cooperative this time around!


	34. Intense Sparks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very intense chapter--I hope. Warning, smut ahead, the chapter several of you have asked me for. Inexperienced smut at that, I’ve never written this type of thing before so hopefully it’s not bad. Please, please give me feedback so I can improve.

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

I slowly return to consciousness and open my eyes.  After blinking a few times, I can see that it’s still dark, still nighttime.  I’m not certain yet what woke me up, but I feel incredibly rested and warm. Then I realize my back is aching, that’s probably why I woke up.  If I stay in any one position for too long at night, it often wakes me up so I can adjust. Obviously I was in a deep sleep and didn’t move; getting old is no fun.  I know from experience I can’t stay like this for much longer, my back will protest even more. It’s at this moment that I have another realization; Rick is still curled around me, in fact, his arm is still laying over my waist but rather than his hand resting on the bed, his arm is now curved up along my stomach and his hand is nestled over my breast.  I take a surprised breath and then it registers that my arm is laying on top of his with my hand grasping his wrist, almost like I’m holding it in place. Did I move his hand there in my sleep? His hand cups my breast, a perfect fit. I take a deep breath and close my eyes at the sensation as his hand slightly moves on my breast in response to my chest rising.  It feels good, too good.

 I can feel the twinges deep down in my back, it’s ready to start the protest in earnest.  However, gracefully getting out of this position is going to be a challenge. Maybe I can just shift, he’ll stay asleep  and will never know where his hand was? I take another breath and prepare to move. Just before I start to roll, he whispers in my ear.  “I’m sorry, I just woke up like this. I’m not sure how it happened.” I freeze. So much for a discrete roll away. He pauses and then continues, “I know I should move my hand, but it just feels so good.”

His hand then flexes slightly right before he starts to slide his hand away and in the process his thumb drags over the top of my nipple.  I instinctively clamp down on his wrist, stopping the movement as I breathe heavily and my nipple abruptly jumps to attention. He freezes as I hold his wrist tightly which only presses his hand down more firmly on my breast.

He relaxes and murmurs, “You like that?” and slowly drags his thumb back and forth a couple more times across my nipple.  I can’t help but moan in response. It feels so good and just like that my body has come alive. Every part of me is acutely aware of him, where he touches me, especially where he touches my breast.  The spark between us notches up into an intensity beyond what I’d ever felt before. I wiggle in response, trying to relieve the sparks throughout my body and I hear him groan behind me as my behind rubs against his rapidly growing erection.  I freeze but then do a little test wiggle with my butt again. He moans again and his erection is pressing insistently against me now. He retaliates by passing his thumb back and forth across my nipple again. I let out a breathy sigh. It feels so good.  He says, “You’re so responsive,” as he rubs with this thumb again. The sensations bombard me, I can’t reply. I can’t even think. My back takes this moment to remind me it’s not happy, so I come back to earth a bit. I need to move before it insists. I roll over onto my back, giving it relief from the long-held position on my side.  This puts me face to face with Rick and removes my hand from his wrist, but ends with his hand pressing more fully on my breast. I can just see his eyes staring down at me intently. I look back in silent communication. His eyes flick down to my lips and back to my eyes. I nod, and he shifts, leaning over me more fully and bringing both hands up around my head, holding it still as he lowers his lips to mine.  My arms come up around his back, curving up to hold his shoulders as he begins to kiss me. I hold on tight as we set the spark free for the first time. The kiss is a mass of emotion, attraction, longing and inevitability all wrapped up in one. It’s a final acknowledgement of our connection, of the belonging I finally accept, that he recognized and accepted long ago. We spend a long time kissing, getting to know each other in this particular way.  How we fit, what each other likes. Rick deepens the kiss, moving his lips over mine possessively. Our tongues duel, exploring each other as my brain tries to keep up with what’s happening.

As our kiss grows in intensity, I feel his hand slide down from my head and palm my breast again.  Startled, I pull back and suck in a breath, which he allows as he moves down to nuzzle and kiss my neck.  His hand continues to fondle, shape and mold. He runs his thumb over my nipple again and I let out a soft breathy moan in reaction.  Soon his other hand comes down and takes possession of my other breast as he dives in for another deep kiss. Our tongues twine as he continues to knead my breasts and tweak my nipples.  I react to every touch and tweak that shoots liquid heat to my core.

Soon, he abandons my mouth as I feel my bra loosen.  My shirt and bra are pulled over my head swiftly and he bends his mouth to my bare breast, suckling my engorged nipple that’s anxious for his touch.  I moan loudly in reaction. He hums in approval, sending vibrations through my chest. I let out a breathy squeak as he continues suckling on one side and tweaking the other with his hand.  I hear the satisfaction in his voice as he pulls back and says, “I’m so glad you enjoy having your breasts touched.” He moves his mouth to the other side and presses an open mouthed kiss there.  “They’re perfect and I’m happy to give them all the attention you want.” I barely register his words as I struggle to keep up with the sensations he’s evoking in me. He grasps a nipple between his teeth gently and tugs.  My hips jerk upwards in reaction to the rush of sensation that comes. I gasp and hold tightly to him, trying to anchor myself against the overwhelming sensations. I feel him smile against my breast as one of his hands trails lower.  He slides his hand against the skin of my belly and under my pants to the area that longs for his touch. He urges my thighs apart and then gently traces my outer lips. This frustrates me so much that I push my hips forward to try and get full contact.  He hums against the breast he’s still laving with his tongue and pulls his hand back a bit so I can’t rub myself against it. “Patience,” he murmurs. “Not yet, but soon.” I groan in frustration as he begins tracing again. I’ve learned though and resist the urge to try and grind myself against him.  Soon, I’m rewarded for waiting as his finger brushes against my clitoris sending a burst of sensation through me and I gasp with the intensity. He doesn’t linger long though and brushes his talented finger through my juices demonstrating just how wet he’s made me. He hums with satisfaction again, and swipes back and forth a few times, hitting my clit each time before he finally plunges his finger deep inside.  I let out a loud moan and close my eyes in reaction. “Open your eyes,” I hear him murmur as he starts up a steady rhythm with his finger. I manage to open my eyes to see him staring at me. “Keep your eyes on me,” he says. I look confused, so he continues, “I want to see your eyes when you come.” Just then, he slides another finger in to join the first. I moan and automatically close my eyes. “Eyes on me,” he says.  I push my eyelids open again so he can gaze into my dazed orbs as he continues to thrust his fingers in and out. “I don’t know if I can,” I respond. “They just automatically…” I gasp as he inserts a third finger and my eyes close again, “close,” I finish as I force them open again. “Good job,” he praises, staring intently into my eyes.

He shifts and then I feel his fingers twist and hit a bundle of nerves inside me.  “Ahhh,” I moan. The heel of his palm then comes down firmly on my clit and rubs, once, twice, three times and I’m undone.  My eyes close as I start to come. “Look at me,” I hear. I force my eyes open to meet his just as I fly over the edge. The world explodes around me as I cling to his eyes.  Soon, I can’t see anything because of the intensity.

When I finally start to come down from my high, I realize he’s already removed the rest of my clothing while I was in a haze of pleasure and is just finishing stripping himself down.  He climbs back over me, nudging my legs apart as he settles between them. I feel the hair of his chest rub against my breasts and the tip of his erection settling into the edge of my opening.  He’s just barely inserted into me and I feel myself starting to get excited again. He braces himself on his arms and leans down to take my mouth in a deep kiss. Our tongues play and I feel him pulse between my legs as he braces himself on one arm so his other hand can play with my breast.  How is he getting me so worked up again so quickly, I wonder, as he continues to touch my body as if I’m his instrument and he’s the maestro. Soon he pulls his head back, takes a deep breath, stares into my eyes and says, “Alright?” I just stare back at him, still catching up. “I can stop now if you need me to.”  I continue to just look back at him, in a daze. “I don’t think I can stop once I’m inside you. Tell me now if you don’t want to finish this.”

I continue to stare back and then realize what he’s asking me.  I put my arms around his shoulders and pull him towards me as I say, “I need you inside me.”  He looks into my eyes to confirm and then surges forward, impaling me with one thrust. “Ahhh,” I moan loudly as he fills me, stretches me to the max as he lets out a grunt.  He pauses to give me a minute to adjust. I’m a bit overwhelmed with his size as my body struggles to accommodate him. He’s clenching his jaw as he struggles for control as we pause.  He asks, “Alright?” I nod, “Just give me a second,” I pant as I adapt to the fullness, the foreignesss after having gone some time without sex.  

“You’re so tight,” he groans.  “You have four kids, how can you be so tight?!”  I huff a small laugh, which was a mistake because it makes him move inside me and we both groan at the friction.  “C- sections,” I answer briefly. The friction was an unexpected shock, but it felt good. I do a test thrust of my hips to test it out.  Rick groans in sync with me. “Stop, unless you want me to lose control,” he bites out. I grin, actually I’d like to see him lose control sometime when we’re used to each other.  He’s a man that has too much control and needs to lose it every once in awhile I suspect. “I’m good now,” I say and give another little hip thrust. 

He catches on immediately and starts thrusting slowly.  The sensations instantly build and almost overwhelm me. Ricks eyes stare intently at me, trying to gauge my reaction.  I smile and say, “Faster.” He smiles back and picks up speed. Oh my. “Harder,” I squeak out. He pushes harder, slamming into me forcefully.  I sink into the sensations hitting me as we settle into a rhythm. Soon I feel the excitement building inside and know I’m close. Rick is still gazing into my eyes, gauging my responses as I give him a wild-eyed look.  He reaches down and rubs my clit and I fly over the edge with that last bit of encouragement. I work to keep my eyes on his and see him slide over with me. Our eyes lock, the spark blazing. We silently communicate the intensity and rightness of the moment as I feel him pumping inside me as we both climax together.  He slumps on top of me and we lay together in a daze, our bodies tangled together.

****

After several minutes of recovery and a lot of catching our breath, Rick starts to withdraw to get his weight off of me.  I grab him before he can move and pull him back. He resists and hovers above me. “You sure?” he asks. “Mmm,” I respond.  “Feels good.” He relaxes back down on me, his arms holding me and resting his head on my shoulder and we just enjoy each other for a while longer.  Eventually, I feel him begin to harden inside me. I chuckle. “Again?” I query. He nips my ear and says, “Again and again and again.” I laugh out loud at his ambition and he pulls back slightly and slides back into me again.  That shuts me up quickly as all the sparks start flying again. Man, he feels good as he slides in and out. He kisses the side of my neck, and I realize that we’ve taken the edge off, we are more capable of going slower this time.  The sparks are still flying, we’re fully engaged in our activity, but we aren’t as frantic as before. He’s keeping it slow and steady this time, gentle glides. He adjusts one arm to hold me around the waist, angling my hips as I meet him thrust for thrust, feeling every delicious inch of him.  After a while he comes up on his elbows, propping himself above me and takes my mouth in a slow, thorough, delightful kiss. We continue like that for a while, in a steady rhythm with deep kissing. Finally he pulls back, gives me a grin and lowers his mouth to my breast. I gasp and moan as he wages an assault on my breasts, suckling, tweaking and nipping, giving equal time to both sides.  By now, he’s got me so wound up and excited that slow and steady isn’t enough anymore. I finally find the breath to squeak out, “More. Please.” It seems that’s the signal he was waiting for as he immediately picks up the pace and looks me in the eyes as he brings us both over the edge to completion. With loud grunts and moans, we find our peak and collapse into one another again. This time he rolls over bringing me with him and pulls me close, arranging the blankets over us again.  We slowly drift off to sleep, replete and satisfied.

****

He wakes me again in the night.  I must have rolled over again, because I’m no longer facing him, we’re spooning again.  He’s kissing my shoulders and neck with long, slow kisses while his hand palms my breast.  He nips my earlobe asking, “You with me?” I hum in reply, stretching my body in response, feeling he’s erect and ready behind me.  He reaches down and hooks his arm under my knee, lifting my leg up and sliding his erection up into my entrance all in one motion. I gasp in surprise, I can’t say that I knew this position was possible.  He shifts and then slides the rest of the way in making me keen in pleasure. Talented man, Rick Grimes, this angle hits just the right spot. He keeps moving, thrusting into me firmly. I try to catch up as his hands mold my breasts in rhythm with his thrusts.  His mouth is busy kissing and nipping my neck, shoulders and ears, basically anywhere he can reach as he whips me up into a frenzy of sensation and need. In no time, I’m bursting with sparks and hurtling over the edge of my climax. I feel him follow with a grunt and then a shout of “Sandi!”  I lie there panting and hearing his heavy breaths behind me. We begin to calm down and he releases my leg and slides out of me. Then he pulls me around to face him embracing me in a comforting hug, he gives me a kiss and tucks my head under his chin. We lie there in a sensual, satisfied silence as sleep comes in to claim us again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is, it finally happened. I wrote and rewrote this so many times. In fact, this is the chapter I was writing and where I was originally going with the last chapter. When she was first cold after eating at the house when they had to stop for the storm and impending darkness. That was when my characters insisted on having a conversation, resolving their disagreement and going to bed--to rest--rather than having this scene play out, lol. It just wasn’t the right time quite yet, I guess. :)  
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more. Please, please, please if you are ever going to give me feedback, give me some on this chapter! I need to know how you liked it before any future similar scenes play out!


	35. What Just Happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a follow-up chapter.  Fair warning, there is more smut in this one, but that’s not exactly the focus.  There is a specific reason for it, I guess you could say.  

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters._ **

I feel the sun on my face.  I smile as the warmth feels so good.  I’m completely relaxed, I haven’t felt this rested in forever.  The sun is obviously shining, life is good. I start to stretch and bump into something with my hand.  I explore with my hand, wondering what it is, and feel something firm with...hair? I open my eyes to see Rick’s incredibly blue eyes staring back at me.  I glance down and see my hand resting on his bare chest. Oh, that was the obstacle...suddenly the whole night comes rushing back to me. Rick and I, last night, three times?  

Wait.  I’m naked and completely exposed above the waist where the blankets have been pushed.  I start to pull back self-consciously when he murmurs, “Good Morning Beautiful,” and leans down and kisses me.  The attraction kicks up immediately and I am overwhelmed with feelings. The feel of his lips on mine, the feel of his chest hair brushing my breasts now, the feel of his erection growing against my hip under the blankets.  I know what he can do with that, the incredible feelings he can summon in me with it and the intensity rises a few more notches. He starts to push the blankets away and that’s when I realize that it’s complete daylight now and he can see everything and begin to panic.  I was much more comfortable with all of this under the cover of darkness. I wasn’t kidding when I told him before that my body was well-used and bore witness to my weight struggles, four pregnancies with accompanying stretch marks and everything else my body has been through.  

I pull back and say, “Wait!” as I clamp my hand down on the blankets with one hand while trying to cover my chest with the other.  He looks confused as I drag the blankets up to my neck to provide cover after I realize that my hand is basically worthless when it comes to covering anything.

He brings his hand up to my face, cupping it, and says, “What’s wrong?”  I close my eyes, realizing that he’s going to demand answers, he’s not going to let me get away without explanations.  “Sandi? Talk to me.” He smooths my hair back and I can hear the concern in his voice. I sigh, and open my eyes. He’s staring intently at me with nothing but concern in his eyes.  As I meet his eyes, I see doubt creep into his eyes to join the concern. “Do you regret what happened last night? I know we’ve moved really fast, I knew you wanted to slow down, I’m sorry.  I should have…” I cut him off by placing my hand on his lips. No. I couldn’t let him think he talked me into something I didn’t want. “No, Rick. I don’t regret anything. I was right there with you last night.  In fact, you stopped to check with me every step of the way, there’s nothing to regret there.”  

He lets out a sigh of relief and I can see the confusion enter his eyes now.  “Then what’s wrong?” I try to shrug it off, “Nothing…” Now he interrupts me. “No.  There’s something. You promised me honesty and especially here, in bed, I need that from you.  Did I do something wrong, did I hurt you?” I shake my head. There’s no help for it now. “No, nothing like that.”  

“Then what is it?” he asks.  I glance up at the window and he follows my gaze.  I look back into his eyes and I huff out a deep breath.  “It’s very bright in here and…” I trail off at a loss for words to explain without making me sound pathetic.  Comprehension enters his eyes and he says, “You were more comfortable in the dark?” I nod, glad he gets it without me having to explain.  He leans down, kissing my lips gently, helping me to get lost in his kiss so I’m not as hyper aware of everything else. He puts his hands up to either side of my head as he pulls back and looks me in the eyes.  “This is about what you told me before, isn’t it?” He kisses me again. “About how you believe your body is well-used and you didn’t know if you’d show it to anyone ever again?” He stares at me, waiting for an answer this time.  I finally say, “Yeah.”

He shakes his head.  “I told you before Sandi, you’re beautiful.  If it takes me the rest of my life, I’ll convince you of that.  Do you really think that even in the dark last night, I couldn’t see you?  Every bit of you?” I blush, thinking of what he could possibly have seen in the dark.  Then again, we looked each other in the eyes last night and I could see his eyes so clearly.  We communicated through our eyes a lot then, so obviously he could see more than I thought he could.  As if he can read my mind he continues, “I saw your eyes.” He drops a kiss on each of my eyelids, soft, sweet kisses.  “I saw your nose.” Another kiss lands awkwardly on the side of my nose and makes me giggle. He smiles, saying, “I most definitely saw your lips.”  His lips touch my mine and his tongue comes out to trace them until I open them and he sinks into a deep, open-mouthed kiss with me. Several minutes later, we emerge from that deep, fantastic kiss.  He resumes without missing a beat, as if we both didn’t just lose our breath with that kiss. “I saw your chin and your neck.” Soon, he is dropping kisses on my chin and down my neck. He nudges the blankets out of the way, pushing them down just above my breasts and I let him.  He nibbles and sucks his way down my neck to the edge of the blankets and then says, “I most definitely saw your breasts.” He nudges the blankets down further, exposing my breasts. “They’re perfect and react to my every touch.” His hands join his lips in peppering my breasts with touches and nibbles and kisses.  The heat is rising and my body is responding. He knows just exactly where to touch and nip to have me sparking with intense feelings all over my body. After giving my breasts plenty of attention, he looks up at me and I freeze in the suspense of him pushing the blankets down further.  

It’s like he knows what I’m thinking and he suddenly declares, “Oops, I forgot your arms, I definitely saw your arms and they left an impression!”  He begins kissing and nibbling down one arm and I giggle as he hits a ticklish spot. He ends with my fingers and then starts on my other arm. He’s successfully distracted me and I don’t realize he’s pushed the blankets down further until he moves over and nibbles on my stomach.  I flinch as I realize the blankets have been moved and he smooths his hands over my stomach in a calming motion and leans up and gives me a quick kiss on the lips. After I relax, he leans back down and continues moving over my tummy. He says, “Yes, you have stretch marks, I saw them.”  He kisses down a stretch mark and up another one. “They’re badges of honor, they show me how dedicated you were to growing your babies here.” He goes lower, down to my c-section scar and kisses all along it. “Here as well, this is a token of courage, showing all you would sacrifice for your kids.”  He lays his head down on my tummy for a moment, staring up into my eyes. “I felt the softness, a special place I can lay my head and gaze into your eyes.” I roll my eyes back at him at his corniness and he smiles and turns his head to place more kisses on my tummy. He truly doesn’t seem to care or be fazed by the wiggliness in my stomach though.  My confidence starts to rise a small bit.  

Tricky man, as soon as I’m not looking, he sweeps the blankets off across the bed leaving me completely naked and exposed.  I immediately tense up and he crawls up my body, leaning down and kissing me. “There is no part of you that I didn’t see last night,” he murmurs against my lips, “and I loved it all.  You need to get used to being bare with me because you’re beautiful and I intend on spending lots of quality time with you, naked, making sure you know it.” He kisses me deeply this time, distracting me with his lips and luring me into a deep open kiss.  After a few minutes of this he pulls back again. “You have fabulous legs.” He slides down and kisses down one leg until he reaches my feet. “I adore your feet.” I giggle at this, who adores feet? He kisses one foot and then the other and makes his way nibbling up my other leg.  He glances up at me, mischievously, and suddenly flips me over onto my stomach. I bounce with a squeak. “Rick! What the hell?” He laughs and I feel him straddle my back from behind and lean down to nibble my neck. “I didn’t want to leave out an entire side of your body. For example, your whole back is delicious.”  He nuzzles and nibbles his way from my neck, down my back to my waist. “And your buttocks are divine.” I smile against the pillow at his absurdity as he places kisses on both butt cheeks. “Then there’s the back of your legs. Yes, I saw those too last night, they are just as fabulous as the front.” He slides down my body placing strategic kisses all down both legs, alternating between them.  He then climbs up between my legs, I feel his bare legs brush against mine as he sits back and places his hands on either side of my hips. He begins to lift me up, urging me onto my knees. I comply, curious to know where he’s going with this. Once he has me where he wants me, he shuffles forward and I feel his erection brushing between my legs. “You may think I neglected an area, but no! I just saved the best for last.  I completely, absolutely, worship you right here.” As he says the word ‘here’ he plunges into me from behind. I whimper, as he slides in, deeper than he has ever been. He pulls back and slides deep again causing me to moan out his name, “Rick!” He leans over my back as he thrusts, saying, “Maybe you’ll believe me now. I’ll spend a lifetime convincing you if I need to. You are ravishing. And you’re mine. As I’m yours.”  His thrusting speeds up, I’m rapidly approaching the edge. “We belong together.” At this we fly off the edge together, one last time. I make a breathy noise as I fly into the sensations waiting for me. I hear him grunt as he joins me. We collapse back onto the bed in a mass of tangled limbs. I don’t know where I end and he begins, I just know that we seem to belong together. He’s right, he’s mine and I’m his.  

After several minutes of laying there recovering, Rick moves to the side and rolls me over to my side facing him.  He brushes my hair back off my face, gives me a gentle kiss and asks, “Alright?” I’m acutely aware of my nakedness in front of him, but keep reminding myself that there is most definitely nothing he hasn’t seen now.  Not only has he seen it, but he’s kissed it and told me through words and actions that he likes it. I hesitate and then nod back at him. “Yeah. Alright.” He looks relieved and pulls me into his arms, his hands brushing along my back, petting and calming me.  He affirms, “Yeah, alright. We’re gonna be alright.” We lay there for several minutes as he runs his hands down my body, not sexually, but in calming motions. He must sense that I’m still a bit skittish, but his ministering hands do help me to stay calm and try to adjust to this new reality.

Suddenly he jerks.  I pull back and look at him.  I’m immediately worried, as I see terror in his eyes.  “What is it, Rick?” He closes his eyes and grips me tightly as if he’s worried I’ll be ripped away.  “Rick!” I repeat. “Tell me, what is it?” He still doesn’t respond. “Rick, you’re scaring me. Honesty, remember?  It goes both ways.” At this he opens his eyes and looks into mine. He shakes his head at me. “I’m so sorry, Sandi.”  I look at him, confused. “Sorry for what? There’s nothing to be sorry for Rick, I made these choices just as much as you did.”  He shakes his head again. “No, not for that, never for that. I’ll never regret sleeping with you, being with you. But I didn’t protect you.  I can’t believe I didn’t remember. It’s been a long time, but that’s no excuse. I’m a dumbass, I should have been prepared.”

I’m not following.  I look at him, confused at what has him so upset.  How has he not protected me? If anything he has overprotected me at times.  He finally calms down enough to see the confusion in my face. He pulls me closer, looking me in the eyes.  “Sandi, I didn’t use protection last night. I didn’t even think about it, I got so caught up in you that it didn’t even cross my mind.  I didn’t even pull out, not that that works well. I came inside you, four times.” His hand drifts down over my stomach now. “I may have gotten you pregnant.”  His hand drifts lower, traces my c-section scar. “You’ve already had four c-sections, I don’t even know if it’s possible to have a c-section in this world and survive.  Maybe Dr. Carson at the HIlltop…” he trails off and shakes his head. “Even if it’s possible, I just put your life in danger. I’ll never forgive myself.” He lowers his forehead to mine, shaking.  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”  

OK, I finally understand what he’s saying.  Crazy man. I brush my fingers through his curls and try to comfort him.  “Oh, Rick.” I don’t get any response other than his shuddering in shame. “Rick, look at me,” I insist.  Finally he brings his head up and tentatively meets my eyes. His are bright and awash in unshed tears. I lean forward and kiss his lips, trying to calm him down.  

I pull back and look at him again and sigh.  “Stop. This is why it really helps to get to know one another first.  I know you tried, and I don’t know that the spark would have given us much more time, but had we taken more time to become friends, to date, then I think you would have learned more about me before we reached this point.”  

He’s listening, that’s a good sign at least.  I brush back his curls that have fallen into his face again.  “Rick, you haven’t put my life in any danger at all.” He looks confused, saying, “But…”  I put my fingers over his lips. “Shhh, just listen. Had we gotten to know one another better, you would already know some things about me and not be putting yourself through this.  You’d have already known I had four c-sections, that wouldn’t have been news to you last night. And you’d know that you don’t need to use protection with me, I can’t get pregnant.” He looks up at me at this, startled.  I continue, “That’s probably something you should have known before taking a step like last night with me. I don’t know if you wanted more children, but I can’t give them to you.”  

He starts shaking his head, saying emphatically, “No!  I don’t need more children. We have six children already, don’t you think that’s more than enough?”  I laugh at this, relieved he isn’t disappointed. Touched that he’s already counting all of our children as belonging to both of us.  I say, “Well, yes, I thought so, but some men like to have children of their own with a new partner…” I trail off as he leans over and kisses me fiercely.  He leans back, looks me firmly in the eyes and says, “I don’t need to give you a child to know that you’re mine. I’m just thankful I didn’t screw this up, that I didn’t put your life in danger.  I don’t know what I’d do without you. I didn’t expect to find you, but now that I have...” He kisses me deeply again, I can feel his gratitude in his kiss. Then he shifts us again. He sits up a bit, up against the pillows and pulls me up into his arms.  He even reaches down and grabs a blanket to throw over us. He’s not dumb, he knows I’m still struggling with being so exposed. He looks at me and asks, “Why can’t you have any more children?”

I sigh.  “Well, I was always a high risk pregnancy.”  His arms squeeze around me at this, as if he’s worried about me being high risk, about what has already happened in the past.  “When I had Kayla, I developed something called preeclampsia. It makes your blood pressure rise and you have great risk of seizures.  She had to be born by c-section 10 weeks early because of it and spent 6 weeks in the NICU. With Annie, I had gallstones and ended up getting my gallbladder removed two weeks after delivery.  With Kira, my blood pressure began to rise again, so they took her early too, although it was just a week early with her. But with Jordan, I thought I was going crazy.” He brushes his hand through my hair and asks, “What was happening to make you think you were going crazy?”

“I couldn’t sleep, and when I did sleep I woke up panicked.  It felt like I couldn’t breathe. He sat up very high and never dropped down.  In retrospect, I think he was pressing on my lungs or something and I woke up panicked because I actually couldn’t breathe.”  He rubs his hand up and down my back comfortingly.  

“Even though my last pregnancy was the least complicated physically, it was the hardest on me.  I was overweight, he was up high, I just couldn’t breathe or sleep well. I was also 36 and a little old to be pregnant.  When it was time to deliver there was no question in my mind that he was our last child. With the others I always had this feeling there was another child to come, with him I knew we were done.  I also knew I wouldn’t survive another pregnancy. So, I had them tie my tubes right after they did the c-section to deliver him.” I look at him. “He’s 11 now and I didn’t get pregnant again afterwards, so I think it’s safe to say it worked.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!  Two updates in one week!  This is kind of a follow-up chapter that I thought should happen soon.  So...even though they finally came together physically last chapter, there were still a few things to work through.  There was a lot that Rick still didn’t know about Sandi and her past. Luckily there are no consequences of them getting carried away--in this world that could be a death sentence.  Yeah, there won’t be any more babies, but they are both OK with that and are happy with the kids they have. What did you think? Did you like how he reassured her about her body image?  Nobody commented on how they thought the last chapter was, so I guess I’ll just move forward with it assuming you all liked it?
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter I would love some feedback! FYI, I am going out of town for the 4th of July, visiting family, we’ll be gone for a week.  I don’t know if I’ll have much of a chance to write or do updates, so it may be a little longer than a week for the next update.


	36. Adjusting Expectations

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

Rick and I check the house to make sure we have everything needed before we retrieve the van to resume our journey home.  After our discussion in bed that morning, he’d given me space to get dressed and ready, knowing I was still getting comfortable with him.  We’d just finished breakfast and got in the van to finish the drive to Alexandria.  

I was unsurprised to see broken tree limbs and other debris scattered around the ground.  Some houses had newly broken windows and there were several fallen trees. I shudder, we were lucky the big trees surrounding the house we were in didn’t come down.  Rick notices my shudder and glances over at me. “Cold?” he asks. I shake my head as I back out of the driveway and pull onto the road. “No. Just glad a tree didn’t fall on us last night.”  He glances around at the destruction surrounding us, saying, “Yeah. I see what you mean. We’ll need to take it slow, make sure there aren’t obstacles on the roads.” I nod and slowly drive down the street, dodging things littering the pavement as I go.  Once we get several miles down the road, things clear up considerably and I’m able to speed up.

Seeing that I don’t have to concentrate on the road quite so much now, Rick asks, “So.  How soon do you think we could be ready to leave to start the charter discussions at the other communities?”

I look at him surprised.  “You’re approving Michonne’s plan then?  Ready to get started?”

He nods.  “Yes. It’s a good plan, the collaboration is needed and now that I know there’s a way to keep us from being separated for long periods of time, I’m all in.”  He gives me an intense look I can’t quite interpret and continues, “In fact, we might actually get more time together away from Alexandria than staying there.”  I laugh. It’s true, people are always tracking him down, needing him to solve one problem or another. That actually helped me avoid him before, he rarely got alone time and someone always needed something from him. 

“Well, it all depends how long it takes you to lay out all your projects on paper.  Then we’d have to go through them all to put them into a project plan, outline all of the steps that need to be done, assign tasks and dates,” I say.

He nods.  “We could work on that today after we get back then?”  I glance at him inquiringly. For something he was against yesterday, he sure seems to be in a big hurry today.  “Yeah,” I reply. “We can work on it some today, after I spend some time with the kids.”

“Good,” he states with satisfaction.  “If we get it done today, then we can leave for the first community tomorrow.”  I look at him in shock, saying, “Slow down there cowboy. No way we have it done today, that’s a lot of work.”

He responds, “You put together the whole plan for the war in the middle of one night.  By morning it was ready. Why would this take longer?” I look at him in surprise. “The war was different, we’d spent a whole day coming up with ideas and plans, all I did was organize them after that day of discussion.  I also had a lot of that in my head already, I’d spent a bit of time thinking about how to get to Negan, how to take out the saviors. Plus this isn’t just one project from what you said, it’s several that I know nothing about.  It’s going to take at least a few days to work through them all.”

“I just figured we may as well get right to it, ya know?” he replies.  

I shake my head at him.  “Well, it’s going to take more time than just today from the number of projects you listed.  We can get started today, but I can’t work on it tomorrow. We can pick it up again on Thursday if you want?  I think it would be more realistic if we aimed to get all the planning done this week and leave next week for the other communities.  That would give you some time to work on delegating some tasks to people. I really doubt you could do that overnight, you need at least a little prep time.”

He looks surprised and asks, “Why can’t you work on it tomorrow?”  I smile. “Annie turns 19 tomorrow. It might be the end of the world, but I’m going to do my best to make it a special day for her.  I’ve picked up a few things over the last few months for her.” He nods in understanding now. “Yeah, we gotta do our best to give them some good days, especially on their birthdays.”  He glances at me, saying, “Alright, we’ll shoot for leaving on Monday then. You’re right, it’ll give me a chance to get things set up and ready.”

I reply, “Well, my hope is that if we do this right and bring the communities together, we can give them more good days than bad in the future.  Heck, we might even be able to give them a future.” I pause and then ask, “Why the hurry anyway?” He looks out the window. “Rick?” I continue to push, wanting to know what he was thinking.  He sighs and then looks at me, saying, “I just like how we are together,  _ who _ we are together while we’ve been on this road trip, just the two of us.  We’ve had a bit of time to get to know one another, finally. I worry that things may change once we’re back in Alexandria with our kids and normal lives and responsibilities.  I like what we’ve found the last couple of days and wanted to extend it a bit so we could build on it, strengthen it before we have to make it work back in real life.”

I understand what he means, we found a kind of harmony with one another on this trip.  And no, I’m not talking about the sex. We’re finally communicating and have been in sync more than not.  He didn’t get all overprotective and shut me out. We worked as a team to take out the guards at the farming outpost.  I guess we’re learning to trust one another.

“Well, real life is always going to be there and I think we’re just going to have to negotiate our way through it together.”  I glance at him. “We’ve been doing pretty well so far, haven’t we?”

He heaves out a large breath, saying, “You’re right.  We’ll just have to continue on this way, communicate with each other and be honest with each other.  It’s not like I don’t want to be around the kids and the others, that’s not it at all. It’s just that we so often take two steps forward and then slide back almost immediately.  I don’t want that to happen this time.” I reach over and pat him on the leg reassuringly. He grabs my hand and holds onto it tightly. I say, “I know you love your kids, don’t worry.  I understand what you mean. But we’ll make it work.” He nods and we travel the rest of the way home to Alexandria in silence, hand in hand, in harmony.

 

After parking the van and walking into Alexandria, it comes as no surprise that several people want Rick’s attention.  I listen as people describe what they need from him. Tobin wants his help and approval for a construction project within the town.  Abraham wants him to take a look at the expansion plans. Michonne wants to talk to him about the charter. Aaron & Daryl want to talk about plans for recruitment.  Rick gives me a sad smile and tells me he’ll catch up to me later. I grab some people to help get all the food transferred from the van to Olivia in the pantry. When I’m done, I grab a couple of items I’ll need for tomorrow from the pantry and ponder his dilemma as I walk home to find the kids.  Honestly, none of that was urgent. He needs to start setting boundaries so he’s not set upon the instant he enters the town or walks out his front door. Maybe set up some office hours? I make a mental note to talk to him about it later. I think we can make his leadership role less of a full-time burden for him.  He deserves to enjoy life just as much as the residents of Alexandria do. I think our plan of him accompanying me on the first round of visits to the other communities is an excellent idea and a good spot to start setting up some boundaries so he isn’t on call 24/7 for the town residents anymore. That’s not sustainable, they’re going to burn him out.  The poor man is up at dawn and I think he’s one of the last to sleep. He can’t keep that up.

I walk into the house to find the kids eating lunch.  They’re excited to see me, so after happy greetings all around I join them for lunch, relaxing in our homey kitchen.  I look around and it sinks in just how much we’ve found, how lucky we are. This really is home and I have more hope than I’ve ever had since the walkers started walking that we can conquer this world, that there is a future for my children.  I update them on Jane and how things are going at the farming outpost. I give them a brief overview of the charter discussion and what Michonne wants me to do. I tell them to think about it and we can talk later about what it would mean for us.  The kids also have to be on board if I’m going to do this. After lunch, I put all my gear away and start some laundry. Then the kids and I find some board games and play a few rounds. It’s a relaxing afternoon just spending time with them and enjoying their company. 

Shortly after we put the games away, there’s a knock on the door.  Kira answers the door and Carl comes in carrying a box followed by Rick carrying Judith in one hand and her booster seat in the other.  Rick smiles at me and says, “I thought you all might be hungry for some dinner by now, we brought sandwiches for everyone. Olivia was testing some meat slices from deer Daryl’s caught and wanted us to try them out.”  I give the box a cautious glance asking, “So, like deer deli meat? Is that even a thing?” The doubt is evident in my voice and Rick laughs. “Come on, give it a try. It can’t be that bad.” I shoot him a look that very clearly says it can be that bad and worse and he follows me into the kitchen laughing at me and my expression.

We pull the sandwiches out of the box and I distribute them to the kids at the table while Rick sets up Judith’s booster seat and gives her small pieces of bread to work on.  I get some water for everyone and join them at the table, eyeing the sandwich in front of me. Rick takes a big bite of his sandwich in front of me with an exaggerated, “Mmmm.”  I roll my eyes at him and pick mine up. I nibble a little on the edges only getting bread. Rick scoffs at me, “Ya gotta take a nice big bite, you didn’t get anything but bread there.”  I tell him, “Yeah, that was kind of the point.” I look over at the kids who are eating without a care. Well, it can’t be too bad then if they’re eating it. I look Rick in the eyes and take a big bite that includes some of the meat.  I chew tentatively but am pleasantly surprised by the taste. Not bad, slightly gamey, but it was a deer after all. Rick grins at me in approval, taking another bite of his own sandwich.

I finish quickly and grab some applesauce to feed Judy to finish up her meal.  She enjoys it greatly and by the time she’s done the kids have set up in the living room to watch a show and Rick has cleaned up the table.  

He comes back in from the kitchen and leans down with both hands on my shoulders reaching over me to put a kiss on Judy’s forehead.  He asks, “How are my girls tonight?” and leans around giving me a kiss on the mouth as well without waiting for an answer. I’m surprised, but it’s just a quick peck before he pulls back and walks around me to clean Judy’s face with a rag.  He pulls her out of her booster seat and takes her in to the living room with the kids asking them to watch her while we work on project plans.

I get up and head for the office where he meets me and we dive into working on all the projects he lists.

First we divide them up by priority, then start to assign co-owners.  Abraham for the expansion, Michonne for the charter, of course. He’s not sure about the farming expansion and seems hesitant to share that project with anyone.  I suggest Tina from the Sanctuary who now resides in Alexandria. She grew crops there in extremely harsh soil, I assure him she can grow crops here. He thinks about it and then agrees as long as after meeting her he thinks she can handle it.  I have no doubts so I go ahead and list her on the project plan. We go through several more projects and get them set up as well. Then we work on the key elements that need to be done, the steps that need to happen for them to be successful. Rick lists out several things and I add a few items as well.  By this time it’s getting late and Rick sits back looking exhausted. He looks at me and says, “Now I understand why you said this couldn’t be done tonight. There are so many details to think of, I can’t believe you finished the war plan in one night.” I pat him on the shoulder and say, “Well that one was easy.  We already had all the details but we’re having to flesh out all these projects from scratch. I have another idea I had I’d like to talk to you about though.”

He says, “Yeah?  What’s that?” I shake my head, “Not tonight, you’re exhausted.  Just some ideas I have on setting some boundaries so you aren’t bombarded with people with questions and needing your advice constantly like when we stepped back into Alexandria today.”  He looks surprised. “What kind of ideas,” he asks, “I don’t know if it will ever go away. It just seems to be a part of being a leader.” I respond, “Yes, there will always be things that need to be done, but that doesn’t mean you have to be on call 24/7.  There are some things we can do to minimize it, but we’ll chat tomorrow. We should check on the kids, I haven’t heard much from them for a while.” He nods and we walk out into the living room. Judith is asleep in Carl's arms on the couch along with all my kids.  They all passed out while watching the movie they chose. I smile as Rick puts his arm around me saying, “Well, look at that. They look so peaceful.” I smile, they really do. He continues, “Well I’ll take the kids home and get them into bed, but first…” he pulls me into his arms and kisses me hard and then rests his forehead on mine.  “Goodnight.” I smile and respond, “Goodnight.” I help him get Carl up and he retrieves Judy. I see them out of the house and lock the doors behind them.

It takes me about a half hour, but I manage to get all the kids up and sleepily moved to their beds.  By the time I get into my bedroom I want nothing more than to just crawl into bed and pass out, but the shower is calling me.  After a couple days on the road I’m filthy and a hot shower sounds even better than bed...as long as I do it quickly before I pass out from exhaustion.  I shower quickly and cross the room to the closet from the bathroom practically with my eyes closed. I’m so tired. I quickly put on some underwear and a camisole--my go to pajamas when it’s warm like it is tonight.  

I walk over to the bed, anticipating climbing in between the clean sheets and passing out.  I’m about to climb in when hands slide around my waist from behind me. I scream, letting out a small shriek before a hand quickly covers my mouth cutting it off.  “Sandi, stop, it’s OK, it’s me,” I hear Rick say in my ear as he pulls me back against him and then takes his hand off my mouth. I take a few deep breaths and then whirl around like an angry dervish, hitting him on his bare chest as hard as I can with my hands, pushing him back a couple steps.  “What the hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that?! You scared the crap out of me!” I whisper yell at him. I hear his breath puff out from where I hit him. He recovers, shaking his head, saying, “You walked right past me to the closet, I thought you saw me,” he points to a spot on the other side of the room where a backpack I don’t recognize sits on the floor.  I assume that’s where he was? I’m confused. I walk over to the door and peak out to see if I woke up the kids. Silence. OK, well at least I don’t have to worry about them finding us together in my room while we’re barely clothed, but that still doesn’t explain to me what he’s doing here in the first place. I shut the door and lean against it and then look at him. He’s standing there in his boxers and nothing else.  I look over at that backpack again and see his clothes neatly folded on the ground beside it. His hair is damp so it appears he’s fresh from the shower as well. I take another deep breath, telling myself to be calm, to be patient and ask, “Rick, what are you doing here? How did you even get in, I locked all the doors? I thought you went home to put your kids to bed? Who’s watching Judith?” He walks over toward me with his arms out like he’s going to put them around me and I put a hand up and say, “Stop right there.  Start talking.” He reluctantly stops saying, “I’m here because you’re here. I have keys to all the houses. I took the kids home, got them to bed, showered and laid down on my bed when I recognized that I wasn’t going to sleep well without you. One night, and you have me hooked. Then I realized that I didn’t have to, that we’re together now and I could come be with you. The kids were out cold so I asked Michonne to watch them tonight. I can wait till tomorrow to get them moved in over here, but for tonight I could bring myself and settle in with you, be with you.”  I look at him with such disbelief, I can’t even talk.  

The silence stretches on a bit, becoming uncomfortable.  Rick starts to look worried. “Sandi?” I continue to just stare at him.  I can’t believe this. “Sandi, say something. Please.” I snap out of it saying, “So you just decided to move in?  All on your own? Without even talking about it with me? Without asking me?” He looks very concerned now, obviously starting to realize that I’m not onboard with this.  He takes a step toward me and I hold my hand up again. He stops but says, “It just made more sense than staying separate. We changed things last night..” I cut him off. “We did.  We made some changes last night, but that doesn’t mean we make these kinds of leaps. Not yet and not without talking about it. We haven’t even talked about how last night changes our plans.  Even more, we told the kids we were exploring a relationship, that we were going to start with a friendship and then start dating in a couple months. Now you want them to wake up to find us not only sleeping together but that you’ve moved in?   With no warning?” The disbelief in my voice is growing.

He shakes his head in frustration, “Yeah, we had an agreement, but everything changed while we were gone.  You’re not really going to make me wait two months to kiss you again? Just because of some arbitrary timeline you came up with?”  Now his voice is filled with disbelief and frustration.  

I stalk over to my closet and walk in while throwing over my shoulder, “You agreed to that timeline, regardless of how arbitrary it may be!”  I grab my robe out of the closet and throw it on. No way am I having this conversation in my underwear. I swing around to find him right behind me.  “You see,” he grates out, “it’s two steps forward and then five back with you. Every time.” I look at him with incredulity. “You think this is my fault?  You rush forward into everything so fast it’s amazing I don’t have skid marks from how quickly you charge into things in this relationship!” 

I push past him and stomp over to the wing chair and take a seat.  He follows, standing above me. Of course he doesn’t sit down, he has to show who’s in charge.  Well not this time buddy!

“Well, you’re like a turtle, always hemming and hawing about every move, every decision.  If I didn’t push then we’d never get anywhere.” I look up at him, saying, “Because you always know what's best for us?  You’re always right? It needs to be your way or the highway?”

He stops and pinches his nose hard, getting himself under control.  Finally he looks at me and says in a calmer voice, “No. Of course not.  I wasn’t trying to make it sound that way. I’m sorry.” My breathing starts to slow as I look at him and realize he’s backing down.  That he apologized. I take a deep breath to further calm me down. Finally I say, “Rick, obviously we have things to work through, to talk about before we’re ready to move in together, to take that step.  I’m sorry too, sorry I flew off the handle. But there’s something you need to know right up front, before we take this relationship any further.” He reaches down and pulls me up from my chair, into his arms, into a hug.  He rests his head on my shoulder and rumbles in my ear, “What’s that?” I pull back so I can look him in the eyes.

“I’m no shrinking violet in a relationship.  If what you’re looking for is a little woman to wait at home, someone for you to make all the decisions for and to fade into the background except when you want her, then I’m not the girl for you.  I’m always going to tell you what I think, whether I agree with you or not. I’m not a yes man. If I disagree, I’ll likely argue with you.”  

I’m a little confused because he’s grinning now.  I just want him to know what he’s getting into and now he’s laughing at me?  With a chuckle, he picks me up and sits down in the chair I was in, placing me on his lap.  “Rick, what are you doing?!” I exclaim.  

“I’m just sitting down so we can have a chat,” he replies.  “I don’t want another woman. I want you, exactly you. You are the one for me.”  

I heave out a breath and say, “But you make decisions without even talking to me about them, without knowing what I think.  I can’t do that, it doesn’t work for me.”

He says, “And you call me out on that which is a good thing for me.  Sometimes I forget that you aren’t someone waiting for me to make a decision, that you have your own opinions.  I’ve led groups since the end that have needed me to make decisions, sometimes quickly, many times where our lives depend on them.  I’ve carried that responsibility for so long that sometimes I forget that there are other people that have good opinions and are willing to offer them, willing to speak up.  Usually everyone just looks to me to tell them what to do.”

I put one hand on his chest and the other on the side of his face.  “I’m always going to have opinions. Sometimes they won’t mesh with yours.  I’m going to expect you to talk to me so we can make decisions together about things as a couple.  I won’t be dictated to.”

He covers my hand on his face with his.  “That’s OK, I can do that. We can talk about things together and come to an agreement together.  You may have to remind me sometimes though until I get used to it.”

I nod.  This is going better than I thought.  I hadn’t ever thought about where his high-handedness, his expectation that everyone follow him without question came from.  I didn’t realize it was because no one else was willing to make the hard choices and he’d carried that load alone for so long.  I say, “As long as you’re willing to work on some boundaries, to understand that we’re in this together and we make decisions together, then we’ll be OK.  We’ll figure things out.” He nods and says, “Together. I like the sound of that.” He leans in and kisses me. The kiss goes on for several minutes as we revel in surviving our first major argument as a couple.  He pulls back and says, “Does that mean I can stay?” I shake my head, “No. The kids have no idea things have progressed this far. Do you really think it’s fair to spring this on them with no warning?” He sighs, and kisses me again.

“Alright, I know you’re right but I don’t have to like it.  How do you suggest we tell them then?”

I shrug.  “I’m not sure.  We’re so far ahead of where I thought we’d be right now.  How about we just tell them we’ve started to date now?” He gives me a look.  “We’re far beyond dating.” I chuckle. “Far beyond dating without even having had one date.  How does that even happen?” I sigh and continue, “I know we’re beyond that point, but I’m not so sure they’re ready for that yet.  They need to see us together more I think, get used to us being together.” I pull back and pat him on the shoulder, “It’s late and I’m so tired I can’t think straight anymore.  How about we talk about this tomorrow after we’ve rested up and have some time to think about it?” He looks me in the eye, saying “I assume you mean sleeping in separate houses.”  

I smack him playfully on the chest.  “Yes. Go home. We’ll talk tomorrow.  I need to actually sleep tonight.” I stand my ground with him.  As much as I’d love to sleep in his arms tonight, if I give in now it will set a very bad precedent.  Start as I mean to go on and all that. Him just assuming he can move in without even talking to me about it is just one example of behavior he can’t continue with if we’re going to be together.  I at least have a better understanding of where that behavior comes from though. He reluctantly gets up, kissing me again and then gets dressed. I walk him down to the front door and wish him goodnight with one last kiss.  Then I lock the door behind him and go back upstairs to pass out in my bed. I’ll think about what to do about Rick and the kids and everything else later. Right now I need sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy post-4th of July! I'm back from vacation, so I have another chapter for you! So...Rick can be very high-handed and make assumptions.  Sandi can move too slowly while Rick rushes in. Can they find a way to make things work between them with these obstacles?  Sandi at least understands where his behavior comes from now. 
> 
> @bridgetlynn This is for you. I hope you are still reading and you appreciate the 'strongly worded statement' she gave Rick here for his high-handedness. I kept thinking about what you said and figured this was the perfect way for her to not only understand where his behavior comes from, but let him know she wouldn't stand for it.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  I would always appreciate feedback if you are so inclined!


	37. Dating in the Apocalypse

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

The next morning I wake up feeling so much better, I can actually think halfway logically again after a good night's sleep.  As much as I would have liked to sleep in Ricks arms, I wouldn’t be remotely as well-rested as I am now because I’m sure we wouldn’t have stuck to just sleeping.  He’s like a drug and I’m already addicted. Plus there’s the whole point I need to make to be sure he understands. I’ve always been a very independent person and he needs to get over this overprotective, unilateral decision-making stance he has been taking or this is never going to work between us regardless of sparks.  He’s made a lot of progress, but he has to understand I’m serious if things have a chance of working between us. Addicted or not, I won’t live in a relationship like that. I think after our discussion last night he understands and I have a better understanding of him as well. I have hope that we can navigate our way through this.  I’m willing to give him the chance anyway.

I’m surprisingly at peace with the fact that we are in a relationship now, even after fighting it for so long.  Even with things changing so quickly from friendship to an intimate relationship and ahead of my, admittedly, arbitrary schedule.  I want this to work, in fact the realization of just how much I want this to work surprises me. I ponder how quickly my feelings progressed once I killed Negan.  After thinking for several minutes, I decide that the act of killing Negan, of finally getting vengeance for Dave served as a cathartic act in order to finally let go.  I hadn’t been at the point I could do that before, everything felt unfinished, undone, even though he was gone. I was ultimately able to complete the final act that would free me to start living again after losing Dave. 

I decide those are enough deep thoughts for the morning, so I get up, throw on a t-shirt and shorts, prepare my hot chocolate and go out to my swing to watch the sun rise.  You’d think I’d sleep in, but my body is too used to rising early now I guess. It’s chilly this morning, so I grab a blanket to wrap around me as I pull my feet up onto the swing into the warmth of the blanket.

Shortly afterward, the door opens next door and Rick exits to go on his morning rounds.  I wonder if it’s possible for him to ever sleep in? He walks down the sidewalk, but turns when he reaches my house, heading up the stairs to my porch.  I look at him inquiringly, wondering if he’ll be mad at me this morning for kicking him out. “Good Morning,” he says with a smile. I reciprocate with a sassy, “Well, Good Morning, Officer Grimes.” Not mad.  Good, maybe he gets it now.

He grins and stops in front of me, putting his hands on the back of the swing to stop it and hold it steady while leaning down and kissing me.  After he pulls back from the intense kiss I ask, “I thought you were doing your rounds?” He smirks at me and says, “Checking in on you is part of my rounds now.” I laugh as he sits down next to me, putting his arm around me and pulling me in close. “Is it now?” I ask.

“Yep, gotta keep an eye on you somehow if you aren’t going to let me move in,” he states.  I smile and take another sip of hot chocolate and see him eyeing it. I offer it to him saying, “Hot chocolate?”  He leans over and takes a sip, placing his lips exactly where mine just sipped from. He looks up at me and says, “Mmm.”  I laugh and place my lips in the same place again, sipping and finishing it off. I repeat back to him, “Mmm.”

He chuckles and takes my cup, placing it on the ground by his feet.  He leans in again for a kiss, repeating, “Mmm.” I hum back at him as I see some curtains twitch across the way as I sit back.  I ask, “Making a statement? I’ve seen at least 2 sets of curtains twitch since you joined me, I think everyone will know by noon.” He kisses me again, firmly and deeply this time.  When we come up for breath he says, “That wasn’t my goal, but I don’t object. I’m happy for everyone to know we’re together.” I snuggle into his side, enjoying his presence.  

“I think I’m slowing you down from your rounds,” I say.  He murmurs, “Yeah, a little bit.” He kisses me on the temple.  “Worth it though.” I smile back up at him.

He says, “I do need to get going, but wanted to see if you could spare me an hour at lunch?  I know you’re going to be busy prepping for Annie’s Birthday, but I’d like you to join me for lunch if you could.”

I give him a surprised look.  “Are you asking me out on a date, Officer Grimes?”

He smiles.  “Well, if we’re dating, I figured we should actually go on a date.  You made a good point there last night.” He drops a kiss on my nose.  “But actually, I’m asking you out on three dates Mrs. Jones.”

I say, “Three?  All at lunch? You’re trying to make up for lost time in an hour?”

He laughs and responds, “No.  Just lunch today. But tomorrow is the get together that Michonne and Daryl organized while we were gone.  Kind of a ‘Welcome the newcomers to Alexandria’ thing.” I look shocked. “Michonne and _Daryl_ planned a party?  Daryl Dixon?!”

He smirks and says, “Yes, Daryl Dixon.  He’s helping Michonne out with some of the duties I delegated while I was gone.  I wanted you to attend with me. They planned it, but I guess I’m hosting. I wondered if you’d go with me and be my hostess?”  He looks a little nervous asking this. I agree, saying, “Sure, I’d be happy to.” He looks relieved and says, “Then the third date is Friday night.  I’m taking you to dinner. Dress fancy.” I eye him, “Fancy? Is there a 5 star restaurant around here I haven’t noticed yet? How many clothes do you think I have?  I think I have one and only one dress.” He laughs and nuzzles my hair with his cheek. “I would guess there are some women in this town that would love to help you out.”

He then gives me one last kiss, then stands up.  “I’d better finish my rounds or I’ll never get them done.”  I smile up at him. “Why don’t you bring Carl and Judy over for breakfast when you finish your rounds?  We can talk to the kids then about the fact that we’re past friendship and on to dating now. Especially since I think they’ll hear all about it the minute they step out of the house based on the amount of curtain twitching going on around here.  I’d rather they heard it from us first.” He nods and agrees then walks down the steps to finish his rounds.

I get up, retrieve my cup and go inside to whip up the breakfast I’ve been planning.  I manage to turn out some decent waffles with a few tweaks. Add to that the eggs I was able to hoard from the animals we got from Hilltop and we have a pretty decent breakfast.  

I put a generous serving on a tray and carry it up to Annie’s room. I walk in declaring, “Happy Birthday!” as I go. Annie sits up bleary-eyed and then smiles at me when she sees me and the tray I’m carrying.  She sits up against the headboard and I put the tray on her lap. I kiss her on the temple and say, “Happy 19th sweetie!” She grins back at me. “Thanks, Mom!”

I poke my head into the rooms of the other 3 kids and tell them to come down for breakfast.  I walk back downstairs when there is a knock at the front door. When I open the door, Rick, Carl & Judy are there.  I motion them to come inside just as the kids start coming down the stairs. Everyone takes their place at the table while I dish up plates.  “Wow,” Carl says, “I can’t remember the last time I had waffles.” I smile at him, saying, “Well, they’re Annie’s favorite, so I had to find a way to do them.  Luckily I came across a waffle iron and hauled it home.”

I hand out plates to everyone and then cut up waffles for Judy so she can feed herself, putting a small dollop of syrup on each piece.  I carry her plate over to set in front of her in her booster seat and then take a seat next to Rick with my plate. He looks up at me, saying, “This is impressive. Thanks for inviting us for breakfast.”

Just then, Annie comes downstairs carrying her tray.  “Happy Birthday, Annie,” Rick says. She smiles at him saying, “Thanks.”  The others all echo the birthday wishes.

“Hey Annie, do you want more?” I ask.  She shakes her head, “No, I’m full. Thanks Mom.”  She comes over and gives me a hug from behind me. I reach up and pat her shoulder.  “Anytime, hun,” I reply. “Actually, can you take a seat? Rick & I had something to talk to you all about.”  

Rick looks at me hopefully as Annie sits down.  Then Judy lets out a big yell of disappointment as she finishes her waffle.  I laugh. “I guess she wants more, just a second,” I say as I grab her plate and get up to get her another one.  I quickly cut it, add some syrup and put it in front of her taking my seat again. Rick leans over and drops a light kiss on my lips, pulling back and saying, “Thanks for taking care of her waffle addiction.  You’ve created a monster now, ya know?” I look up to see all of the kids staring at us in shock except Carl who is just smirking proudly at us.

I shrug at them and say, “We just wanted to let you all know that we’re moving on from the friendship stage earlier than we planned.  We’re dating now.” Kayla looks at us and says, “And kissing too, apparently.” I laugh. “Yes, and kissing.” Rick looks at them all and says, “Fair warning, we’ll be kissing a lot now.”  To emphasize his point, he leans over and kisses me again. Multiple groans fill the air. “Ooh.” “Gross.” “Yuck, not while I’m eating!”

I pull back and laugh at them all.  “Hey, you all said you were OK with us exploring a relationship.  Things just progressed a little faster than we initially planned. Deal with it.  Fair warning, some Alexandrians saw Rick kissing me on the front porch this morning, so I’m sure the news will spread quickly.  People may ask you about it.” Rick smirks and adds, “I can’t help wanting to kiss your Mom, so you’ll just have to get used to it.”

They make faces at us and everyone continues with their breakfast.  Carl looks up and says, “I knew Dad would win you over eventually.” I roll my eyes at him.  Apparently Carl has been rooting for his Dad which is no real surprise to me.

Well, the hardest part is over, I think.  As they all scatter for their various plans for the day, I start to clean up the kitchen.  Judy is the only child left in the house, finishing up her waffles. Rick walks up behind me at the sink, sliding his hands around my waist and nuzzling his beard-covered face into my neck.  I tilt my neck for him to have better access and say, “See, when I know you’re there I don’t scream.” I turn around and put my arms around his neck. “It’s a much more effective approach than sneaking up on me.”  I lean up and kiss him lightly and pull back to grin at him.

He rolls his eyes at me.  Wait. Rick just rolled his eyes at me?  I say, “Woah. Did I just see Rick Grimes roll his eyes?  What is this world coming to?” He smiles and says, “I’ll concede that last night wasn’t my smartest move.  In my defense, I just wanted to be with you so I wasn’t thinking things through logically.” I take a step back and slap my hand over my heart. “Wait. Rick Grimes also admits he made a mistake? Is the world ending?”  I smirk at him and continue, “Oh wait, it already did.”

He ducks his head and I can swear I can see a tint of red on his cheeks around his beard for a second.  He looks back up at me with determination then and says, “Stop. I can admit when I’m wrong. You were right, moving in right now is a bit too quick for the kids.”  He gives me a determined look and continues, “But don’t think that means I’m giving up. My goal is to get us all living under one roof as soon as possible. They’ll adjust quickly, they have to.”

I nod at him saying, “They do adjust more quickly now, in this world they have to.  Nobody objected to us moving on to dating this morning which I think is a big win. We’ll decide together when they’re ready for the next step, though.”  I give him a stern look at this.

Rick gathers me back into his arms, pressing a kiss to my forehead.  “Yes, we’ll decide together. That doesn’t mean I won’t push for you to agree sooner than later though.”  I chuckle, saying, “Yes, I’m very aware you like to push and nudge things along the way you want them to go.  Just as you’re aware I won’t always be pushed.” He hums in agreement while leaning down to kiss me again, going a little deeper this time.  Judith lets out a yell, wanting our attention. I laugh and turn to her, “You feeling left out Judy Pie?” Rick walks over to her, wiping her hands and face down and picking her up out of her booster seat.  He smiles at me and says, “Well, Judy and I should be going. Does noon work for lunch?”

I nod, saying, “Noon is just fine.”  He leans over to kiss me on the cheek while Judy pats me on my arm.  “I’ll see you then,” he says and walks out the door to complete his own tasks.

I get busy knowing I’m going to have to work quickly in order to carve out that hour for lunch and still get everything done that I need to in preparation for tonight.  I pull all my ingredients out and get to work.

 

 Right at noon, just as I put my last item away to finish working on later, Rick knocks briefly and then comes in the door.  I turn toward him smiling as he walks into the kitchen to greet me with a kiss.

“You’ve been hard at work I see,” he says, bringing his hand up to brush at my cheek.  “You have a bit of flour right here.” I say, “Oh, just give me a second to clean up a little.”  I turn away to hang up my apron and wash my hands and face. When I turn back around he grabs my hand and says, “You look perfect.  Let’s go, my hour is ticking away.” I laugh and follow him out to the porch where he picks up a bag that is sitting there.

Soon we are on the other side of the lake with a blanket spread out and I’m settling onto it while Rick starts pulling things out of the bag.  “Wow,” I say, “A romantic picnic huh?” He smiles at me and hands me a sandwich. “That’s the hope. Here, scoot over here and let’s get comfortable,” he replies.  He helps me shift over so I’m leaning against his chest and he has one arm around me. I say, “I’m not sure this is the best idea. I’m gonna get crumbs all over you,” I laugh up at him with my head leaning back against his shoulder.  He chuckles and leans down to kiss my lips that are pointed up toward him. “Oh, I’m not scared of a few crumbs and this way I can do this,” he kisses me again, “anytime I want to.” I laugh and turn my attention back to my food. We sit there in harmony, eating and then talking a little bit. We chat about the kids, about proposed improvements to Alexandria, about whatever comes to mind. It’s relaxing and really nice because it doesn’t require any effort, everything just flows naturally while we relax.  There’s no urgency, no agenda other than spending time together. After some time passes, he asks, “Last night you said you had some ideas about setting boundaries so I’m not on call 24/7. I’d like to hear more about that.” I nod and say, “When we walked in the gate yesterday you got bombarded with people needing help.” I look up at him, “You know that none of that was really urgent?” He nods, saying, “I know, but I’ve found it’s easiest to just get it done when they ask so they stop pestering me about it.”

“That makes sense, but it also has encouraged them to think any question they have needs your immediate attention.  My recommendation would be to start actually using the offices at the townhouse. Set up some office hours designated for them to ask their questions then.”

He scoffs a bit.  “I’m not much of a desk worker.  I’d rather be out and about in the community, seeing what’s going on, pitching in where needed.”

I say, “I understand that.  I’m not saying you need to ride a desk and stop being out in the community helping out.  I know that’s part of who you are. But think about it, the reason they grab you the minute they see you is because they never know where you’ll be later.  They have to take that opportunity to grab you and get your attention. If you even just committed to 4 hours, maybe midday, in your office and tell them to come talk to you then, I bet you’d have a lot of time freed up.  They’d know exactly where and when they can find you so you’d be bothered less when you’re out and about.”

He’s silent thinking about that for a few moments and then says, “OK, I see your point.  I guess I could try it and see if it cuts down on so many interruptions.” I smile and lean my head back on his shoulder to look into his eyes and give him a kiss.  “You won’t regret it,” I say. “I bet it’s going to free up a lot more of your time by doing this.” He smirks at me and asks, “Do you have any ideas how I might spend all that free time?”  I smile up at him and reply, “I might have one or two things in mind.” He leans down and pulls me into a consuming kiss. Afterwards, we toss around a few ideas on how to communicate his new schedule to everyone and more, get them to follow it.

When he tells me his hour is up, I sigh and lean my head back, looking up at him.  “I’d rather stay here, but if I’m going to get everything done on time, I’d better get a move on.”  He leans down and kisses me, saying, “Well, you gave me my hour and that makes me happy. You’d better go though, I don’t want to delay your plans for Annie.”  I stand up and he gives me a hand. “You and the kids should come over around 6,” I say. “I think they’d enjoy this as well.” He agrees and we part as I head back to the house to finish up with my plans.

 

At 6, Rick, Carl and Judy have arrived and I have them join Kayla, Kira and Jordan in the dining room.  I call Annie down and when she arrives, everyone jumps out yelling, “Surprise!” She had no idea there was more, she thought breakfast was her special birthday thing.  She looks at the dining room table and then looks at me in astonishment. “Pizza and Cake?!” she exclaims. I nod, “Yep, I’ve been gathering supplies for weeks now. Happy Birthday honey, dig in!” I encourage.

Soon, everyone is enjoying pizza and cake, a rarity these days.  It took me some time, but I recreated my old pizza dough recipe and learned how to catch wild yeast.  We are having a good time together, the kids are having fun and, dare I say, it’s almost like we’re a real family.  We have a lot of fun and as things start to wind down I see Rick talking to Carl and Carl nods at him and then walks over to check on Judith.  Rick looks up at me and then walks toward me, giving me a small kiss when he arrives. I ask him, “Heading out on your rounds?” It’s about that time, looking at the setting sun outside.  He nods, “Yeah, I asked Carl to get Judy cleaned up and take her home to bed.” I look over to see Carl cleaning up a sleepy Judy and say, “Yeah, she looks done for. You want me to help him?”  I start to move toward them to help but he grabs my hand swinging me around and says, “No. I want you to come with me.” I look at him in shock. “With you? On your rounds?!” I ask, surprised.  I have never known him to take others on his rounds except maybe Daryl. He smiles, saying, “Yes, come with me on my rounds.” I look around at the kids, seeing they are all occupied and look back at him.  He says, “Please?” and smiled that perfect smile at me that melts my heart, his blue eyes sparkling. I smile back at him and say, “Well, who can refuse you when you say please so nicely?” He grins, tells the kids where we’re going and pulls me after him out of the house to do his rounds.  I follow while wondering exactly what he’s up to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I had RL stuff going on and it took me awhile to shape this chapter.  It’s a longer chapter than usual, so hopefully that makes up for it. I’m finally happy with it now though, so I’m ready to share with you all.  What do you think dating during the apocalypse would look like? As much as we attempt to simulate the old world, I figure there will be different hurdles to overcome that you wouldn’t have had before.  Do you think Rick & Sandi have a hope of weaving his overprotectiveness and her independence together and making it work? I hope you enjoy! It will likely be next weekend for the next update when you will find out exactly why Rick pulls Sandi along with him on his rounds. ;)  
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter please consider giving me some feedback! Sometimes it feels like I’m throwing this out to the void but not sure if anyone is really reading or enjoying it.


	38. Making the Rounds

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

Holding my hand, Rick leads me down the stairs to the sidewalk.  When we reach the sidewalk, he pulls me up even with him and we continue walking, side by side, hand in hand.  This is strange, I’m not used to holding hands and I’m feeling self-conscious, especially since I’m not sure what we’re doing or why he wants me accompanying him on his rounds.  I glance at him nervously as he strides along confidently with my hand firmly in his, a smile lingering on his lips.

I ask, “So what exactly are we looking for?  Sorry, I’ve watched you go on your rounds daily for weeks now but never really paid attention to what you were doing or looking for.”

He grins back at me, saying, “I look for anything out of place.  People, items, whatever. Is everything where it should be? Are people where they should be or are they acting out of character?  Are the lookouts in place or are they missing? Is there a big rope dangling from the wall?”

I laugh at that.  He smiles back at me.  “You laugh, but it’s true.  Many people could just walk right past something as obvious as that and not even notice it.  I’m just making sure everything looks right, that I don’t see anything to be concerned about or get a feeling something isn’t right.  You don’t need to worry though, I didn’t bring you out here as a second set of eyes.”

I eye him, asking, “Well, if I’m not here to help then why  _ did _ you bring me out here?”

He smirks back at me, squeezing my hand.  “Because I thought it’d be nice to take a walk with you and get a moment alone with you away from the crowd at your house.  I can do my rounds,  _ and _ take a walk with a beautiful woman.  I can also do this.” He stops and tugs on my hand to swing me over directly in front of him.  I stop with one hand on his chest and the other still held in his between us as he leans down and kisses me, initiating a deep, intense, kiss.  After several minutes he pulls back and I try to catch my breath. He gives me one more small kiss and then steps back, resuming our walk and guiding me along with him, our hands remaining entwined.

Once I recover, I ask him more questions about what he’s looking for and he points out different things he checks.  We say hello to all the lookouts as we pass their assigned spots, we chat with people who are on the streets as we pass--although most are safely inside their homes now.  We have walked every sidewalk and seen every section of wall by the time the sun is fully down. Darkness has descended on Alexandria as we approach the barn tucked into the corner of the community.  Rick heads to the door and I try to pull to a stop, protesting, “It’s gonna be pitch black in there! Why do you need to go inside?”

He says, “I just need to check on Buttons and give him his treat.”  He pulls a carrot out of his pocket, waving it at me. “Light comes in through the hayloft, don’t worry,” he says as he pulls me through the door into the dark interior of the barn.  I hear the snuffling of Buttons as something soft brushes over my arm. I reach out, blindly, and run my hand down the top of Button’s nose. He snuffs at me, his lips nibbling up my arm as I squeak and step back.

Rick laughs, moving forward offering Buttons his treat saying, “Now, is that a way to treat a lady, Buttons?”  My eyes are adjusting and I can just make out Rick rubbing the side of Button’s head as he enjoys his treat. Rick continues, “First you talk to the lady, get to know her.”  He takes a step back, taking my hand again and pulling me close. “Then you can nibble her.” He bends down and nibbles on my neck; I laugh as he takes me by surprise and I take a startled step back.  He follows, pinning me against the side of a stall. He nibbles on my neck some more before the nibbling turns into kisses as he makes his way up my neck to my face and soon to my lips. Our laughter cuts off as our kisses intensify and we get lost in the moment.  After several minutes of this, Rick pulls back and holds me by the shoulders. I can see that intense look coming from him, even in the dim light.

“What?” I ask.

“I needed this, some time alone with you,” he replies.

“We had time alone earlier today when we had lunch together,” I remind him.

He nuzzles my cheek with his beard, moving over to kiss my lips again.  “Yes, but all of Alexandria was watching,” he says. “Now I’ve truly got you alone.”

I motion to Buttons who is staring at us from his stall, hoping for more carrots.  “I think Buttons would disagree,” I say.

Rick turns to look at him.  “Buttons is a gentleman. He’d never tell a soul.  Besides, didn’t I mention the hayloft?” He points to a ladder a few feet away.

I look at him contemplatively.  “Rick Grimes, did you bring me here for a roll in the hay?” I ask while starting to laugh.

He grins, saying, “Well, I was thinking… We had our first fight as a couple last night.”

I agree, “We did.”

“We made up though.  Came to an agreement.”

I wonder where he’s going with this, again saying, “We did.”

“The best part of having an argument while in a relationship is the making up.”  I laugh as I realize where he’s going with this. He continues, “It just seems like we left something unfinished.”  He gathers me in his arms and whispers in my ear. “We forgot the make-up sex.”

He leans back and smirks at me for a minute and  then leads me up the ladder to the hayloft where we proceed to thoroughly enjoy every minute of our alone time--completing the making up ritual.

 

*                                                                               *                                                                           *

The next morning I again attend to my morning habit of rising, making my hot chocolate and walking out to sit on my swing to watch the sun rise.  Soon Rick exits his house to do his rounds and joins me on the swing, kissing me good morning. He gives me a teasing glance asking, “I don’t suppose you’d want to join me on my rounds this morning?”

I huff out a laugh at him, replying, “No, I think last night was enough of an experience with rounds for now.  I do expect you to meet me at your office at 9 though.” He smiles and nods at me, standing up to finish his rounds after giving me one last kiss.

We had agreed that his new office hours would start today.  From 9am - 1pm he’ll be at the townhouse available for those who need to find him.  I’ve even promised to bring him lunch.

 

After getting breakfast for the kids I tidy things up after I sent them on their way to school or jobs.  I then head over to the townhouse to get things set up for Rick. As I enter the front door, I pass Michonne’s office and see her already hard at work at her desk.  I poke my head in, saying, “I see you’re at it bright and early!”

She smiles up at me, standing up and walking around her desk to grab my shoulders.  “Spill. I haven’t had a chance to talk to you alone since you and Rick went to the farming outpost.  I knew something had changed between the two of you even before that little picnic display of yours yesterday but after that?  I’m absolutely sure now.” She releases me and sits down on the edge of her desk while beaming at me. “I want details, what happened to change everything?  What happened to your timeline you were so determined to keep?” she asks.

I lean against the door jam, saying, “I can’t explain it other than that intense connection we have.  Things just happened and changed quickly. It’s good though and we’re figuring it out together.”

She nods.  “I’m happy for you.  I’m glad you gave him a chance, he’s a good man.”

I smile and nod back at her, confirming, “He is.”

Her expression now turns serious.  “I hope that doesn’t mean you acting as our ambassador is out now?”

I grin back at her, “Actually, we’ve come to an agreement about that as well.  It’s going to affect you and Daryl the most though. Rick should be here soon and we can all sit down and talk about what this will take.”

She’s satisfied with that and soon I’m continuing down the hall to the office set aside for Rick.  After stepping inside, I see all the items piled up on the desk and realize he hasn’t really used it.  It just seems to be a dumping ground. I figuratively roll up my sleeves and get to work. It has to at least be inhabitable for this to work.

 

At 9am on the dot, I hear the distinctive sound of Rick’s footsteps coming down the hall.  He steps inside the office and gets a glimpse of the new look. The desk is clear, I’ve dusted the bookshelves and plumped up the cushions on the couch and chairs in the seating area.  He looks surprised, saying, “Wow. I hardly recognize the place,” as he walks over to me and drops a kiss on my lips.  

I motion him to sit in his chair.  “I now understand why you didn’t like being here.  It was a mess.” I set some papers on the desk in front of him.  “Here are a few items that seemed to actually need attention from the mess that was on your desk.  I thought we could work on project plan items when people aren’t here to meet with you. We should probably talk to Michonne and Daryl at some point as well and get their buy in on the project plans and the things you need to delegate.”

He nods while sorting through the paperwork.  Just then Tobin knocks on his office door, saying, “I heard you have office hours now.  Do you have some time to go over this construction plan with me? I made those revisions you suggested.”

Rick looks up at me and then at Tobin.  He says, “Yeah, let’s go ahead and review it.  I want to talk to you about taking over as co-project manager for the construction as well.  Sit down and let’s talk.” He gestures to the couch and walks over there with Tobin as they roll out the blueprints on the coffee table in front of the couch.  I give Rick a grin as I let myself out of the office.  

I keep myself busy for the next hour.  I finish sorting the rest of the paperwork from his desk and then grab the copies of the draft projects I’d printed out to add additional details I had thought of.  After hearing Tobin leave, I went into Rick’s office and reviewed my additions with him. Once I got his approval, Abraham showed up to review some more details about the expansion plans.  While he met with Abraham and clued him in on the new plan for him to be co-project owner, I went and found Tina Nook. She was hesitant at first, but when I took her past the area we’d been working on setting up for farming, she started to open up and put forth ideas for improvement of the area.  Once we got back to the townhouse we were able to go right in and talk to Rick since he was free. They were both hesitant and feeling one another out at first. I say, “Tina, why don’t you tell Rick what you were saying about using trellises? How we could expand our growing space that way?” She’s nervous, but once they get talking about expansion and the trellis options, I feel like I’m watching two nerds bond over a video game--but in their case it’s farming.  By the time they finish talking, Rick has asked Tina to be co-project manager of the farming operations and she has agreed.

Shortly after Tina leaves, Michonne and Daryl come into the office.  I look at Rick, saying, “I asked them to come by so we could discuss the projects and what we need their help on.”

Rick nods and motions for them to sit down.  They all get settled around the coffee table and while he starts to explain the plan, I pull lunch out for us all so we can eat while we talk.

Rick says, “We’ve come up with a plan that will allow Sandi to serve as the Ambassador like you wanted, Michonne.  But it’s going to take both of your help to make it work.”

Daryl nods saying, “Whatever you need, you know we’ve got your back.”  Michonne echoes him saying, “The charter is important, so yeah, I’ll do whatever to get it off the ground.”

Rick nods while looking seriously at them both.  He outlines our plan so he can travel with me, spend some time with the other leaders and communities and learn from them to bring ideas back to Alexandria.  He explains how we’ve divided everything into projects and assigned a co-project manager to all of them in order to determine what dates he’d have to be here.  How he’ll need to delegate some leadership responsibilities to them for a while, particularly while we take the first trip which will be longer.

“How long do you plan on being gone?” Daryl asks.  

“At least 3 days for each community.  A couple of days for travel in between the ones that are further away.  That’s almost 2 weeks for the first trip,” Rick replies.

Michonne says, “That’s doable.”  She glances at Daryl and back at us.  “There's nothing we couldn’t handle for two weeks.”

We hammer out some details, letting them know we plan on leaving Sunday so we can start negotiations bright and early Monday morning at The Kingdom.  Before we know it, the clock dings 1 o’clock.

I grin at Rick.  “Well, it looks like office hours are over, yet somehow you survived being cooped up.”  He laughs admitting, “Well, the time did actually pass quickly, there was plenty to plan and discuss.”  We all go our separate ways to get on with the day.  

 

*                                                                                 *                                                                           *

Later that night, the kids yell up to me, “Mom, Rick’s here!” as I’m finishing getting ready for the party I’m helping Rick host.  I walk down the stairs in the red dress I wore to church previously. Rick looks at me approvingly, leaning in to kiss me. As he pulls back he whispers, “I really, really, like this dress.”  I smirk back at him and tell the kids I’ll see them over at the party later.

 

The party starts off slowly, but soon the chatter of many people fills the townhouse as the newcomers start relaxing and talking to the established residents of Alexandria.  Rick and I stay together, moving around the room as a couple and making sure we speak to everyone. Soon Carl shows up with Judy and I get to carry her around the crowd, introducing her to all who don’t know her.  My kids are there as well. Judy’s happy to be the center of attention until she gets too tired. Carl looks relieved to be sent home to put her to bed and my kids happily leave with them. 

Soon the party is over and Michonne boots us out telling us our job is done and it’s time to go home.  We slowly walk home, hand in hand. I’m starting to get used to the fact that he grabs my hand any chance he gets.  Dave wasn’t very demonstrative, so it’s taken some getting used to.

Rick looks over at me inquiringly.  “What?” I ask.

He just grins and then says, “Ya know, I haven’t had a chance to do my rounds tonight.”

I laugh and shake my head.  I nod down at my heels and say, “Not a chance.  See those? I have just enough left in me to walk home and that’s about the extent of it.  Plus, the kids left an hour ago and will be wondering where we are.”

We arrive at my house, walking up the stairs and stopping in front of the door.  He leans in and says, “Alright. But tomorrow night, plan to be out late.” He drops a small peck of a kiss on my lips.  “Very late.” He then kisses me more deeply, before opening the door and ushering me inside.  

 

*                                                                                *                                                                            *

 

The next day passes quickly, starting with what is becoming a traditional morning greeting with Rick on the swing before his rounds followed by more planning during his office hours.  We passed along the information about where and when to find him each day at his office at the party last night and more people seem to drift in to visit with him. By the end of his office hours we’ve managed to finish up most portions of the project plans even with more visitors.  I head home to have lunch with the kids while he’s finishing up a recruiting discussion with Aaron.

 

Over lunch the kids inform me that they’ve thought about the tour of the communities that’s coming up and they’d prefer to stay here.  They’re just getting settled into a routine and don’t want to go on the road again right now, although they may come with me again on one of my future visits.  I question this, but they assure me they’ll be safe and that they plan to help Carl take care of Judy while Rick and I are gone. I tell them I don’t have to go, I can stay, but they are quick to remind me of Daryl, Abraham, Sasha and all the rest who are here and do a great job of protecting the community.  I reluctantly agree to them staying behind after talking through precautions and protections with them for a bit.

 

Soon, I’m putting the finishing touches on my outfit for our date tonight.  Luckily Sasha and Rosita came to the rescue again, this time with a vintage emerald green sheath dress.  It’s very form fitting, which isn’t my favorite thing, but I have to admit it looks good on me. As I come downstairs, Rick is being let in the front door by the kids.  He takes one look at me and immediately walks over, takes my hand and pulls me in to him. “I thought you were gorgeous last night, but tonight you’ve blown last night out of the water,” he whispers in my ear before leaning in to kiss me.

I blush a bit saying, “Well, thank you kind sir.  You look very handsome yourself in that suit.” We say goodnight to the kids and Rick makes sure to let them know that we’ll be out late.

As we leave the house I’m curious to see where he’s taking me.  It’s not long before we turn to go up the steps to the townhouse.  I give him a look. “The five star restaurant is in your office?” I ask. 

He laughs, saying, “Not exactly.  Just wait and see.”

We go up several sets of stairs, up higher than I’ve been in the townhome before.  Soon we enter what seems to be an attic bedroom. I eye Rick thinking that even he isn’t quite this bold when he continues pulling me over to the set of double doors on the outside wall.  He opens them and we exit to a rooftop balcony with a view of Alexandria laid out before us. There is a small table with 2 chairs and a candle lit in the middle. I walk over to the railing, leaning against it while looking out at the community, saying, “I had no idea there were balconies up here.  Look at this view!” Rick steps up behind me, sliding his hands around my waist. While saying, “I am looking,” he kisses my neck, “It’s a fantastic view.” I turn and give him a look which he takes advantage of to lean in and give me a heated kiss.

He then turns and gestures to the table.  “Can I welcome you to Cafe’ Alexandria? Take a seat and enjoy this evening of romance!”  He leads me over to the table and pulls the chair out while I take a seat and then seats himself on the other side.  Immediately after, Olivia comes out with an apron on, delivering a salad to us both. “Olivia, how are you?” I ask. “When did you get pulled into this?”

She laughs and says, “Hey, anything to help love get a fair chance around here.  I’ll be back when you’re done with this.” She retreats into the house leaving us alone on the balcony.

Dinner is very enjoyable.  Olivia comes out with the main course followed not long after by dessert as Rick and I talk about everything and nothing.  Once we’ve finished, Olivia clears the plates away while Rick stands up and goes to a small stereo. ‘All of Me’ by John Legend begins to play.  Rick walks over and extends a hand to me. “Dance with me?” he asks.

I stand and he pulls me into his arms and we slow dance around the small space the balcony provides.  The darkness has completely descended by now and it feels like we’re the only people left on earth as we sway to the music.

Soon the swaying has decreased as we are doing more kissing than dancing.  With a fiery look, Rick takes me by the hand and leads me into the bedroom.  

I get home very, very late that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So, Rick and Sandi are attempting to have a normal dating life as they build this relationship.  How do you think they’ve done so far? I hope you enjoy! It will likely be next weekend for the next update again.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter please consider giving me some feedback!


	39. Moving Day?

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

The next morning, I miss my normal routine.  I actually sleep in a bit longer than normal and wake when I feel the sun beginning to stream through the window as it rises.  I stretch, working all the kinks out. I slept like the dead last night. I pause and then chuckle to myself. No, scratch that.  I slept better than the dead, at least nowadays. Old world, old terms that I haven’t quite banished from my mind yet. Obviously the dead don’t sleep anymore.

I huff a laugh at myself and my internally rambling mind as I pull myself up and out of bed.  Even though I managed to sleep a little longer, I still didn’t get a full night because of how late I got in.  However, I have a lot to do if I’m going to be ready to travel tomorrow morning and begin our Charter negotiations. 

When I reach the kitchen, I realize that I still beat the kids up and I’m only about ½ hour later than normal.  I mix up my hot chocolate and head for the swing. Better late than never, and I like my little morning routine.

Not long after I take up my spot on the swing, I see Rick walking this way--he must be returning from his rounds.  It doesn’t look like he slept in, even though he was out just as late as I was. He sees me and turns up the sidewalk toward me, taking the stairs two at a time and drops down beside me on the swing, giving me a quick kiss.

“Morning.  You’re behind schedule,” he says.  “Sleep in?”

I huff a laugh at him, saying, “You know exactly why I slept in longer today.  Don’t you ever sleep in? You were out as late as I was.”

He says, “No, I wake up at the same time every day no matter what time I get to bed the night before.  Always have.” He puts his arm around me and pulls me in close with a squeeze.

“Hmmm.  Have you spoken to all the co-project managers?  They know you’re leaving tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he confirms.  “They’re ready and they know it’ll be at least two weeks.  I just have a few things to finish today and I’ll be ready.”

I say, “Yeah, I spoke to Michonne, Daryl, Abraham, Sasha, Tara & Rosita about keeping an eye on the kids.”  He looks at me with amusement, saying, “All of them?”

I say, “Yes.  All of them. I need to make sure they all are keeping an eye out.  The kids and I have also reviewed precautions and security and I’m gonna prep them some meals so things will be easy for them.”  I pause and then look at him. “I really hate leaving them behind for this long.”

He squeezes me and says, “I know.  But you know they’re safer here than out on the road with us and this was their choice.  Everyone is going to be looking out for them and they can protect themselves as well. If we get this charter off the ground, once the communities are aligned, maybe we can get the roads safer as well.”  I nod and lay my head on his shoulder as he holds me tightly to him. I know all of this, but it still helps to hear it again from him.

“I have something else that might help,” he says as leans down to grab something.

“What?” I ask.

He sits back up and extends two walkies out to me.  I look at them and then back up at him with wide eyes.  “Are those?”

He nods.  “Long range walkies, courtesy of the saviors.  We’ll take one and leave the other one with the kids.  We can check on them every night, although I’m not sure it’ll reach while we’re at the Farming Outpost.”

I’m speechless.  This means so much, that he’d find these to ease my fear.  I launch myself at him, hugging and kissing him with enthusiasm.  He laughs and then goes silent as our kiss deepens.

Eventually I pull back and ask, “Where did you find them?  I looked everywhere.”

He grins at me, saying, “It wasn’t easy.  Too many people with their fingers in the pantry trying to claim the stuff we brought back from the Sanctuary.  Olivia has tightened down the access now. But I finally tracked them down at Rachel’s house.”

I scrunch up my nose in confusion.  “Rachel’s house? Why would she have them?”

“She wanted them for her son, he’d been asking for some walkie talkies to use when he and his friends played.  They got put in the pantry by mistake. When I explained to her that they weren’t normal walkies and that we needed them to communicate with the other communities, she handed them over immediately.  I found her some normal short-range walkies though and her son was happy.”

“Huh,” I reply.  I would never have thought to look for them at Rachel’s house of all places.” 

 

We soon had to get moving, get everything done that was on our lists for the day.  I invited him to bring Carl and Judy over for breakfast although I probably didn’t have to issue the invite anymore.  They’d been coming over for breakfast almost every morning since Annie’s birthday.

Over a breakfast of pancakes, Rick and I both reiterate all of our safety instructions to all of the kids who mostly humor us--I only see a couple of eye rolls from the girls.  When we’re done, we pull out the walkies and give them instructions on how to use it and what time we’ll be checking in each night. They won’t admit it, but I swear I see some relief on their faces with the knowledge that I’d be checking in with them each night.  I know it makes me feel much better.

Once breakfast is over, the kids retreat to the living room with Judy after they help clear the table.  Rick comes into the kitchen to help me finish up the dishes. Soon we have them all cleaned up and we walk together back to the living room in time to see the front door open and Carl walk in carrying one end of a mattress while Annie follows with the other end.  Kayla follows carrying parts of a bed frame with Jordan.

“What are you doing?”  I ask with surprise.

Jordan responds with enthusiasm, “We’re moving Carl and Judy’s stuff.  Carl’s gonna share a room with me Mom, isn’t that cool?”

My gaze immediately shoots to Rick accusingly.  He puts his hands up in surrender, saying, “Don’t look at me.  I have no idea what’s going on.”

Annie says, “Why would Rick know?  We just decided this like 5 minutes ago and he wasn’t even in the room.”

My gaze pins on Annie now.  “Decided what exactly?”

She shrugs.  “Well, we got to talking while you were finishing up in the kitchen.  We promised Rick we’d help Carl keep an eye on Judy. And Carl promised you he’d help keep an eye on us.  We decided it’d be much easier for all of us if we just move Carl & Judy over here while you’re gone.”

Kayla adds, “It’ll be a lot  easier for us to keep track of everyone if we’re all in one house.  Especially at night. That way we can all be here when you call on the walkie too.”  

Carl starts walking up the stairs, pulling the mattress and Annie behind him.  He calls down, “Yeah, this’ll be way easier. Plus I get a cool roommate,” he says as he grins at Jordan.  Soon Annie, Carl, Kayla and Jordan all disappear up the stairs. I turn to look at Kira who says, “Yeah, we all agreed it would be better this way.  There’s that small room between the master bedroom and mine that will be perfect for Judy.” The other kids come running back down the stairs. Carl looks at Rick and asks, “Dad, can you take apart Judy’s crib to move?  I’m afraid I’ll break it and you’re much better at that kind of thing.”

I ask, “Judy’s crib?  Why don’t you just use her pack n play?  It’s much easier to transport.”

Carl shakes his head saying, “If it was just a couple nights that’d work, but she sleeps much better in her crib and I don’t want to be up with her a lot in the night.  Dad? Can you help?”

Rick nods at him, “Yeah, I can do that as long as it’s OK with Sandi.”  He looks at me for permission. At this I relax. He’s not trying to pull something over on me, this is truly driven by the kids.

Kayla asks, “Why wouldn’t it be OK with Mom?”  She looks at me. “You’re OK with this, right Mom?  Anything to make it easier to keep us safe, right?”  

I nod my head, agreeing.  “Yes, if it’ll make you all feel safer then I’m fine with it.  But why are you doing it today? We don’t leave till tomorrow.”  I look at Carl and continue, “You’re going to leave your Dad all alone tonight?”

He scoffs at this.  “Dad’ll be fine, Daryl and Michonne will still be at the house.  But he can sleep on the couch over here if he’s lonely. Plus, I need him to do the crib before he leaves, I’m afraid I’ll break it.  He’s really good at that stuff.”

Rick huffs out a laugh at this.  “It’s not that I’m that much better, it’s that you don’t have any patience and try to force it which leads to things being broken.”  He then looks over at me, saying, “I’m afraid I  _ will _ be lonely tonight, I’ll take Carl up on the offer of the couch if you’re OK with that?”  I roll my eyes at him, but still nod and agree. He knows there’s no way I can tell him no without the kids asking too many questions.

He and Carl go over to work on Judy’s crib disassembly while Kira, Annie, Kayla and Jordan finish up hauling over the pieces of Carl’s bed.  I take Judy into the kitchen with me and put her in her booster seat to play with some stacking cups while I put together some meals for the kids while we’re gone.  Soon, everything is moved and assembled and I finish up my work in the kitchen. Jordan is anxious for me to see the setup of the room he and Carl are sharing, so I take Judy upstairs with me to inspect the attic room.  Rick walks out of Judy’s room where he’s been reassembling the crib and follows us to the attic.

 

Jordan very proudly shows off his bed in one corner of the room and Carl’s on the other side.  They’ve already made the bed and everything looks ready to go. Rick and I compliment Jordan & Carl on their efforts.  

Rick takes me downstairs to show me Judy’s room.  He has the crib together and the bedding put on it.  The changing table is set up next to the crib. He’s even moved the rocking chair over and put it in one corner and her toy box in the other.  I look up at him. “The toy box too?” He nods, saying, “She’s gonna want her toys while she’s here, easier to just bring the whole lot.”  

He walks up behind me putting his hand on Judy’s head and dropping a kiss on her cheek before continuing.  “It’s better if they don’t have to run back and forth for stuff they find they need.” He pauses and looks me in the eye.  “Besides, the more settled in they are and the more comfortable they get here together, the better. I was very up-front with you about my end goal.  The whole family, under one roof.” I’m very aware that he’s thrilled at this development, that’s he’s taking advantage of the opening the kids gave him.

I say, “I thought we were going to make that decision together.”  He steps forward and I end up with the wall at my back. He takes Judy from my arms and puts her on the floor by her toys which thrills her.  Rick turns back to me, leaning forward to place both hands on the wall to either side of me. He leans in close, saying, “Yes. The plan is to make these decisions together.  But that doesn’t mean I won’t take advantage of opportunities like this to show you how we could all be together, how right it is for us all to be under one roof. I never promised to stop working toward that goal, in fact, I warned you I’d still be pushing for it.”  He leans down and nuzzles his face into my neck and kisses up the side of my neck and face to my lips. “Did I misrepresent my intentions?” he asks.

“No.  You were very clear about that,” I admit.  He kisses me then, a deeper kiss than before.  As he pulls back, he asks, “Then we don’t have a problem, right?”

I huff out a laugh.  Oh, there are so many potential problems we could have with this, but for now I guess not.  “No,” I say. “No problems for now.” He smiles and kisses me again. Jordan, Kira and Carl walk by then and proceed to heckle us.  “Ooooh, stop kissing.” “Yuck.” “Gross.” 

Rick laughs and turns around, “Hey, we warned you there would be kissing.  Especially if we’re all in the same house, that leaves more opportunity.” He leans down and gives me a peck on the lips, just to rile them up.  They all groan and we soon hear them running down the stairs to get away.

I pick up Judy and as we walk down the stairs I say,  “You don’t have a baby gate, do you? Soon she’s going to be moving all over, I’d hate for her to fall down the stairs.”

Rick replies, “I think I know where to get one, I’ll find it and get it installed today.”  I nod as I carry Judy into the living room where the kids are.

 

Later that evening, we’ve finished up dinner and I’ve just gotten the kitchen cleaned up while Rick is getting his rounds completed.  I take Judy upstairs to get her ready for bed while the kids are finishing up a movie. I have to admit it is very nice to have the rocking chair and everything set up as I rock her to sleep.  I look around her room seeing how everything fits like it was made to be her room. Tonight went amazingly well, the kids and Rick blended together and interacted well...almost like we’ve been a family together forever.  He was very patient with Jordan every time he wanted him to ‘just watch this real quick.’ He took the time to watch, each time he asked. Even I don’t have the patience for that, I chuckle to myself. He and Kayla and Annie had some in-depth discussions and he treats them like adults, not like kids.  He encouraged Kira to sing for him when she was testing a new song she was writing. When she realized he was there, she got nervous, but he coaxed her out of it and had her singing and working on her music in front of him in no-time. She even solicited his opinion a few times. He really is a good guy and I felt my heart falling for him just a little more tonight after watching him interact with my children.

Soon Judy is asleep and I get her settled in her crib for the night.  I grab some blankets and a pillow before I go downstairs to nudge the kids to their own beds.  We’re leaving early tomorrow and I’d like to get to bed myself. As I get to the living room, the kids are just starting to head toward the stairs.  I see Rick there with them, nudging them along. I walk over to the couch and place the blankets and pillow on it.

Rick walks over and grabs my hand, saying, “I already locked things up when I came in and was just reminding the kids we’re leaving early and convincing them to head to bed.”

I smile as I see the last one disappear up the stairs.  “Good, that’s what I was just going to do.” He leans down and kisses me.  “We make a good team. Judy already in bed?” he asks.

“Yes, she was out pretty quick.  Busy day tired her out. I guess I should check in on the kids, make sure they’re all settled, and get to bed myself,” I say.

He follows me to the stairs and turns out the lights as we start walking up them.  “I’m gonna go check on Judy first as well.” I nod and continue up the stairs as I wonder why he turned the lights off downstairs.  He realizes he’s sleeping on the couch, right?

On the way to Judy’s room, I poke my head into Kira, Annie and Kayla’s rooms.  Rick and I tell them all goodnight to which they reply sleepily. Rick pokes his head into Judy’s room and kisses her goodnight softly as she sleeps in her crib.  Then we head up to the attic to check on the boys. Conner smiles as I come in to kiss him goodnight while Rick talks to Carl and wishes him goodnight. I then walk over to Carl to say goodnight.  “Don’t I get a kiss too?” Carl complains. I laugh, saying, “Of course, if you want one. I didn’t know if you were too old for that kind of thing.” I lean over and drop a kiss on his cheek. He smiles back at me and says, “Dad says you’re never too old for kisses from your folks, right Dad?”

Rick nods at him slowly.  “Yes, that’s right.”

Tears come to my eyes.  Carl just claimed me and it makes my heart swell.  I blink the tears back, boys don’t like that kind of thing and I don’t want to ruin it by being all emotional about it.  I decide it’s time for some humor, so I lean down and plant another kiss on his cheek, followed by a loud zerbert as I press my mouth to his check and blow.  He shoots up in bed, saying, “Hey!”

I laugh and say, “Well, if you’re getting kisses, you have to get zerberts too!  That’s the way it works, right Jordan?” I glance over at Jordan who is giggling at the sight of Carl wiping off his cheek in a dramatic, disgusted teenage boy fashion.

“Yep!”  Jordan confirms.  “Do me, do me!” he begs.  I run over to him, pinning him to the bed and pull his covers down so I can attack his stomach.  Zerberts work much better there, and I get him good as he rolls around giggling. Rick walks up behind me, saying, “Wait.  I need to learn the ways of this zerbert.” He leans down and holds Jordan down while dropping a large zerbert on his stomach.  Carl starts laughing and Jordan wiggles around with glee as Rick gets him a few more times. He pulls back and says, “Goodnight boys,” as he draws me away to the stairs.

“Goodnight, love you!” I say as we start down the stairs.

“Night!”

“Love you too!” they shout down at us as we leave.  I’m still smiling as Rick leads me to my bedroom door and pulls me through, shutting the door.  He pulls me into his arms, looks down at me and says, “You’re not really going to make me sleep on the couch, are you?”

I should have been prepared for this.  I knew he was going to push, he warned me he would.  I put my hand up to the side of his head and say, “I don’t know if the kids are ready to find us sharing a room, they still gag every time they see us kiss.”  I chuckle at this and he joins me, laughing at the kids reaction every time we kiss in front of them.

“They don’t even have to know I’m here.  I’ll be gone before they wake up in the morning.”

“But what if…”I start to say, but he interrupts, saying, “I always wake up early.  You know that. I’ll be gone before they have any idea I’m here. Let me hold you tonight.”

I weaken.  He does always wake before everyone and as nice as the times we’ve managed to spend together over the last several days has been, it would be even nicer to not have to rush.  Plus the thought of being able to be in his arms all night has me lessening my resolve. 

He continues, “Besides, Carl already thinks of you as a parental figure from his comments tonight.  I think they may all surprise us on how accepting they’ll be of us taking the next steps.”

I look into his eyes, “Are you OK with that?  I know it was a surprise,” I say.

His face breaks into a beaming smile.  “I’m more than OK with it. I’m so proud of him, to take the first step like that, to initiate that change.  It was a brave thing to do. And you,” he leans down to kiss me, “you had the perfect reaction to him. It made him relax and know everything will be OK between you two.  That you accept the position he’s given you. Thank you.” He kisses me again.

I tell him, “Of course I accept it, it thrills me that he’d trust me enough for that.  I’ll do my best for him, to be there for him. I hope my kids will do the same for you soon.”

He smiles and says, “I’m not worried about it.  It’s on their timeline, you can’t rush that kind of thing.  As much as they pretend to gag at our kissing, they’ve accepted that we’re together and that’s enough for me.”

At this point I know I’m not going to send him away, so I take him by the hand and lead him over to the bed.  When we get there, he grins at me and we take advantage of having the whole night together as we tumble into bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, almost three weeks for an update, gah!  I greatly underestimated how much time I would have to write between work and getting the kids ready to go back to school and then school starting.  That first week of school seemed about three weeks long! I’ll try to do better for the next update, I hope for next weekend, but no promises this time. 
> 
> Rick and Sandi are still working their way through this relationship.  What do you think of the kids decision to move in together while they were gone?  I thought Sandi was going to kill Rick there for a minute. :) They are doing a better job of communicating though and he is checking with her first before rushing in, even if he still pushes when he gets the opportunity to do so, I would say they are making progress!  I can’t wait to see what happens as they are gone for two weeks.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter please consider giving me some feedback!


	40. Falling

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

The next morning dawns bright and clear.  I blink as I wake up and realize Rick is gone.  I vaguely remember him kissing me goodbye and helping me put on my big t-shirt before he left on his rounds.  I stretch as I ponder how good it felt to be in his arms all night. I can’t regret letting him stay and he kept his promise to be gone by the time the kids got up.

Just as I’m indulging myself in some memories of the night, my door bursts open and Kayla comes in carrying Judy, followed by Annie, Kira and Jordan.  They all head toward me in the bed when Jordan turns around and says, “Carl, come on, we caught Mom in bed. She’s always up before us, we beat her this morning!”  

Carl slowly walks in behind them, looking a bit unsure as the rest of the kids pounce on the bed.  Kayla plops Judy by me and Judy quickly joins the spirit of things and bounces by me while the rest of the kids bounce around.  I quickly sit up and pull Judy onto my lap to semi-safety while Jordan grabs Carl and pulls him down. Carl bounces once and then starts to laugh with the rest of them.

“Watch out Carl.  These kids will pull you into their shenanigans.  You’re gonna have to keep them out of trouble while I’m gone!” I say.  He continues to laugh as Kira pelts him with all the pillows she can find.  Jordan joins him in fighting back and soon we have a full-fledged pillow fight going on.  Judy and I scrunch back against the head of the bed to avoid most of the action. Just then, Rick walks in, back from his rounds.  He looks at the sight before him with a bemused look on his face, saying, “So this is what all the commotion is.” Just then, one of the pillows goes flying toward him, on track to hit him in the face.  He plucks it out of the air while all the kids freeze, realizing they almost hit him. The air is full of suspense as they wait for his reaction. He then chuckles and launches the pillow at Carl, hitting him squarely in the face.  Carl grabs it and jumps up to attack and soon the rest of the kids follow, all trying to take Rick down. Judy shrieks with entertainment, watching the fight intensely. He fights valiantly, but soon collapses on the bed, taken down by the kids.  I laugh down into his eyes as he grins at me and says, “OK, Uncle, I surrender. You all are vicious. I have no doubts you can protect each other and this house while we’re gone.”

The older kids celebrate, raising their hands in victory, until they finally collapse on the bed as well.  Everyone lies there relaxing after the effort.  

After some time, Rick looks up at me and asks, “You all ready to go?”  

I laugh.  “Somehow, I’m running late this morning.  It won’t take me long to get ready though.”  

He grins back at me.  “I have just a few things to grab as well, but I’ll be quick.”

Just then, Judy lets out a cry.  We all know that cry, it’s her ‘Why aren’t you people feeding me my breakfast’ cry.  All of us laugh and Carl stands and picks her up. “Our Judy timer is up. Dad, you can grab your stuff, I’ll get her fed.”  He heads out the door to take her to find breakfast. Rick gets up saying, “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” and follows after him.

I stretch again and the light catches on my wedding ring and reflects rainbows across the wall.  “Woah, cool, look at the reflection from Mom’s ring,” Kira says. The girls all ooh and awe over the rainbows displaying across the wall. Jordan looks and says, “Yeah, that’s kinda cool.”

Meanwhile, I’m looking down at my ring contemplatively.  I honestly had forgotten about it, it’s been a part of me for so long I don’t even notice it anymore.  I’ve worn it for 23 years of marriage and almost another year since Dave’s been gone. It strikes me that since things have changed with Rick and I, since we’re exploring this relationship, I should probably consider taking it off.  I look up and meet Kayla’s eyes. She’s looking contemplative as well.

“Mom,” she says.  “You’re dating Rick now.  It’s OK if you need to take it off.  We all know how much you loved Dad. You don’t need a ring to prove it.”

It’s surprising how in tune the kids can be sometimes.  I look at the other three who are nodding in agreement. “Yeah, Kayla’s right.  Dad wouldn’t mind. He’d want you to be happy again,” Kira says. Tears are in my eyes when I ask, “Are you sure?  I wouldn’t want to lose it, though.”

Annie says, “Yeah, we’re sure.”  Kayla says, “You should give it to Kira.  She and Dad were really close and she should have it.”  I look at them all to verify they are OK with this. Jordan couldn’t look less interested in the fate of the ring.  I reach down and pull my ring off. It takes a little effort, it’s settled into its spot after so many years, but slowly pops over my knuckle and I hand it to Kira.  She slides it onto her right ring finger and puts her hand on mine. “I’ll keep it safe Mom. I promise.” I nod and we have a bit of a group hug briefly. “Now get down and get breakfast you crazies,” I say.  “I need to get ready quickly, Rick’s going to be back and ready to go and we’ll all still be sitting in this bed!”

They laugh and head out the door to join Carl and Judy for breakfast.

It doesn’t take me long to be ready.  After getting dressed, I just have to add a few items to my mostly packed bag and then I go downstairs to join the kids for breakfast.  Just as I get to the bottom of the stairs Rick walks back in the house with his bag. He sets it on the couch and I walk over and set mine there as well.  I notice the rumpled blanket and pillow and smirk at him as I pick up the blanket and fold it. He left convincing evidence behind for the kids. He drops a kiss on my lips, saying, “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.  Let me just grab something to eat real quick and we can get going.”

We join the kids in the kitchen for oatmeal they’ve already cooked.  It doesn’t take long to eat. I start to clear the dishes when Annie says, “Stop Mom.  We’ve got this. You guys need to get on the road.” I set my bowl back down with tears already in my eyes.  I walk over and give Annie a big hug. “I’ll miss you. Remember what I’ve told you all.” She squeezes back.  “You’ve told us a million times, we’ll remember.” I turn to Kira, saying, “Be good. Stay with your sisters.” She assures me she will.  I hug Kayla, saying, “I guess this makes you in charge. Take care of them all.” She says, “I will Mom. Love you.” I grab Jordan and squeeze.  “You be careful and mind your sisters and Carl. If they tell you to do something, then you do it.” He nods, “I will, I promise Mom.” I walk to where Carl holds Judy as Rick is just finishing up saying his goodbyes to them.  I put my arms around them both and squeeze them tight. Judy laughs and Carl squeezes back just as tight as he can with his one free arm. “I’m counting on you to keep them all in line Carl,” I say as I throw a laughing glance at my kids who are rolling their eyes at me.  “No big parties,” I say jokingly as I pull back. The girls “awww” in chorus as if they had one planned for the minute we left. I laugh, I know my kids. Partiers they are not.

I walk over and join Rick by the door.  He has both of our packs in his hands. I remind the kids, motioning to the walkie that’s on the mantle.  “Remember, we’ll check in at 8pm each night. Make sure you have it on then, but turn it off in between to conserve batteries.  I love you all, I’ll talk to you tonight.”

Rick reiterates, “Make sure you follow what Daryl and Michonne tell you to do.  Lock the doors at night and stay safe. Love you.”

They all chorus, “Love you, travel safe,” back at us and finally we are out the door, walking to the front gate.  We say goodbye to Michonne and Abraham on the way out.

We’re taking a small car rather than my van on this trip to better conserve gas.  Daryl approaches as we leave the gates and walk outside to the car. “I got it all loaded up ‘ith the ammunition for the Farmin’ Outpost.  Ya two be careful and stay safe,” Daryl says as he claps Rick on the shoulder.

I face Daryl, saying, “We will.  Thanks for watching over the kids.  It means a lot.”

Rick says, “Yeah, you know that’s everything to us,” as he clasps him on the shoulder as well.

Daryl nods, saying, “Not a problem,” and disappears back through the gates.

 

We are soon loaded up and on the road with Rick driving this time.  I enjoy the ability to just relax and watch the world go by outside the window.  The first fifteen minutes pass in silence, although I feel his gaze on me several times.  Finally he reaches out and grabs my left hand which is closest to him. He holds it up, displaying the white line on my finger where my ring used to be.  “Where’s your ring,” he asks as he shifts my hand to lace his fingers through mine and rests them on the console between us. I laugh to myself. I should have known he’d notice quickly.  He’s always had an eye for detail.

“I gave it to Kira.  It just seemed time and the kids encouraged me to take it off this morning so I could move on.”

He stares at me for a moment before resuming his view of the road.  Then he cracks a smile and glances at me again. “Did they? It seems they’re plotting together then.”

I look at him in surprise.  “What do you mean? Plotting?”

He unlaces his fingers from mine, moving that hand to hold the wheel and then lifts his left hand to display his own white line on his ring finger where his wedding band used to be.  He says, “Carl suggested I remove mine this morning as well. I passed it on to him. You don’t think that’s coincidence, do you? Like I said, plotting.” He swaps hands again and reaches down to grab my hand bringing it up to his lips, kissing my finger where my ring used to be, before lacing our fingers again.  “In this case, I’m in full agreement with their plotting, so I have no objections,” he says, “as long as you truly were ready to remove it. If not, well, we’ll retrieve it when we get back. You take it off when you’re ready, not when the kids think you should be ready.” He gives me an intense look at this, demonstrating his willingness to give me the time I need.

I smile back at him and squeeze his hand.  “How’d I get so lucky to find you? You are amazingly patient with me.”  

He laughs at me, saying, “I thought I was pushy and waited too loudly?”

I chuckle.  “Well, yes, you do that as well.  But I do understand why you push and you back off if I put my foot down.  But on the really important things, you’re willing to wait for me to get there myself.  I do appreciate that.” I lean over and kiss him on the cheek. “But you don’t have to worry on this one.  I was already thinking I should take it off when the kids talked to me about it. I’m fine. Do you really think they planned this together though?”

“Glad to hear it.  It takes us a step closer and that makes me happy.  And, yeah, I’m pretty sure they planned this.” He glances at me.  “It’s good though, it means they want us to be together. That’s a good thing, right?”

I think about it.  “Yeah, I think it’s good, I just hope they don’t stick their fingers in between us too much.  We’re fully capable of working through things ourselves.” I smile at him and he smiles back. “Do you think moving Judy and Carl over was something else they plotted?  Or they truly just wanted to make things easier while we’re gone?”

He shakes his head in amusement.  “I’m not sure, but I do know we’re going to have to be on our toes around them.  Have a united front.”

I nod, contemplating what other schemes they could have up their sleeves.  “Oh my,” I say in realization. He looks at me inquiringly. “This trip. They all wanted to stay home, didn’t want to come.  I don’t know about Carl, but that’s strange for my kids. They’re usually up for adventure. I figured they may just be tired after the war and the traveling we did before and after, want routine, but…”

He says, “You think they wanted us to go alone?”

I’m thinking.  “Maybe,” I say.  “I’m not sure now.  Man, I’m going to be double thinking everything they suggest now, looking for hidden meanings.  We’re gonna have to keep an eye on Judy, make sure they don’t teach her their ways.” I laugh over at him and he grins back.  Then his face turns serious and he squeezes my hand hard. “What?” I ask at the abrupt change.

“I’ve been meaning to bring this up, but I just never found the right time.”

I look at him, puzzled.  “Bring what up?”

“Judy,” he replies.

I’m really confused now.  “What about her?”

“I told you about Lori, about Shane.  About how they were together when they thought I was dead?”  He looks over at me and I nod.

“I know Judith isn’t mine,” he says, “I know it.

I love her.  She’s my daughter.  But she isn’t mine. I had to accept that.  I did. So I could keep her alive.

I’ll die before she does, and I hope that’s a long time from now so I can raise her, protect her, and teach her how to survive.”  He looks over at me. “I need to know if you can accept it too. If you can treat her like your own, like you treat Carl, knowing that she isn’t biologically mine.”

He stops the car and parks, shifting to face me, to look at me.  I’m still just staring at him in surprise. I should have known. He gave me all the pieces before, I should have put it together.  He continues, “I think I know the answer, I... _hope_ I know your answer.  But I need to hear it.  Can you treat her the same as the others?  Raise her like your own?”

I reach over and grab his other hand, holding them both in mine.  “Rick, I already love Judy. She and I have loved each other from the day I met her.  We have a connection, and who her biological parents are don’t affect that in the slightest.”  He breathes out a sigh of relief and squeezes my hands. I continue, “I suppose I should have put that together from what you told me before, what you told me about Shane and Lori.  It just never crossed my mind. You know why? Because you are so much Judith’s father that it never even dawned on me that she might not be yours, not once. Regardless of biology, she’s yours.”

He leans over and kisses me and then rests his forehead on mine.  “Thank you.”

“Of course, there isn’t any other answer,” I respond.  “And you _will_ absolutely be around for her, to teach her.  We both will. We’re going to make this a better world for her, for _all_ the kids.”  After a few more minutes of holding each other and reassuring him that his revelation hasn’t changed anything between us, we resume our journey, hand in hand and consolidated in purpose.

 

Soon we arrive at The Kingdom and are met by the King’s riders.  We secure the car and haul our stuff in to be met by King Ezekiel and Carol.  “Welcome, our friends and allies from Alexandria,” King Ezekiel declares, pulling us each into a bear hug.  Our greeting from Carol is quieter but no less enthusiastic. I’m glad to see my friend and we catch up as we all walk into the main courtyard of The Kingdom.  Soon, King Ezekiel leaves us with Carol to show us to our rooms.  

Carol gives us a playful glance.  “So, I’m not trying to pry, but I need to know for the sake of accommodation,” she says as we walk into the building they house their visitors in.  Rick and I share a puzzled look and I look at Carol inquiringly.

She laughs and continues, “Do you need one room or two?”  Woah. There it is, in black and white. Rick huffs out a laugh and looking at me, says, “It’s up to Sandi.”

Carol pats him on the shoulder, saying, “Good man.  It’s always better to leave it up to your partner.” She looks over at me.  “Sandi? What’ll it be?”

I can just feel the blush taking over my face.  It doesn’t matter that she already knew that we were exploring a relationship, I feel exposed.  I glance at Rick. I can see the hope in his eyes, but also his acceptance of whatever my decision is.  Surprisingly, he isn’t pushing this time.

What the hell.  Like he’d stay in his own room if he has one. I’m already blushing so I may as well add to it.

“Just the one is fine,” I say.  Rick beams and Carol grins. Luckily neither of them say anything to compound my embarrassment as Carol leads us to a fairly large corner room.  She shows us where everything is, tells us when and where dinner will be in several hours, tells us to feel free to explore the community and leaves us alone in the room to get settled.  I wander over to the window, looking out over the view of The Kingdom, people rushing around below.

Rick quickly sets our bags down and joins me at the window, walking up behind me and sliding his hands around my waist, nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck.  I lean my head back on his shoulder to look up at him and he leans down to kiss me. “Thank you,” he murmurs between kisses. He pulls back and looks me in the eye.  “I know that was a big leap for you, tantamount to a declaration. Thank you for trusting me and sharing a room with me.”

I turn around in his arms and reach my arms up around his neck, giving him a big kiss.  I pull back so I can see his face, saying, “I don’t know what it is about you, you have me doing things that are out of character for me.”  I pause and hesitantly look deep into his eyes. “I think I’m falling in love with you,” I whisper.

He looks at me solemnly at that.  He pulls me closer, kissing me deeply.  When he pulls back and looks at me, he says, “I’ve already fallen.  I’m totally, completely, in love with you Sandi,” he admits. “If you take this leap with me, I’ll catch you, I promise.  I’ll never let you fall without being there to catch you,” he vows. My heart pounds, how did this happen so quickly? I mean, yes, we had the spark, but this was even deeper than that.  I pull him down for another kiss, telling him through the kiss that I accept his love. I don't have words right now, but I can tell him this way. He tells me how much through his kiss and I reciprocate.  Soon, we find ourselves expressing our love, our commitment to one another in bed. Our lovemaking is the most intense it’s ever been with the heightened emotions we’re expressing. It’s a tender, fragile thing, but we strengthen it with our actions and open emotions.  We show each other our vulnerability and then take the time to reassure each other that their love is safe in our hands. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt. I’m in awe at this intimacy, this love we’re building. Together. Every step of the way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think, are the kids plotting?  I hope you enjoy! It will likely be next weekend for the next update again.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more.  If you liked this chapter please consider giving me some feedback!


	41. Board Games

**_Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters_ **

What feels like hours later, I startle awake in Rick’s arms where we had fallen asleep in bed.  It takes me a few minutes to remember where we are and Rick starts stirring as well--I probably woke him up.  Before I can move, he pulls me closer within his arms and gives me a small peck on the lips. “We fell asleep, huh?” he asks.  

 

I nod.  “Yeah, it’s all good though.  It’s nice to not have to rush around to be anywhere.  But, we’d better take advantage of all our time here. Go out and mingle with the people.”  I grin down at him as I start moving to get up. Rick pulls me back and I land on his chest.  I look at him inquiringly. He stares intently back at me and his face is serious. Oh no. I don’t think I can do serious right now.  I try to joke. “What?” I laugh at him. “You so comfy you can’t get up now?” I continue laughing as I continue trying to pull away to get up and away from the serious look in his eyes.

 

He grabs both of my arms and holds me in place above his chest, meeting my eyes with his serious look. 

“Stop joking around,” he says.  “I know you’re still getting comfortable with all of this.  That was a huge step today, openly sharing a room and admitting you have feelings.  I just want to make sure we’re still on the same page and you aren’t running off scared to get a separate room now.”

 

I scoff.  “No, I’m not running off to get a separate room.”  He stares deep into my eyes and I sigh. “OK, fine, it’s a little too intense for me right now. I need a little bit of space.  But not so I can run away, but just to give me a bit to get used to the change in dynamic.” He looks understanding, so I dive in. “I’m not taking back anything I said or did. This isn’t five steps back,” I insist.  “It’s just a pause to let me catch up a bit, catch my breath. To let us go talk to people and do the jobs we came here to do.”

 

He leans up and kisses me.  When he lays his head back down on the pillow, he’s more relaxed and his hands loosen their grip on my arms.  “OK, I can understand that. As long as you’ll be back here tonight with me, then I’m fine with that. Just talk to me, and we’ll be fine.  Let’s go meet the people, do our jobs.”

I give him a small smile and nod and get up so we can get dressed and mingle and learn more about The Kingdom and what their people do that we could learn from them; find out what they might want in the charter.

 

After we leave our room, we found it was early afternoon and we hadn’t slept as long as we’d thought.  We visited with people in the square and learned more about the community. Rather than separating and going our different ways to complete our separate tasks, Rick and I ended up not straying too far from each other.  Surprisingly, I found this was enough space for me. I had initially intended to leave him to his studies of their methods and work with people in another area. I figured that’d give me the space I needed for a time, to be able to recenter myself.  Our dynamic keeps changing so fast, it’s hard to keep up--at least for me. I glance at him from the corner of my eye where he’s having an in-depth discussion with their head of farming. He certainly doesn’t seem to have any hesitation regarding where our relationship is heading.  It’s like he has known from the start exactly where we’d end up and is already on board for the ride. I huff out an exasperated sigh with myself. I’ve never been one to move fast when it came to love and relationships. I’m more of a left brain thinker, cautious and strategic. I like to go into things with a plan, know what is expected to happen.  That just doesn’t seem to work between Rick and I. Every time I think I understand what’s happening with us, it shifts. The thing is, I’m a full participant in the shifting nature of our relationship, nothing has happened that I haven’t agreed with at the time. I’m just not very good at sticking to my plans when it comes to Rick. Like telling him I was falling in love with him earlier, what the hell was that?  I shake my head at myself. That was definitely not part of the plan until I had analyzed those feelings, examined and picked them apart and was totally confident in the fact that what I was feeling was, in fact, love. But as usual, unscripted things just fall out of my mouth every time I’m around him. Just like unscripted actions take place whenever he’s around.

As has happened several times, Rick finishes up with the farmer at the same time I finish my discussion regarding the charter with the group I’ve been talking to.  It wasn’t scripted, it wasn’t planned, but each group we’ve been with we have finished up and moved on to the next area together. We’ve been doing our own thing, covering our own agendas, but still seem to be in sync.  Yet somehow, I’m still getting my space that I asked for, having him close by certainly wasn’t preventing me from self-reflection.  

Rick walks over to me, saying, “I wanted to speak to their stable master, do you want to talk to the people over there while I do?”  I nod and join him in walking over into the stables. This continues all day until it’s time to meet Carol and the King for dinner. We moved from area to area together like a piece of well-oiled machinery.

 

We walk into the dining room where King Ezekiel is reigning over dinner.  I glance at Rick with a smile, he hasn’t seen The King in action at dinner before.  This should be entertaining. Rick sees me grinning at him, “What?” he asks. I just shake my head and walk toward the head of the table to give Carol a big hug.  He’ll find out soon enough.

“Welcome my friends and allies,” The King declares when he sees us.  “I’m so happy you are here to sup with us this eve. You shall have the seats of honor,” he proclaims while leading us to seats on the right side of him that are more ornate than others.  Rick follows me looking bewildered. I laugh inside. He’s worked with The King planning the war and executing it, but always in Alexandria or out in the fields. Now he’ll really see how he operates.

Dinner is entertaining as I watch the increasingly flabbergasted expressions on his face that coincide with increasingly flamboyant actions from The King.  Gradually, Rick seems to accept King Ezekiel’s behavior and they finally start a conversation about the future of the communities and how they can work together for the good of all.

I meet Carol’s smile with one of my own.  I think we were both quite entertained tonight seeing how these two were going to move through the theatrics to a common agreement.

When dinner is over and the two men are still deep in conversation, I help Carol clear the table with some others.  After we have delivered everything to the kitchen where others were cleaning dishes I ask, “Hey, I was wondering if you have any board games?”

“Board games?”  She seems surprised.  I laugh.

“Yes, any of the old time ones like Clue, Life, Battleship, Sorry?”

“I’m pretty sure I have monopoly.”

I shudder.  “Oh no, no more monopoly.”

She laughs.  “Carl got you too?  He’s a little obsessed with that one.”

“Yeah, he and my kids have made us play it way too often.”

“Well, let’s look and see what we have here.”  We walk down the hallway to a large closet. She pulls out Sorry and Battleship.  “This what you’re looking for?”

“Yes!  This is perfect.”

“Is this another way to distract Rick?”

“No, more of an inside joke.  But, speaking of distractions...”

She gives me an inquiring look, so I continue, “How are you enjoying life with The King?”

She smiles and says, “It’s good.  We’re good. We’ve found a balance and we’re raising Henry together.”

I nudge her with my shoulder saying, “I’m glad.  I’m glad you’ve found someone to make you happy. We all miss you a lot, but if you’re happy then it’s all worth it.”

She nudges me back.  “Same to you. I’m thrilled you’re giving him a chance.  You two are good together.” 

I blush and look down.  “Yeah. Better than I thought.  He’s a good man.”

“One of the best,” Carol confirms.

I stop where I left my bag and slip the games in before we return to the men at the table.  We rejoin the conversation and chat a little bit about The Charter and the conversations I’m having with the people.  They agree to give me more input on what they’d like to see in The Charter tomorrow. Eventually everyone runs out of steam and Rick and I say our goodnights to head back to our room.  I snag my bag on the way out.

Rick grabs my hand and we walk together back to the building our room is in.  While I wait for him to open the door, I lay my head against his shoulder, breathing in his scent and feeling like all's right with the world.  I’m much more settled than I was. Once we go into the room and shut the door, I kick off my shoes and take my bag over to where our stuff is stored.  Rick walks up behind me, sliding his arms around me and hugging me while nuzzling my neck. I take a moment to savor his touch, I truly am addicted.

“Did you get the space you needed?” he asks.  “I know I probably stuck closer than you would have liked.  We weren’t really apart all day except there at the end wherever you and Carol disappeared to.”

I lean my head back and look at him.  “Yes,” I replied, “I got what I needed.  It’s strange, I did plan on leaving you to do your thing and going to another part of the community to start my discussions.  But it just seemed to work even though we were in pretty close proximity. I was able to think even with you there. I guess I’m getting used to having you around, huh?”  I smirk up at him.

He leans down and kisses me.  “Progress then. I’m glad to know I don’t have to completely leave the area for you to have some ‘space’ now.”

I just laugh at him and give him another kiss.  I pull back and grab the walkie from my bag and hold it up to him.  He looks at his watch. “Yep, it’s time to check in with the kids,” he confirms.

We make quick work of checking in with the kids.  We are all relieved that it works, the range is good enough and the kids are happy to hear we arrived safely.  After a bit, we say goodbye and promise to check in the next night.

After I put the walkie back in the bag, Rick grabs my hand and starts leading me over to the bed.  He says, “Well, now that I’ve got you to myself again, I have some great ideas about how to pass the time in our room.”

I start chuckling mischievously as I pull back against him.  He turns to look and see what I’m laughing at and why I’m not following him.  I chortle once he looks at me.

“What?” he asks.

I laugh harder as he pulls me up against him.  I look up at his eyes. “It’s just about your ideas on how to pass the time.  When Carol and I stepped out, I raided her supplies to make sure we were prepared.”

He looks confused now.  I motion with my index finger to indicate I need a minute.  I turn around and walk back to my bag and pull the Sorry! game out of the bag.  I hold it up so he can see it. He looks puzzled and then starts grinning.

“I remembered your plans for passing the time with board games while we were touring the communities.  I made sure we had what we needed,” I say.

He laughs out loud now.  “You know I didn’t really mean for us to play board games…”

I interrupt while placing my hand on my heart in surprise.  “You didn’t mean for us to play board games?” I ask with manufactured shock in my voice.  “I very clearly remember you stating that you thought we could spend extra time together and you had very specific plans for that time by playing board games.”

He gapes at me, unsure whether to take me seriously or not when I bust out laughing hysterically.  Tears stream from my eyes as I gasp for breath. “Oh...my...gosh. You...should see...your face.” I manage to get out the words as I collapse in a chair by the table while I laugh harder.

Rick walks over and swipes the game out of my hands saying, “OK, Miss Smarypants, you got your joke across.”  He heads back to my bag and I call after him, “Wait, where are you going with my game?!”

He turns around, saying, “I’m putting it away so we can get to the real entertainment.”

I straighten up at that.  “No, wait, bring that back!  I want to play it, do you know how long it’s been since I played Sorry?”

He turns around to see if I’m serious.  I am, saying, “No really. We can play at least one game, right?  You did suggest we play.”

He snorts.  “You knew I wasn’t serious about that.”

I shrug.  “Maybe, but I still want to play now.”

He walks back over with the game and sits down across from me while placing the game on the table.  “OK,” he says, “but we need to spice it up a little. How about strip Sorry?”

I stare at him, surprised and then start to laugh.  “Strip Sorry? How would that even work?”

He smirks and proposes, “For every piece you get home, your opponent has to remove an item of clothing.”

I shrug and agree.  “Fine, not that it’ll get you much as far as results.  Four pieces, that’s two shoes and two socks. The only thing you’ll succeed in doing is getting me barefoot!  And that’s IF you manage to get all four of your pieces home before I do.” I grin at him, pleased with my summary.

“Oh no.  Each shoe and sock doesn’t count as an item.  Both may be an item together. Besides, may I point out you already took your shoes off?”

I quickly get up and reach for my shoes when he grabs me before I can reach them and throws the shoes across the room.  “Oh no, that’s cheating. You start with the items you are currently wearing.”

I laugh and return to the table.  “You’re on, bring it on you dirty old man.”  I nod to his boots, “I’m going to insist you lose the boots though so we start out with similar handicaps.”

He agrees and kicks his boots off while I set up the board.

Fairly quickly, I have two pieces in my home spot and Rick is minus socks and shirt.  I eye his chest as I move my 3rd piece closer to home. Strip Sorry is turning out to be a pretty fun game after all. 

Over the next half hour, I have surprising bad luck while Rick’s luck turns for the better--that or I’m just too distracted by his bare chest.  Soon I’m sitting in my bra and pants, having lost my socks and shirt as well. Rick moves his 3rd piece into home and motions to me to deliver the next item of clothing.  I stand up and shimmy out of my pants while Rick watches. “Ya know,” he says, “I think you’re onto something. We need to play more board games.”

I roll my eyes at him.  “Whatever. I’m telling you right now that I’m not playing strip Battleship.”

“You have Battleship?” he asks.  

I nod toward the bag.  “Yeah, in the bag.”

He smirks.  “I’ll sink your battleship good.  Tomorrow night.”

“Uh huh.  Sure.” I move my 3rd piece into home.  “OK, I want those pants,” I declare.

He stands up and removes them, leaving only his boxers.  He rolls the dice and has the luck to roll exactly what he needs to move his 4th piece home.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about!  I win and it’s time for you to lose the bra!”

“Well, if you won, then the games over so…”

He walks around to me, crowding me up against the wall.  “You trying to get out of paying your penalty? Gonna welsh on the wager?”  His hands go around me, flipping my bra strap from behind.

“No, geez.  Stop that, I’ll pay up.”

“I got it,” he says, as unfastens the bra and slides it off.  His fingers follow its path, sliding over my breasts and then lingering.

“Good game,” he murmurs as he leans down to kiss me.

“Mmmm,” I hum in response.  It doesn’t take long before the kissing evolves to more and Rick picks me up and carries me to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry it’s taken me 7 weeks to update! I got sick and ended up missing a week of work. Not the good kind of sick where you can do fun stuff at home either, the kind where you’re laid out flat and can’t even handle reading or watching tv and stuff. After I was well enough to return to work, it took about a month for the cough to go away. I was just lethargic and in recovery mode. Then the writers block hit. I had no idea where to go next after they’d arrived at The Kingdom. I had a plan in mind, I promise, but I think my brain took a hit during that sickness. I’m back now though and have a direction. This chapter is more Rick and Sandi centric. I did get some feedback that I’m spending too much time on just them and need to interact with the rest of the group more, so I’ll work on that happening more over the next chapters. I guess I let them get a bit caught up in what’s happening between them to the exclusion of everyone else--whoops!   
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you all coming back for more, especially after that unplanned hiatus. If you liked this chapter please consider giving me some feedback, I really do listen to it!


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